AN: do people ever read these? Anywaze, I blame the gremlins for my inability to get to write this most likely freakishly BORING chapie…till now.
Seriously, those things are evil…they give me this creepy look that says 'you're an idiot' without actually it…now that I think of it…everyone gives me that look. Psh go figure.
Disclaimer: don't sue me. I'm not saying that I don't own spirited away…because I don't…and now I is cunfusled…
Yoshizuka Abe sat comfortably on an overstuffed chair in front of an old fashioned desk covered in trinkets and collectables from every age imaginable since the dawn of time. Of course, he had been head of the Department of Human Incursion (DHI for short) for well over 5000 years now, but no one could tell by his face, graced with the benefits of spirit aging. Working in the DHI wasn't hard work. In fact, Abe never worked a day in his sorry life in that department. The DHI's main priority was to keep humans out of the spirit realm and out of the magical way of life, and since the last time humans infiltrated the spirit world was way too B.C. for anyone to care about the danger, Abe wasn't worried one bit. Then again, someone who spent half their life drinking coffee and flipping through porno mags all day doesn't get bent over much.
Abe sighed as he put down his coffee mug and flipped through the last page of "No pants Island" and neatly slid it away into his desk drawer. "I wish something interesting would happen around this place," Yoshizuka mused to himself as he leaned his overstuffed swivel chair as far back as he could possibly go without crashing through the glass window on the other side of his desk.
He placed hands behind his head and was ready to doze off when the door slid open with a creak, sending the surprised Yoshizuka to the floor in an instant. It was a secretary; a secretary that would see Yoshizuka's wrath before she left his office.
"M-Mr. Yoshizuka sir," the secretary mumbled; fear seething from her tone.
"WHAT IS IT!" he shouted, reveling in the secretary's panic, "what is so important that you dare to interrupt my important business!"
"Ms. Yamaguchi w-wants to see you, sir" she said as she seized the chance to run while Yoshizuka sat in stunned silence.
Abe's stomach gave nasty lurch. Yamaguchi. That name sparked a characteristic in his eyes, not unlike a deer's when it's about to get run over by a drunk truck driver's…truck. Her face kindred the rhetorical expression of shy and humble woman, but the good, hardworking people of the Legislature of Spiritual Dealings (or LSD snort), knew better. That bitch held the financial state everyone in the LSD in the palm of her, seeing as she was the coordinator of the whole damn circus. It was her job to see to it that each department was "contributing to the whole" of the LSD. Whenever someone was sent to see Yamaguchi it meant trouble, and that that someone would be stomping out the building cussing ten minutes later. Yoshizuka swallowed hard, and somehow his feet led him to the door of Yamaguchi's office.
His clammy hand grasped the marley knocker in front of him and as his arm lifted to complete the task, but the door flew open and Yoshizuka was pulled into the office. The office was large and bleak, not unlike his own. In the center of the room stood an archaic desk with intricately carved legs and behind it sat a rather attractive woman that appeared in her late twenties; yet another illusion of time. She smiled goofily up at Yoshizuka when the as he entered and seated himself in the chair in front of her desk.
"Good morning Ms. Yamaguchi," Yoshizuka in a chagrined, smooth as hell tone that just made you want to puke, "A secretary of yours sent for me," he finished waiting intently for her reply.
Then she did something he never expected her to do in a million years. With one smooth sweep of the arm all the crud n' junk on her desk crashed unceremoniously to the ground. She kicked her high heels to the side of the desk and climbed on top of it's surface just as Yoshizuka sweatdropped (anime style of course).
It was only at the sight off her that Yoshizuka truly recognized the beauty of short skirts as he stared at her pale, milky thighs, or for that matter, how voluptuous her lips looked when her tongue ever so lightly caressed those soft tulips; but when she wrenched his tie forward-their noses nearly touching- and he took a whiff of her breath, he mentally thanked Dionysus erm…and the sake spirit.
"I want hiccup you hic,Yoshizuka," Yamaguchi giggled in a Sponge Bob-y like manner.
He smirked widely. "Maybe this is going to be the good last day of work afterall," he thought to himself. Sure he loathed the stupid cow and despised her irritating giggles more that Squidward; but -as he pulled Yamaguchi into his lap- she wanted him, and even he couldn't argue with that….
(…)
an hour later
Yoshizuka tightened his tie. He was going to remember that for a few thousand years. Yamaguchi sat crossed legged on her desk; her hair tangled and blouse crooked. She raised her hand above her head and snapped her fingers. The room suddenly straitened to its original elegance as did Yamaguchi, though her face still carried a characteristic that made her look stoned.
The door swung open with the flick of her wrist. "o yeah ('hic) by the way, Yoshizuka."
"yeah…"
"your fired"
A puff of smoke emanated from her finger as something shot into Yoshizuka's chest, sending him flying against the wall on the other side of the hall. He stared at the purple bag in his lap.
"It's your complementary supply of hashish and gummy bears. Don't indulge in it all in one day,"
Yoshizuka stood up and dusted his pants. "hashish and gummy bears: the spirited's candy. Could one not refuse the joys of biting off a cute 'lil bear's head while getting hi?" he thought to himself as he bit off one o' them cut 'lil bear heads as he set off to his office to pack his junk.
The main question after all this was where was he supposed to work now? A long time ago Yoshizuka made an oath that he would never go a day without a job which meant that he had to find a place to work before midnight …or else he would lose his dignity. It was going to be a long night.
AN:
I'm sooooooooooooo sorry for such a lame-ass chapie and that weird stuff in the office…but seriously I was bored…and-and I reaaaaaally y'all aren't people I no in disguise
narrows eyes I'm watching you
Have faith. This chapie did have a point…just rememeber the hash and gummy bears
nudge nudge, wink wink
ps: if hashish isn't a hallucinogen pleeeeeeeeez tell me because then my whole plot will be messed up
…that's disturbing, isn't it?
What do you expect. I'M FROM PLANO. This is how all us dorks waste our time. Writing provocative ff's and exchanging hentai sites I mean.
XD
Pps: "no pants island" is fully credited to the simpsons…surprise surprise.