A/N: Okay ... So. I really appreciate the reviews that I have received so far. Thank you so much! I'm sorry that this has taken so long ... I now work FIVE days a week (this one is for you, evil dictation that is Merridees, f- you) and my chemistry grade is atrocious (damn you, Mr. Holler!!!). I just came home from a Model UN (I'm so sick of talking about AIDS and water pollution that I just might spill my intestines) conference downtown, and I had a lot of spare time to think of what I was going to write.

So sorry again that this has taken so long.

Please, O Please review! It doesn't matter what it is. Reading reviews is what gets me through the day.

Chapter 6: Calm after the Storm and a New Beginning

His entire body was numb, ears ringing in the silence that clouded around him. His chest felt hollow as he took a shallow breath. Darkness surrounded him and he vaguely realized that his eyes were nearly swollen shut. His eyelids felt as if they were bruised as he tried to lift them. He had been crying in his sleep, and he damned himself for it.

The heavy lids cracked open, and suddenly he could feel everything. The ache that resounded throughout his muscles was astoundingly deep to every tendon that had a nerve. He clutched to the pillow in his arms and stifled a choke from the dull pain in his temples. His knees curled closer to his thin torso as he let loose a small whimper as bits and pieces of memories surfaced; they seemed to come at his most vulnerable moments as such.

It was already dark outside, so he calculated that he had been sleeping for a few hours, at least. How he had fallen into a slumber was a mystery to him. Then, everything seemed to hit him all at once. He had talked to Mrs. Lupin about his parents. Then she- then he had told Remus that he-

But he really wasn't that stupid. Was he?

The throbbing in his temples intensified and he gritted his teeth. He lifted his head slightly, face stained with dry tears. He was hot and sticky from the blankets that sweltered around him and he distantly wondered how he had them thrown over him.

Through the darkness he felt someone watching him. Afraid of whom it was he slowly turned to the other transfigured bed across from him, rising up on a shaky elbow.

A silhouette sat atop the sheets, legs curled up to its chest. Grey highlights curved the face and outlined the messy tousle of hair. The more he concentrated on the figure, the clearer his vision became.

His gut twisted as he abruptly understood who it was. He averted his gaze and bit his lower lip, tearing at it and nearly splitting the sensitive flesh. Oh gods, I'm even in his bed. His cheeks burned with the sudden rush of blood and prickled the lobes of his ears, his jaw clenching from embarrassment. That didn't stop the sting in his eyes, though.

"I'll-"his voice sounded too watery for his liking and he cleared his throat with a brusque cough.

"I'll leave," he croaked out as he lifted from the sheets, afraid he would get tangled and having to lie under Remus's intense gaze.

Idiot. You've lost him. You could have shut your mouth and let it go, but now you probably will never speak to him again. It was becoming too much for him to handle, and tears started to swell in his eyes.

He stood in front of him, unable to see him through the dark and the tears. This was it ... The last time ...

"I'm-"a small sob escaped his gullet, sounding gruff and enclosed.

Anger swelled in him like white hot furry. He was tired from the past week of uncertainty and longing. He was absolutely emotionally drained and could barely stand as it was. He wanted nothing more for Remus to accept him and love him, but it would never happen. He didn't want to set himself up for the false pretense of even being friends with him anymore, so he would just have to leave well enough alone. Enough was enough, and he couldn't take anything else this whole ordeal had to offer.

"Damn it, Remus. I'm sorry."

With that, he swiftly turned, determined to never ruin his life like he seemed to always do. He would never be able to make Remus happy. He would never be able to give him the love his needed, deserved. How was he so foolish as to have fallen in love, love of all things, with-

A clammy hand caught his wrist, stopping him mid-step. Elegant fingers curled firmly there, smoothly caressing the blue vein that flowed a tiny stream to his white hands. He froze in place, preparing himself for the blow that he was sure to come. Then, the most beautiful sound washed over him.

"Wait, Sirius."

He swiveled around, coming face to face with him. Being this close now, he could see every detail. His brows, two perfect sweeps of chocolate auburn arches, furrowed and his eyes, oh those amber stars, searched endlessly.

A long palm reached up to run a thumb across his cheekbone and he tried to pull away, not understanding, disbelieving, until-

Remus's lips were gentle and yielding, more than he ever could have imagined. Heat unfurled in the pit of his stomach and curled through every extension. It sent shocks to his jaw and his entire body tingled as if it had fallen asleep, but he dare not shake it loose. His eyes fluttered shut and he let everything sluice over him. It was truly the most amazing thing he had ever experienced. He didn't have to fret over the past week or worry for the future. All that mattered was that Remus was threading his fingers in his hair, pulling at the tangles until the locks acquiesced to his powerful touch and he ran them effortlessly through.

Sirius fingered the edge of Remus's bed shirt when he opened his mouth hesitantly, running the pink tip over Sirius's bottom lip. With the same uncertainty, Sirius split the line of his own lips and opened enough for Remus to slide his tongue in. Just as Sirius expected the sliver of muscle to slip in, Remus pulled away.

Sirius couldn't even open his eyes. He didn't want to. He sat there frozen in time, lips still parted. He was so close to Remus that he still felt his warm chest rise and fall with his. He felt the sharp jut of his hips dig into his and the strong arms wrap around him. And, gods, that kiss. He wanted to remember everything, to hold onto every fiber of the moment and hold it back for no one else to find.

He felt Remus move back away from him. Of course ... He lowered his head to the stare at the floor, where it belonged. How could he have ever thought-? He clenched his fists that lay limp at his sides, resolute on not to be weak in front of him. But the fatigue caught up with him and he whined quietly, a soft canine sound, in his pain, pulling away sharply.

Remus reached out and cupped his face where it wandered down to curl around his neck.

Sirius could play out the dialogue now, "Sirius, I don't want to hurt you but I don't think I could ever fall in love with you. Sorry." Or worse, "Good Lord Sirius. You didn't actually consider that that was real?" He did all he could not to lash out in pain and run the hell away.

"Sirius ... please let me explain ..." Remus's voice was soft and full of emotion. Sirius still refused to meet his stare.

He couldn't control the quiver in his voice, tight with desperation and ache, "Sure, Remus. I'll sit here and listen to how you're disgusted with me. I understand that you don't ever want to see me again, but we don't ever have to talk about this again. I promise you, I'll drop everything. I'm sorry that I-"

"Stop being so foolish, Sirius. Please, look at me. I can't stand to see you this upset." Remus said with a painful smile in his voice.

Sirius slowly lifted his eyes, meeting the piercing amber stare. They were unusually bright in the darkness, and shone bright with a glaze of apprehension.

"When you told me off to Severus, I felt as if my world fell to pieces. I was so distressed for the past few months. I couldn't stand to look at you, but I couldn't live without you around. I was so angry that I needed you like that, and I was so confused, and then I couldn't help but hate you for making me feel that way.

"I thought that I was getting over these thoughts when I started fancying Lana, but it was always half hearted. Her hair didn't flip like yours; her laugh was dull and forced; I sometimes couldn't even look her in the eye without imagining it was you across the table. I was utterly dumbfounded onto why I wasn't feeling attracted to her, but I couldn't stand being away from you. When you and I started talking again, I could sleep well. That's when I knew-"

He ran a pale thumb over Sirius's left cheekbone where a tiny white scar puckered the flesh, ruffling through the black hairline. His stare softened.

"When I saw you on my doorstep, I knew that this was my chance. I danced around the thought of telling you, but the more I was around you, the more I couldn't stand the thought of disgusting you. Yours and James's and Peter's friendship are the only things keeping me going, and I would die before loosing them. I put off the whole idea entirely, and to get back at you for causing such a stir in me, I told you about Lana. I really had no idea why, but I wanted to hurt you even though I knew it wouldn't faze you.

"But then you told me that you loved me, and it threw me off course. I had no plan ahead of me. Even though it was the most amazing thing that was ever uttered, I was scarred out of my mind because of it. Sirius, I would never want you to hurt like that for anything. I ... I-"

Sirius crushed his lips against Remus's, blinded with a sort of delirious pulse. He had been completely breathless with agonizing worry and then it dropped. The kiss was fumbled and slightly awkward with teeth clacking together and noses bumping, but Sirius would have it no other way.

Later, as they lay in Remus's bed, finding no use for the other anymore, Sirius understood that he wanted this for the rest of his life. Both of them were propped up on their sides facing each other, sneaking in a small kiss when one of them showed signs of lethargy.

Sirius was currently running his tongue against Remus's, pressing his lips sweetly against his mouth. "I love you," he said, placing a satisfying kiss to the side of Remus's lips and ran the two pouted lips against the other. He nuzzled their noses and stroked his check with the tip. "I love you," he continued to whisper.

It was so easy to kiss those smiling lips; so easy to run his fingers in his bangs. Remus's hand teased the cotton fabric of his shirt and dipped the pale fingers in, trailing along Sirius's side with a feathery touch. The gentle, incessant caresses sent him into a mild stupor that he wouldn't give up for the world.

Remus latched a leg behind Sirius's knee and hummed in contempt, whispering back his own endearments. Just as Sirius was about to fall into one of the best sleeps in his life, a thought tugged at his brain. What are we going to tell James ...?

A/N: Epilogue, anyone?