I lay here, curled up under what I would guess to be five pounds of blankets. You always liked the way heavy blankets felt, how they kept you warm and made you feel so secure… It doesn't work for me. I'm shivering inside… I can't. get. warm.

I throw back the covers and wander into the kitchen of my flat. It's not too far from your apartment, but you never need to know that. I see you every day, when you walk down the street to work, but you never need to know that either. It's just like you to walk instead of Flooing or Apparating. You always were a health nut. It was one of the things I loved about you.

I moved here from Grimmauld Place about three months ago, mainly because I wanted to see you, and to determine whether or not the feelings I felt for you were still real or if they were in my head.

Believe me. They're real.

I miss you so much Gin, but I don't think I could be with you again. Not after…

I close my eyes and try to forget, but instead, all I can seem to do is remember.

I was walking down the Charms corridor on the way back to the Head Boy's bedroom. That was the best thing about being Head Boy… I no longer had to share a room with the other boys, and so I needn't be concerned about the boys waking up to find you in my bed. I always slept better when you were with me, so you were there often. I didn't want the healthy rumor mill to turn what was innocent into something more… you weren't a virgin, but I didn't want your brothers to find out.

I might have killed Voldemort, but believe me… your brothers scared me shitless.

Walking up the stairs, I wondered whether or not you'd be there, waiting for me. You already knew the password, so I guessed you would be there.

I counted down the hallway… three, four, five suits of armor. I tickled the sixth one and said "Snuffles" and it squirmed to the side to reveal the corridor leading to my room. I started walking when I heard noises coming from down the hall.

I started running and burst through the door, and I found you. On my bed.

With Malfoy.

He had your arms pinned down and your back was arched, pressing your body against him. It wouldn't be until later that I would stop to assess the situation. You were the sensible one, the voice of reason. I tended to act on my emotions, then assess later.

I got out my wand and heard Hermione in my mind (swish and FLICK!) as I yelled "WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA" and flicked my wand upwards, slamming Malfoy into the ceiling. I flicked my wand back down and slammed him into the floor. He got up, and I punched him.

"MUSTELA FURO!" I yelled. Malfoy's face elongated, and he started shrinking. You watched in horror as he turned, for the second time in his time at Hogwarts, into a ferret.

Suddenly, you flung yourself at me, and I knocked you back, hurling you against the wall. That's the worst mistake I've ever made, and the only time I've ever hit a woman. You'll never know how sorry I am for it now.

I turned back to Malfoy, and he squeaked and scurried out into the hall.

I whirled around to face you, threw the ring you gave me for Christmas on the ground and turned on my heel…

You came behind me and grabbed my elbow, spinning me around.

"You don't understand, just let me explain…" you said.

Pain shrieking red stains your face as the tears start to fall. I did that. I hit you. Oh God… I did that.

Already, the guilt was pelting itself at me, but I was on a roll.

"What don't I understand, Ginny? I understand that I just walked in on you and Malfoy! Do I need anything more than that?!"

With that, I turned on my heel, and ignored any sobs I heard behind me.

Ron, Hermione and I graduated Hogwarts the next day.

I see you every day, walking through London, and every day, I think about walking outside and talking to you.

I look at the clock and see it's time for you to be turning the corner… so I get up and go to the window. But this time, you don't pass by. You stop in front of my house and you meet my eyes… but there's no recognition in yours. You continue along your path.

I wait until you're out of sight, and then I sit down at my desk and begin to write.