Silver and Cold
Gabby songfic in Abby's POV. Abby comes to terms with her long standing feelings for Gibbs. She finally decides it's time to come out of hiding in the shadows and stand in the light of acknowledgement. Please review!
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS. It belongs to DPB. I don't own Silver and Cold, either, it belongs to AFI. I wish I could write lyrics that well…
Silver and Cold
I sat in the lab, listening to music on full blast. I was thinking about Gibbs. With his high expectations and non-existent social life. Maybe it was time to fix that. I typed the report I was working on for Gibbs with a vengeance. There were three ways out of this. One, I could tell him and he could take it the wrong way and fire me. Two, I could tell him and he could take it exactly the way I want him to and we could live happily ever after. Or three, I could not tell him and leave well enough alone. It's a tough choice, really. I changed the song to a quieter one so I could think straight for a moment, maybe finally sort out some of the hinky thoughts I was having about Gibbs. Maybe I could finally decide what to do. Any way you slice it, this decision is going to change my life. I closed my eyes and thought as I listened to the soft notes filter out through the speakers.
I, I came here by day
But I left here in darkness and found you
Found you on the way
And now, it is silver and silent
It is silver and cold
You in somber resplendence
I hold
The song, ironically enough, reminded me of Gibbs. He was such an enigma. A mystery I had yet to unravel. He could be cold and professional, yet, in times of dire need, warm and comforting. I saw two sides of him every day. The one side that put up walls against Kate and Tony and the other side that demolished those same walls for Ducky. I was sort of straddling the fence, so to speak. I didn't know what to do, but I knew what I wanted. I wanted Gibbs, pure and simple. There had to be an easier way than going right out and saying it, ergo, risking my job and my heart. Then again, you get no rewards without taking risks. I sighed and decided that I would have to say something the next time I saw Gibbs or my head would explode.
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one
Your sins into me
As a rapturous voice escapes I will tremble in prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
Your sins into me
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one
I sat there and stared unblinkingly and unseeingly at the screen. I would give anything to have Gibbs open up to me like that, to pour out his soul. I knew it was a lot to hope for, but that was me. Hopeful, cheerful, effervescent Abby. I sighed and tried to refocus on my work. At that same moment, Gibbs' familiar footsteps invaded my lab space. I turned around in my chair and looked up at him expectantly, thanking God he wasn't flanked by Kate and Tony. Don't get me wrong, I love them both to death, but right now I just needed Gibbs alone. I put on one of my usual smiles and looked up at him.
"Hey Gibbs, what brings you here?" I asked him cheerfully.
"I had to get away from Kate and Tony's sickening banter. Don't get me wrong, a lot of the time it's their banter that solves cases, but just as long as I don't have to put up with it. I didn't exactly want to hear any of Ducky's fascinating stories, either. This was my last alternative. Since I don't know which is worse, the bickering or the storytelling, I came here. What are you working on?" Gibbs explained and inquired.
"Nothing, really. I've finished all of the chemical analyses you wanted me to do, there should be a copy on your desk. There were traces of phosphates in his blood, which means he was likely poisoned by some sort of insecticide. The poison would have aerosolized and would have been inhaled thereby cutting off his oxygen supply and boom, you've got one dead, blue-grey ex-gunnery sergeant on Ducky's slab," I said quickly.
"Good work, Abbs," he said sincerely.
I loved that pet name. It was a thrill hearing it coming from him, too. I sighed and looked up at him with my best 'innocent eyes' expression. He raised a quizzical eyebrow and finally sighed impatiently before questioning me.
"I give up. What's that look you're giving me?" He queried.
"What, this look?" I asked, still staring unblinkingly. "It's just… nothing."
I had chickened out once again. I mentally kicked myself for thinking I could ever actually make the first move. Knowing Gibbs, it was either I make the first move or hammer the last nail into the coffin on this subject. I knew Gibbs would never say anything, even if he did have reciprocating feelings. He had had too much bad luck with all of his ex-wives to put himself through that again willingly.
"Something's on your mind, Abbs, and don't lie to me. You know you can tell me anything. I'm your friend first, and your boss second," Gibbs said lightly.
That was just it. I didn't want him to be my 'friend' first. I wanted him to be more than that. I wanted him to be my lover first, my friend second, and my boss maybe somewhere down around seventeenth on the list. I sighed exasperatedly again, emphasizing my distress and making Gibbs' expression soften. I knew he would wait around all day for me to talk, so I decided just to get it over with quickly and, hopefully, painlessly and with my heart intact. After all, this was just what I wanted, wasn't it? The opportunity to speak up, to see the softer side of Gibbs more often. So why did it feel so foreboding?
Light,
Like the flutter of wings
Feel your hollow voice rushing, into me
As you're longing to sing
So I, I will paint you in silver
I will wrap you in cold
I will lift up your voice as I soar
The phantom song echoed hollowly in my head. If it was only that simple. I know Gibbs wanted me to open up, to talk to him, but this wasn't a one sided thing. I needed him to be able to talk to me, too. Wishful thinking wasn't going to get me anywhere, I realized. I took a deep, shuddering breath as I searched for the words inside my head.
"Gibbs, I- no, I can't," I stammered.
"What, Abbs?" Gibbs prodded.
"Never mind, forget I said anything," I said quickly.
"Look, Abbs, I can't help you if I don't know what's going on," Gibbs said softly.
I shook my head. He was being so… un-Gibbs-like… and it was beginning to scare me. I felt his hands on my shoulders giving them a reassuring squeeze. I had seen him with other people in distress before and it had never been anything like this. Maybe, just maybe, Gibbs felt something for me, too. Now the question was, how could I push him into admitting it? It wouldn't be easy. Then again, who ever said that life was fair? I looked up and met Gibbs' eyes. They had always been the focus of my fascination with the man. The vivid electric blue was cold as ice, but soft at the same time. I felt myself being drawn in and found myself biting my tongue to stop the words from tumbling out into the open. I tasted the blood and swallowed hard. I felt tears of mixed emotion welling up in my eyes. Gibbs looked into my eyes and it felt as though he was seeing into my soul. He knelt down in front of me and I found myself being swept up in a gentle embrace. I was about the expose the truth when Gibbs did it for me.
"I love you, Abbs," he said quietly.
It was barely audible, yet it resounded in my heart and pulsed through my veins. Leroy Jethro Gibbs just admitted that he loved me. Almost as quickly as the thought had reached my understanding, new ones flooded in and chased the happiness away. Did he mean loved me as in like a family member; like part of the team or loved me on a more intimate level like I loved him. I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. I saw the passion burning in them and spreading like a brushfire with the flames licking at my senses. I closed my eyes and leaned in to place a kiss on his slightly parted lips. He tasted like coffee and desire. At first it was a simple, gentle kiss, but it quickly ignited into a willingly passionate one like no others before it. We separated a few minutes later, gasping for air and I smiled at the realization that though it was the first kiss of its kind, it would not be the last.
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one now
Your sins into me
As a rapturous voice escapes I will tremble in prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
Your sins into me
Your sins into me
We embraced again but quickly separated when we heard footsteps on the stairwell. And then the voices floated in through the now open door to the lab. Gibbs stood back a few inches and squeezed my hand once more before letting it go. We waited expectantly for Kate and Tony to show up. They walked in, still arguing playfully. They stopped just short of where Gibbs and I now stood and stopped their mindless banter for just a second.
"Hey Gibbs, do you hear that? It's quiet," I said incredulously.
Tony and Kate raised their eyebrows and pasted sideways smiles onto their faces. I returned the gesture before Gibbs interrupted.
"What did you need?" He asked brusquely.
"We just got a phone call from Commander Leahy. He faxed over gunnery sergeant Wilkes' personnel file," Tony replied.
"Good," Gibbs said briskly. "Kate, look over the file and see if there's anything you can figure out from there. If anything so much as suggests murderer, let me know. Tony, I want you to set up an interrogation room for later and arrange a little chat with our suspect."
"On it," Kate and Tony replied in unison.
With that the two of them left my lab. Gibbs immediately stepped back over to my side. His proximity was making me nervous yet excited at the same time. Gibbs held my hands in his and pulled me closer to him. I nuzzled into his shoulder and he ran a hand through my hair. I felt his breath on my neck for a brief moment and moaned. He silenced me with another kiss. This one was gentler than the initial one. It was tentative at first, but soon both of us were being drawn in by the heat of the moment. We pulled away and his name rolled off my tongue.
"Oh, Gibbs," I said breathily.
Cold in life's throws
I'll fall asleep for you
That evening we left the building together, hand in hand, long after everyone else had left for home. It was twilight outside and I was glad I could share in the magnificence of the night with Gibbs. I knew he appreciated the silence of the late hours just as much as I did. We drove in a companionable silence until we reached his house. I found myself wondering how he could fit a boat in the basement but figured I could soon find out. We walked up the front path and mounted the steps to the porch. Gibbs unlocked the front door and stepped just inside of the house. I gasped as I found myself being swept off of my feet and into his arms. I reveled in his gentle strength. He shut the door behind us and carried me into the living room laying me carefully on the sofa. He collapsed beside me and pulled me into a warm embrace.
Cold in life's throws
I only ask you turn away
I loved the aura of protective possessiveness Gibbs radiated as I lay in his arms. I closed my eyes and knew that I could find shelter from the world in his embrace. I nuzzled still deeper into Gibbs shoulder and rested my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart race beneath my palm and I smiled knowing that I had caused this reaction in him. I knew it was my proximity forcing adrenaline through his veins because he was having the same effect on me. It was intoxicating and I found myself wanting to be still closer to him.
Cold in life's throws
I'll fall asleep for you
Gibbs had fallen asleep beneath me. I was exhausted, too, both physically and mentally from sheer desire. I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest and he breathed rhythmically. It was entrancing. I found myself asking whether this could really last and go beyond what it was now but realized without a shadow of a doubt that I had a future and Gibbs was in it.
Cold in life's throws
I only ask you turn
As they seep into me
Oh my beautiful one now
It was cold in the room despite the warm arms encircling my tired form. I reached for the blanket folded haphazardly at the foot of the couch. My movement roused Gibbs. He looked down at me with tired eyes. Immediately I was drawn into their blue depths. Gibbs drew me closer and kissed the top of my head comfortingly. Suddenly it didn't seem as cold anymore. He brought his arms down to my waist and rubbed my back in small circles. I relaxed and laid my head down on his shoulder. Closing my eyes I realized that I didn't need to imagine anything for this to further. All I had to do was open them again and I would be right where I wanted to be; in Gibbs' arms
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one
Your sins into me
As a rapturous voice escapes I will tremble in prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
Your sins into me
Your sins into me oh
"You're tired, Abbs. Come on, sweetheart, let's go upstairs and get into bed," Gibbs suggested.
"Okay," I whispered sleepily.
Gibbs stood up off of the couch and, before I even had a chance to open my eyes fully, lifted me off of it and carried me up the stairs into the bedroom. He laid me deftly on the bed and sat down beside me. I was too tired to even undress, so I simply wrapped my arms around Gibbs' neck and nuzzled in for the night. He skillfully pulled the comforter out of under us and managed to half-decently cover our bodies with it.
"I love you, Gibbs," I said groggily.
"I love you, too, Abbs," he replied.
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one now
Your sins into me
As a rapturous voice escapes I will tremble in prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
Your sins into me
Your sins into
Your sins into me
Your sins into me
Oh my beautiful one
With that I allowed myself to be coaxed into the oblivion of sleep knowing that I would never have to awaken from my dream again…
A.N. So, what do you think? I've been listening to AFI uncontrollably addictively lately and this is what comes from my twisted trains of thought. Just a little Gabby fluffiness. There should be more Gabby in the world, honestly. Please review! Thanks and Happy Boxing Day! -Julia-