Author dodges produce from angry readers I'm sorry!!!! Really I am!!!! Is hit with rotten banana Please let me explain!

OK, I know it's been forever since I updated. But this is why:

Tues 6/1—school, homework, had to help Ooie with his proj

Wed 6/2—see above, plus Japanese Club

Thurs 6/3—school, preparation for fetal pig practical, discovering the odd world of HP Lily/James fics (also my BFF's Bday)

Fri 6/4—BFF came over, went to see HP3 (about that. I liked it, HOWEVER, they didn't explain anything! DO NOT go see it if you haven't read the book!)

Sat 6/5—well…I was being lazy. I read two great HP fics (Deer to Me and Heading the School, which you are all required to read), plus the end of A Ring of Endless Light, Shattered Mirror, and started The Dream Spheres just for good measure J

Sun 6/6—studying for Bio and Eng finals

Mon 6/7—school, studying for His and Bio finals

Tues 6/8—Bio, Eng, His finals, studying for Spn final, working on proj for Art (but I did finish writing this)

Wed 6/9—Spn, Art finals, studying for Hlth and typing this up

Readers throw rest of fruit for good measure but grudgingly forgive author

I really am sorry. But then again, half of you had finals too, so we're all in the same boat. And I did post a message on my bio page but I'm guessing no one read that…

Oh yeah, what is AU (A/U)? And a beta (on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire they said it was untested technology, is that close)? I'm still kinda a newbie, so I need definitions!!!

WAHAHA I GOT POSTHUMUS!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!!!!!!! (remember back in Ch. 1 I said I wanted to be Imogen from Cymbeline? Well, I'm not her, but I AM the second biggest role in the play, thankyewverymuch.)

Do not eat the radioactive cellery.

Disclaimer: (at therapist's office) Okay, what is troubling you? …sniff…I don't own Inu-Yasha… Well, that's a pretty common problem, let me write you a prescription. …ok…sniff…if you think it will help…

Evil Thing O' The Day: I dunno…

SvF-BD02-Wedge—hmm, you're right, but I DO have a twist planned for later. Thanks for the note about radiating cold…

Hehehohohuhucaugh—yes, it is a weird name. And does it matter if you're officially evil or only unofficially? I still have to live with you…and no, dummy, K isn't really in the bottom of her teacup. Higho.

Grumpy—Higho to you to. What is your account name, I can't find you! Oh, yeah, about it being in Wisconsin…well, they say 'write what you know'…And you can have Archie for most of the summer, but Doc and I may need to borrow him from time to time. And we could send him to pester Bashfull…oh, the possibilities…J

On with the insanity…

Double O Demon Chapter 5: Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

Kagome woke to a thud and some extremely colorful language coming from Inu-Yasha. She sat up groggily and got out of bed, following the string of curses like a lifeline until she found the kitchen, and with it Inu-Yasha.

He was hopping up and down on one foot with his thumb in his mouth, growling softly. Kagome took a step back, startled and maybe a little scared, then asked, "What did you do?"

"Hn?" was Inu-Yasha's intelligent reply. He removed his thumb from his mouth a little guiltily. "Uh…nothing. Go back to sleep."

Kagome's eyes narrowed. By now she was fully awake, and she could tell he was lying. She scanned the room, taking in the sword, mutilated apples, and the bags under Inu-Yasha's eyes. "Have you been awake all this time?" she asked. "You cut yourself, didn't you."

"Wha—no!" he said hastily, but it was too late. She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward her.

"That's funny," she said. There was a cut on his thumb, but it was little more than a pinkish scar, as though it had been healed for years. She blinked, and even that was gone. I must be imagining things.

She looked up at him. He was blushing—then again, they were very close together. She noticed just how dark the rings around his eyes were. "Did you get any sleep last night?" she asked, concerned.

Without knowing why, Inu-Yasha got even redder. "No," he said sheepishly.

"Baka," she replied. Pulling his hand, she led him to the bathroom.

"I—wha—but—" Inu-Yasha spluttered.

"Shush. You're going to take a shower and then go to sleep.

"But…I need to ward…" he protested feebly.

Kagome glared at him. "Come on. Get in the shower." He just stared blankly at her.

"Oh, honestly," she said, pulling his shirt over his head. She reached for his belt, but he growled and turned away.

"I can undress myself," Inu-Yasha grumbled.

"Then do it. I'm going to find you some pajamas. When I get back you'd better be in the shower—and use soap. If you can't wash yourself, I'll do it for you."

"There should be a law against that," he muttered.

"I know what boys look like," she retorted. "Now get in the shower." She left the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

That woman is insane, Inu-Yasha thought miserably as he got into the shower.

'' '' '' '' ''

What is he thinking, going all night without sleep? Kagome thought peevishly, searching for pajamas. And cutting apples with a sword, no less!

I suppose it's sweet, in a way, she admitted. But how is he supposed to protect me if he's dead on his feet? And who organized this place—I can't find anything! She opened a dresser drawer to find not clothing, as she had expected, but stacks of paper pads and pencils.

Spies are insane, Kagome decided. Let's see, if the pads are where the clothes should be, and the forks were where the pads should be, she rolled her eyes, thinking of the study she had searched previously, then the clothes must be where the forks should be. The kitchen drawers? Probably, knowing them. As an afterthought, she opened the drawer again, grabbed a pad, and shut it once more.

In the kitchen, she opened a drawer by the telephone and blinked in surprise. It actually worked.

Kagome dug around and pulled out a pair of navy blue pajama pants with little dog bones. Are these his or Miroku's? she wondered (A/N guess which one it is J). Oh well, they're the same size anyway. And he's probably too sleepy to notice. She laughed contentedly and headed for the bathroom.

'' '' '' '' ''

Inu-Yasha's ears pricked up as someone knocked on the door. Hastily he turned off the water and pushed his ears back down under his hair. If she saw them…he didn't want to think about that.

"Uh…come in," he called. He heard the door open and the sound of bare feet on the bathroom tiles.

"Inu-Yasha?" Kagome called. "I have clothes."

"I'm not coming out with you there," he protested.

"My eyes are closed."

Inu-Yasha peeked around the shower curtain. Kagome stood there, eyes closed, one hand holding out a pair of pants. Tucked beneath her other arm was a pad of paper. He took the pants and put them on in the bathtub.

"I'm decent," he growled, and Kagome opened her eyes.

"Good. Now get into bed."

"But—" he started to protest, but she cut him off.

"Get into bed," Kagome repeated, propelling him into the bedroom. "You can't very well defend me if you're tired, now can you. Don't worry. I'm just going to take a shower, then I'll come sit here with you."

Inu-Yasha relented, letting her tuck him into bed. "Sleep well, Double O Seven," she said with a teasing smile. She kissed his forehead and went to take a shower.

'' '' '' '' ''

Kagome got out of the shower, dried herself off, and nearly had a heart attack.

Inu-Yasha's pants were moving.

Kagome took a deep breath and walked over to where they lay in a pile on the floor. Cautiously she picked them up and searched the pockets. Something vibrated against her hand and she almost shrieked. Clenching her teeth, she closed her hand around it and pulled out…

…Inu-Yasha's cell phone.

Kagome fell over, the way people tend to in anime. Baka, baka, baka, she repeated, yelling at herself. It's a cell phone.

She flipped it open and said, "Hello?"

An emotionless female voice and said, "Voice not recognized. You are not authorized to use this phone. To override press pound."

Okay… Kagome pressed the button and put the phone to her ear.

"Type in your name and wait for a text message from headquarters," the voice commanded.

Curious, Kagome did as she was told. She didn't have to wait long.

DATE OF BIRTH? it said.

APRIL 17, 1978, she replied.

PETS?

CAT

NAME?

BUYO

PUT THE PHONE TO YOUR EAR

Kagome did. "Hello?"

"Kagome! I wasn't expecting ye!"

"Aunt Kaede?"

"Yes, child, of course. Where be Inu-Yasha?"

"He's asleep."

"Without warding the house?"

Kagome frowned. "What is warding?"

"Shielding the house so demons can't find ye."

"Oh. No, he didn't. I made him take a shower and then sleep. He stayed awake all night!"

On the other end Kaede sighed. "Well, don't be waking him. I'll call back later. Don't leave the house."

"Okay," Kagome agreed, "I'll tell him you called. Are Sango and Miroku okay?"

"They be fine. Speaking of which, I should be getting back to them. I don't trust them alone."

Kagome giggled. "All right, Aunty K. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, child."

Kagome put the phone down and wrapped herself in a towel. Digging around the kitchen drawers she found a pair of wide capris and a red tank top. Not exactly my choice of wardrobe, she thought, looking down at Sango's clothes, but not to bad, considering who they belong to. She put them on and collected her pad of paper, then went to sit on the bed beside Inu-Yasha.

I wish I knew him better, she thought, studying his face. It was relaxed, peaceful in sleep, free of his usual frown. But still… He looks wild, feral…dangerous.

She pushed the eraser of her mechanical pencil, forcing lead up through the tip, and began to write.

Inu-Yasha…I don't understand him. I want to put him in my story, the one with all of us in it, but I can't. I guessed—and apparently correctly—that Sesshomaru and my ex, Kouga, were demons, because I—or rather Kikyo—sensed something in them. Miroku and Sango and Aunty K I left human because I didn't sense that in them. But with Inu-Yasha…I can't tell. He has that something in him, but it's much weaker than in the others—and he can't be a demon, he's Sango- and Miroku's friend. He's a spy, he's protecting me…why would he do that if he was a demon?

I just don't understand him. I wish I did. He's so secretive—I guess it comes from being a spy. But still, you can't live like that. People have emotions, that's what makes us human. He's going to explode if he doesn't talk to someone. I'm sure he has a lot on his mind. Maybe he'll talk to me…Oh, God, I sound like I'm in love with him. Time to change topics…

She continued to write, pouring out her ideas onto the paper. It was something she did when she was worried, or nervous, or scared. It helped to get her thoughts out into the open where she could deal with them. Over two hours later, she felt Inu-Yasha stir beside her.

"Mm…" he said, sitting up and rubbing his head. "How long have I been asleep?"

"Three hours. Go back to sleep."

"I'm fine," he said. Seeing her paper, he asked, "What is that?"

"Er—nothing," Kagome said, hastily moving the pad to the side opposite him. "Do you want breakfast?"

"Yeah." He got out of bed and looked in the bureau, then closed it and looked at her. "Where—" he began.

Kagome laughed. "Kitchen. Who organized this place, anyway?"

"Miroku," he said simply.

"Ah."

Inu-Yasha went into the kitchen and returned with long shorts and a T-shirt. Kagome slid off the bed (taking her paper pad with her) and went into the kitchen. Inu-Yasha closed the door after she left.

Kagome sighed as she examined the kitchen. They hadn't even been there a day and already it was a mess!

Grumbling to herself, she dug in the freezer. The only thing not past the 'sell by' date was a box of Eggo waffles. Kagome grinned, recognizing Miroku's tastes. She brushed bits of apple peel off of the toaster oven and stuck in a few waffles.

Kagome took the teakettle down off the top of the refrigerator. She filled it with cold water and set it on the stove to boil. Then she realized she couldn't find the tea (or anything else for that mater…). "Inu-Yasha!" she called.

"Yeah?" he came into the kitchen (fully dressed J).

"Do you know where Miroku keeps the tea?"

"He doesn't. He and I are coffee drinkers, and Sango's a juice person. Unless…K might have left some in a cupboard somewhere."

Kagome rolled her eyes but searched until she found the teabags and two mugs. "What were you doing in here to make such a mess?"

"Practicing," he said simply, hooking the waffles out of the toaster oven and dropping them onto a plate.

"Well, you nearly wrecked the table. Clean it up and we can eat."

Inu-Yasha made a face. "You clean it up."

"I'm not the one who made it. If you're going to keep me here indefinitely, you could at least keep the place clean." Kagome stole a waffle, swept a patch of counter free of apple bits, and sat on it. Inu-Yasha glared but came to join her.

They ate in silence, both lost in their respective thoughts. The teakettle began to whistle. Kagome leaned across Inu-Yasha to take it off the stove and poured the boiling water into two mugs, dropping in teabags. She handed one to Inu-Yasha. He was staring at her.

"What?" she said suspiciously.

He went red. "Could you get off?"

"Wha—oh…" she trailed off, turning red as well. She was sprawled across his lap, one had clutching the empty teakettle and the other holding a mug up for him to take. She turned off the burner and set the teapot down, shoved the mug into his hand, retrieved her own mug, and sat up in a movement that hurt her back (and my hands. That is a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG sentence). They sat there in silence once more, contemplating their tea to avoid looking at each other.

Kagome gulped. "Inu-Yasha, your pants are moving…again."

"Again?" He dug into his pocket and retrieved the offending cell phone.

"K called before. That's probably her again."

"Hello?" Inu-Yasha said, flipping open the phone and holding it to his ear. 'What the—come on, K, you know it's me."

He fell silent as K spoke, then heaved a sigh and said, "All right, have it your way. The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain." He said it very slowly, as thought talking to an idiot.

Kagome giggled and he shot a glare in her direction. You're not helping, he mouthed, and she grinned.

"What? Yeah, I was going to do that. Mm-hmm—What? Are you serious?" he exploded, startling Kagome. "But—no, you're right. Okay, we'll ward this afternoon and then I'll train her. How long do you think—only a month? Good. All right, I'll stay in contact. Mm-hm. Bye." He clicked off the phone and sighed.

"What was that about?" Kagome asked.

Inu-Yasha sighed again and started to run his fingers through his hair. His claws brushed an ear and he winced, remembering who he was with. This was no time to be going demon or even showing he was hanyou. With a third sigh he retracted his claws and removed the hand from his hair. "It's complicated. But the good news is you only have to stay here for a month, if I can train you well enough. Come on. We need to ward this place before we do anything else." He slid off the counter and went to the door.

"Where are we going?" Kagome asked, following him.

"To the roof."

'' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' '' ''

Whew, that was long. And slightly boring. My fingers hurt…Oh well. At least we're finally back with InuKag. Next chapter is when things start moving…mwahaha…

I think that put me over 10,000 words!!

Remember, Elephants Very Intelligently Examine Windows.

Hahaha, how's that for a subliminal message? See you soon! (I hope I hope I hope…)

--Myriadragon