Disclaimer: so if I own stock in Disney, do I own part of the Newsies? I wonder if they'd let me pick which part...
If You Give a Snitch a Nickel
by: Skittery's Bad Mood
"If you give a Snitch a Nickel…by Itey."
"You have got to be kidding me."
"I'm not. I spent all of English and math writing this so it would be a best friendly type thing for you to sit there and listen. No interruptions."
"Best friendly?"
"Sit and listen. That's all I ask."
"Alright. But if I'm late for bio again—"
"That would be a good thing, Snitch."
"Why are you not failing 12th grade?"
"Duh…I'm smart. You gonna listen or what?"
"Listening…"
"That's the way I like you, silent and attentive."
"You gonna read or what?"
"Yes. Now…let's go back to the whole silent and attentive thing….Very good, Snitch! Guess all those kindergarten classes really paid off, huh?"
"I don't have time for this."
"Wait! Sit back down, man. I swear. I'll read it."
"Okay."
"If you give a Snitch a nickel he'll ask you for a quarter and if you say no, he'll take it from you when you're not looking 'cause that's what Snitches do."
"Nice picture."
"Thanks. It looks just like you, doncha think?"
"Nice to know that's how you really see me."
"Same long stickish arms…"
"Stickish is not a word."
"It is if I put it into my story."
"Okay, I listened, are you done?"
"Did I say 'the end'? Then it's not over. Sit."
"Itey, please hurry."
"Don't rush art, Snitch."
"Then read it please."
"Fine…If you give a Snitch a quarter, he'll probably spend it on candy 'cause that's what snitches do. Of course, when he gets to the candy machine, he'll realize that a quarter is only enough for a pack of gum, of the five stick variety, and Snitches don't like that at all. So he'll come back and ask you for another quarter 'cause Snitches really love chocolate and all the best chocolate bars are on the fifty cent shelf."
"This is really flattering and all, Itey, but I really need to go now."
"I'm almost done!"
"Okay. Read it really fast."
"But that'll ruin the effect."
"Then I'll have to insist on a rain check. Bio starts in two."
"What's more important, biology, or your best friend?"
"Come on Itey, don't make that face. You know I'd rather chill with you but—"
"But nothing. Its not that hard of a choice."
"Fine, but if I fail bio, you're dead."
"Fine with me…Now where was I?"
"Chocolate."
"Oh yeah. Once he gets his chocolate bar, he'll want a Dr. Pepper, 'cause Snitches know better than anyone that nothing goes better with chocolate than D.P. So he'll ask you for another quarter, and if you don't have one, he'll go to your friend Skittery, 'cause Skittery always has money and it's real fun sneaking up on him."
"That has nothing to do with anything, Itey—"
"You're killing the mood dude. Wait for it…the best part is coming up. If Skittery gives a Snitch a quarter he'll be in a bad mood for the rest of the day 'cause it was his only one, and he never carries more than a quarter. If you give a Snitch a Dr. Pepper, he'll burp real loud 'cause that's what Dr. Pepper does, and Snitches like it so much. But if you give a Snitch a nickel, it's not such a bad thing. 'Cause a Snitch is the best kind of person, and giving him a nickel is the least you can do, especially when you accidentally miss his birthday and even though he says he's not mad, you know deep down inside where it matters that his heart is hurting real bad. And so you write him a story to tell him that a Snitch is the bestest friend an Itey can have, and Itey will always be there when a Snitch needs a nickel. And he's very sorry he forgot Snitch's birthday."
"That was…Itey, that was the best present I ever got."
"Really?"
"Yeah…hey, Itey? Snitch will always have a nickel for an Itey if he needs one, too."
"Aww…when did you get to be such a sap?"
"I think having you for a best friend is having that effect on me…and you know? Its not such a bad thing."