The Saddest Love Story Ever
(aka THE MOST BADASS)

A Harry Potter FanFiction

By JunanagouGizmo and Anya Aldaine

Disclaimer: We don't own the characters. As much as we would like to. How unfortunate. Anyway…This work of fiction is a complete joke and if you take it seriously, you are a funny duck.

'Twas a lovely summer eve at Hogwarts Castle. Love….was in the air. The Car had just returned from its daily romp in the forest and the Whomping Willow was sitting there…since it can't move…noticing just how absolutely beautiful The Car was in its eyes. Or…leaves.

Anywho, The Car felt the same about the Whomping Willow's studly branches, and greatly desired to be swept off its feet…or…tires…by the very masculine tree. It so longed to feel those sturdy branches wrapped around its body. To feel the tree's leaves tickling it as they brushed against its trunk.

"Oh Willow…" The Car said, sighing.

"Yes, babe?" replied the Whomping Willow.

"How I…I…I…These feelings I have…" said The Car longingly.

"Yes, my dear?"

"I…I…I so long to feel those sturdy branches wrapped around my body," stuttered The Car.

"I…I must admit, my love, that I, too, have greatly desired to wrap said sturdy branches around said body. It has been my obsession for quite some time now," the Whomping Willow answered seductively.

"Oh…Willow…"

"Uh…You already said that." The Willow was puzzled. Though, why, I'll never know.

"Willow…is this be what love feels like?"

"Well….I don't know. I'm just a tree."

And after that night, the Whomping Willow and The Car visited each other every night. For three months. After the third month, The Car visited the Willow unexpectedly, and came upon something that broke it's heart….or….engine.

For indeed the Whomping Willow had been cheating on The Car…with Hagrid's Pumpkin Patch. The Car stumbled upon them in the act.

"Yeeeeah baby! Show me some of that Pumpkin love!!"

"Oh…Your sturdy branches..around me…it feels so…right," cooed the Pumpkin Patch.

"HOLY SHIT!" cried The Car, tears welling up in its eyes…or…headlights.
"Oh…uh…hey baby…we were just…uh…practicing for a play…isn't that right, Pumpkin Patch?"

"What the f—oh…Oh yeah, that's right. A play. We were rehearsing."

"I can't believe this!" The Car screamed, feeling a sudden burning anger well up in its…engine. "Willow! You said you loved me!! ME!!!"

"Yeah!! Yeah, shame on you, Willow!" yelled the Pumpkin Patch.

"Shut up, you hussy!" called The Car to the Pumpkin Patch. "You were supposed to be my friend!"

It was then that The Car lunged at the Pumpkin Patch. A cat fight ensued. And seeing as the Pumpkin Patch had a slight mobility problem, as well as the fact that it was indeed a pumpkin patch, it should be easy to infer that The Car won. So upset was The Car over its lost love, that it disappeared, never to be seen again. And that, children, is the real reason that The Car now lives in the Forbidden Forest.