Today's battle is between Bowser, nemesis of Mario, and Ness, the young boy that saved the world in Earthbound. Writers were Furious J for the preshow, Dan Bonez for the match, and me for the aftermath.
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Preshow
Ness was wasting time before his match in his locker room, playing with his yo-yo. It was finally his time to fight, although he would've preferred to settle this with a board game or something. Fighting was stupid, he didn't see what all the grown ups found so fun about it. He thought back to all the times when he had gotten a bunch of people to play baseball with him. That was fun! Why can't we play baseball instead of fighting?
His train of thought was interrupted by Mario walking into his locker room. The fat plumber looked around and finally spotted Ness in the corner, the yo-yo still flying through the air. "Oh, hey-a kid, I was-a looking for-a you."
"What do you want?" Ness said eagerly, hoping Mario had come to entertain him for the time between now and his match. It had been boring, just sitting here and waiting.
"Hey, I just came-a to warn you about-a Bowser."
"Oh," Ness said, disappointed. Another grown-up was telling him to be careful. The most annoying thing about the last few days had been the continuous flow of almost everyone in the entire contest stopping by to tell Ness to be careful, that Bowser was a big scary guy, and that if he didn't watch himself he might get hurt.
"Listen, I-a know you-a have-a been getting lotsa warnings from-a the other contestants. But-a no one knows-a Bowser like I-a do. He's-a completely-a ruthless, he wouldn't think-a twice-a about-a killing a kid-a even of your age."
"It's alright Mario. I've fought lots of big mean scary guys before, I'll be alright."
"I hope-a so."
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"FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" roared Bowser in his locker room. "They're having me fight a kid, a kid with a baseball bat and a yoyo! FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I might as well be fighting a big steak! Everything is working out just as I planned, Wario will take out Mario, Squall will take out Luigi, and I will take out Yoshi! Perfect. If you can't beat 'em, cheat 'em. Thats what I say. FWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"
This really was quite ingenious, Bowser… Gwahahaha! When he had realized all his opponents would be in this contest at the same time, he had seen his opportunity. He would use this contests possible casualty clause to eliminate his enemies. He knew he couldn't do it alone, but he figured he could get other people to do parts of his dirty work. If Wario uses that weapon I gave him, properly, Mario won't be able to last against the stronger contestants. I can take that silly green dinosaur out myself. Now if I can just make sure Squall kills Luigi, I'll be set.
"FWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" Bowser roared again as he went off for his match.
Ness stared across the arena at his competition...the King of the Koopas, the malicious Bowser. Any other boy Ness's age would be intimidated by this sight, even so scared as to wet their shorts, but not Ness. Ness had dealt with worse before. This time was different though. He did not have the aid of his three other companions as he did when he fought the evil space alien, Giygas, and saved the Earth from his invasion. This time it was all about Ness...and the young boy from Onett planned to prove himself worthy.
He shifted his cap backwards, just as he liked to wear it, and gripped his Home Run bat, his weapon of choice. Ness looked up towards the stands and saw his three friends, Paula, Jeff, and Poo...cheering him on. Before he knew it, the bell rang, and the match was on.
Ness shifted in his stance, becoming more defensive and raising his bat in front of him. To his surprise though, Bowser didn't charge him. Instead, Bowser was turned around and talking to someone in the audience.
"Peach! If I beat this kid in under two minutes, how about you marry me?"
Ness just shook his head. What a buffoon. I don't usually do this kind of thing...but on this freak, I'll make an exception. "Teleport..." Ness muttered under his breath so Bowser wouldn't hear, and he began to spin furiously. Then he was gone and instantly standing in front of Bowser.
"One way or another Peach I-"
Before Bowser could finish, Ness swung his bat like a golf club, the end hitting right on Bowser's manhood. Bowser's eyes got big and bulgy and began to tear up, while every man in the audience winced and let a collective "Oooooooooo...". Seeing Bowser's face, Ness felt a little, just a little, bit of guilt. Cheap shots aren't my usual style, but this guy is about as low as they get. Might as well get one in.
From the looks of things, Bowser quickly recovered...and he was none too happy. Ness backed away a little, but glanced over at Peach, who was giggling madly in the stands.
"NO ONE DOES THAT TO ME! You've really ticked me off now! OHOHOHO!"
Bowser started a mad charge towards Ness. Ness rolled out of the way of the charging dinosaur's feet...Bowser turned around quickly, surprising Ness. Fire blasted from his mouth and just in the nick of time, Ness blurted out "SHIELD!" The fire rolled off of the invisible wall that was created in front of Ness.
"Ooooo, so the boy wants to use magic tricks, HUH?! I can play that game! MWAHAHAHAHA! TERRORIZE!"
Ness was confused, but suddenly the whole arena got a shade darker. Ness could barely see Bowser but he knew enough to back away from the beastly tortoise. What Ness didn't see was the Giant Boo sneaking up behind him. Just as the Boo was about to take a bite out of him, Ness felt a slight twinge on the back of his neck that. This, and the fact that the whole audience was screaming in fright, alerted him to the Boo's presence. When he turned around the Boo's face turned pink and the round white ghost covered up it's eyes with it's little ghostly arms.
"AHHH Shoot! Why do I even bother!"
The Boo disappeared and the arena returned to its normal lighting. Ness just shook his head. Amateur. Ness yelled out something else. "PSI FLASH!" A burst of light ignited in front of Bowser, leaving him blind and dizzy. He ran around in a mad stupor, apparently attempting to charge Ness.
Ness ran over behind him and shouted out something else. "PSI ROCKIN'!" A burst of energy flew straight at Bowser and hit him square in the back. It was so powerful it sent the reptile flying into the arena wall, headfirst. His head went crashing through. That should do it.
To Ness's surprise, the Koopa King seemed to recover rather quickly from this. He just got up, turned around, shook some of the remaining wall from his head, and showed off a mouthful of teeth. How the heck!? That was my strongest attack!
"BWAHAAHAHAHAHAHA. Your magic tickles! Is that all you've got? Yes? Then it's time for you to feel the pain, boy!"
Bowser leapt high in the air, and was about to come crashing down at Ness. "PK THUNDER" was Ness's response as lightning struck him and he sent himself flying towards Bowser. The attack didn't work however, as he just got caught in Bowser's fall.. and when Bowser landed, Ness was driven into the ground.
"I think I'll be having JAM with my TOAST! GAHAHAHAHA! JAM! TOAST! I should be a stand up comedian!"
The crowd didn't seem to think so as they booed him relentlessly. Ness, trapped under the bulk of the lizard, yelled out "TELEPORT" again and found himself standing a few yards away from Bowser now. He hunched over and held his side. One of his ribs might have been broken.
"Where'd h-...how the!?"
Bowser looked confused only for a moment. Again, Ness founded himself being charged again by that huge green form. He didn't know if he could muster up enough energy for another attack. "PSI ROCKIN'," he yelled out again, sending the same burst of energy. This time, Bowser seemed ready for it, as he quickly got inside of his shell, deflecting the attack.
Ness didn't anticipate Bowser's spikey shell to be still spinning towards him. The shell struck him and he went flying across the arena and slammed back first right into the arena wall. Bowser emerged from his shell and continued his pursuit of the boy. Before Ness could even move, Bowser was on him again. Crud! Ness tried to lift his bat and swing, but Bowser grabbed it before he could and took a bite out of it, snapping it in two. Bowser grabbed Ness by the collar of his shirt and tossed him just like a rag doll into the center of the arena.
"HA! Too easy. I thought you would be able to put up a fight. Well, it looks like your FRIED!"
Bowser opened his mouth and a jet of flame emerged that flew right at Ness. Before Ness could react, he was engulfed in the flames. It seared at his skin and burned away some of his clothing. When the flames stopped, he lay motionless on the ground, with the best still taking large steps towards him. Bowser picked up the boy with one hand and looked him over.
"Hmmm...TASTY!"
And in an action that appalled everyone in the arena, Bowser swallowed the boy whole, and patted his belly proudly.
"Maybe a little too well done for my liking! BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHA!"
"NOOO! How could you!" It was Ness's friends, Paula, Jeff, and Poo who charged from their place in the stands towards the big reptilian who had just consumed their best friend.
"How could you do that to Ness?!" screamed Paula, who looked flustered, a mix of sadness and rage. Jeff was trying to hold Poo back from attacking the beast.
"How could I do it? Because I was HUNGRY! That's how! GAHAHAHAHAHAA! Simpleton!" And Bowser just turned, showing the three his tail, and he walked out of the arena as he was announced the winner.
Mario still sat in his seat, aghast, as he stared down upon the stadium. Remnants of flame still blackened the ground from the beating that all had witnessed Bowser put down upon the boy, Ness.
It had been an hour since the match, but many of the contestants still sat in the stadium, remembering what had just happened in, for the most part, sadness. It hadn't been a pleasant match to watch. For one, the fan favorite lost... Besides a dozen or so Boos in the stands, not too many people had been rooting for the Koopa King. But crowd or not, Bowser had won. Ness may not have been anyone's closest friend in the competition... But that's not to say that no one would miss him. Ness was a breath of fresh air to the contestants... While everyone trained, Ness just tried to have fun.
Maybe that had hurt him. But whether it hurt him or not, the games and diversions that Ness had produced were welcomed by the other players... The baseball games that Ness initiated had become something of a daily ritual by now. Even Solid Snake, renowned for his training ethic, had participated in a few.
Ness would be missed. Bowser would not have been missed.
The turtle was simply an annoyance. Almost anyone that the koopa or the insane clown met while roaming the grounds would leave with fists clenched after some sort of childish taunt. Ness's contributions to the village were of the carefree nature the kid had embodied… Bowser's had been all from the inherent nature that he was, in fact, a mere bully.
And to Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi, who had gathered after the match, Bowser was worrying.
After Mario had done so well in the tournament last year, Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi all expected it to be a walk in the park for them. So far, it had… The vulgar squirrel had proven to be all talk, and Ratchet's considerable array of weaponry had been nothing. But especially for Yoshi, one obstacle now stood in the way, and worried them to no end.
Bowser. The same koopa that had been a worthy adversary for Mario and his friends so many times in past adventures.
Yoshi had fought Bowser before... But that was when the two were far younger. Baby Bowser had been in a whole different leagues… The strength and ability to breath flame that Bowser now possessed had not yet developed long ago, when Bowser first rose up as an enemy with the potential to wreck havoc upon the Mushroom Kingdom.
Both Yoshi and Bowser had grown up into their own now. It would be quite a fight.