Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: Please R&R, I'd really appreciate any kinds of comments, suggestions... whatever.
Not Meant To Be
He knows what he should be doing right now. He should be in there, comforting her.
Hugging her, stroking her messed up hair, telling her it's not her fault.
He should be wiping her tears, letting her hit him against the chest in powerless desperation, meanwhile holding back his own tears.
He should be strong for her, for God's sake.
But instead he finds himself sitting on a chair in the hallway, bent over in grief, unable to go back inside, unable to keep from sobbing quietly into the flannel of his sleeves. He doesn't know for how long he's been sitting here like that, head in hands, trying to muster enough strength to go back inside.
They sent him out so they could get her stitched up and cleaned after the ordeal she's been through. A couple of minutes ago he saw a nurse carry the used sheets out of her room. They were all wet and in some places colored red or pinkish from the amount of blood that had inevitably accompanied the event.
He is sure that by now they're done in there, but still he can't make his feet move, his body feels as if it were glued to the chair.
He thinks about the bloody sheets, remembers her steely grip on his hand. Her screams from earlier resound in his ears.
All the pain, he thinks, all the pain, and it was all for nothing.
Rory and the Grandparents should be arriving any minute now. Right after they sent him out, he tried to reach their cell phones, but without any luck. Switched off, all of them.
He can only hope that whoever they ask for directions to her room will have sense enough to inform him of their presence first so that he can break it to them. As gently as possible. Can news like this be broken gently? He doesn't think so. But under no circumstances he wants her to be forced to explain anything.
"Mr. Danes?" The voice is familiar. It's the doctor who's just exited her room. The door is still slightly ajar.
He looks up into the doctor's face. The lines around his mouth and nose seem to have deepened since he last saw him.
The words that pour out of the doctor's mouth don't make it to the area of his brain where they'd be processed. He just nods whenever it seems appropriate to him and finally manages to get up from his chair to shake the other man's hand. When the doctor has disappeared down the hallway, he has no choice but to go back inside.
He wipes his face with a remaining dry patch of sleeve and takes off the baseball cap, leaving it on one of the chairs.
Then he pushes the door open completely and sets foot into the four walls that should've been witness to their greatest happiness. The room is bathed in sunlight. When they first came here, it was still dark outside.
And there she is, lying in the very same bed he left her on half an eternity ago. Only now she's not in stirrups any more and she's under the covers, wearing a different night gown. It's the one from her bag, he notices. The one with the button-down front.
She's not going to need that now.
The moment the door closes behind him, she turns away from the windows she's been facing and looks at him.
Her dark hair is not up in a ponytail any more, it has obviously been combed and the long curls framing her face make it appear even paler. She tries what looks like a weak smile, but of course she fails and has to cover her mouth with one hand to stifle a sob.
He rushes over to her bedside and takes her free hand in his. It's ice cold. No comparison to the hand he held hours ago. That one was hot and of an almost reddish color, full of life.
"Luke", she whispers almost inaudibly, and a second later throws both her arms around his neck, holding on to him for dear life.
"How could this happen?" Her voice is shaky and because he doesn't know the answer to her question, he just hugs her back and starts softly stroking her back with one hand.
For once at a loss for words, Lorelai also remains quiet from now on. The only thing audible are her sobs, choked in the flannel of his shirt.
That shirt - it is checkered in blue and green and when he put it on in the morning he expected to become a father in it.
Instead he has become the saddest man on the planet.