Forgive me, my love, for I have waited too long...
I know that I have not updated lately and I beg you pardon me, I've been busy tied up and dancing to the sirens' song of my studies...
Leafs-gurl999- you are the most loyal one there is, you do not hesitate to come to my aid...
Charm12- Perhaps short is not a bad thing...
Ireth- my dear, of course...even Tom deserves a second chance at that...
Deviant- 'fraid not.
Angela- I'm quite sorry...it's been a while, has it not?
Herentas- You happen to be one of my favourite authors on this site, thank you for reviewing my tale.
Kittybro- but Kitty, this is gin&toxin, not gin&tonic, for Tom shall heal no one, not even himself.
Ebony- Once again, my stories wilt when held against your reviews to them. I pale at the way you word your feelings, it is truly a pleasure to read.
Tessie- It is deep, yes, and dark...like the sea...like Tom's eyes.
Monikka- you would very much like Rika's songs. Now if only she'd let me send them to you. I hope that you have everything about the story in place? Be prepared to lose yourself again...
Dearest fucking diary,
Tom's eyes are blue. Blue like the ocean. They're deep as a sea, too...Tom's eyes are a sea...
They pull me under and I sink, but his hands catch me—
Strong, powerful hands. Long fingers, calloused fingertips, probing, searching, questing...gently pressing into my flesh, electrifying—
--catch me and touch me, guide me. He leads me down to our underwater stage and softly kisses me—
His mouth finds mine and he forces my lips apart. I only try to keep them together because he likes defeating me; false defeat, it pleasures him. A challenge; I present an easy challenge and how he rewards me! I'd never want him to not succeed, though...I like the taste of him, like sugar and cigarettes, so bitter, so sweet...
--kisses me. When we break away, I blush and he laughs gaily and slips his arms around my waist. We skip into the hall and I look up at him, mouth in a perfect 'o' of surprise but he's already gone, laughing, and the sound doesn't seem so sweet anymore---
Soft kisses on my neck, near my fluttering pulse, but now his mouth opens slightly and I feel his teeth, hard against my skin, and pain, again and again- he laughs and his hands reach up and run through my hair, then tug at it. My body twists in terror and he straddles me, still laughing cruelly—
--I feel the familiar tug of strings on my hands and I'm jerked out of place, dancing, skipping, my head lolling without support grotesquely, led by an invisible, inaudible force...
Oh, no. Ha. No, I can see him all right, hear him. Look at his hands tilt and pull the braces, watch him deftly maneuver that threads so that I'm sent twirling on my delicate shoes, my skirts swirling around my legs like the icing on a wedding cake. Listen to him laugh at me, can't you hear him saying "Ginny darling, do you like this? Do you like it, do you?" My wooden jaw drops and he grins when I am unable to speak.
Then, with a flourish he pulls the braces into the air and the nails slide out of my hands. I trip on my toe and crumple to the ground.
Holding my hand up to the filtered light, I can see the holes from where the nails once were. They have stopped bleeding. I am still inspecting them when he takes my hands and pulls me to my feet.
"Are these real?" he asks me. I nod, speechless, and he narrows his eyes. "They could be illusions."
I shrug. They don't hurt.
His face contorts into his Flight-from-Death, sardonic smile. "Tell me," he begins, "does this hurt?"
And he slides his thumbnail into the cut and teases the skin. I cry out and he says, "They're real."
"Damn it, Riddle, that bloody well hurts!" I protest, and he glances at the palm of my hand and says with mild interest, "It's bleeding again."
"I wonder why," I grumble, and he lifts the palm up to hi mouth and laps up the blood like a cat. I am fascinated. Then he kisses me. I can taste blood, my blood, on his lips.
He seizes my wrists with a sudden change of mood and drags me into a room. There is a canopy bed with sheets of black silk and he throws me on and he kisses me again, his breath hot, and I'm gasping for air but Tom does not believe in me breathing in anything but him....
He should ask before he touches me like that...he should warn me...he should be aware of how it hurts. Or maybe he is and I have mistaken his passion or sadism yet again. Ribbons and lace tangled around my ankles how it binds and how I'm bound, how I desire so much to see the golden Sun once more...
He bites the buttons off the dress and spits them onto the floor, he rips the cords on my corset to shreds in frenzied fire, his fingers scald my skin as the knowledge of my sin boils out of my mind and when he pushes me down my eyes roll into the back of my head as the soul, the spirit of innocence smokes and writhes and evaporates to be gone from myself...that which is cherished shall lie within no more.
Maiden raped like a barren field and used, left battered, but that would be pain, and although this is against my will I am not harmed....I am burning away but his anesthetic of sheer fancy lies over my eyes and do I see the craving, simply physical? You fool me into thinking you need me....deception your name and yet I forget it for the while....
Then I spiral up from the foaming frothy sea, seeing the lights below I wish to turn back to you, but I don't dare....
When I reached the sand I cough, licking the salt from my wounds I wait, for healing never comes easily. Like a god you rise from the ocean and stride towards me and grasp my fingers and send me flying in an overwhelming kiss once more...I left far too soon...
This night will not end well. It never does.
And your hands are cold now, when I remember them warmly and your nails hurt, but I don't protest, I am foolish. I let you take what is mine and therefore what is yours and it's a devil dance in the dark and your lips taste of cigarettes and mine of brine and together we sail through the sky around the new moon and plummet, or feathers disintegrating, into the depths....
This night will not end well. It never does.