Downstairs in the royal dining room, Theseus happily munched his morning meal, which consisted entirely of bacon. "Ah, good stuff this be," he mumbled.
Quite unexpectedly, Egeus burst through the door, followed by his lovely daughter Hermia and her suitors, Demetrius and Lysander. Theseus stood immediately and quickly swallowed his bacon. He was used to the sudden entrances of his good friend; the man came to visit so often he practically lived here.
"Happy be Theseus, our renowned duke!" Egeus quickly strolled over to Theseus as he spoke this, clapping his pal on the back.
"Thanks, good Egeus. What's the news with thee?"
"Full of vexation come I, (Egeus's face darkened abruptly) with complaint against my child, my daughter Hermia. My noble lord, I have given this man, Demetrius, my consent to marry her." Demetrius held his head higher, smoothing back his perfect yellow hair, which grew atop his perfect head. Ha! Yeah right.
"And here stands Lysander, the rash wanton who has exchanged love tokens with my daughter, singing to her by the moonlight. Thou hast put his evil spell upon her and now she refuses to do my bidding. Her love for such a scoundrel is baffling, and-"
"What?!" Lysander couldn't stand to hear anymore of it. "That is ridiculously wrong! Nothing of the sort have I done. Kind duke, you must know-"
"Lysander," Theseus said firmly, "Do shut up. It is not thy turn to speaketh yet. Proceed, Egeus."
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," and, pausing to glare at the offending Lysander, he said, "this man hath bewitched the bosom of my child-"
"But…"
"And," Egeus continued loudly, "Being a senseless and arrogant man who cares not for my daughter's wishes, I am forcing her to wed Demetrius. Be it so she will not here before your Grace consent to marry with Demetrius, I beg the ancient privilege of Athens: As she is mine, I may dispose of her, which shall be either to this gentleman or to her death, according to the law."
All was silent for a while. Theseus stroked his beard (which he took great pride in) and eyed every person standing before him. Egeus stood with his arms crossed and his feet apart and was once again giving Lysander a brutal look. Lysander hadn't noticed, for he was much to busy watching his beloved Hermia, who seemed about to cry, breathing unsteadily and nervously clutching her handkerchief. Her chestnut-colored hair had escaped from the hold of pins and fell on her shoulders.
Lysander rubbed the back of his neck and turned his attention to Demetrius. The guy looked as neat and refined as ever, and only heaven knows how he managed a wrinkle-less toga. He appeared as if he was trying to stand on his toes, so he could look down at people over his nose and focus his beady eyes on Lysander, who was inferior to him, of course. Why in the world would Hermia want to marry him, when Demetrius was so much better? Ha! Yeah right.
"What say you, Hermia?" Theseus questioned. "Your father is the one who made you, composed your beauties, yea, and one to whom you are but as a form in wax. Right is it only that you do his will, for he has authority over thee." And after stating this principle, he added, "Demetrius is a worthy gentleman."
"So is Lysander," Hermia protested. She could not believe her father could inflict such distress upon her.
"I understand, and so he is, but your father orders thee to marry Demetrius, so he must be held worthier."
"If only my father could see through my eyes."
"Rather you must look with his. It is only appropriate." Hermia sighed and took a shaky breath.
"I do entreat your Grace to pardon me. I do not know if it would be right of me to ask, but I beseech your Grace that I may know the worst that may befall me in this case if I refuse to wed Demetrius." Theseus reached for his beard again. He'd have to convince her to do what Egeus asked, and he supposed it might be possible if he explained it correctly.
"Either to die the death, or to abjure forever the society of men. Therefore, fair Hermia, question your desires. Ask yourself whether you can endure the livery of a nun, chanting faint hymns to the cold, fruitless moon." Lysander was listening intently along with Hermia and shivered at the thought of it.
"But earthlier happy is the rose distilled," the duke went on, "Than, that which, withering on the virgin thorn, grows, lives, and dies in single blessedness." He smiled, pleased with the clever metaphor he had made up on the spot. The others, however, stared at him blankly. He sighed.
"What I mean is, married women lead much happier lives than those who remain unwed as nuns," he explained slowly. It wasn't his fault he had such a wonderfully literary mind, after all.
"Ohhhhhhh!" Egeus, Hermia, Demetrius, and Lysander exclaimed in unison. It was then that the Amazon queen Hippolyta entered the room, her presence silencing them and causing every person to stare in awe at the grand lady. She had just finished dressing and had come down the stairs for her breakfast. The duke gave her a nod and cleared his throat.
"Take time to pause, and by the next new moon, the sealing day betwixt my love and me, (after which he glanced at Hippolyta) upon that day either prepare to die, or else to wed Demetrius, as he would, or on the alter declare single life." Hermia's knuckles turned white as she tightened her grip on the hankie. Demetrius broke in.
"Relent, sweet Hermia, and Lysander, yield thy crazed title to my certain right." He spoke the last few words mockingly, waiting for Lysander's anger to arise.
"Well, it is obvious that you have her father's love, Demetrius. You marry him." He smirked and watched Demetrius's loathsome face burn with rage. It wasn't a very pleasant sight, mind you.
"Aye, scornful Lysander, true, he hath my love," said Egeus, who, of course, did not find the joke the least bit humorous. "Hermia is mine, and all my right to her I give to Demetrius, not you!" Why wouldn't the stupid boy give up already?
Lysander thought he had never met anyone so disagreeable in his life. He deliberately stepped forward, almost tripping on a chair. (And it's a good thing he didn't, or else his following performance would've been a complete disaster.)
"I am, my lord, as well derived as he," he said. "My love is more than his, and your daughter loves me in return. Demetrius has expressed his love to Nedar's daughter, Helena, and she devoutly dotes, dotes in idolatry, upon this spotted and inconstant man." These words were accompanied by a whole lot of dramatic gesticulations. Lysander resisted the urge to point his index finger at Demetrius and yell, "Hahahahaha!" keeping the pleasure of this triumph to himself.
The spotted and inconstant man, who had unclenched his teeth to defend himself, wasn't given a chance to do so. Theseus speared some more bacon and ended the dispute before anyone could say more.
"I must confess that I have heard so much. Being overfull of self-affairs, my mind did lose it," he said with his mouth full - and you'd think a duke would have better table etiquette! "Fair Hermia, be ready to do as your father wishes or face the dire consequences. I am sorry, but it is Athenian law and enforce it be my task." He pushed his plate aside and rose to his feet. "Come, my Hippolyta. What cheer, my love?" He took her hand and beckoned the two men forth. "Demetrius and Egeus, come with me so we may discuss my wedding ceremony."
"With duty and desire we follow you," Egeus replied. With that, they proceeded down the corridor and out of the dining room, their sharp footsteps echoing throughout the palace.