Hello, thank you for your lovely reviews. I appreciate them more than you know. Nobody likes to work in a vacuum, right? And to the reviewer that wanted them to share dessert—I loved that idea! However, I couldn't get the picture of Lady and the Tramp eating spaghetti out of my head! Maybe once I get these two together we can have some cheesecake loving! Muahhahahahaha!! Oh also, assume that Sasuke had a major character renovation after killing his brother. Yes, I made it up. I'm the writer, I can make it go that way. So nyaaahhhh. Isn't fiction fun?
Oh, and have you noticed my love of cliffhangers yet? Nothing drives me crazier than a cliffhanger, that's why I love writing them!
I don't own Naruto, or Sasuke, or Iruka, or Kakashi, but if I did, I'd be a very tired girl! IruKaka, SasuNaru looooove.
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Chapter Four: Red Umbrella
Hatake Kakashi was a very secure man. He prided himself on it, in fact, which explained his total lack of embarrassment over snuggling with his best friend in public. The casual observer would never guess, but he always found the simple things in life to be the best. He had good food in front of him, dry clothes on, no bugs or mud to deal with, and his favorite person at his side. What more could he ask for?
Maybe an answer to that darn question would be nice. Who was she?
Kakashi felt a surge of protectiveness. Iruka was a very kind and compassionate person, though perhaps a bit too naïve and trusting for the jounin's taste. He'd just have to keep an eye out for his friend, save him if the situation called for it.
"So, Iruka-sensei. You still haven't told me anything about this girl you like."
Iruka paused in mid-chew and blinked. He'd known the other man's silence on the subject wouldn't last. At least he'd had most of the meal to enjoy before the questions started again. He swallowed carefully around the lump that had lodged itself in his throat. Was he ready or not?
"I promise I won't laugh," the silver-haired man promised, guessing accurately at the dolphin's hesitation.
"Liar."
"No, really, I won't. You don't even have to tell me her name yet. Why don't you just tell me about her? What kind of person is she? What does she look like? That sort of thing."
"Hn." Iruka's expression was doubtful.
"Pleeeeease," Kakashi begged, looking so kawaii that Iruka couldn't resist. The chuunin sighed and tried to figure out how say the things he wanted to without giving it all away.
"All right, but not here. Let's take a walk." Kakashi signaled their waiter for the bill, which appeared almost immediately for some strange reason. It was almost as if the serving staff was afraid of another outburst from the two ninja in the corner booth and wanted to push them out the door. They paid and left immediately, Iruka practically running due to nerves.
It had begun to rain sometime during their meal, an early autumn drizzle that soaked and chilled everything it touched. The two men hurried under a convenient awning, huddling together beneath the barely adequate shelter.
"I guess a walk's out of the question now," Kakashi joked. "Now what, oh great sensei?"
Iruka was yet again distracted by the jounin's nearness and didn't answer. Dinner had been torture, surely being in love with a friend was yet another circle of hell previously unknown. So happy to be with the one you love, struggling to hide the intense joy and deeper emotions brought out by the slightest touch, choking back the words that are fighting to break free...He never would have chosen this, that is, if he'd even had a choice. Knowing that the most simple of actions could betray his intentions made every conversation a minefield of danger.
Well, maybe that was overdoing it a little bit—they'd spent plenty of normal times together, times where Iruka wasn't thinking of throwing caution to the wind and just glomping the poor man every other minute. He'd had to learn to compartmentalize his emotions because shutting them away was sometimes the one and only tactic that could preserve his sanity. It was tiring to be that high-strung; he'd had to do something to keep himself from going crazy. So, he stored up all his memories to be enjoyed and savored when he was alone again. In a way, it was almost a relief when Kakashi was away on a mission. Iruka could let his guard down and remember the times they spent together, could embellish as he chose, could pretend yet another day that it was all possible. He felt a heavy sadness gather around his heart at the realization of just how lonely that life was in actuality. Iruka stared out at the rain-soaked street, hardly seeing anything in front of him. A light poke in his side brought him abruptly back to earth.
"Baka! What'd you do that for?" he grunted in annoyance. Kakashi put one hand over the chuunin's mouth to shush him up and gestured with the other to the opposite side of the street. His masked face moved close to Iruka's ear so he could communicate without being heard by the subject of their gaze.
"Over there. It's so sweet, don't you think?" he whispered happily, removing his hand, warm breath tickling the chuunin's ear. Iruka felt a zing travel down his neck into his spine at the feathery touch. He felt himself inching closer, desperate to feel Kakashi's lips on the sensitive ear, just once, just once to take home and relive endlessly. Kakashi's next words snapped him back from the trance-like state that had overcome him.
"You know, it's their anniversary next week. We should go in on a gift and surprise them. What do you think we should get them?" Iruka finally caught up to what Kakashi was saying and noticed the pair that was wrapped up in each other across the street, partially hidden under a big, red umbrella. Naruto had Sasuke's collar in his grasp, tugging the loose fabric upwards in an attempt to keep the rain from dribbling down his koi's neck. Sasuke smiled and tightened his hold on the blond, both young men oblivious to passersby and observers.
Iruka's expression softened noticeably as he felt his heart expand at the sight. The two had grown up so well together. No longer were they at each other's throats in frantic bids to outdo the other. Shortly after becoming jounins, the two had left the village in search of Itachi, Sasuke's murderous older brother. Their hunt had been successful, both in accomplishing the mission and in bringing the two to the point of finally admitting their true feelings for each other. They had been so happy on their return that they fairly glowed, making it obvious to all what had happened at long last. Neither Iruka nor Kakashi had been very surprised at the development. The constant competition and name-calling had practically screamed of repressed feelings. He was relieved that they had each found their precious person in the other, and even more proud that each boy had had the courage to tell the other the truth. They really had turned into fine young men.
Iruka was embarrassed to feel a prickling behind his eyes and he blinked back moisture. They made a perfectly matched couple and their contentment shone through the rain, nearly a palpable entity on the darkened street. The dolphin was almost overwhelmed by a wave of longing so raw it took his breath away.
"I want what they have," he whispered, unaware he had spoken aloud, and unaware that Kakashi had been watching him since pointing out the lovers several minutes earlier. He'd watched the expressions travel across Iruka's face at warp speeds, struggling to name each as they passed by.
Pride he'd recognized easily; Iruka and he had discussed many times how proud they were of the two young men and their accomplishments. He was especially proud of them for working together to accomplish their goals. Their joint mission to go after Itachi had worried the teacher to no end; he hadn't properly slept for weeks, not until the two returned home, battered but victorious, and openly in love. Naruto wasn't Hokage yet, but he was on the path for advancement, as was Sasuke.
Love mixed in with the pride for sure; Kakashi knew just how much Iruka loved the young Kyuubi and his partner. Naruto and Iruka had a very special father/son type relationship. He knew the dolphin would have adopted the boy years ago but things had never worked out properly to make it legal. He'd always regretted not being able to fix it for the boy; all those years of being hated by the village had left their marks on the blond as well as Iruka. He'd grieved every time the boy had gotten hurt again and had only wished to protect him from the discrimination and ignorance. Iruka was by no means the strongest of shinobi, but when it came to his honorary son he could be the fiercest of warriors.
Then, close on the heels of those two emotions, he'd seen a look of such utter, deep sadness that it made his own chest ache. Iruka looked as if his heart was breaking in two. A suspicious sheen glimmered in the chocolate brown eyes as he watched the pair under the umbrella lean in for kisses then walk off hand in hand. Kakashi gathered Iruka to him in a one-armed hug and tried to comfort him with a pat on the other shoulder.
"Iruka-sensei, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?" he asked quietly and in a soothing voice. "You've been so strange today and your emotions have been all over the place. Is it this woman? If she's already doing this to you, you don't need the hassle. This can't be healthy." Iruka tried for a manly snort, but it sounded more like a sniffle.
"I'm just happy for them. I'm terribly envious, mind you, but I'm very happy for them. I'm just tired of being alone, that's all." Iruka tried for an upbeat smile but his obvious mess of feelings overrode the positive message. Kakashi looked at him intently for a long moment, trying to see beneath the poorly constructed façade.
"You're not alone, baka. You have me!" Kakashi crinkled his visible eye in a gentle smile. Iruka struggled to keep the misery from his face as he pondered the words. Yes, he had Kakashi, just not the way he needed. Would he ever? Did he have the courage to say it? He closed his eyes and took a calming breath as he stepped out from under Kakashi's strong arm. He kept them closed as he asked a lead-in question.
"You want to know what kind of person it is that I love?" He couldn't see Kakashi's face, but he could hear the surprise in his voice as he replied.
"You're finally going to tell me?"
"Hai."
"All right, tell me what she's like." Iruka couldn't help but smirk. For a genius ninja, Kakashi was so dense.
"The person I love..." he started in a quiet voice, still not looking at the jounin, "is strong, capable, and smart. This person is beautiful, beyond the usual in every way, though looks were the last thing I fell in love with. This person is the most honorable and compassionate of people, wise and experienced, possessing depths that are not apparent on the surface, though for all their wisdom and honor, certainly not afraid of embarrassing themselves." He smiled fondly.
"Only with this person can I feel true joy, because we connect on many different levels. Our conversations are easy and the time we spend together fills my heart. I crave this person's touch, though we have never touched in any way but that of friends. I crave this person's heart, because it is part of my own. I want nothing more than to spend my life as this one's partner, having equal shares of one life together."
Kakashi raised his eyebrow at the younger man, though the dolphin couldn't see it because his eyes were still closed. The jounin felt another pang of jealousy at the thought of this unnamed person with his friend. Wait, why did Iruka keep saying 'person' and 'one'? Did that mean something? Should he be looking beneath the underneath when Iruka was always straightforward and meant what he said? He cleared his throat, interrupting the teacher's speech.
"I had no idea you were such a romantic, Iruka-sensei. This person you speak of is very lucky. Have you asked her out yet?" Kakashi really wanted to know, but wasn't quite sure why it was suddenly so important.
Iruka frowned. Of course he wouldn't have figured it out by what he'd said, it was still too general. He could feel his heart beating frantically at how far he'd already come. He should come clean now; get it all out in the open. He turned his back to Kakashi and opened his eyes at last, focusing on the rain-fuzzy sky at the edges of the awning they were still under. He took a deep breath and continued.
"There's one thing holding me back," he said in a near-whisper. Kakashi stepped closer to hear his confession; Iruka could feel the man's body heat radiating from him in the cool night air.
"What is it, Iruka-sensei?" he murmured. "You can tell me anything. I promise I won't laugh at you."
"That's not why...that's not it," he sighed.
"Then what is it?"
'Now or never,' he thought to himself. Banzai!
"I...I've been lying to this person for years. I'm afraid if I tell him, he'll never look at me the same way again. I betrayed our friendship by keeping a secret of my feelings. How can I offer my heart when dishonesty has been my ruler? Do I lose a friendship or do I find a love? Friendship has always won out, because I would die if I lost that and I've been too much of a coward to try for the love." He held his breath, hoping for and dreading the moment when realization would hit the scarecrow.
Kakashi blinked. Did he just say 'he'? That sounded like...
He stepped in front of the pony-tailed chuunin and stared into his face. Iruka returned the stare without flinching, chin raised defiantly, standing tall and strong now that he'd finally done it. The weights were lifting.
"I don't want to be a coward anymore." Kakashi blinked again.
"Iruka-sensei, I'd swear you were talking about me there for a minute," he tried to joke, but the words sounded wrong. Iruka didn't reply, just met his gaze steadily. Wide brown eyes met one dark eye as both men tried to process what had just been said. Iruka was experiencing a massive adrenaline rush that left him shaky. Five years of friendship were on the line and he'd just told his best friend how he felt. He'd done it! Relief would come later, along with all the other emotions he was holding at bay for the moment. He'd told him.
"I—Iruka? Was...that what you were saying?" Kakashi's visible eye was uncertain.
"Hai."
"Are you sure about this?"
"Hai."
"Um...wow. I don't know what to say..." Kakashi was shocked, to say the least.