DISCLAIMER: I'm going to stop these… They bore me. If you want to sue me for writing this, fine—All you'll get out of the lawsuit are Beatles records and a poster of Rod Stewart.
Well, good evening, friends…
I don't really have any ultra-important news to report, but I would like input on how I'm doing, and what else I can do to help make this an even better story—Yay! I'm really trying to start work on other fanfics as well, and I've narrowed it down to a few choices. I'll let you guys know if I start a new story, but, until then, please enjoy what I'm writing, because I enjoy writing it. : )
Chapter Sixteen
A Few Weeks Later: Viva Las Vegas
'Since you left me I'm so along,
now you're coming, you're coming home,
I'll be good like I know I should,
you're coming home, you're coming home'
—The Beatles, 'It won't be long'
A Casino in Las Vegas:
"Sir, we have a problem!" shouted one of the casino managers to the owner, "The computers show there's no money in the vaults!"
"WHAT!?" the casino owner shouted, and rose from his large and expensive desk, "Show me!" he demanded. The manager nodded, and led him down to the computer room, where a stunned accountant was checking over the computer screens.
"Look at this!" he yelped, "We've got a virus! And I've never even heard of it before! These damn hackers!"
"Hackers!? That's nonsense! Who could've broken into our system!? It's flawless!" yelled the owner.
On the rooftop:
"Oh, I love my job," chuckled Heiji as he continued typing on the computer, "And they're probably freaking right now, and all gathering into the computer room… Little do they know that as they sit slack-jawed at their screens, admiring the work of Heiji the Hacker, that their 'guards' are allowing the Lupin gang to get away with their fortune. Ah, I love Mondays!"
Meanwhile, downstairs in the vaults, two guards stood in front of a large metal vault, one whistling Elvis songs whilst the other look onward annoyed, "Do you have to whistle those that shrilly?" the female guard asked.
"Sorry," the male guard replied with his thick New York accent, "But this is boring me and much as it is boring you, admit it."
"Well, do you at least know something by Dean Martin?" she inquired.
"I can whistle the theme from Andy Griffith," he replied.
"American television rotted your mind a long time ago," she grumbled, "Now where are they?"
"Hey, you miss us?" a 'showgirl' inquired as she walked down to the vault along with two female waitresses and a male card dealer.
"Fuji, what's up with the outfit?" Yukiko inquired as she looked Fuji up and down with a raised eyebrow. Lupin had dressed herself in a skimpy yellow showgirl costume, complete with a headdress of feathers and golden heels.
"I thought I'd dress for the role," she replied with a chuckle as she threw one of her arms out in a dramatic gesture, "Okay, now, we ready?"
"As we'll ever be," Ally, in a card dealer uniform, chuckled as he shuffled a deck of the cards he had taken from upstairs. Ryo and Odori, the waitresses, both revealed metal carts meant for meals, and Fuji smiled with glee as the code for the vault bounced up and down onto the screen, until it stopped on the exact numbers and creaked open.
"Wow…" Ally muttered.
"Okay, now only as much as we can fit into the carts," Fuji advised, "And whatever you can fit down your shirts!"
"Well, we have three carts, so that ought to be plenty," Ryo answered as she began to pile money into the carts along with the others.
When the real guards arrived to change shifts, they were stunned to see imposters stealing money from the vaults. When one when to speak, Ryo pulled a spray bottle from her skirt pocket, and sprayed it in their faces. They hobbled about until they passed out onto the floor, and the six continued, and then led the carts up stairs and through the kitchen exit of the casino.
They met with Heiji, who was already sitting in the car, typing away on his laptop, "Hey, Fuji, nice get up. Big Bird's naughty sister?" he inquired as he glanced upward at Fuji.
"Oh, but I thought you'd especially enjoy it," she replied with a wink. Heiji muttered something under his breath, and went back to work on his laptop, and continued to work on it as Ally and Toshiro threw the bags of money into the trunk of the car.
"Let's get going!" Ryo ordered as she jumped into the driver's seat.
"Ryo-san, that's my line," Fuji reminded her.
"Hey, Bye Bye Birdie, your plumage has got my allergies starting. Lose the duster," Ally said, followed by a sneeze. Fuji removed the headdress, and all started off onto the Vegas strip.
"If you start singing anything from Elvis' Vegas years, I'm going to leave marks so deep in your sides with my nails you'll be bleeding internally for months," said Fujiko crankily to Toshiro.
"Uh… Okay," Toshiro gulped, and started the Vespa up. He followed Fuji and Co. back to the hotel, where they carried the sacks of money up in the guise of suitcases and began the count in the ladies' room.
"Two million's the final count, Fuji," said Ryo as she sat on the floor amongst the stacks of cash.
"Nice! I guess this means someone's getting that Prada purse she's been wanting!" Fuji said dreamily.
"You can afford Prada? I thought no one could," Heiji snorted as he entered the amount on his computer, "Well, I'm dipping into the group fund to buy some new hacking equipment… I'm getting outdated, already!"
"Didn't you just buy hacking equipment?" Yukiko inquired.
"Hacking equipment becomes outdated faster than New York City fashion," Heiji replied, "Well, I think I'll give it a rest for the night… My fingers hurt," he yawned, stretched, and slapped his laptop shut, "Good night, guys."
The Next Morning, at Breakfast:
"WHAT!?" the Lupin gang heard in a shrill yell as they sat seated in the dining room of their hotel room. Heiji stormed out, staring into his computer monitor in horror, "I didn't do this!"
"What's the little tragedy now? Those guys at NerdWorld Computers reject your ideas for coffee mugs again?" asked Odori.
"No, worse!" Heiji answered, "Apparently I sent a virus out to all of the computers in Japan last night."
"You didn't?" inquired Toshiro.
"Hell, no! I knocked out the entire system of islands!" Heiji choked.
"Father's going to be upset. I spoke with him last night, and he's nearly finished that online crossword you sent him," said Odori.
Osaka, Japan:
"Equine? All right, thank you, Jigen," said Goemon as he cradled the phone on his shoulder and glanced back upward at his nearly completed crossword.
"Yeah, now quit running up my damn phone bill with stupid questions about crosswords! You should've learned English a long time ago!" Jigen yelled in response, "Go find yourself a book to help you! I'm having enough problems as it is at home! Ally and Ryo are off, and guess who's pregnant for a fourth time?"
"Oh, congratulations."
"Thanks…" Jigen muttered, "I'm praying for another boy, but she swears it's a girl."
"Don't worry—Little children aren't the difficulty they seem at first. Amaya and I are traveling to Taiwan soon, actually. Some factory workers there have a daughter who they want to send to a Japanese school, so we're looking into it."
"Do you have an ulterior motive, like using them as cheap labor to run your giftshop?" inquired Jigen.
"Cheap labor? We have four school plays coming up, six field trips, two school dances, one dentist appointment, three doctors' appointments, a birthday for twins, and a violin recital. Please explain where cheap comes in."
"Point taken. I guess I'll talk to you later, seeing as how you've managed to make my phone bill break into three figures over your stupid crossword."
"Well, I'm sorry, but you're the one who runs the bookstore now, not me. I run a dojo/giftshop," Goemon sighed.
"What the hell happened to our lives?" inquired Jigen after a pause.
"Family," replied Goemon as he began to type. As he finished typing in the last letter into the crossword grid, the screen turned black, and a message popped up onto the screen:
Your computer memory is no more. Sincerely, Heiji Ishikawa II
Goemon let out a gasp, and fell back in the computer chair, "Hey, hey, what happened?" Jigen inquired, "Goemon, are you all right? Oh, God… Ming, I think he's had another heart attack! Damn it, this is the second time you've done this over the phone, you bastard! What the hell do you expect me to do, magically jump to there from Chicago!? Goemon, are you there!? Are you okay!?"
"Yes… But Heiji will not be," Goemon said through gritted teeth, "I will call you later, Jigen."
"Yeah, yeah… Just don't scare me like that again, all right!?" Jigen demanded.
"Yes," Goemon hung up the phone, and set it down along with his reading glasses on the computer desk, "Haruko!?" he called. A young Vietnamese girl ran down the stairs, and awaited her father's words, "Go find your father a good-sized branch from outside. Heiji must learn a lesson when he returns."
"Yes, Papa," she nodded, and jumped down the stairs, outside to a cherry tree.
Back in Las Vegas:
"Dad's going to murder me—But not before mom," Heiji said with a shudder, "I took away her internet… She'll actually have to listen to the radio shows Dad obsesses over… She's going to go bonkers."
"You'll probably even cause him to take a branch from the cherry tree," Odori added with a slightly sadistic twitch of a smirk.
"You're loving this, aren't you!?" Heiji said, pointing accusingly to Odori.
"In a word, yes," Odori replied.
"You know what, I wish that they had accidentally hit your neck when they cut your hair off!" snapped Heiji angrily, making a quick gesture of slitting Odori's throat as he spoke.
"You looked a lot like Dad when you said that," said a shocked Odori.
"I'm going to go trace this," sighed Heiji, walking back into his room and slamming the door.
"Wow… He actually skipped a meal…" said Toshiro to himself.
San Francisco, California:
"This is nice—You taking me to visit your family," said Leo as Max drove down the twisting San Francisco streets.
"It's my end of the bargain," Max replied as he dodged a pedestrian.
"I think I've learned why you drive like you do," Leo said as he gripped onto the emergency handle and prayed for deal life as Max flew down the road and barely stopped for the stop sign.
"Here's a list of things not to talk about in front of my dad," Max said as he pulled a worn piece of folded paper out of his brown jacket pocket and passed it Leo. LeBlanc unfolded it and read over the list—On the top of the list was typed in bold letters 'LUPIN III'.
"Ah… I guess it makes him kind of touchy."
"More like kind of psychotic," Max grumbled darkly as he shifted gears and slammed on the horn, "Hey, watch it! Damn hippie! Run faster, you'll get your drugs quicker that way!!"
"And, you were almost a rabbi, right?"
"Yeah…"
"You, talking with God. I'm scared," Leo muttered, shaking his head.
After a half-hour of driving through traffic, Leo found himself with a few new gray hairs, while Max remained as vexed as ever. He drove up to a seemingly quiet home; slender, yet with two stories. The garden was well taken care of, and there were various lawn ornaments and wind chimes out amongst the flowers.
"Your mom gardens?" inquired Leo as he looked about at the multi-colored flora and fauna.
"No, Dad. Doctor prescribed it to help him with his 'hyperactivity'," Max answered, "But if you ask me, it was more for Mom, so he wouldn't have to relay stories about his days at Interpol. He hugged me when I found out I got the gig, Leo—He hugged me. Does Koichi Zenigata, the great detective who always almost caught every time Lupin, look like a hugger to you?"
"Well, he sounds like an interesting guy," Leo chuckled, taking out his reading glasses and putting them on as if they would somehow disrupt Zenigata's 'Lupin-dar'. But his buzz cut and loud jacket would be a dead giveaway, he knew. And heaven forbid he laugh—He laughed just like his father.
Max knocked on the door a few times before a woman with light blonde hair tied back in a bandanna answered, "Max!" she squealed happily, embracing him.
"Choking… Choking…" Max coughed.
"Oh, you must be his sister! Pleasure to meet you, Ma'am," said Leo, outstretching his hand.
Natasha laughed, and let go of her death grip on Max, who rubbed the new red spot on his neck, "No, I'm his mother! Max's sister lives in Japan!"
"Oh, yeah! Amaya, right!" Leo said with a well-meaning smile.
"How'd you know I had a sister?" Max frowned.
"I… Must've heard you mention it," Leo shrugged in response.
"Koichi! Guess who came by to visit! Max and L—"
"Leo. Leo LeBlanc," Leo corrected quickly.
"Oh," Natasha raised her eyebrows in interest, "Max and his little friend Leo are here!" she shouted upstairs.
"Mom, you sound like we're going out to play ball," Max grumbled.
Both men heard the sound of footsteps coming from the stairway, and Former-Inspector Zenigata came walking down the stairway, and several shadowboxes of coins in his arms. Zenigata had not become the feeble old man Lupin had joked about him becoming in his elderly years—Pops looked older, including a full head of gray hair, but he was in better shape than any of the Lupin gang, sans a short attention span and hyperactivity (along with fifty years of psychological problems piled up on one another and repressed like a bottled soda, waiting to be busted open). He had ended up getting the last laugh in the end, after all.
"Max! Hey, wondering when you would—" Zenigata looked upward from his cases, and paled as he laid eyes on Leo. Leo coughed and looked downward at a side as he noticed Zenigata's eye twitching.
'His brain's probably exploding about now. Boy, do I wish mine was….' Leo thought as he looked down at his feet.
"Dad, are you okay? You're getting that nervous tic again… Do you need some more Ritalin?" asked Max cautiously.
"Koichi, let's go talk," Natasha chuckled nervously, setting down the shadowboxes on an end table and leading Zenigata into the kitchen.
"Did you see who—" Zenigata began.
"Yes, yes… I know… He probably has a good reason," said Natasha.
"Maybe he captured him and wanted to show me! Could you imagine, after all of my trying, my boy finally restores the family honor!" said Zenigata cheerily.
"First off, there's too much damage done to the family honor to repair. Second, do not make any accusations. Listen, and maybe we'll get the full story, okay?"
"All right," Zenigata nodded, and peered back out at Leo and Max, "I hope they're not a couple…"
"Koichi!"
"I'm just saying… Boy liked his dolls a little too much when he was little," Zenigata replied.
"They were GI Joes," Natasha sighed, exasperated.
"They were dolls," Zenigata retorted.
"Now's not the time to argue about trivial things. Just behave, all right?" Natasha asked sweetly, "Please, for me?"
"All right…" Zenigata sighed heavily, and exited the kitchen again. He found Leo and Max in the living room, Leo looking about the photos on the wall while Max sat seated on the couch. Zenigata seated himself in a matching chair, and looked upward wearily, "So… How goes the work, boys?"
"It's great. A partner like your son is hard to come by, Mr. Zenigata," replied Leo cheerily.
Partner. Zenigata shuddered, and continued, "You two actually…"
"Work on cases together," Max finished.
"Ah, cases…. Which one are you working on?" asked Zenigata.
"The Lupin case," replied Leo. Max looked back at Leo with a glare that would've killed LeBlanc had looks been able to do so.
"The Lupin case?" How'd you both manage to get that?" inquired Zenigata. He turned as he heard a smash, and both he and Max looked downward at the broken glass statue on the ground, and a nervous Leo looking downward at the once beautiful blue and white glass kitten.
"Oh… Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," Leo sputtered, "I… I'm just such a klutz! Really, my folks never let me around glass when I was a kid! That, or anything sharp, hee hee…"
Lupin was never clumsy, Zenigata noted as he rose. And what was with the name change, he thought as he looked downward at the glass, "It's all right. I'll fix it later. Just come over and sit down, Kid."
"Yes, Sir," Leo nodded, and seated himself next to Max a little too closely, thought Zenigata with another pang of discomfort.
"I brought tea!" Natasha called out happily as she exited the kitchen with a tea tray, "Oh, and Max, I want you to look at something while we're here."
"Really, what?" Max inquired as he took a sip of his tea.
"You remember that nice matchmaker I told you about?" Natasha began. Max stopped and choked his tea down, and then looked at his mother in disbelief.
"You didn't… You did?" he yelped, "Mom, oh, no…"
"She's picked out a few good girls for you," said Natasha as she seated herself, "Maybe you could meet one or two while you're here. Wouldn't it be nice if Mr. LeBlanc brought someone along, and it was a double-date?"
"I'll pretend that you didn't just say that," Max grumbled, hiding his face with a hand.
"Oh, that's quite all right," Leo chuckled as he sat his teacup down, "I don't date, really. Just not something I like to do."
"You've never been on a date? Never?" Zenigata blinked in disbelief, 'Maybe this guy wasn't related to Lupin, after all!' Zenigata thought, 'There's no way this used to be the little ankle biter whose first word was 'vodka' and grabbed onto the behind of any girl he could!'
"No, I had one girlfriend, but if didn't work out. Her brother never really liked me, and her personality was a little strong for my liking…" Leo shrugged.
"You've had a girlfriend? I never knew that," Max said, looking over towards Leo.
"Well, it's not that important, really," Leo shrugged.
"Have you two been able to take in the sights while you've been traveling all over?" inquired Natasha as she sipped her tea.
"No, not really… A lot of our time's taken up by the case," replied Max, "But in our free time, I'm usually reading a book, and Leo's knitting."
"Knitting?" Natasha and Zenigata reiterated in unison.
"Yeah… I, knit…" replied Leo, "I have a quilt in the car! You want to see?"
"That's quite all right," answered Natasha.
'Knits, doesn't date… I wonder if his dad even has a clue…' Zenigata thought with a quiet chuckle, which worked itself into loud fits of laughter. He discontinued the laughter as he noticed the three sets of eyes staring at him, and he cleared his throat, "Er, sorry… Just remembered a really funny joke I read on a Popsicle stick yesterday…"
"Must've been some joke…" Leo mumbled.
After an hour or two after more tense conversation, Leo and Max exited the home, Zenigata know convinced that Leo was either a very good actor or not Lupin at all.
"Well, that went well," Natasha said as she turned from the porch back into the home.
"What a freakshow!" Max moaned as he sat back in the chair while Leo drove, "I'm sorry you had to sit through that."
"No, no—Your parents are pretty cool, actually," replied Leo, "You look stressed. What do you say we go get dinner, eh? I heard about a great place in a travel brochure, and I think I can get us in…"
Later that Evening, Lee's Chinese Restaurant/Lounge:
"What do you mean by that?" Leo inquired as he spooned out another helping of fried rice onto his plate.
"I just want to know why you never call your parents, but you talk about them so much," Max responded.
"Well… We aren't on the best of terms. Dad wanted me to continue the family business, but I went off and went to work at Interpol. It kind of sent him over the edge," Leo replied.
"What'd your dad do, anyway?"
"Repo man. Ran a successful chain," replied Leo quickly.
"What about your mom?"
"Not really important…" Leo replied, "Listen, I just don't want to talk about it, all right? I'm sorry, maybe I'll open up someday, but we all just said a lot of hurtful things to one another before I decided to run away…"
"Oh… I had no idea it was that bad…" Max blinked in surprise, "Well, I won't push anymore. How's that quilt coming along?"
"Not bad, I—"
"Phone call for Mr. LeBlanc or Zenigata," said one of the waiters, approaching the duo with a cordless telephone.
"Oh, I'll get it," said Max quickly, "Hello? What!? What do you mean—Where? San Fran—We'll get right on it!"
"What's up?" asked Leo as Max hung up his phone and rose from his chair.
"A virus hit all of Japan last night, and now we're getting reports that Hong Kong's been hit, too," said Max, "The maker of the virus is one Heiji Ishikawa."
"Heiji?"
"Yeah," nodded Max, "They've traced it to a computer somewhere in San Francisco."
"That must mean they're here then!" said Leo with a gasp.
"Of all the rotten luck," Max grumbled, "We better start looking…"
Chinatown:
"Why'd you drag us to California again?" asked Yukiko.
"Because they've traced the computer virus here," Heiji replied.
"What are you going to do with the creep, anyway?" inquired Ryo.
"That's easy—I'm going to kick his ass," replied Heiji.
"Oh, like you could even take out a computer mouse," Odori snorted, "I'm not sure if you remember, but I certainly remember watching you have your ass handed to you by that Final Fantasy fan club."
"You're liking my downfall a little too much, and I'm getting sick of it!" snapped Heiji, "You want to settle this right now?"
"Are you asking me to fight you?" Odori blinked in surprise, followed by a long laugh, "Please! I don't fight one-sided battles."
"You're so damn arrogant," grumbled Heiji.
"Can we please find a hotel in peace?" asked Fuji, "You're both making a scene in the middle of a street!"
"The streets are so crowded, who'll notice?" Heiji muttered as he shoved his hands in his pockets and continuing to walk down the streets. He looked forward, and noticed a large parade coming towards them, and it included and large dragon and numerous dancers, acrobats, and other forms of entertainment marching down the streets.
"So… That's why we had to park out so far," Fuji nodded, "Looks like fun. Hey, what do you say we go get some fireworks?"
"Oh, fire!" Ally lit up immediately, "I'm in!"
"Heiji-chan, good ole' Fujiko will take care of your problem. Just keep standing there and looking pretty, okay?" Fuji said to Heiji with a smile.
"I… All right…" Heiji nodded, and wore a look of obvious disappointment.
"I'll find a hotel room; I know Chinese well enough to get a discount," said Ryo, "I'll meet up with you guys later."
"Bye, Ryo!" Fuji waved her off, and immediately wandered into the crowd. The others soon split up, Ally wandering into a fireworks store, Fuji walking towards the parade, Ryo wandering off to find a hotel, Heiji going to sulk somewhere, Odori to find a sword shop, and Yukiko and Toshiro to find a bar. The closest they found was a small seedy-looking restaurant, but they settled for it.
"Poor Heiji…" sighed Yukiko as she walked into the restaurant and seated herself at a booth. Toshiro also took a seat on a creaky wooden booth seat which wobbled when he moved in the chair the wrong way, "I can't help but feel bad for him, you know? I mean, it's got to suck to have someone steal your identity!"
"No, you think?" Toshiro sighed, "I feel just as bad, but how are we to trace someone through telephone cable? It could affect our business as well, though, so I see Fuji's apparent concern."
"So, do we just sit here and let the cops handle this, as much as I hate to suggest it?" inquired Yukiko as she held a hand up for the waiter, who walked over to them. Yukiko ordered a bottle of wine and as well as a basket of egg rolls, and the waiter was off.
"Why is it when we're usually together we're drunk?" asked Yukiko with a wry laugh.
"It helps ease the pain of living," Toshiro replied in a disturbingly depressed tone, leaving Yukiko somewhat perplexed.
"Uh… Are you sure I can't get you some tea?" asked Yukiko after an uncomfortable pause due to her overall shock.
"No, no… Alcohol…" Toshiro answered sternly.
"Is something really bothering you?" asked Yukiko.
"I wanted to ask you something," said Toshiro, tapping his fingers on the table anxiously, "Would you ever consider…"
"Whoops, phone call!" Yukiko perked up suddenly, and pulled out her cell phone whilst Toshiro looked onward, annoyed, "I'll be with you in a sec," Yukiko whispered to him.
"Going out with me…" Toshiro mouthed as he looked away, "I guess not…"
"That was Ryo, she found a hotel," explained Yukiko, "Oh, and you wanted to ask me something?"
"I forgot now," Toshiro shrugged, "Come on, let's get going."
At the Hotel, Later that Night:
"Dori, could you walk down and ask for some extra towels?" Ryo asked, sticking her head out from behind the plain white shower curtain.
"Where on my body does it read 'maid'?" Odori inquired, opening one eye. Ryo had unknowingly broken Odori's meditating, causing the samurai great annoyance, "Fine…"
She stood, opened the creaking wooden door, and walked down the equally creaky wooden steps to the old Chinese man at the front counter, "Hello. I was wondering if I could get some extra towels?"
"Louie!" the old man screeched, making Odori shudder, "Get towels!"
"Yeah, Gramps," Odori heard in a sigh. A young Chinese boy came out of the back room several moments later carrying a stack of towels, and Odori noticed an obvious limp in his walk, "I'll take them up for you."
Odori watched as the boy walked out from behind the counter, and noted he had a false leg. She looked upward at him, and he shrugged, "What are you going to do, eh? So, where are you guys from? Japan?"
"Osaka, Japan, to be more precise," replied Odori, "Thanks for the towels. I can take them from here."
"All right, well, if you need anything else, let me know, okay?" Louis said as he stopped in front of her hotel room door. Louis became wide-eyed as Fuji opened the door, dressed in a nightgown.
"Oh, how cool," he smiled, "Please don't hesitate to call… I'll see you guys later!" he waved, and limped back down the stairs, leaving Fuji amused.
"I don't think he was interested in your personality," Odori smirked as she walked into the hotel room, closing the door behind herself and Fuji.