It's All Okay
Summary: As always, Alex/Olivia. Alex thinks about fear and other things in her life. Sorta fluffy, I guess.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
I don't think I've ever been scared in my life, up till now. Sure, I've been frightened, but it was more like a surprise-type thing. Like the time Drew Lamerly rushed me in court and told me I was going to pay. I always find myself weak in the knees when I'm up against violence. But no, I've never been so intensely…scared. Terrified. What if she doesn't want me? What if things fall apart?
Being away from her was hell. Literally. Without her, I felt like I was choking all the time. My wits faltered; I couldn't hide my feelings by taking them out on someone in court. My time spent as Alex Cabot was up- I was now Lauren Richards, the newest installment at Stanford. Don't get me wrong; I enjoyed teaching law. But not as much as putting perps away during the day and coming home to the woman that I loved every night. Finally they caught the drug lord, and I could come home. The only problem was: did I have a home any more?
I called Elliot on the flight over. Told him I was officially out of Witness Protection and was going back to New York. He sounded happy to hear from me. Not the fake kind of joy you acquire when your least favorite relative calls. He was really happy to talk to me. I asked him how she was doing. He said she was on the verge of losing it. Two years had taken their toll on her. However, along with this grim information, there came relief. She hadn't had anyone else in her life since me. I asked if she still had my apartment: she did. Telling him goodbye, I closed my cell phone and walked off the 767 that flew me into LaGuardia airport. It was great to be back.
When she first saw me, she cried. I had never seen her cry before. Always strong- for me, the victims, herself. Even when she lost me, she didn't cry. I could tell it hurt her though. I walked in and saw that nothing had changed since I left. The same abstract painting hung on the wall opposite the door; the picture of us at the Christmas party from several years ago still was on her bedside table. "I love you." I had heard those words before. From my first boyfriend and from that friends-with-benefits relationship I had with one of my sorority sisters. But previously, they hadn't meant anything to me. Now they meant everything. She closed the door, took me back to bed, and we made love until we were too exhausted to do anything except sleep.
After that, our lives went back to normal. Manhattan was glad to have me back, only this time as District Attorney. I was nervous that I wasn't going to be able to come back as strong as I was before; but then again, it wasn't the same degree of trepidation that I feel now. The heavy doors swing open, and I start my long walk down the aisle. She's waiting for me, being strong once more. I can tell she spent a lot of time on her hair. It's perfectly in place, and she's wearing a navy blue collared shirt with khakis. It was too butch even for her to wear a suit or tie. I smile at the thought of her in a tuxedo.
The priest begins to speak, and his words are a blur. I keep looking in the pews; on her side there's Cragen- the fatherly figure in her life- trying hard not to show his emotions, Elliot with Kathy and the kids, Munch and Fin, her mom, and a hell of a lot of victims she helped. On my side, there's a couple of judges, my mom and dad, my law professor, and Casey Novak. Us ADA's (both former and current) have to stick together. Suddenly, I can hear the priest. "Do you, Olivia Benson, take Alexandra Cabot to be your lawful wedded wife?"
I look into her eyes, my heart racing. They almost smile at me, and I can tell she's confident in what she's about to do. A single tear escapes and she almost whispers, "I do." And then, it's all okay. My fears are gone, just like that. You can roll the credits, because I'm going to have my fairy tale ending. She takes my hand in hers, slides the ring on, and then the priest asks me the same question. "Do you, Alexandra Cabot, take Olivia Benson to be your lawful wedded wife?" I pause briefly, slide my thumb along hers, and speak. "I do." Then I put the silver band on her finger. The priest almost looks like he's never seen this before, which is sort of odd because he marries people all the time. He appears as if he's never seen this intense a love. "You may kiss the bride." She leans in, captures my lips, then parts as we face our guests. "I present to you," he begins, and her grip on my hand tightens, "Mrs. And Mrs. Benson-Cabot."
As we leave the church and go to our reception, an emotion rushes through me I've never felt before. It's something I can't define- something that words can't begin to describe. It's a type of security, almost a promise…but I know I'll feel it for the rest of my life, because I have her and she has me. I love her. I live her.
A/N: This story takes place when Bush gets out of office and when same-sex marriages are allowed everywhere.