"Split Screen Sadness"
Author's Note: I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and I hope you have a wonderful New Year. This is a one parter. I hope you enjoy it, and please leave feedback whether it is good or bad.
I can't wait to figure out what's wrong with me so I can say this is the way that I used to be. We share the sadness. Split screen sadness.
"Ryan, have you seen my shirt?" She comes into my room drying her hair and swaying her little hips as if she knows it drives me crazy.
"I think it is on the chair over there," I point in the general direction of my chair that has clothes thrown over it. In fact the chair is barely visible due to the clothes covering it. It drives me crazy, and I have the urge to clean my room. I would throw those clothes into the hamper, vacuum the floor, dust, and scrub the kitchenette. I love the idea of having control over something and cleaning would give me that control. It would give me some power that I need because right now, I don't even have control over my own body.
"Thanks, Chino," she tells me, kissing me on the cheek as if to reinforce the fact that she is thankful.
I can smell the upscale shampoo she uses as I stare at her chocolate tresses. It is now that I am reminded that last night was a mistake. Last night and yesterday afternoon and that time last week when Seth was doing his homework. I am reminded that I hate myself for betraying my best friend, my brother. I hate myself for being so damn selfish and for putting myself in this situation. I have literally fucked up. I know Seth will eventually find out because bad things can't be hidden forever. There is also the curse of the Atwood luck. I should have known this dream life I am living couldn't last forever. I know that it will break Seth's heart, and I will thoroughly disgust Kirsten and Sandy. Afterall I have thoroughly disgusted myself, but I can't help it. Though I feel all these horrible pangs of guilt, I can't help but yearn for her even more.
I am studying. I need to study. I have to pass physics with an A. I can not afford anything less than that. I don't want another reason to dissapoint the Cohens. When I finally manage to buckle down and get myself to study, he comes into my room. He doesn't knock, just barges in, as if our friendship is beyond the point of knocking. It is as if he sees us as brothers, and nothing can harm our relationship except, of course, her. He, however, is oblivious to this and plops down on my bed, grinning.
"Ryan, you can't be studying on a Saturday night. You're like reaching a new level of nerd. You're beyond me at this point, bro."
Poor kid doesn't understand. "I need to get a good grade, Seth," I tell him without making eye contact. I may be good at blocking my emotions, but for some reason I am afraid he'll look into my eyes, and he'll know. He'll be able to see my betrayal, and it will kill him.
"Why? Ry, it's not like you're failing, right?"
"I need scholarship money." The kid just doesn't understand, and I don't blame him. He doesn't know what the real world is like, and I probably don't either. I am used to either a poverty stricken drug infested life or this dream society which he has experienced his whole life.
"Come on, that's not true. Mom and Dad will pay. That's what they're here for. Now put your frickin books away and come play video games with me." Seth is used to getting his way and doesn't tend to take no for an answer. He is selfish, but I can't say anything. Afterall, I selfishly took his girlfriend.
I sigh. "Maybe in a little while. I really need to study though." He seems to accept this offer and gets up to leave the poolhouse.
"Awesome, bro." He grins again.
After he leaves I try to concentrate on my physics again but can't seem to. The fact that he referred to me as his brother twice bothers me because it means when he finds out, it will hurt him even more. Being betrayed by a brother hurts far more than being betrayed by a friend. As I dwell on this thought, my cell phone rings. I glance down and see that caller ID says it is Summer, and I answer.
FIN