By: huixian- Sama
"Hello, may I speak to Tezuka kunimitsu please?" asked Fuji, crossing his fingers.
"May I know who's speaking?" said the person at the opposite line.
"Fuji. Fuji Shuusuke."
"Oh! Fuji- Kun. Kunimitsu is not in. I'll ask him to call you back later if it's not too important."
"Ok. Thanks."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Fuji hung up, but stared at the phone. He couldn't believe his ear. Just when he had summoned all his courage to confess. How can it be? All his effort made to muster his courage was for nothing?
Fuji let out a sigh, mentally and physically, and diverted his attention from the phone.
Almost immediately, the phone rang.
"Ring…"
Fuji spun around, and stared at the phone.
"Ring… Ring…"
So soon? He thought, and stared at the phone some more.
"Ring…"
Bracing himself, Fuji brought his hand slowly to the phone, and picked it up gingerly.
"Hello?" Fuji said. His heart filled with uncertainty.
"May I speak to Fuji Shuusuke please." Came a low, sexy voice.
"Speaking." Fuji's voice trembled.
"Fuji? It s Tezuka here. You called." Tezuka stated.
"Yes… I wanted to tell you something." His voice shook some more.
"And that would be about…?" asked Tezuka, leaving the question hanging. Irritated about the fact that Fuji have not gotten to the point yet. He is not reputed to have patience.
Upon hearing the voice of the person he loves, Fuji lost all his courage and determination that he possess just moment before. . He just wants to melt in Tezuka's low husky voice.
His confession will have to wait.
"Tezuka, um… are you free tomorrow?"
"Well, I will be, after my training at 6.30 pm."
"Ok. 6.30 it will be. Meet me at the pond in the park."
Without waiting for Tezuka's reply, he hung up. He'll just have to pray hard that Tezuka will turn up.
THE NEXT DAYFuji walked alone in the park. He is early. He thought he might be able to get some photos before Tezuka arrives. The park is after all, a good place to get nice pictures. Fuji would never miss such a chance for anything. What's more, he also wanted to familiarize the park, so that it would be easier for him to run away and not get lost if Tezuka rejects him. Saa… one must always be prepared for the worst ne? He always believes.
Fuji looked at his watch. '6.20' it read. 10 more minutes. Time to start making my way to the pond heh? Fuji thought to himself.
When he got to the pond, Tezuka is not there yet. He took a look at his watch. '6.30' Hm… he is late. He is never late. Is he not coming? What if he is really not coming? Thoughts ran thru Fuji's head. wait… he said that his training ends at 6.30. Baka Fuji! He needs time to travel. Baka! Baka! Fancy making silly mistake s like that! Sigh… never mind. I'll just wait here for a while then. Fuji mentally chided himself.
He looked around, and decided to settle on the grass. It always gave him a sense of homecoming. Maybe it is because that he had always been found of nature, or maybe it is because Tezuka had always been found of nature. He could not decide.
…
After what seems like 15 minutes of staring into space, he felt a figure approach him. His mind snapped back to reality. He stood up, and turned around.
"Tezuka…" Fuji whispered unconsciously.
"Fuji."
Putting his famous smile in place, he said " Ah… Tezuka… you came after all. For a while there I thought you weren't coming." Trying not to sound too desperate.
"My training ENDS at 6.30. So what do you want? Now that I'm here." Tezuka said, sounding a liiiittle demanding.
Tezuka's brown orbs pierced thru Fuji's soul, almost breaking him.
Fuji smiled at Tezuka tentatively.
"Tezuka…" Fuji started. "I…" tears welled up the edge of Fuji's eyes, either from relieve that Tezuka came, or for the news that he is about to break to the lad, no one knows.
Tezuka's emotionless pair of eyes never left Fuji's.
"I just want to say that …" Fuji hesitated.
"I… I love you." Fuji finished. He did not know what he expected the reaction to be, nor did he know what he wanted the reaction to be. He just wants a reaction. Just anything from that guy will do. He just wants to get it over and be done with.
But no matter how much he prayed, no word came out of the stoic guy.
Fuji studied Tezuka, smile long gone.
…
"No." Tezuka finally said. "Don't love me."
Upon hearing those words, Fuji's eyes widened, but recovered almost immediately. A small knowing smile spread across his face as he lowered his head, not wanting the other to see his tears, which he had been unable to control.
"Ok." He replied, Voice chocked with unknown emotions, eyes now filled with sadness and grief, apart from the tears. But there was no regret. No. None at all. Of all the silly things that he had done, this is one of the two things that he had not regretted doing. The other is loving Tezuka. He did not want to live without knowing how the other feels for him. Even if it turns out like… this… he would not turn back time nor wish that he had never told Tezuka. He would prefer it like that. The truth known and open, to both of them. Even if it meant the end of their friendship. 'Cos he do not accept loving a friend. He could not love a friend. 'Friends are not meant to be loved.' He always believes.
His stomach felt queasy, his head is spinning. So many emotions surfacing at the same time is making the tensei helpless. Who would have guessed that the tensei would is such a Baka when it came to dealing with emotion?
"So… I guess I have finished what I wanted to say." Fuji said, lifting his head, tilting it backwards, facing the sky. "Yep. I guess… that s all. Goodbye. Ja Ne." Fuji said, bringing back his head to face Tezuka, his face forced into a smile, eyes closed to conceal the emotions swimming in it. He does not want Tezuka to see him like that. Not in a million years.
He resisted the urge to cry, turned his back and walked away from the stoic guy as calmly as he can, like nothing had happened at all. He felt like showing Tezuka his tears. He wanted him to know how much it hurt him. But he merely walked away.
…
When the only thing that he felt like doing then was embrace the figure in front of him, he walked away.
When his heart wrenched in rejection, he walked away.
When the other him inside wanted to scream and wail and hit something and run away, he walked away.
Sometimes, he really hated himself for being such a calm person. He is not one that will cry, and beg Tezuka to love him. But he did not expect that he would walk away like nothing had happened despite the fact that his heart is shattering into a million pieces that very moment. What ever will happen now? How will it feel like to not have someone to love? He had loved Tezuka for so long that it felt weird not loving someone.
It felt weird that now he does not have anyone to call out to when he is sad, or scared.
When he loved Tezuka, it had always felt so right to call out his name, and that alone gave him strength.
Now, whenever he called out Tezuka's name, it felt wrong. Because he is not suppose to love him anymore. But he is so used to calling out his name that he could not change. That alone, made him feel hollow.
Three years. Three years of having someone in the heart isn't for nothing. Now that the someone is gone, the heart felt weird. Empty. Hollow. Vacant. And above all… Broken.
A/n: Saa… sorry for the suckiness… just thought of this after reading some sad stuff… kinda short ne? this story is actually from my personal experience. But not so dramatic lar. Just the emotion part. And the starting. And the ending. As in… arg… never mind… starting to sound like Shinji. Sorry if I disappointed you all… Gomen… sorry that it took so long… I wanted to continue like three days ago… but ended up doing my holiday homework… it s a good thing right? Nya… and thanks for all the reviews!!! Love you all… huggles oh… no… that was sooo not me… I did not say that… I did not do that… no I did not!!! Anyway, please do not … I mean… please do review and make this person here happy… sorry… the other me inside starting to rebel… and above all, Thks for reading!!! Yep! (Although this fic is shorter then I expected…) to litoswtazn , i really hope i dint dissapoint you"