Artheph's Note: Oh gosh, this story idea has just been collecting dust. So winter break would be the PERFECT time to …un-dust it! Crysthur and I love writing our little parodies…though they get the least reviews. We really think this is our best writing…and it comes out the fastest as well. Teehee. Anyway, enjoy!
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"Welcome to Konoha's first annual crazy hair competition!" yelled Anko.
Amazingly, during the summer, there were fewer missions for the ninjas. Apparently, no one liked to work, or even think, in the burning hot, frying sun. Thus, the Hokage had to hurriedly come up with some events to arouse the Konoha spirit. She had created this idea during one of her every-other-night-drinking-shindigs with the jounins. However, most of the ninjas were rather reluctant to participate. Even Naruto was sick of it all after the fourteenth one.
"We have three finalists!"
But that was only because three people had actually entered.
"Kiba, Kakashi, and Gai!"
The crowd half-heartedly cheered.
"Now it's time to vote for the winner! Hand in your ballots!"
It seemed only Anko was really hyped up for the competition. Perhaps nothing ever deterred her spirit, except for a run in with Orochimaru, who, by the way, was currently residing in Konoha. His tongue had been cut off by the suddenly-turned-renegade Sakon, and since Orochimaru still couldn't use his arms, Tsunade had rendered him harmless. Now, Orochimaru stalked the streets, muttering curses no one could understand. Y'know…because of his lack of tongue…
"And the winner is…Kiba!!"
So, you may be wondering…dude, Kiba's hair isn't crazy at all. I agree; I mean, it's exactly like Naruto's. But Akamaru had this great idea. Why not keep the hood on and pretend it really IS the hair? It certainly fooled avid Naruto fans for the first thirty or so episodes. Thus, the people of Konoha believed Kiba's hair really circled around his face. Sure, there were some who knew what Kiba's hair actually looked like. However, Hinata was too shy to speak up, Shino didn't really care, Kabuto was too busy tending to Orochimaru, and Kurenai thought Kiba should win at least ONE thing.
Alas, whilst Kiba was dancing around in glory, a wind blew. Really hard. In fact, it blew Kiba's hood right off, revealing his not-so-crazy hairdo. The crowd gave a synchronized gasp.
"That's not his hair!!"
"Hey, his hair's normal!"
"Cheater!!"
Oops, Kiba thought. Knowing he'd get in trouble, he vanished off into the air, ninja style.
"Oh darn! I guess we'll have to pick a new winner! Kakashi or Gai?" Anko shouted to the audience.
Now, why were these two in it? Kakashi thought it'd be the least strenuous competition for their daily, and sometimes more often than daily, one on one's. After all, the only thing you have to do is…stand there.
Anyway, between Kakashi and Gai…well, this was certainly a no-brainer. Sorry, Gai.
"And the winner is…Kakashi!! Yay!!"
Kakashi disinterestedly collected his prize of some scratched up shuriken from the Hokage's basement supply closet.
Gai positively FUMED. How could Kakashi win? Again?? That was just bed hair, while he, Gai, spent approximately 35 minutes everyday taming his hair into its glossy bowl cut perfection! And there was his eternal rival getting his prize, pretending to not be interested. But Gai KNEW Kakashi was GLOATING on the inside because now the score between them was 157-153, Kakashi. Hmmph. Well, Maito Gai would show him. Him and the REST of the fashion-challenged Konoha who voted for Kakashi. Gai internally cackled in an evil way, while flashing a huge smile and giving a thumbs up sign to the "doomed" jounin next to him.
Gai needed an accomplice to carry out his revenge. And wouldn't his beloved student and exact look-a-like be perfect for the job? He called Lee over.
After several minutes of calling each other's names, hugging, and tearing, Gai finally whispered his plan in Lee's ear.
"Oh Gai-sensei! That is so perfectly evil!!"
"I KNOW!!" A wicked laugh almost escaped Gai's lips.
"But, Gai-sensei, this is such the opposite of your wonderful, SUNSHINE personality!!"
"But Lee! You should've felt the utmost humiliation, the utmost embarrassment I had to endure!! And that Kakashi!!! Gloating, GLOATING, I SAY, in my FACE!!!!"
"Gai-sensei!!" Tears threatened to overflow.
"And we both know, MY hair is the one brimming with youth and fashion! That is why I must carry out this plan, Lee!!"
"Gai-sensei! I have been persuaded!!" Lee saluted.
"That's my prodigy!" Gai slapped Lee's back heartily.
The force from Gai's hit sent Lee sprawling to the ground, but he managed to give a thumbs up sign.
Their plan would begin at 1:29 A.M.
Lee met Gai, wearing his conspicuous green body suit.
"Lee!" Gai whispered loudly. "I thought I told you to wear dark colors!"
"But Gai-sensei, I could not bear to take off my precious Green Spandex of Youth!!"
"Lee, you have disobeyed your superior's orders!"
The boy whimpered.
"But I shall OVERLOOK IT because I could not bear to part with MY perfectly ventilated body suit as well!!"
More crying and hugging ensued.
When they finally parted, Gai dramatically yelled, "Let the plan begin!!"
He shouted out a genjutsu. It looked like someone emptied his pillowcase onto the entire village. Feathers flurried everywhere.
"Gai-sensei, your genjutsu is NUMBER ONE!" Lee applauded after Gai woke him up.
Gai had used that genjutsu Kabuto used to make the audience at the chuunin exam fall asleep. It was relatively easy for Gai…since the people of Konoha were pretty much already sleeping. Nevertheless, Lee was amazed, of course. He wouldn't stop praising his sensei.
"Now, now Lee. Your endless excitement is beautiful, but we must continue with the plan!"
"Roger, Gai-sensei!"
In the stealth of the night and as everyone was knocked out, Gai and Lee successfully accomplished the revenge.
When the sun rose in a heavenly display, many screams ripped through the air, compliments to the two bushy-eyebrowed, bowl cut, flashy grinning ninjas.
Everyone's hair was now cut into an immaculate, shiny bowl shape.
No one was pleased.
Well, I shouldn't say that. Many people didn't really care. Hinata had wanted to cut her bangs off, and her hair was already in a bowl-ish shape. But Hyuuga hair is full of chakra, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway since it grows back to its original shape and length overnight. Thus, Neji's hair went to its normal long, silky perfection, and he never noticed the haircut. Naruto nor Kiba paid attention to their hair. Plus, Kiba had his hood. Kabuto was rather pleased he wouldn't have to look at Orochimaru's greased up, stringy hair.
Basically, only most of the girls and Sasuke had screamed. To be more specific, once Sasuke looked in the mirror, he had shrieked like a girl, "WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAPPEN TO ME??" Unbeknownst to everyone, Sasuke's hairdo was NOT bed hair. He actually spent endless hours gelling his hair to its sexy messiness.
Suddenly, a "Wigs for sale!" boomed out from the center of Konoha. "Buy your wigs now! All styles and colors!"
Almost all the girls and Sasuke gasped at their astounding good luck to hear about this wig sale the morning they woke up to their horrendous haircut.
And who was standing behind the stand of wigs in literally every style and color, including Sasuke's sexy messy hairdo and Sakura's cherry pink?
You guessed it.
Kakashi.
Not only was his hair NOT in a bowl cut (No, it was not a wig. It seems his hair didn't like to be tamed and had reverted back to its spiked mass five minutes after Gai and Lee left.), but now he was PROFITTING from Gai's brilliant plan.
Gai was strolling down the street, whistling cheerfully. He had heard the screams piercing through the morning air. Kakashi's voice had not been among the cacophony, but Kakashi screaming like a little girl would not make him a worthy rival, no matter how satisfying that would have been. Suddenly, a huge line of people wearing those sunglasses-with-fake-noses-to-hide-identities and huge hats appeared in front of Gai. What was this? And, he could've sworn he saw an Uchiha fan on the back of a t-shirt as he peered into the distance in an attempt to find the cause of this suspicious line. Gai suddenly heard Kakashi's voice shouting to the crowd, "You heard that right! Wigs for sale!"
Gai gasped in outraged shock. He then dropped to his knees and wailed, "NOOOOO!!!!" to the sky.
A few of the people in line looked at the ninja in his green body suit, but quickly looked away when they recognized whom it was.
Poor Gai. Will he ever be triumphant when up against the "hip and modern" Kakashi?