Rikou lay on the couch, listening to the pounding on the door.
"Please, Rikou. Open the door... It's been a week, at least come out and eat something!"
She listened to Kankuro's voice echo through the empty house and glanced up at the writing on the wall.
"Go away," she said quietly. She heard a sigh from the other side of the door. He had come here almost every day so far, trying to persuede her to come out of the house. Even Hayate had come to try to get her out, but had left after awhile to finish his mission.
"Please, Rikou?"
She closed her eyes, curling up tighter before sliding slowly off the bed, placing her feet lightly on the dusty floor and standing. She moved over to the window beside the door, opening the curtains and looking out at Kankuro.
"Please leave me alone, Kankuro," she said quietly. He turned towards the window, stepping towards that instead.
"Rikou... you can't stay in there forever, so just come out now. We can go and get something to eat, alright?"
Rikou let the curtain fall back over the window, turning towards the stairs and heading up to her room. She opened the closet and pulled out some new, clean clothes. She slipped off her old clothes and put on the new ones, adjusting a black trenchcoat.
She moved into the bathroom, looking in the mirror and slipping off her headband, brushing her hair quickly before replacing it. Her hair hung over the Leaf symbol, obscuring most of the green of her eyes. She looked at her reflection, her skin was unusually pale, she had small bags under her eyes and she looked incredibly depressed. She grabbed a pair of black gloves, slipping them on and descending the stairs.
"Are you listening, Rikou?"
She heard Kankuro sigh in frustration as he turned away, but another voice came through the door.
"What are you doing here, Sand-nin?"
Rikou pressed her ear against the door, recognizing it as Kirema's voice.
"Why do you want to know?"
Kankuro, don't pick a fight with him, she thought as she listened.
"I thought we told you to stay away from her," came Kirema's voice again.
"What are you going to do about it?"
"Idiot, don't pick a fight with us, it's two on one," came Ken's voice. Ken's here too?
"Hahaha.... I don't care how many there are. I could easily beat all of you," said Kankuro, his voice raised slightly.
"Wanna bet?"
Rikou opened the door, breaking their conversation and avoiding a confrontation. She opened the door more, stepping out of the house slowly.
"Stop it."
The three ninja broke apart their staring competition, turning towards her.
"Rikou," said Kankuro. She turned to him, her green eyes boring into his.
"I told you to leave me alone. I don't want to talk to anybody."
She brushed past the three shinobi turning away as she left. Hayate had come to tell her that her father's funeral was going to be on wednesday, but she hadn't gone, so now she was heading for the memorial, where they had decided to place his name.
There were no other people at the memorial fortunately. She stood silently at the memorial for a few minutes, before she heard someone approaching behind her.
"Go away," she said quietly.
"Please, Rikou," urged Kankuro, stepping up beside her. She didn't turn her head, instead keeping her yes rivited on the words written most recently on the stone. Gekkou Shouri.
Kankuro moved towards her slightly, gently taking hold of her hand. She tried to pull away as he pulled her closer into a hug. She pushed against his chest for only a moment before giving up and letting her body press into his, letting out a shuddering breath as the tears came again, puring silently down her cheeks. She pressed herself into his chest and let her tears soak into his black outfit as she dug her fingernails into his chest.
"Why did this have to happen now?" she whispered, choking back tears. "Why now? In the middle of the exam?"
"Shhh..." Kankuro gently pushed her away from him, holding her an arm's length away.
"Let's go get some food, alright? It'll make you feel better," he said. She nodded, holding onto his arm as he led her away from the memorial. They picked their way through the town towards the Ramen stand, finding it empty and taking the two seats on the end. Kankuro ordered two large bowls of ramen which were placed in front of them.
"Thanks," said Rikou, picking up the pair of chopsticks and playing with a piece of steaming noodle before starting to eat it. She felt a weight around her neck and lifted the red jewel on the end of her necklace.
"Kankuro... Where did this necklace come from anyways?" she asked quietly, not sure why she was asking in the first place. Kankuro put down his chopsticks.
"I'm not sure. It's said that the first or second Kage of each of the five countries had one of these necklaces, one for Fire, Wind, Earth, Water and Lightning and that they each posessed a different power. This used to belong to the second Kazekage, but it was eventually passed down to me."
Rikou paused before tucking it back into her trenchcoat. "Then... Isn't it like part of your country? Shouldn't it stay there?"
Kankuro turned back to his ramen, poking at it. "Yeah, I guess, but I wanted to give it to you..."
Rikou finished the rest of her ramen quickly and Kankuro payed for them both before they left again, wandering off into the afternoon. In the distance, Rikou spotted Ken and Kirema speaking with someone.
"I think I should go now," she said quietly. Kankuro nodded and she quickly brushed passed him without saying goodbye, making her way towards the three figures.
"...Kanzu-sensei?" she asked as she approached the group. He turned towards her, his arms still heavily bandaged. He smiled at her.
"Hey, Rikou," he said. "We were just going to go train for the third exam, are you going to come?"
Rikou thought about it for a moment before answering. "...I'll meet you at our training field in a few minutes. I need to get something first."
"Really!?" asked Ken, amazed that she was agreeing. She didn't anwer, instead heading back to the center of the village towards her brother's house.
She pushed through the doors, heading up the stairs and turning towards his door, digging under the mat where she knew a spare key was hidden and unlocking the door. She stepped into the empty apartment, moving over to the wall and grabbing one of her brother's ninja-to's before heading out again.
She crossed the town, heading for their normal training field and looking around, eventually spotting Ken and Kirema training with eachother, fighting. She shifted slightly, moving the ninja-to over her shoulder and strapping it there. She spotted Kanzu sitting at the side and watching them. He shifted as she approached, turning to face her.
"Are you practicing the dances?"
She nodded in silence, moving past him towards a few of the tree stumps. She thought for a moment, trying to decide which to practice.
"Which one?" asked her sensei, as if reading her thoughts.
"I don't know," she replied quietly, thinking harder. Mikazuki no Mai, the dance of the Crescent Moon was a bit above her level and required alot of talent, so she immidiatley omitted that one. After a moment of thinking, she narrowed it down to either Tsukikage no mai or Seishuku no mai, the Moonshadow dance or the dance of Constellations.
She set herself up in her fighting stance, placing her hand on the handle of the ninja-to, drawing it in a single, fluid motion and making a few one handed seals, closing her eyes in concentration.
"Tsukikage no Mai," she said quietly, dashing towards the stump. As her foot connected with a shadow, she felt her body melt into it, sinking into the ground and swallowing up her entire body, although she continued towards the stump. It was easy to move like this, she could move faster than the eye could see between shadows in a complicated dance patters, slashing at the stump from every possible angle.
By the time she ended the jutsu, there were several deep gashes in the stump, splinters of wood lightly covering the ground. She stood from one of the shadows, taking a few deep breaths before sheathing her sword. She leaned up against the shredded stump, folding her arms and closing her eyes for a moment.
"Kanzu-sensei?" she asked, still facing away and leaning on the stump.
"What is it?"
"Do I have to participate in the third part? I'm not good enough to win anyways, everyone else is much stronger than I am."
She listened to the sound of Ken and Kirema training as her sensei thought for a moment.
"Nobody's forcing you to, but you have a good chance of passing. You're not as weak as you say you are, you just beat up on yourself too much. Remember, when your team was caught and forced to fight after your sensei was killed, you were the only one who managed to survive, the only one who was stong enough to avoid death."
"Yeah, but I was still captured and tortured... And it was my decision that got them killed anyways. I never used to rely on my instincts before, and it almost got me killed. I'm still as weak and flawed as I was before."
Kanzu sighed, running his hand through his hair and closing his eyes for a moment. "You're so difficult, Rikou. You always have an excuse ready, always know how to talk your way through things. That's why you should take the exam."
Rikou opened her eyes, shifting slightly. "Why? How will that help me?"
"Hehe... You have the brains to get yourself through anything. You notice thing no one else can, you can come up with great strategies, you have great instincts and senses... If you used those in battle, instead of running away, you would be a difficult kunoichi to beat."
"So what? It won't matter, 'cause I can barely will my body to stay in a battle. The first thought that runs through my mind in battle is run. The only things I have going for me is the five dances that I don't even fully know and my shadow clones. I can run, I can steal, I can come up with plans, sure. But I can't fight, I can't defend my team, I can't take even a small amount of pain, and I can't fight a battle to the end. If I wasn't so good at running away, then I'd be dead by now."
There was a moment of silence as she waited for Kanzu's response. He sighed again. "See what I mean? Excuses, you never run out do you?"
Rikou closed her eyes again. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"You word it so that it sounds horrible, so that it makes you look bad. But when you think about it, you're just as good as those two. Look, Ken has only his sword and his few genjutsu, he wants to become a medical-nin because he says battle doesn't suit him. If you were him, you would make those few points into an essay that you would use to beat up on yourself. Even Kirema has flaws, he is evenly talented in all aspects of ninjutsu, but he cannot think clearly in battle, and in life-threatening circumstances, he chokes because all he can think about is the welfare of himself and his comrades. No ones perfect."
"... So you think I can get past the exam?"
"Of course."
Rikou sighed, thinking over their discussion. "But there's no point," she said simply.
"What do you mean?"
"There's no point in me becoming a chuunin. I only have five more years. What's the point of becoming a chuunin?"
"That's just another of your excuses, Rikou."
Rikou opened her eyes in shock. "An excuse?"
"Yes. Tell me, why did you join the acadamy in the first place?"
Rikou thought back to when she had been little, thinking hard for a reason. "Because I wanted to be able to protect others..."
"So, if you give up now, then wouldn't that make everything else that you've accomplished so far pointless? If you don't keep fighting, what would happen if something went wrong and you were unable to protect those around you?"
"... I don't know..."
"Everyone has to have something to look forwards to, a dream, a goal in life. Every ninja has to have something important to protect, otherwise there is no meaning behind their fighting, it becomes pointless. If I remember correctly, when you first joined this team, you never answered any of our questions. You never told us your likes or dislikes, your dreams, you skipped everything with a simple 'pass.' That means that for all these years, you have basically had no meaning in your life, but if you had no meaning then you wouldn't be here, would you? So what is your meaning, your reson to keep fighting? Why don't you just give up now?"
Rikou dropped her eyes to the ground, thinking hard. "...I don't know..."
"Yes, you do."
She closed her eyes, searching for a reason. She coughed quietly. "I'm not sure right now... before I thought it was to protect others, but now the ones I wanted to protect are all gone, all dead..."
Kanzu smiled slightly. "So your reason is still to protect them. There are still people to protect, on top of serving Konoha. You have to watch out for those two, Ken and Kirema, they can't take care of themselves. As long as you have a team, you have something to fight for."
Rikou sighed again, her head pounding as she went over what her sensei was saying. "I'm not sure... I should know, one decision can ruin everything. If I make the wrong one, it can ruin my life... but I suppose I should take the rest of the exam, at least for dad..."
"Good choice," said her sensei, smiling again. But he suddenly turned his head as a person approached the clearing, a woman with deep purplish hair. Rikou turned, peeking around the stump and recognizing it as Hayate's friend.
"Seiten-san?" she said, stepping out from behind the tree to better see the kunoichi. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were slightly moist from crying. "Are you alright?"
She stepped fully out from behind the shredded stump, out into the open. Ken and Kirema lay panting heavily against a nearby tree as they watched the jounin approach Rikou.
"R-Rikou-chan..." stuttered the jounin, stepping towards her, new tears running down her cheeks. She grabbed onto Rikou's shoulders before pulling her into a hug.
"I'm sorry... They told me to tell you, but I'm not sure how to..."
Rikou swallowed, unsure what Seitan was speaking of. "What are you talking about?"
"...They found your brother this morning on a rooftop.... He's..."
Rikou froze. "What!?"
'I'm so sorry, Rikou-chan..."
Rikou loosened up a bit, this is just a bad joke, she thought, laughing slightly. "What are you talking about, Seiten?"
The jounin held her slightly apart from her, her eyes alone telling her she wasn't joking. "They found him dead on the rooftop..." Rikou froze again, starting to shiver slightly.
"No...no...no no nononono...." Rikou began shaking uncontrollably, falling to the ground, her words melting into a low, continuous moan. "It...It's not possible... Not now.. Dad just... Not now..."
She burst out into tears, grabbing the sides of her head and rocking slowly back and forth, her eyes wide. It's just a bad dream, she thought, no one could be this unlucky...
"Rikou..." The jounin reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, but she suddenly slapped it away, standing and dropping her hands.
"He-he can't... Hayate..." she backed against the stump, pressing her body into it and hoping to just melt away as she looked out at her team and the kunoichi in front of her. She closed her eyes, breaths coming in short gasps as words painted themselves into the back of her mind, burning as the writing bled down, cutting through her thoughts.
Physical pain is nothing. Welcome to hell.
Rikou suddenly pushed off the stump, pausing for a moment before dashing into the forest. She felt someone grabe her arm and spun around angrily.
"Don't touch me!" she snarled, tearing her arm away from the jounin as she ran into the trees, dashing blindly past the foliage without knowing or caring where she was going.
She was blinded by tears as she tore as fast as she could through the forest, the branches whipping cruelly across her face, catching on her trenchcoat and becoming tangled in her hair, but she didn't care. Her head pounded with lack of oxygen as she slowed slgihtly, but still forcing her body to move, anywhere she could run to that was far away from the village.
She caught her breath for a moment, choking on her tears before standing again and running further into the forest. She paused again at the base of a tall tree, falling against it and gasping for air as more tears leaking down her cheeks, splashing on the ground. She felt so completely hopeless, so helpless, her eyes simply decided to close up. Her body began to shut down from exaughstion, her lungs striving for oxygen, her heart pumping hard, her brain slowing and stopping, her body going numb. She pulled her knees up to her chest, curling up as small as she could before squeezing her eyes shut.
Maybe...Maybe if I just go to sleep, this will just be fixed in the morning. This... This must be a bad dream, just a nightmare...
She choked back more tears as she slipped away, curling up tighter and pressing herself further into the bark of the tree. A moment later, she fell back into real nightmares, burning through her mind as more tears fell.
Physical pain is nothing. Welcome to Hell.