Authors note: You lucky things!! You're getting this chapter earlier than anticipated by me! Don't know when the next one will be out but hopefully soon. To answer some of my reviews, thanks by the way to everyone, zanthinegirl – Tabula Rasa was also one of my favourite episodes, but I just always thought it was a perfect moment for some spuffy. Everyone else, thanks for all your comments, hopefully I'll please all of you once this story is complete, and deal with all the stuff not addressed in the show. I've reloaded the previous chapters with the italics and bold. Didn't do it right before and it was annoying me, got to have the right formatting, sorry I'm picky! If you didn't already guess the italics are the characters direct thoughts. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter!

Chapter 3 – Growing up

Now that she was finally clear of the shop and people in the street she could breath. She walked into the graveyard; typical Buffy thought I come straight to a cemetery to think, and sat down on one of the stone benches. Her mind was so cluttered; all these thoughts kept running through her, so fast that she couldn't keep up. She couldn't believe that the one person who could console her now was Spike, although if she was truly honest with herself he had been the only person she had been able to talk to since she had been back and now that things were getting worse rather than better for her, she needed something more from him. The kiss the other night should have told her that, however much she tried to make out that the kiss was just because of the spell, oh my god! I even pun in my thoughts! She knew it wasn't and she couldn't lie to herself anymore.

And now she couldn't imagine what her friends were thinking after that display in the magic shop, did she even care though, at this point she couldn't spare thoughts for her friends which then made her feel guilty. But right now all her thoughts kept coming back to one blonde vampire.

As Spike made his way back to his crypt he cursed it for not being dark yet so that he could go find Buffy, although at this point he didn't know whether she'd stake him or kiss him, probably stake him seeing as he had quite a go at her friends. Unfortunately for him he had other things to think about since when he walked into his crypt the loan shark was there with four vampires.

"Well what a pleasant surprise, I was wondering when I'd see you again!" Spike said with clear sarcasm.

"Mr Spike, an interesting choice of wardrobe today, now seeing as you haven't got my kittens yet, I'm going to have to start using force, which I'm never too fond of doing." The loan shark gave a toothy laugh and the four vampires started to close in on Spike.

A struggle began as Spike tried to fight off the four vamps, then from behind him he heard a shout.

"Spike!"

Buffy ran to his aid and started to fight two of the vampires, after a few kicks and punches Buffy managed to stake one and then throw the other across the crypt where Spike having already dusted one of his, staked the remaining two who were both lying on the floor.

The loan shark looked nervous as he mentioned to Spike that he didn't care about the kittens any more and practically fled before Spike could answer back.

Buffy and Spike stood in silence for what seemed like a very long time for the both of them, they kept glancing at each other not sure of what to say. Then they both began at the same time

"I -"

"So -"

Spike chuckled and Buffy gave a shy smile, inwardly laughing at the situation as well.

"Go on luv, you go first."

Buffy gave a bit of a pause, trying to compose herself, thinking about what she really wanted to say to Spike, she couldn't even remember why she had come to his crypt now and he was staring at her so she'd have to start speaking soon.

"I just wanted to come by, didn't think you'd even be back here yet, and I was going to explain, or apologise or something, about what happened. I just think I needed some time to get my head round everything, my life just seems to be falling apart lately and I don't even know why I'm telling you this… but before the other night, with the whole musical thing I would talk to you, and I could tell you things that I couldn't tell anyone else because they didn't understand how I felt… and then things got awkward because we… kissed… and I thought that I should just go back to hating and ignoring you, but… they still don't understand…"

Spike didn't need to ask who 'they' were, her 'friends' had done nothing for her since they found out where she had really been.

"and I still need you… to talk to."

What did she just say?

"Wow, I've been rambling for a really long time now, so I'm just going to stop."

"Buffy, you'll always have me to talk to."

Spike sounded so serious and sombre that Buffy was taken aback, she had almost expected him to make fun of her or something.

"Thanks" She tried to sound as sincere as possible but the words came out very faint, she realised she had been holding her breath.

"So... anything you want to talk about right now?"

"No, not really… what about you?"

"Well there is something I want to get straightened out, as we're suddenly being honest with each other." Spike said hesitantly.

"Yeah?", Buffy tilted her head, looking at Spike, trying to see what was coming next.

"That kiss, the other night, why did that happen? And don't just tell me it was a spell."

Buffy paused, trying to get her head round how much of an adult conversation they were having, there had been no shouting, no sarcastic comments, at this point she thought she was in some kind of dream. Except that in a perfect dream she wouldn't have to answer this question.

"Well, you had just saved my life and I… guess I just wanted to… thank you."

"Thank me! Right, it was a thank you kiss!" Spike's remark came out extremely bitter. Guess I can kiss good bye the grown-up conversation! Buffy thought.

"I just meant that, it didn't mean anything, it happened… but can't we just go back to how it was before, with us just being friends."

"Friends! Is that what we are? What, you coming round my place every other night and crying on my shoulder?"

"What? I do not cry- " But Spike cut her off before she could finish.

"Why do you want to be friends with me anyway? I mean you've never really liked me, well you don't act like it anyhow and whenever we start to get close you just push me away!"

"We've only just started to get close! …no I don't mean close, we're not close… I mean we've only just started to spend time together… As friends!" Buffy started to stumble over her words; everything was becoming way too delicate, it was like Spike was trying to make out they were in some kind of relationship, when that was the farthest thing they could ever be in. Especially when he was being so nasty!

"And what are you talking about, when have I pushed you away?"

"After we kissed…-"

"I was confused…"

"And when you were really drunk that one time, I try to help you up and you just go all crazy!"

"What? You can't blame me for that, I was really drunk, you just said so yourself!"

"You're just scared, scared that you might actually fall for me, and then what would happen? Your friends would think less of you? Because you would enjoy me giving it to you every night -"

"You Pig!"

"That's right, this is more like it!"

"You know what, I really REALLY DON'T think I want to be friends with you, in fact I must have been insane to think I ever did!"

As Buffy practically shouted this at Spike she turned and started to stride away as fast as possible out of his crypt.

"Well I don't want to be friends with you either!" Spike shouted back out the door way, hiding from the sun.

God he's such a child. I hate him.

God she's such a child. I love her.

TBC…