12/25/04

Disclaimer: The characters in this fic, such as Yuri, Alice, etc. don't belong to me; they are property of Midway, and the song "Easier To Run" belongs to Linkin Park, so don't sue! ;.;

Dedications: God, my friends, my cousins, my readers, Aruze for gracing this magnificent RPG with a sequel – despite the ending they chose to go off of – and finally, Christmas for giving me sudden inspiration that gave me the idea and courage to write this.

Special dedication to: Puffy Tribulation, for her beautiful SO3 gift fic, and her love for Yuri x Alice

Shadow Hearts II: Easier To Run

By Tiger5913

The first Christmas of the World War.

Despite the chaos erupting throughout Europe, people somehow still managed to celebrate the holiday in a feeble attempt at grasping their former reality, including small Domremy. Even though some of the male villagers were absent, having gone off to fight for their country, the remaining households had nevertheless gathered together for the festive occasion. Smiles lit many faces, but a few of them were forced, as expected; war never took a day off, and the inhabitants lived everyday in fear of being invaded, even with their village's adamant protector. One man fighting against an entire group of soldiers… those kinds of odds looked pretty grim in such a dangerous situation, but thankfully, he had yet to let his neighbors down, so they could sleep peacefully each night.

The aforementioned young man was currently sitting on a roof's edge, atop the small house that he'd been living in for the past few months. He liked Domremy; it was a nice place, quaint and untainted, unlike the protagonist, who had death's shadow discreetly residing in his dark red eyes, slowly and silently growing. He remained in his elevated spot and looked over the villagers, running around and scurrying about everywhere, excitement evident in their enthusiasm, especially the children with their boundless energy. Their cries of delight made his ears tingle and fondness briefly warmed his heart, but when he remembered the last time he laughed, the pleasant feeling was quickly overthrown by a powerful wave of melancholic longing.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

He continued scanning the area, and his gaze fell upon a brightly-lit window; peering beyond its transparent barrier, he was greeted with a picture-perfect scene in an apparent dinning area. A family was seated around a table, and hungry eyes flickered over the numerous dishes sitting upon the wooden surface, but their owners respectfully held back and waited for the proper instance to begin indulging. Heads bowed simultaneously and hands clamped together as mouths began to move in prayer, expressing appreciation for the holiday, and when that was over, the feasting ensued. The kids ate as if they were discovering food for the first time, and the surrounding adults tried to scold them, but failed – even the father and mother exchanged loving, albeit defeated looks at the blatant behavior.

The observer turned away, slightly envious of what the man and his wife were sharing – it hurt to realize that he would never have the chance to experience their parental feelings and occurrences. Unfortunately, his new line of sight featured a young couple just coming out of the nearby woods and were currently entering Domremy, the duo undoubtedly engrossed in each other. With their close proximity and unbreakable eye-contact, it was obvious that the pair had little awareness in regards to their surroundings, and they only cared about spending their time together. Just then, the man leaned over to his girlfriend and planted a kiss on her forehead, to which she responded with a sweet smile and then lied her head down on his shoulder as the two continued on their way.

That… that should be us…

Something has been taken from deep inside of me

The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see

Wounds so deep they never show they never go away

Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

The person watching them swallowed back a painful and closed his eyes as he tightened his grip on the bottle, his concealed strength perfectly capable of easily overpowering the glass. He wanted to enjoy the present holiday, yet his heart just wasn't in the mood for celebration, considering the tragedies he had endured in the same year, the most recent one occurring a mere few months ago. Today was special, and he could have the best of it by joining the old man downstairs for dinner, who had put effort into making a pot of tasty beef stew, but he didn't want to accidentally hurt his friend's feelings somehow. He also could have gone to his other friend's house and dined with the young girl and her mother, and for a little while, try to feel like he was part of a family again… but no, he wasn't one for fooling himself, disillusionment.

It amazed him that such a big part of the world, an entire continent and then some, was involved in a bloody war, which had been going on for just the past few months, but the end didn't seem to be coming anytime soon. The protagonist wondered if perhaps defeating Cardinal Albert Simon had been a futile attempt – all the effort put into overcoming the aforementioned obstacle seemed to be in vain with the present occurrences. The German army was slowly, but surely spreading their forces throughout the European territory and since France was rather close by, Domremy had been a victim of quite a few invasions. Thankfully, they were never successful, for the small village had a fierce bodyguard that refused to budge until the last breath was depleted from his body, but he was confident in his powerful special abilities.

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)

Now that it was dinnertime, few people were outside, since the majority had gone home, so he could finally turn back and look around without feeling too tense or apprehensive of his findings. The village was peaceful overall, the only noises coming from families celebrating in their houses, but he didn't want to check over the residential area to witness their blatant joy – it would conjure raw yearning. He snuck a peek at the forest, where trees were rustling from the animals' activities, but not much else was going on; only in the daytime, children would sometimes play there. He glanced up at the dark night sky, seeking comfort from the bleak entity, and when the twinkling dots failed to evoke any emotion in him, he inwardly wondered why his heart felt so troubled and conflicted when he was in such a peaceful setting.

A crescent moon hung above in the hazy night sky and its glowing beams enveloped his body, especially illuminating his mahogany-shaded hair, almost as if forcing a spotlight on him, invading his privacy. Its pale radiance reminded him of a certain young woman's kind, holistic spirit that resembled the same white brightness, and his heart thudded with a quick pang of pain at the raw memory. A light scowl pushed past the corner of his lips in response to the ache within, but all he did was take another swig of the beverage in his grasp, silently hoping to slip away from reality if even for just a little while. He wasn't trying to forget her – he would never consider such a thing – but he did want to somehow block out the happiness dancing around him, out of his reach, suffocating the young man with its provocative taunt.

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(I would take all my shame to the grave)

When the war was over, what did he have to live for? Right now, he saw it as his duty to protect the citizens of Domremy, and he vowed to defend them until the threat was removed, but all the fighting and conflict had to end someday, and when that happened, he would be left with no purpose… He had a couple of close friends: Gepetto with his entertaining tales of his former traveling days as a puppeteer, the companionship of Blanca, the intelligent white wolf, and his owner, young Jeanne, who had a sweet smile and matching personality. Even as much as he adored the lively trio, they couldn't fill the void in his heart; he needed the company of his beloved woman, but she had died to give him life, so he dared not to disrespect her memory until he found someway to get her consent on joining her.

The young man groaned at the painful reminiscence and downed the last of his alcohol, dropping the bottle when he was done, ignoring the loud clank that noised when it crashed upon the ground. Thinking about his deceased lover made him crave her sight all the more – he couldn't have that, but he could be near her… firmly deciding to do just that, he safely fused within the shadow of the night and took to the sky. Before completely leaving the village, the transformed creature stopped by a familiar section of the forest to snatch up a bundle of flowers, and then he zoomed away, eager to reach his destination. He briefly wondered if Domremy would possibly get invaded while he was gone, but remembered that the German army had never attacked during the nighttime, so his worries were quelled for the time being.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

The creature of flight soared through the night, his thick armor batting off the wind as it surrounded and tried to chill him, and while he flew, his mind wandered to the villagers he had left behind. His friend, the old retired puppeteer, might get worried if his absence was discovered, but then again, Gepetto knew how the young man felt about the current holiday, and would most likely understand his need to escape. After having dinner, Jeanne and Blanca would be spending the rest of the night at home, and the thought of the two sleeping peacefully in their home brought the protagonist faint assurance in his reason for existence. If it wasn't for the dreadful war wrecking havoc in Europe, perhaps he would have already been in the afterlife with his beloved, since he had no other purpose in living.

But maybe, just maybe… he still had some task to take care of before he could depart from the world, and that could be why he was still alive and around, despite the emptiness gradually eating him up inside. Before his most recent journey, he had been doing small business, rescuing a few people here and there, but then he and his friends defeated the malicious cardinal and saved the world from his devious plan. The young man had gone through most of his life wondering what his purpose on Earth was, but his faith was temporarily renewed when the problem of Simon's madness had arisen. During that adventure, he met a beautiful young woman, and they both fell in love with each other; however, in doing so, she sacrificed her life to save him from dying of a curse, but now he was alone, deprived of her lovely company.

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past

Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have

Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back

And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

Zurich was approaching; he glanced out into the dusky setting and caught sight of a familiar erected structure with a silver necklace dangling from one corner. Moonlight reflected off the small cross that hovered several feet above ground and caught his eye, reminding him of the love between the members of his departed immediate family, and a half-smile grazed his lips at the thought. When he got close enough to the area, the aerial demon landed, and under the shadowy protection of a nearby tree, turned back into his human form before proceeding further. He slowly walked over to the gravesite, head bowed a bit in respect and mournful memory of his deceased loved one, and he inwardly hoped that he wouldn't shed any tears this night, on what was supposed to be a glorious holiday.

Despite the dark setting, he could still see the cross etched into the stone surface when he reached his lover's resting place, and he knelt to lightly run his fingers over the sculpted pattern. It was discerning to know that she currently lied a few feet underneath him, her petite body cool and motionless, void of life, while he was warm and breathing, so startlingly alive. The young man turned his line of sight downward until his gaze rested on the plague – he didn't need any light to know what the inscription read, for he carved each letter in there himself, and had committed the words to memory. He would always remember her and be faithful no matter what happened, for he firmly believed in his heart that she was his destined love, and not anyone else.

"Be at peace, Alice Elliot! This I swear. Your soul will have my lifelong love… Yours, Yuri."

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)

He stayed in the same crouched position for some time, staring off into space as he recalled the events of their journey together from the first day they met to the last moment when he discovered her death. The young man had been devastated to find that out, crushed in an instant as soon as he took a hold of her shoulders and shook the still blonde frantically, but she didn't respond; she never would again. Due to his harsh past experiences and strength of character, he had rarely cried in his life, but when he realized that his beloved would never open her eyes and awaken, he allowed the tears to come forth. They spilled over his cheeks, scalding hot with their pain, and he cradled her in his arms for a countless period of time before the train conductor awkwardly told him that there were still scheduled routes to run.

He remembered how furious he'd been with the callous news; was the world so cold and heartless that they didn't even care about the selfless sacrifice of a brave young woman?! All the hardships and suffering she had endured during the journey to save the world from Simon, just to allow such ungrateful bastards to live when she herself was dead from her efforts… The fusionist snarled at the thought, almost giving into his urge to transform into a fierce monster and rip the uncaring man apart, but then he heard frightened gasps from the innocent passengers surrounding them. No… his lover wouldn't have wanted him to harm others in his anguish – she had taught him to be better than that – so with her in mind, he bitterly complied with the request; as soon as he descended the last step, the train took off with a shrill shriek.

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(I would take all my shame to the grave)

It had been several months since that day, and his heart still clenched in pain at the memory; of course, it was hard to explain his lover's death to her aunt and uncle-in-law – who happened to be Gepetto. Not long after, the aunt died as well, possibly from sickness, but presumably of grief at her niece's recent passing; the protagonist didn't know that the puppeteer and his wife had also lost their young daughter a short while ago. The fusionist didn't know where to go after burying his beloved, but decided not to stray too far from her grave, and that was when the old man stepped in and suggested that he come live with him in Domremy. Gepetto told him that his last relatives resided in the small village, and now with the start of the vicious war, he wanted to stay by them just in case army soldiers threatened to overtake the place.

The young man understood his need to be protective; after all, if he had only been able to free his beloved from her burden, then she would be alive this very day, but he failed to preserve her life. The worst part was that he knew the dreadful masks in his mental world had placed a fatal curse on her, since they had taunted him with the knowledge and challenged him to find a cure. Unfortunately, try as he might, he was unsuccessful, especially with the chaos that Simon had been spreading around the world at the time, and so it was truly the 'hero' who had let her vitality slip away from his grasp. He desperately wished for a way to go back and reset his priorities, but of course, Fate was not that kind, and as such, he was forced to live each day with guilt haunting his soul.

Just washing it aside

All of the helplessness inside

Pretending I don't feel misplaced

It's so much simpler than change

Can you ever forgive me, Alice…? He wondered presently as he rested a palm upon the carved inscription and felt each letter with his fingertips, physical evidence of his devotion to her and their love. If he had spent the hearty, jolly holiday with her, no doubt the two would have been as happy as the couple he'd seen entering Domremy earlier, with their arms around each other and wide smiles on their faces. It seemed almost cruel that they had been there, as if taunting him with their relationship, and he clenched a fist at the thought, temporarily disregarding the reason part of him. Not that he wanted to see others suffer, but… but why couldn't he revel in the same elation that the couple was sharing? Why did he have to be alone on this particular day, kneeling by the grave of his beloved?

Anguish began to rise within him, and the young man arose all of a sudden, dashing across the short distance over to the thick tree nearby, where he sank a fierce punch into the sturdy trunk. Pain flickered in his knuckles at the force and he retracted his arm with a visible grimace, but made no verbal noise to express any discomfort otherwise, just took a step back to begin pacing. Since the death of his lover, he had tried to cope with harsh reality and usually could control his emotions, but he was still human and succumbed to triggers that completely shorted his patience. There had been more than one occasion where he thought of giving up and joining her in the afterlife… yet, he didn't want to waste her sacrifice, and if there was a reason for him to be alive, he wouldn't leave until he took care of the unfinished business.

It's easier to run

Replacing this pain with something numb

It's so much easier to go

Than face all this pain here all alone

He strolled back to the gravesite, his head ducked down in shame at his actions, and when he caught sight of the flowers lying on the ground, he finally remembered that he had brought them. Engrossed in his contemplation, he had presumably let them go sometime earlier, although when he wondered about it now, he had no recollection of consciously releasing the bunch from his grasp. With a quiet, sheepish chuckle, the young man bent over to retrieve the bundle, and then placed it nearby the plaque rooted in the ground, glad that most of the petals and stems were still intact and unruffled. He often brought flowers when he came to visit his departed significant other, knowing that no other aspect of nature would represent her more perfectly more than the small floral artwork.

A lifting breeze sifted through his hair just then, before moving on to swirl around his body, seeping right through to soak into his skin, and he shivered in spite of the protection of his dark clothes. The sky was now black with a tint of purple, and he wondered just how late it was – since he never carried a watch, he always lost track of the time when he came to pay respects to the young woman. Judging by the coolness of the weather and the bleak shadows lingering overhead, he would probably have to leave soon; he certainly didn't want to stay out there all night and risk freezing to death. His gaze skimmed by the glint of the cross that hung at the corner of the grave, reminding him of his beloved's previous faith and religion, and he raised his head while silently wondering if his prayer would be answered by the entity that she believed in.

God, please take good care of Alice. Take care of her until I can see her again…

It's easier to run

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made)

It's easier to go

He placed two fingers against his lips and transferred the kiss over to the inscription, and with that silent farewell, he slowly stood up and fused into a flying creature once again to return to Domremy. The chilly wind enveloped his wings, unable to penetrate his natural armor, and yet he still felt cold inside; he didn't want to depart, but he knew that the notion of staying out there the entire night was unreasonable. The trip back weighed a bit in his heart and increased his reluctance to leave the site of his deceased lover, but he was already up in the air and on his way, though he did fly at a rather slow pace. Under the glow of the moonlight, bystanders would think him to be an impressive sight, soaring right beneath the clouds, freely traveling without worrying about meeting enemies in the sky; little did they know of his real thoughts.

When the young man arrived in the village, he immediately landed atop the roof of Gepetto's home and resumed his normal form, briefly wondering how long he had been gone, and if anyone had even noticed. He glanced around and saw that most of the lights were off, indicating that people were now sleeping, and little activity was occurring elsewhere, so he must have been out for a couple of hours at least. He presumed that his elderly friend had retired to bed also, and the fusionist felt a small prick of guilt when he recalled brushing off the puppeteer's kindness earlier, and decided to apologize in the morning. Gepetto had not dined alone – he had his relatives for company – but surely, Jeanne and Blanca had wondered where their guest was and probably went searching for him; the protagonist definitely had to spend quality time with them the next day.

Before going into the house, he turned back and glanced at the moon one last time, knowing that its light was trying to influence the darkness of his soul, and so Yuri Hyuga delivered a silent message via his mind.

Merry Christmas, Alice… I love you.

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)

(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)

(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)

(I would take all my shame to the grave)

The End

Author's Note: Yikes, what a depressing piece… ;.; I don't have anything against Christmas, I swear – I just got to thinking how Yuri and Alice would spend their first Christmas together, and then I remembered that they never got the chance. Sigh… Well, I hope you guys didn't mind all the angst in this songfic; I promise that I'll try to think of a happier story for Yuri and Alice next time. :) I apologize for whatever glaring mistakes are in this story – I wrote this late at night, so my senses aren't very sharp, heh. All right then, enough babbling; much thanks to you guys for reading, and please leave a review.

With love for my fans,

Tiger5913