A/N: Yay! Third chapter!
NOTE: I REWROTE CHAPTER 2, IT IS VITAL YOU REREAD IT, IT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!
Falling Into the Toilet Chapter 3: The Way Things Are
Oh cripes, I really needed a cigarette. Something about cold water just gave me an urge to smoke, and it was hard enough having to swim to what seemed miles to the muddy bank.
I hated swimming too, it's not like my day hadn't been bad enough. People start to think when they swim. And when I think, bad things happen.
Simple unanswered questions started to poke at me too, things like:
Where am I? Why me?
And what about those heads?
Well that was just plain creepy; And the little riddle. What did they say about that?
By the time I had finally reached the bank, I had a massive headache, and all I did was sit there for perhaps hours, I didn't have a watch, so I'll never know, but it sure felt like hours.
It was nearing 7 o'clock, judging by the sunset, and I still hadn't even turned around to look at my surroundings. I think if I did, I would just break out in tears.
I had made lovely masterpieces in the mud with my foot. It looked like what a two year old would do if he or she had a bucket of paint and a big white wall to put their hands all over.
The thought made me smile. I used to do that all the time. And every time, mom would cry, scrubbing the walls day after day, each time I sullied the walls with red and yellow paint, she'd repaint it with white paint. She probably had huge bills from Home Depot just for paint. My question is though, why the heck did she have paint left around the house anyway so that I could mess with it?
And she blamed me for her misfortunes and high bills that she couldn't pay. Well, lady, Ya shouldn't have left out that dang paint!
Spitefully, I kicked at the mud, daring it to kick back. After a few seconds of waiting though, it seemed meaningless. I stood there for a few more minutes tossing my thoughts around.
Imagine my surprise when a set of heavy hooves came up from behind me.
"Sir? Sir! Pardon me sir but could you. . . . . . . . . ." A deep voice rang out in my direction from behind me.
Did he say Sir?
I turned wickedly to the man. "Excuse me? What? Is it the outfit or something?"
"I beg your pardon Milady, I didn't notice, twas your outfit, a thousand pardons Miss."
I looked down at my outfit, ok, yeah there was mud on my outfit, so that made me a man? Come on get with the program! I had long hair and it wasn't like I was flat chested or anything.
I looked back over to the guy, and well, he had no right to talk about my outfit either, because, quite honestly, a man in THAT kind of outfit belonged in a circus.
I burst out laughing. I just couldn't help it.
"Milady? May I ask what is so amusing?"
"Well, heh, it looks like you jumped out of Pride and Prejudice or something, with the outfit and the horse."
"I have much pride in my family name, I am no more prejudice than my family allows, and what of my outfit and horse?"
"No, no, the movie, Pride and Prejudice, duh."
"Movie?"
This guy was a total nut or what?
"Listen, I don't got time for this. I have to get. . . . . . . . . ." But I had to pause, because that's when I saw it, when I got my first look at what I was really dealing with.
I couldn't say that I had to get home, because, I had no idea where I was. The landscape, the scenery, it was all totally unrecognizable. The guy's clothes, the horse, the unfamiliarly clean air.
"You have to get what milady?"
I took a deep breath. Every piece of the puzzle was falling together, slowly, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty.
"So, wait. You mean to say that I'm, and your. . . . . . . . . . . You know what, this is stupid. I'm totally freaking out, and your not helping, and this whole thing is way out of, and wait, hey WAIT!"
The guy was just walking away! The tears were streaking down my cheeks, burning them in the process. I never felt so out of control, or so misplaced. I had a notion of where I was, sort of, and of course, I didn't like it at all. I knew no one was playing a trick on me either, no, how could they? I just fell through a toilet.
And how could he just walk away with me like this? "PLEASE sir!"
"Milady, as much as I would like to help you, I may not."
He started to walk away again.
"Why can't you help me? You see me crying and fussing! And I'm not appropriately dressed at all. Couldn't you help me, please??"
"I'm afraid it is just undone for a Count such as myself to help a wicked peasant as yourself."
"What? Wicked?" He really had a death wish.
"Yes. What proper woman dresses herself in such attire, speaks in an unfitting behavior, and begs of help from Count Deluke in such a manner? You are obviously a lowly peasant. And speaking to me is outright sin against God."
Somewhere not too far off a loud trumpet cut through the silence, and the sound of wheels and horses clouded the air.
"The King! You wretched woman! Leave my presence; for fear that the King will see me in such a state!"
"I'm not leaving jerk! You leave, I'm staying right here."
"Let it be then." To my surprise, he ran and got at least 20 meters away by the time the beautiful gold carriage winded down the road. Then, he ducked behind the nearest tree.
I scratched my head in confusion. What was his problem?
Again, I had that strange feeling of reality hitting me.
Except, this time it really hurt! I rubbed the back of my head, only to find food in my hair! I looked to the ground and saw a heap of rotten apple pieces on the ground.
Thwap! Another hit my arm. I cried out in pain. I wheeled around to see four men's heads poking out of the carriage window with various fruits in their hands. As they passed me, they all threw that last bit of what they had.
One man, the fifth, prodded his head out. I could just make out his crown and white blonde hair; he gave me a boyish smile and then sank back into the carriage.
What I wouldn't give for a baseball and bat right now. Was that really the King? But he looked so young. . . . . .
Whoever he was, he was on my hate-list for life. My life officially sucked.
My knees gave out, and I burst out in tears. I have never cried so much in my life in one single day.
The day my dad died, I didn't even cry. I couldn't shed a tear.
But now, I cried for that too. I cried for Jade and her messed up life, I cried for my cat that wouldn't get fed, I cried, and I just kept crying.
Only now did I truly realize how much I messed up my life.
I sat there on the dirt road, and curled up into the smallest ball that was physically possible.
In the distance, I heard someone walking towards me, whatever and whoever he or she was, I wasn't going to give him or her the time of day. Nothing could possibly make my day worse.
And those words couldn't have been less true.
"Milady? Are you alright?"
It was that Count Deadlock or something, what did he want now?
Lifting my head, I shot him a wicked glare. "Why didn't you tell me man? You could have spared me a lot of grief if you would have just told me that they were going to ambush me, but nooo."
"But Miss."
"Yeah, just run away, leave a crying girl to be bullied, oh sure, something a real gentleman would do."
I could feel the venom of sarcasm dripping through my words. It was obvious he wasn't used to it. Good for me, I would just shoot him down more.
"But Milady, I told you to go!"
"That's bull. The only words that left your puffed up mouth was, "leave so I don't look bad, or something like that."
He gave me a half-sympathetic half-hatred look. I didn't blame him really.
"May I give you a ride home perhaps? Not to be bold, but you do look exhausted."
What choice was there than to tell him the truth?
"I don't have a home, not here anyway. You know anything about toilets?"
The uncertain look on his face answered my question. "Yeah, thanks anyhow."
With that, I turned my heel and sped off heading to the left of the road, making sure that it was opposite of the direction the carriage went. I didn't want any repeats just incase they stopped somewhere up ahead.
"Miss!"
I turned to see the Count guy slowly running towards me.
"Hm? What's up?"
"You don't have a home, or gold I suppose then?"
"Nope, sure don't."
"Would you like to?"
It was my turn to give an uncertain look. "Well yeah, duh, of course, but, I mean, I won't marry you or anything for it."
He smiled. "You have such a crude humor miss. But, that is just not done. It would be your fortunate day though, if I let you marry me."
Oh really? About how many stupid things could a person say in one day to make you loath them?
"You are a peasant, and I am a Count, you aren't worthy to marry me milady."
And then, every ounce of tension and stress that had been building up detonated.
NOTE: I REWROTE CHAPTER 2, IT IS VITAL YOU REREAD IT, IT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!
Falling Into the Toilet Chapter 3: The Way Things Are
Oh cripes, I really needed a cigarette. Something about cold water just gave me an urge to smoke, and it was hard enough having to swim to what seemed miles to the muddy bank.
I hated swimming too, it's not like my day hadn't been bad enough. People start to think when they swim. And when I think, bad things happen.
Simple unanswered questions started to poke at me too, things like:
Where am I? Why me?
And what about those heads?
Well that was just plain creepy; And the little riddle. What did they say about that?
By the time I had finally reached the bank, I had a massive headache, and all I did was sit there for perhaps hours, I didn't have a watch, so I'll never know, but it sure felt like hours.
It was nearing 7 o'clock, judging by the sunset, and I still hadn't even turned around to look at my surroundings. I think if I did, I would just break out in tears.
I had made lovely masterpieces in the mud with my foot. It looked like what a two year old would do if he or she had a bucket of paint and a big white wall to put their hands all over.
The thought made me smile. I used to do that all the time. And every time, mom would cry, scrubbing the walls day after day, each time I sullied the walls with red and yellow paint, she'd repaint it with white paint. She probably had huge bills from Home Depot just for paint. My question is though, why the heck did she have paint left around the house anyway so that I could mess with it?
And she blamed me for her misfortunes and high bills that she couldn't pay. Well, lady, Ya shouldn't have left out that dang paint!
Spitefully, I kicked at the mud, daring it to kick back. After a few seconds of waiting though, it seemed meaningless. I stood there for a few more minutes tossing my thoughts around.
Imagine my surprise when a set of heavy hooves came up from behind me.
"Sir? Sir! Pardon me sir but could you. . . . . . . . . ." A deep voice rang out in my direction from behind me.
Did he say Sir?
I turned wickedly to the man. "Excuse me? What? Is it the outfit or something?"
"I beg your pardon Milady, I didn't notice, twas your outfit, a thousand pardons Miss."
I looked down at my outfit, ok, yeah there was mud on my outfit, so that made me a man? Come on get with the program! I had long hair and it wasn't like I was flat chested or anything.
I looked back over to the guy, and well, he had no right to talk about my outfit either, because, quite honestly, a man in THAT kind of outfit belonged in a circus.
I burst out laughing. I just couldn't help it.
"Milady? May I ask what is so amusing?"
"Well, heh, it looks like you jumped out of Pride and Prejudice or something, with the outfit and the horse."
"I have much pride in my family name, I am no more prejudice than my family allows, and what of my outfit and horse?"
"No, no, the movie, Pride and Prejudice, duh."
"Movie?"
This guy was a total nut or what?
"Listen, I don't got time for this. I have to get. . . . . . . . . ." But I had to pause, because that's when I saw it, when I got my first look at what I was really dealing with.
I couldn't say that I had to get home, because, I had no idea where I was. The landscape, the scenery, it was all totally unrecognizable. The guy's clothes, the horse, the unfamiliarly clean air.
"You have to get what milady?"
I took a deep breath. Every piece of the puzzle was falling together, slowly, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty.
"So, wait. You mean to say that I'm, and your. . . . . . . . . . . You know what, this is stupid. I'm totally freaking out, and your not helping, and this whole thing is way out of, and wait, hey WAIT!"
The guy was just walking away! The tears were streaking down my cheeks, burning them in the process. I never felt so out of control, or so misplaced. I had a notion of where I was, sort of, and of course, I didn't like it at all. I knew no one was playing a trick on me either, no, how could they? I just fell through a toilet.
And how could he just walk away with me like this? "PLEASE sir!"
"Milady, as much as I would like to help you, I may not."
He started to walk away again.
"Why can't you help me? You see me crying and fussing! And I'm not appropriately dressed at all. Couldn't you help me, please??"
"I'm afraid it is just undone for a Count such as myself to help a wicked peasant as yourself."
"What? Wicked?" He really had a death wish.
"Yes. What proper woman dresses herself in such attire, speaks in an unfitting behavior, and begs of help from Count Deluke in such a manner? You are obviously a lowly peasant. And speaking to me is outright sin against God."
Somewhere not too far off a loud trumpet cut through the silence, and the sound of wheels and horses clouded the air.
"The King! You wretched woman! Leave my presence; for fear that the King will see me in such a state!"
"I'm not leaving jerk! You leave, I'm staying right here."
"Let it be then." To my surprise, he ran and got at least 20 meters away by the time the beautiful gold carriage winded down the road. Then, he ducked behind the nearest tree.
I scratched my head in confusion. What was his problem?
Again, I had that strange feeling of reality hitting me.
Except, this time it really hurt! I rubbed the back of my head, only to find food in my hair! I looked to the ground and saw a heap of rotten apple pieces on the ground.
Thwap! Another hit my arm. I cried out in pain. I wheeled around to see four men's heads poking out of the carriage window with various fruits in their hands. As they passed me, they all threw that last bit of what they had.
One man, the fifth, prodded his head out. I could just make out his crown and white blonde hair; he gave me a boyish smile and then sank back into the carriage.
What I wouldn't give for a baseball and bat right now. Was that really the King? But he looked so young. . . . . .
Whoever he was, he was on my hate-list for life. My life officially sucked.
My knees gave out, and I burst out in tears. I have never cried so much in my life in one single day.
The day my dad died, I didn't even cry. I couldn't shed a tear.
But now, I cried for that too. I cried for Jade and her messed up life, I cried for my cat that wouldn't get fed, I cried, and I just kept crying.
Only now did I truly realize how much I messed up my life.
I sat there on the dirt road, and curled up into the smallest ball that was physically possible.
In the distance, I heard someone walking towards me, whatever and whoever he or she was, I wasn't going to give him or her the time of day. Nothing could possibly make my day worse.
And those words couldn't have been less true.
"Milady? Are you alright?"
It was that Count Deadlock or something, what did he want now?
Lifting my head, I shot him a wicked glare. "Why didn't you tell me man? You could have spared me a lot of grief if you would have just told me that they were going to ambush me, but nooo."
"But Miss."
"Yeah, just run away, leave a crying girl to be bullied, oh sure, something a real gentleman would do."
I could feel the venom of sarcasm dripping through my words. It was obvious he wasn't used to it. Good for me, I would just shoot him down more.
"But Milady, I told you to go!"
"That's bull. The only words that left your puffed up mouth was, "leave so I don't look bad, or something like that."
He gave me a half-sympathetic half-hatred look. I didn't blame him really.
"May I give you a ride home perhaps? Not to be bold, but you do look exhausted."
What choice was there than to tell him the truth?
"I don't have a home, not here anyway. You know anything about toilets?"
The uncertain look on his face answered my question. "Yeah, thanks anyhow."
With that, I turned my heel and sped off heading to the left of the road, making sure that it was opposite of the direction the carriage went. I didn't want any repeats just incase they stopped somewhere up ahead.
"Miss!"
I turned to see the Count guy slowly running towards me.
"Hm? What's up?"
"You don't have a home, or gold I suppose then?"
"Nope, sure don't."
"Would you like to?"
It was my turn to give an uncertain look. "Well yeah, duh, of course, but, I mean, I won't marry you or anything for it."
He smiled. "You have such a crude humor miss. But, that is just not done. It would be your fortunate day though, if I let you marry me."
Oh really? About how many stupid things could a person say in one day to make you loath them?
"You are a peasant, and I am a Count, you aren't worthy to marry me milady."
And then, every ounce of tension and stress that had been building up detonated.