DISCLAIMER: I don't own Lupin III… I do, however, have tons of Thanksgiving leftovers… Hopefully nothing will come to life to hunt me down in my space ship…
Que paso?
A happy belated Thanksgiving to the American readers out there…. And, speaking of giving, wait for something quite interesting, coming at around the New Year… Bwahahaha… Secret's going to be tighter-kept than my Beatles record collection, until then, though, so, sorry… Happy shopping, dear readers!! And by the way, readers of the Sniper stories I write on Fictionpress--Look for an update soon!
Chapter Thirty Five
A Little Bit Later: Keep Your Eye on the Sparrow
Fun Fact of Boredom: Notice how Fuji seems to stick 'chan', 'san', etc. at the end of everyone's names? It's because her dear old dad refers to Fujiko as 'Fujiko-chan' in the Japanese version of the show…
'Help me if I can I'm feeling down,
And I do appreciate you being round,'
—The Beatles, 'Help!'
Taiwan:
"Um… Why are we in Taiwan if we're looking for a Hebrew artifact?" Leo inquired as he, Max and Jacob stepped out of the luggage return and into onto the Taiwanese streets, "I'm pretty good with math, and I don't even get this equation!"
"There's a martial arts tournament…" Max explained.
"Israeli martial arts are some of the deadliest on the planet, if not the most!" Jacob finished, "Max's mom was a pro at them! She taught my little sister, not to mention myself, how to fight…"
"Okay… But that still leaves out a lot to be accounted for…" Leo continued.
"Lupin read the article, and headed over to Taiwan… We're thinking that's because she tracked down the thief here…" Jacob replied.
"Article?" Leo stopped dead, and cocked his head to a side, "What article? Max, what article?"
"Um…. I left out that part, huh?" Max scratched the back of his head, and looked back innocently at the dumbstruck LeBlanc, "We planted a dummy article in the Chicago Tribune, and, um… She read it, and did the research, and…"
"So glad I knew about it," Leo snipped, and broke into an angered stride down the street, "Taxi!"
"Oh, boy… I hope I didn't cause a rift in between you and the Little Missus…" Jacob said worriedly to Max.
"He'll be okay… He just gets like this sometimes…" Max sighed heavily, "Come on, let's go…"
"Aye-aye, Captain," Jacob smirked and saluted, and both followed Leo into the cab he had managed to acquire by waving a few American bills.
An Upscale Hotel, Taiwan:
"I think I just saw him!" Toshiro gulped, peeking from the side and then hiding once again behind the hotel wall.
"That's a woman…" Yukiko sighed, "Come on, you'll be okay… How bad could it be? We'll go up to the hotel rooms, okay? Fuji wanted to talk to us, anyway…"
The two walked upstairs, into the women's room, and neither recognized Heiji at first—Mainly because he had been dressed in red, a high-collared, Chinese style dress.
"Apparently our guy goes for big girls, so Heiji-chan volunteered!" Fuji explained with a smile as she and Ryo continued to adjust Heiji's call-girl outfit. Odori stepped out from the bathroom, dressed in a peasant's outfit, complete with a straw hat covering her eyes. Her normally high-placed hair had been done in a braid, and it was obvious that she had been made to look like a man.
"I'm the rickshaw driver," she explained. Yukiko and Toshiro, still both in shock from Heiji's appearance, nodded numbly.
"Hey, Dori, nice facial hair," Heiji quipped, "I'm only doing this so Fuji'll pick me up a copy of Halo 2." He explained to Yukiko and Toshiro.
"At least I didn't have to have my legs waxed," Odori smirked. Heiji shuddered in response, and Ally, who had been cleaning his gun from a corner, simply looked up and glared, and polished the gun more roughly than before. Heiji took a red fan, and approached Ally, and unfurled the fan, letting it hide his nose and mouth.
"Oh, I see some of us aren't happy… Well, don't worry, that's what I'm here for!" Heiji giggled girlishly.
"Don't make me blow your damn head off, Heiji… I'd hate for it to stain my shirt…" Ally said darkly.
"You're still sad about leaving Carmen?" Heiji asked, folding the fan and holding it in his right hand.
"I didn't leave her… I was forced away…" Ally responded darkly, leering at Fuji and then going back to his gun.
"Well, I can't be with my true love very often, either, Ally," Fuji said with a sigh.
"Who's that?" Heiji asked a little too quickly to fall under the radar of suspicion. Ryo raised an eyebrow, but allowed the conversation to continue without her interjecting.
"Jude Law…" Fuji said with a smile.
"Jeeze… I'm going to go work outside… The light's too dim in here…" Ally said with a grumble, opening the wooden doors to the balcony and then closing them.
"All right… And now for our last player! Yuki, you may want to leave the room," Fuji said with a wink.
"Huh? Why's that?" Yukiko inquired.
"Who better to get a full view of the place than an actor? And fortunately, since it's an International thing, there's a group of kabuki actors—Portraying the story of Ishikawa Goemon, appropriately enough… You'll be playing Goemon, Toshiro…"
"That's a stretch," Ryo snorted.
"Wait, I didn't agree to anything!" Toshiro sputtered.
"Dori, let's get a head start," Heiji nodded towards the door, "Pick up my purse, would you, kind servant?"
"Yeah, I'll pick it up, and shove it right up—"
"Nah-ah… Nice to the escort…" Heiji said with a wink. Odori mumbled curses under her breath while both exited the hotel room, leaving Toshiro, Fuji, Ryo and Yukiko.
"Okay, now…Here's the outfit… Lifted it from an actor who had an unfortunate accident with an elevator…" Fuji said with a small chuckle as she lifted up the white kimono top for Toshiro to see.
"Here, I'll help you…" Yukiko sighed, taking the costume in her hands, "I used to play dress-up with my mom, and she had some outfits like these… You two leave—Especially you, Fuji, for the simple fact that you're a damn pervert!"
"I prefer the term 'connoisseur of the finer things in life'," Fuji replied with a smile and a laugh much like her father's, "Let's get going, Ryo-san… I want to go find the best hotspots to celebrate at when we get that scroll!"
"She's got a one-track mind, but you can never say that she isn't focused," Ryo said to herself, walking out of the room with Fuji.
"Okay, outfit first, then makeup," said Yukiko, "Come on, I haven't got all day, you know…"
"You want me to undress, but you throw a damn hissy-fit when I see you in your bra," Toshiro said to himself as he prepared to put on the more complex Kabuki outfit.
"Hey, there's a double standard for everything," Yukiko smirked, lifting up the white gi from the bed and passing it to Toshiro.
"Is that why you dress like a man? So no one'll use that on you?" Toshiro inquired. He shuddered as Yukiko pulled the sash about the gi too tight and too quickly, and Yukiko smirked slyly in response.
"Okay, now for the top…" Yukiko said, lifting up a black top, and helping Toshiro into it. Then came several other articles of clothing, and after that came nails and makeup. Both sat down at the table as Yukiko applied the long nails, whistling as she carefully did so.
"I hate these things…" Toshiro said, looking down at the nails and tapping a few dry ones against the table top.
"At least you've never shot a gun with these things…" Yukiko chuckled, "Jeeze, what a screw-up that was… I nearly shot Lupin! There, done… Now for the makeup…" she added, opening a wooden box and beginning with a white base for the face after cleaning it, "Now don't talk or anything, okay? Going to pretty you up… Maybe you could bring home a nice little actress for your parents… Wouldn't they love that, eh? One of those cute little girls who look like dolls… Boy, the more and more makeup I put on you, the more you look like a doll…"
The rest of the application continued in silence, and Yukiko smiled at her handiwork as she took a step back, "Beautiful!"
"Now just the wig… I now remember why I rarely dressed up in full kabuki… It's tedious and hot…" Toshiro said as he rose, and Yukiko went to add the wig. She grabbed a small trash can, and stood atop it to become eye level with him.
"Crap, how do you manage with hair this thick?" Yukiko wondered out loud through a mouth full of clips. She went to add another, but Toshiro jerked away from the pain of her digging it in to sharply, and Yukiko lost her balance. He fell back onto the bed behind him, and Yukiko landed heavily on top of him, the clips from her mouth scattering as she did so. From outside, Ally heard a noise, and went to investigate.
"Sorry!" Toshiro said, "Are you okay?"
"Um… Yeah…" Yukiko nodded and answered with a whisper. She looked him in the eyes for a few moments, and began to draw her face closer to his when Ally opened the door to the balcony.
"You son of a bitch! You caught me on the wrong day! I'm going to make sure that there isn't a 15th generation of you creeps!" Ally snapped, drawing his gun.
"Ally, watch it! It was nothing! I just fell!" Yukiko said, holding up her hands in defense. She climbed off of the bed, and Toshiro sat upright while she finished applying the jet-black wig, "There you go! Great! Well, good luck, Toshiro!"
"Uh, yeah… Thanks…" Toshiro nodded quickly, and left the room in a hurry as he saw Ally still with his gun drawn.
"You need to get off of his ass, and you need to do it now," said Yukiko firmly, "Toshiro's my best friend, and I know you're only looking out for me, but I have someone to do that for me—Me! Thanks, Ally, but no thanks!"
"Yukiko, I'm…"
"I'm going to go grab a drink… You do whatever you need to do, okay?" Yukiko said with obvious frustration, storming out of the hotel room.
Ally sighed, "Sorry… Just trying to help… Guess they really don't need me here, after all…"
A Taiwanese Restaurant:
"I know you don't like going out in public much anymore, but this place is lovely… I read all about it in a magazine," Amaya said quietly as she walked in with an ever-solemn Goemon, "Now remember—No beef, no pork…"
"Doctors… They allowed me to live, but what I wonder sometimes what good life is when you can't eat sukiyaki and drink sake…" Goemon sighed as he seated himself on the floor of the restaurant and looked ahead at the stage, "Well, at least it's more controlled here…"
"More?" Amaya laughed, "It's less, I would imagine… The house is run like the Japanese army!"
"Hrm… Yes, there always seems to be a battle of some sort going on," Goemon quipped. Amaya sighed good-humoredly, and allowed Goemon to order from the waitress. She then ordered, and passed back the menus to the waitress. Amaya frowned as she noticed her husband's look follow the attractive waitress to the doors of the kitchen.
"Ahem," she coughed, and Goemon snapped to attention, "So, what do you think of Taiwan so far?"
"No one's tried to kill me yet, so I suppose it's nice…" Goemon responded, taking a sip of the complimentary water.
"Oh, look, there's a show starting! It's kabuki!" Amaya said with delight, "There are the actors! My, he's tall, isn't he? The lead, I mean…"
"…Yes," Goemon nodded, taking another sip of the water and nearly choking as he heard the title of the performance… He had known the Ishikawa Goemon's legend had been popular, but he had had no idea of the chances.
Both he and Amaya watched as the performance started, and Goemon gritted his teeth as he heard the chuckling of an overweight call girl, who seemed to be paying close attention to a man that looked to be of Israeli heritage. The call girl looked upward at Goemon briefly, and she stopped dead a few moments before throwing out her fan and partially covering her face with it. Goemon shuddered as she smiled at him, and quickly turned back to Amaya.
"Goemon, what's wrong?" Amaya asked.
"I just had a call-girl look at me…" Goemon replied.
"So? I thought you liked it when that happened!"
"Er, usually… But she's quite… Well, I think she's one of those who usually resides in dimly-lit bars, in the inner-city districts…" Goemon answered with another shudder. Both he and Amaya came to attention as the lead actor began his role, and Goemon noted that they had found an extremely good Ishikawa Goemon… He even looked the part!
Goemon then switched his gaze to a peasant watching from the corner, dressed in a purple high-collared top and pants, along with a straw hat to cover his eyes. He then noticed the sword at his side… It looked like… But it couldn't have been…
"Something's wrong," Goemon whispered to Amaya.
Amaya sighed, "Are the statues coming to life again? If so, then that's just your medication acting up, Dear…"
"No! There's something very suspicious going on here…." Goemon whispered.
"Please enjoy the show, Goemon…"
"But—"
"Please?" Amaya begged. Goemon sighed, and returned to watching the performance. The lead actor, the unusually tall one, let out another call, and then the songs continued on from there. The doors at the front of the restaurant opened suddenly, and Goemon and Amaya both blinked in surprise and disbelief. It was Leo, Max and another person whom they did not recognize.
"Toshiro, Heiji, Odori Ishikawa—You're all under arrest!" Max yelled.
"Oh, crap!" Goemon heard, and then watched as the peasant jumped over a both seat, jumped off of a table, and drew out 'his' sword.
"Zantetsuken… That must mean that that's…" Amaya started.
"…Odori…" Goemon completed, taking another sip of his water. He watched as she tossed the hat aside, and drew her sword out. Max went to handcuff her, but she quickly cut a curtain hanging from the wall down, allowing the thick curtain to fall upon Max. Leo, meanwhile, had gone to the back entrance, where he knew Heiji would exit.
"Let me out of here!" the chunky call-girl begged Leo, "Please! It's the only opportunity I'll have to leave my boyfriend! He's keeping me against my will!"
"I…"
"Please, please help me! What are you, an emotionless monster!?" she cried.
"Um, don't worry, Ma'am, right this way!" Leo said with a worried stutter.
The call girl smiled, and said to herself, "Thanks, Officer… How shall I ever repay you? Hee hee hee…"
In the front of the restaurant, Max and Odori were still fighting, and Jacob was nowhere to be seen. Toshiro had found something which caused his blood to run cold—A Japanese man wearing the crest of the Rat Clan. Toshiro pursued the man through the crowds of screaming people, but lost sight of him when a police cruiser crashed into the front of the restaurant. Behind the wheel was the call girl, and in the back seat was Leo LeBlanc, knocked out cold from a blow to the back of the head. Max stopped dead, and Odori took this opportunity to run.
"You're under arrest!" Max yelled, pointing to the call-girl.
"I'll bet that's what you say to all of the girls, Zenigata!" Heiji laughed from behind the wheel in his regular, masculine voice.
"Heiji!" Goemon and Amaya gasped in unison. They continued to watch the fighting continue until finally the elder Ishikawas had had enough.
"Everyone, STOP!" Amaya screamed at the top of her lungs. Odori, Heiji, Toshiro and Max all stopped dead. Jacob also worked his way out of the rubble at this point, and watched the scene unfold from a distance.
"You, here!" Amaya shouted to Odori, "Heiji, out of the car and over here! Toshiro, you over here! And Max, you here!"
"But, Amaya—" Max started.
"Now, before I tell Dad!" Amaya yelled.
The four lined up in front of Goemon and Amaya, and Goemon choked as he realized that the tall kabuki actor was none other than his own son.
"What's going on?" Amaya asked.
"Well, they're breaking the law again!" Max shouted, pointing to the other three accusingly.
"We're on a mission of mercy!" snapped Odori.
"You don't know the meaning of mercy!" Max countered.
"At least she can read!" Heiji returned.
"Stop!" Amaya called, and the three returned to silence, "Max, you get your partner and go home… Now… I'll deal with them… And call your parents; they're worried about you…"
"That's a little hard," Goemon reminded Amaya, "Natasha's here, too… And if she's here, you know Zenigata is…"
"My parents are here!?" Max yelped, and immediately paled, "I… I'll arrest you all later…" he sputtered, nervously backing into the car. Jacob was already in, and trying to revive Leo. The three zoomed off, back towards the hotel, Max's mind racing.
"Okay, let's go through this one person at a time… Toshiro, you explain what's going on," Amaya said with her usual calmness.
"Yeah, why don't you tell them, Toshiro?" Heiji said with a wicked smile.
"An' why don't you shut th' freakin' hell up!?" is what Goemon and Amaya heard come from Toshiro's mouth, "You're as much ta' blame for dis damn screw-up as th' next person!"
"Oh my," Amaya said under her breath.
Toshiro looked upward at his father, but saw no expression whatsoever come across Goemon's face. This scared him to no extent… His father was scarier when he was emotionless, "Dad, I'm sorry… I—I didn't want you to know… Um, well, I guess there's something else, then… Well, there's a few things I have to tell you, but I think we should start with this one…" He slowly undid his wig, and shook his head a few times, letting his hair fall back to his normal look.
Goemon's eyebrows slightly raised, but he otherwise remained as he was.
"I'm… I'm an actor, Dad… I, um… I work on Broadway… I raise pigeons at home… I use the whole roof of my apartment complex to house them and feed them… I've been doing it for years…" Toshiro started, "It's a beautiful view…"
Goemon shook his head, and turned away from Toshiro, "Amaya, come on…"
"Dad, wait… I didn't want you to be upset with me!"
Goemon turned about, and walked back over to Toshiro, and held out his hand. Toshiro cringed, prepared for Goemon to perhaps strike him, but he was more than surprised when the elder samurai reached upward and examined Toshiro's red hair, "This is Ming's color…"
"Huh!?" Odori and Heiji both gaped in surprise.
Goemon took a step back, and glanced across at his three oldest children. He approached Odori, next, and took Zantetsuken from her hands. She immediately fell to the ground, and bowed deeply, "I know I have dishonored the blade and for that I am sorry, Father!"
"You kept it in better condition than I did…" Goemon admitted as he looked at his reflection in the blade, "You sharpened this recently, didn't you?"
"Um, yes…" Odori rose, and nodded, "I, I refurbished the handle, as well…"
"I can tell; it's superb…" he said, swinging it about a few times, "It feels almost like it's no longer mine… All of the power within it seems to be yours… I suppose this should make it a little more than a loan, shouldn't it?"
"You're giving the sword to me?" Odori choked, and blinked a few times in surprise. She let go of her samurai restraint for a few moments, and let out a long yell of joy, "Yes! I can't belief—Th-Thank you so much!" she reached for her father, and embraced him with a surprising strength. She then regained her composure, cleared her throat, and wiped her eyes, still smiling happily.
Goemon next approached Heiji, who wore a nervous look upon his face. Heiji watched, in shock and fear (mostly fear) as his father's serious expression lightened, and Goemon began to laugh loudly, eventually leaning on Heiji for support.
"You're one of the worst hookers I've ever seen!" Goemon said through a laughter which Heiji soon joined him in, albeit uneasily. Heiji shifted uneasy glances with his siblings and mother as his father continued with his laughter. Goemon's laughter finally died down, and he smiled as he rejoined Amaya, "The cops are probably on their way… You may want to get out of here… Amaya and I shall see you all later… Perhaps you will see the competition…"
"I'm competing!" Toshiro called to his father.
"What!?" Odori and Heiji yelped.
"You damn idiot!" Odori snapped.
Goemon paused, "Good… I shall see you there, then… But keep in mind that it's a no-weapons competition…."
Toshiro nodded, "I'm aware of that… Good-bye, Dad… Or, as they say in New York, 'See ya' around, ya old S.O.B.'!" Goemon frowned and turned his head in confusion, and Amaya took him by the arm, and led him out to the car.
"You just called Dad old and got away with it…" Heiji blinked.
"He gave me Zantetsuken!" Odori squealed, latching onto Heiji and Toshiro and embracing both tightly, "Ah! I can't believe it!"
"Dori, choking!" Heiji gasped.
"Leggo!" Toshiro coughed. Odori nodded, and backed away from both, but continued to smile as she looked downward at her sword proudly.
"I'm very glad about your sword, Odori, but I have bigger troubles on my hands… I can't fight hand-to-hand combat, but I've got to get even with that man somehow…." Toshiro said worriedly.
"Well, there is someone who could teach you…" said Heiji with thought.
"Oh, no! No, no, no! No way would he teach me! No way would I want to learn from him!" Toshiro replied, waving his arms in defense.
Later, at the Hotel:
"You want me, to teach you!?" Ally laughed wildly, "When did you start thinking that I liked you!? I friggin' hate your guts!"
"You'd be doing me a great favor… And trust me, it's not easy to stand here begging for your help… I like you about as much as you like me, Ally…" Toshiro said through gritted teeth, "But place yourself in my position for five seconds, at least… If it were for Carmen, you'd do it…"
"But it isn't…" Ally shook his head, and rose. Ally caught a glimpse of Toshiro's reflection in a mirror as he passed to walk towards the balcony. Toshiro looked absolutely desperate… He was Yukiko's best friend, whether he liked to admit it or not…
"I'm gonna hate myself in the morning for this…" Ally said to himself, shaking his head. He turned around to face Toshiro, "Fine, I'll help…"
"You will!? Ally, thanks, I—"
"I'm only doing this because my sister likes you…" Ally grumbled, "Don't you go start thinking I like you too all of a sudden… Because I don't… We start in the park, tomorrow morning…"
Another hotel, another side of town:
"How'd you get this place, Jake? It's fantastic!" Max said with disbelief as he gaped at the high-class designs and features of the hotel. Leo rolled his eyes, and shook his head with disgust.
"I have sources, Zenigata…" Jake replied with a small laugh, "What, Interpol never sends you guys to these sorts of places?"
"We usually get stuck in those hotels that they let you sneak out of in the middle of the night so you don't have to pay your hotel bill…" Max responded sheepishly.
"Well, this is a primo place… And I'll pay, okay?"
"Actually, that's against poli—" Leo began.
"Hey, don't fret! It's my treat, okay? We can just keep it off of the books…" Jake said reassuringly as he took their hotel keys from the man at desk and then rose to the fifth floor in an elevator with Max and Leo. Leo immediately went to unpacking his luggage and taking out the complimentary ironing board while Max looked about the hotel in awe.
"How did you…? Wow…" Max said with a shake of the head.
Max felt a firm grip upon his shoulder, and looked to his left to see Jake smiling back at him, "Anything for Sushi Boy…"
"If they start making out, I am so hitting the pool…" Leo grumbled as he continued to struggle with the ironing board.
"Hey, are you having some trouble with that?" Jake inquired, walking over to Leo, who now had the ironing board on its back. Leo continually tried to get the ironing board to stick, but found it was no use, and he continued to fall atop it, "Um, here, let me…" Jake leaned down, and stuck the legs in place, and then propped the ironing board up on its legs.
"Thanks…" Leo said quietly, rising from the ground. He spoke to himself as he reached in his suitcase and pulled out a handful of yellow ties, and lined them up on the ironing board, "I would've eventually gotten it… I can do something simple, like work an ironing board…. What do I look like, an idiot?"
"Um… Does he always talk to himself?" Jake inquired as both he and Max watched Leo slam things about in the hotel room.
"No, just too much to be considered healthy…" responded a worried Max, "Um, we're going to go grab something to eat… You want to come, Leo?"
"No, thanks… I've got a lot of work to do out here…" Leo replied, "I still have to translate some documents…"
"Do you want a doggie bag, then?" Jake asked politely.
"No, I'm fine… You two have a good time, though…" Leo said. Jake numbly nodded, and walked out of the hotel room quickly. Max approached Leo, and leaned upward (for Leo was about four inches taller than Zenigata).
"You know, I could've sworn you would've wanted the doggie bag…" said Max.
"And why's that?" asked Leo placidly.
"Because right now you're acting like a complete bitch," Max snapped. Leo blinked a few times, stunned, and glared icily at Zenigata, giving Max what was possibly the coldest look he had ever given anyone. Max walked out of the hotel room, closing the door behind him, and not too soon. Moments later, Max heard a large slam against the door that he did not seem to recognize as being Leo's suitcase.
Leo, meanwhile, on the other side of the door, was still fuming, muttering under his breath in different foreign languages. He stopped dead as he heard a laugh, and looked to the open window, where his sister sat.
"I haven't seen you this jealous in years!" Fuji laughed hysterically, "It's adorable! So, no more Hakuna Matata, Timon? Looks like someone's moving in on your boy…"
"His name's Jacob, and he's fishy…" Leo responded as he found the iron in the closet and ventured into the bathroom to fill it with water.
"You think he's using Zenigata?" Fuji asked.
"Think? I'm near damn positive…" Leo responded as he plugged the iron into a socket in the wall and adjusting it to the proper setting, "I've seen Mom use Dad enough over the years to know that that guy's up to something…"
"So, Max is gay, eh?"
"No, bi…"
"I could only imagine your surprise…" Fuji chuckled.
"Tell me about it… And as many times as I've let him walk into the bathroom while I was in the shower!" said Leo with a shake of the head as he began to iron his ties.
"Hey, Bub, you aren't bad looking, but you aren't any prize-winner, either… Do go off and flatter yourself…"
"I'll pass that along to Dad, considering how I look just like him…"
"I know! You've got that Clark Kent thing going on with those reading glasses of yours… I thought only idiots fell for that old trick…" Fuji chuckled, nearly falling back out of the window with her laughter.
"Trust me, they do," Leo replied, "That includes idiots like Zenigata… It's disgusting… This guy has a cute little nickname for Max and everything!"
"So? I have a nickname for Blondie!"
"But you say it mockingly… He says this with affection…."
"What's the name?"
"Sushi-boy… Don't ask me to explain how that came about! It's a long story that I really don't want to tell!"
"Don't worry; I'm afraid to."
"Thank God… All he's been doing since we got here is acting like a little schoolgirl…. It's like reading a stupid little shonen-ai manga! And, yes, I am referring to the time you scattered boy-on-boyrrfic comic books all across my room so dad could find them…"
"You have to admit, the look on his face was priceless…" Fuji laughed.
"He bought me a hooker!"
"And?"
"I was sixteen!" Leo shouted, "I swear, he's the reason I can never talk to women… He was flashing them at me for years… Goemon accepted long ago that Heiji isn't a traditional Japanese samurai, why can't Dad accept that I'm not a pervert!?"
"So, what do you want to know about this Jake guy?" Fuji inquired slyly.
Leo looked upward, and removed his reading glasses, "What's your price?"
"You go to Mommy and Daddy's for Christmas…"
"Christ! For the last time, they won't want me there, and it'll be awkward!" Leo moaned, "The last thing I want to do is sit down with a bunch of people I want to arrest, watch Dad, Jigen and Goemon get drunk, play poker and begin to talk about the glory days… They get more depressing each year!"
"Tell me about it… Wait 'til Ryo-san finds out who you're seeing… I'll have to peel her off of the roof!"
"We aren't seeing one another!" Leo snapped.
"Oh, defensive, still, I see!" Fuji chuckled, "Well, I'll find what I can… But you owe me one, all right?"
"Sure, sure! Just go, okay? There's a draft in here!" snapped Leo with annoyance, walking towards the window.
"I'm going, okay?" Fuji leaned inward, and embraced him, "I miss you so much, Ari! I wish you'd come home already! You know you can't keep up a double life for long!"
"I know, Sis… Now, if you don't mind, I'll take my wallet back," said Leo with a smirk, holding out his hand.
"Aw, can't get a thing past you!" Fuji chuckled, tossing him back his wallet and smiling brightly, "So, are you going to finish up your laundry?"
"Yeah, and if you don't hurry, I'm going to stuff you in a suitcase and mail you to Interpol…" Leo retorted. Fuji chuckled, and disappeared via a grappling hook which she had thrown up onto the roof. She caught the grappling hook, and smiled as she rewound it from its compartment in her belt.
Her calmness was short-lived. Fuji stopped as she heard a rustling, and she quickly drew her Walther from its holster as she heard a noise from behind her. A solemn Asian man stood in her presence, wearing a black ninja outfit which bore the unmistakable crest of the Rat Clan.
"I understand one of your men wishes to fight me?" he said with a smirk.
"Yeah… Why, though?" Fuji inquired, "What's your story, Mr. Rat?"
"Goemon Ishikawa XIV…. I remember his home well… I also remember what the screams of his lover sounded like when I killed her…" he said with a small chuckle, "She tried to bargain with me… Do you believe that?"
"You bastard," Fuji gasped.
"No, that would be the term to describe the child which she was carrying at the time," the Rat Clan member answered, "Now I'm going to finish off the job with 'Toshiro', as you all call him… I'm not one to sit back and let a job of a life time be left unfinished… I want Ishikawa to suffer…"
"Why?" Fuji asked with a goofy smirk, "I mean, what did he do to you, eat one of your rats or something?"
"He's a dishonor to the Clan! He's the bastard child of a disgraceful samurai…" the Rat Clan member explained, "I won't rest until the dishonor to the Rat Clan has been taken care of… Tell him that I look forward to his fight…"
"Don't worry, I will," Fuji nodded, sheathing her gun and watching as the ninja disappeared into the night, "Holy crap, how do I get into these types of situations!?" Fuji moaned out loud with wonder as she looked upward at the clear, blackened night, "That's right… I work with idiots… That's why… I need to find a new team or something…. I wonder if the union could send me over some different gang members… Wait, union? What the hell am I talking about? Well, I shouldn't be saying anything… Ally wants to leave, and I'm only going to be with these guys a month or so more… But how the hell am I going to tell them? Boy oh boy what a bind I've gotten myself into! Hm… It's Friday, so I wonder if Yuki-chan and Toshi-chan went to go get something to drink… Hey, if they haven't, maybe I can come! No, damn, I promised Ari… I swear, the things I do for people sometimes! You would think that they'd make me a saint already!"
She grumbled, shook her head, and located the parking lot of the hotel, "Well, they probably went out that exit," she said to herself as she hopped in a new green Volkswagen Beetle which she picked up in Chicago, "And they probably went somewhere classy…. If this guy is trying to butter up Zenigata, that is… Now, he's an American, so he'll probably want some familiar food… But didn't he have a nickname for Blondie that involved food? What was it…? Sushi boy! Oh, crap, I know where they are!" she laughed triumphantly, "I did it by my-self, without dependency on Ryoko or Hei-ji!" she sang to herself cheerily, swerving in and out of traffic, paying no attention to the horns being honked in her direction.
"I guess Ryo-san's wrong; I do have more than sex and Prada on my mind!" Fuji said with a chuckle, "Though, personally, I wouldn't mind a surplus of either right now… Save that for later, Fujiko… Right now, you've got more important things on your mind…" She looked to her right at the red light, and saw an attractive Taiwanese man smiling back at her from his car.
"Nah, that's a cheap car… Cheap car equals cheap date, as mom always said…" Fuji said reassuringly as she resumed driving. She drove down to a high-scale Oriental restaurant, and parked her car about a block away, "Wow… I wonder what Zagat'shad to say about them…" she muttered as she put on her disguise and exited as a blonde woman.
"One, please," she said to the man at the podium out front. The man refused at first, but then led her in personally when she laid down two thousand American dollars.
"I can't believe he settled for my pocket change…" said Fuji to herself in awe as she sat in a seat close to Max and Jake. She could not hear what they said, but was able to read their lips and expressions well enough to understand their conversation, "God, I so don't care what kind of mileage your police cruiser gets, Max… I'm sure he doesn't care, either…" she said to herself, "And now you're talking about antiquing… No wonder you have to swing both ways, Zenigata… As pathetic as you are, you can't limit yourself to a single gender… You've got to take what you're given!"
"Um, Ma'am, may I take your order?" asked the waiter.
"Um… Diet Cola and whatever the special is…" Fuji responded, "Unless it's octopus! Then cook it with squid!"
"Yes, Ma'am… Right away," the waiter nodded, and exiting, leaving Fuji back to her spying.
"God almighty this is boring… I have more joy in hearing Heiji talk about computer crap!" Fuji said to herself. But, then, suddenly, the conversation took an interesting turn, and Fuji's eyebrows raised in surprise, "Woah, Jake… Comin' on a little strong there, Buddy… First date, and already there's a proposition? No way Zenigata would ever—What!? Yes! You damn moron, what's wrong with you!?" she realized she had said this last sentence a little too loudly, and scooted down in her seat as she felt the eyes of the other diners upon her, "Hee hee… No need to worry, Folks, it's just my other personality! No need to worry!" she reassured the diners, "Now, Cybil, I told you to be quiet… No… Yes, now, shush, these people are trying to eat, here… Hee hee…" She gave a nervous smile, and all returned to their meals quickly enough.
She watched as Max and Jake left the restaurant, and threw some money down upon the table. She then hopped in her car, and stayed a few cars distance away from the two as they continued to drive, Jake in the driver's seat this time.
"I can't let this happen…The little voice that tells me to do all of that good crap won't let me…" she said, pulling out in front of the two. Jake slammed on the brakes, and Fuji pulled off her mask, and smiled, "Hey, Blondie, out on the town?"
"Lupin!" Max growled.
"The one and only… Well, not really, but, hey, who's counting?" she chuckled, speeding off into the night. Max took the wheel of the car, and pursued her down the streets until finally losing her in heavy traffic.
"Ari, I've come through for you….. You better come through for me..." said Fuji in a grumble as she watched the police cruiser zoom past the little alley way she had ducked into.