Authors' note: Bigthanks to everyone who reviewed… one more chapter to follow which will be up hopefully by Christmas or 26th at the latest!
Chapter 20 – Can't imagine.
Buffy still couldn't stop thinking about what Sam had said to her about if she and Spike ever decided to get married. And with Xander and Anya's wedding tomorrow… marriage started to play heavy on her mind. Buffy had never thought about marriage before, it was always something people did when they were older than herself and Buffy always imagined she'd be dead before she would face any option about it. But when Sam had mentioned marriage to her there was the initial shock but then after that when the idea settled in her head she had warm fuzzy feelings when she thought about Spike and her getting married and spending the rest of their lives together as husband and wife. Unfortunately her dream shattered when she realised with Spike being a vampire they could never grow old together or do any of the normal things that came along with married life… kids, days in the park together. Buffy sighed at the thought but then quickly brushed it aside and thanked the heavens for what she did have, a loving passionate relationship that had helped her live in the world again without finding every second hell. She looked over to the man walking beside her, they were patrolling through their third graveyard of the night and so far practically no action.
"So are you all ready for tomorrow?" Buffy asked.
"What you'd mean ready luv?"
"The wedding, have you got a tux and stuff to wear or a suit or something?" She asked casually.
"I'm not wearing a bleeding tux!" Spike said defiantly.
"I was just teasing." Buffy said smiling. "Can't imagine you in one anyway." She said laughing slightly.
"Thought you were quite good at imagining." Spike said seductively as his mood suddenly changed to lust. He moved closer to Buffy his arms encircling her waist and then suddenly he lifted her up and placed her so that she was sitting on a grave stone. He dived towards her neck, kissing it up and down and then gently sucking, Buffy moaned leaning into his touch, his lips moved up to her ear.
"Can you imagine what I'm going to do to you when we get to my crypt?" He whispered, his lips caressing the shell of her ear. Buffy simply moaned, she seemed unable to form any actual words with the way Spike's mouth was worshipping her. His hands weren't idle either, they were running over her thighs kneading and stroking moving nearer and nearer to her centre. Buffy got tired of waiting though and without warning quickly wrapped her legs around Spike and pulled him firmly against her for some much needed friction. Their sighs and gasps were swallowed by the night air as they held on to each other and safe to say they didn't make it to Spike's crypt.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The next morning Buffy stood alongside Willow staring in horror at herself in the mirror, what had ever possessed Anya to pick these bridesmaid dresses? Did she secretly hate them or something? Apparently not as she seemed to think they looked beautiful. Luckily the door rang downstairs then and Buffy was able to extract herself from the fierce hug that Anya had pulled her and Willow in to.
Buffy opened the door and gasped at the sight before her, Spike was wearing a suit, an actual suit. It wasn't a tux but still she had never seen him wear anything so smart and… different! It was a plain black suit and he wore a white shirt with it which was open collar with no tie, he looked very sexy… in fact so sexy that Buffy played with the idea of pulling him roughly inside and jumping his bones right then and there. But it seemed less of a god idea when she remembered Willow and Anya were just a few feet away upstairs.
"Hey…" She said finally staring at him amazed.
"Hello luv." He said stepping inside. "You look…"
"Radioactive?"
Spike chuckled slightly before speaking seriously. "No I was going to say beautiful, you always look beautiful." He said sweeping her into his arms and kissing her.
"Well thank you." Buffy said. "You though…" She said pausing as she took the sight of him in again. "You look incredible."
"That's what I love to hear, lots of compliments." Spike said smirking.
"But you didn't have to dress up, I never expected-"
"That's why I did, to surprise you and as you've already mentioned I don't look half bad." Spike said smiling because he was so pleased that Buffy had liked his clothes, he had half expected her to just start laughing at him. She kept surprising him all the time in so many different ways that he just thought it appropriate that he surprise her.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tara and Willow were casting each other shy flirty glances as they helped Anya with her dress and listened to her numerous vows. The way Tara was smiling at her made Willow really believe they could be friends again or maybe even more. With everyone in happy relationships 'love was all around', to quote a sappy song, and Willow wanted some of that love coming her way.
After Buffy had helped Xander get ready she was having a busy time keeping his parent away from the bar and the demons and Harris family from a full scale war, after a while she started to wonder where Spike was when she really needed him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Spike was just outside the entrance of the lodge having a fag before the ceremony began when Xander appeared, he looked ready to walk straight out into the rain when he noticed Spike.
"Uh… hey." Xander said.
"Alright." Spike said nodding to him and then stamping out the cigarette under his shoe. "Don't tell Buffy I was smoking… she thinks I'm trying to quit for her."
"Sorry to spoil the party for you but Buffy's got a nose like a greyhound, she'll probably smell it on you before I get a chance to tell her." Xander's attempt at his usual witty comment fell dead because of the sad smile on his face.
"Right… so skipping the rest of our usual pleasantries, what are you doing out here?"
"I just… um… needed some air you know?"
"Fair enough…" Spike said.
They were both silent for a minute as they stared out into the rain until Xander suddenly spoke.
"Do you ever think that a decision that should be the right one in every way is ever the wrong one?"
"I'm not following." Spike said looking at Xander seriously; this isn't exactly the way you should be talking on your wedding day he thought.
"There's just… um…. we make so many choices, everyday, that shape our future, change things so that they're good or bad… or sometimes bad or worse…" He said trailing off.
"Are you alright?" Spike asked concerned about the way Xander was talking.
"I don't even know anymore…." Xander said. "I don't know what to do." He whispered mainly to himself but Spike hearing picked up on it.
"I'll go get Buffy or someone… just stay here alright, don't move." Spike said as he went back inside.
Xander stayed where he was and took a deep breath looking out into the rain, all of a sudden the old man who claimed to be him appeared beside him.
"What are you still doing here?" He asked sounding distressed. "You know you can't marry her."
"But now maybe that I've seen what happens, we could make things better somehow… change it." Xander said desperately.
"No you can't… you don't belong together."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Buffy!" Spike called across the room catching sight of her trying to keep the guests entertained.
"Oh Spike." Buffy said relieved to see him. "There you are. Have you seen Xander? He's missing."
"That's why I came to get you, he's outside and needs a friend to talk to and I'm not exactly the best culprit."
"What's going on?" Buffy asked sounding worried.
"I'm not sure but from what I can tell he seems to be reconsidering getting married at the moment." Spike said putting it bluntly.
"What!?" Buffy exclaimed not understanding why he would ever want to walk away from Anya, they were the perfect couple.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Xander." Buffy said startling him and the old man as she appeared at the door. "Who are you?" She said to the old guy
"Nobody." He said ignoring her and looking back to Xander. "This can never work." He said.
"Xand?" Buffy questioned confused as to what was going on.
"I'm just so confused…" Xander said looking at the old man.
"Xander!" Anya exclaimed suddenly appearing. "What's going on? Where have you been? Dawn said you were missing." She asked worried.
"Oh for crying out loud!" The old man said as he then began to change and transformed into a very large demon, Anya and Xander stepped back shocked.
"I was going to do this the easy way Anyanka, make your fiancé run away and then watch as you cry over him." The demon said as he loomed over them.
"Who are you?" Anya asked.
"Remember Chicago? South Side, 1914?"
Anya looked blankly at him.
"Stewart Burns. Philanderer! You'd think you'd remember. I remember you. But then again, you ruined my life." The demon said angrily.
"You were a ... I punished you." Anya said faintly remembering.
"That's right. And now I'm here to punish you." The demon said as he hit Anya across the face
"Anya!" Buffy called as she watched her friend fly backwards back into the main hall. Buffy then turned her attention back to the demon, kicking and punching it, the fight moved back inside to where Anya was lying, Xander had rushed to her side and was helping her up as Spike suddenly saw what was going on. He ran over to help Buffy and together they managed to kill the demon. The congregation broke out into an enthusiastic applause as the fight had caught their attention earlier and stopped the fight they were having with each other.
"An' are you o.k.?" Xander said brushing the hair back from her face.
"Yeah… what did he try to do? To make you go away?" Anya said clinging to Xander.
"He showed me… our future and I... I hurt you."
"Oh Xander." She said sympathetically cupping his face. "Don't worry about any of that now… it was just lies, everything's fine now."
"Yeah…" Xander said looking dazed. "Just um… give me minute o.k." He said putting a smile on his face for Anya. Then he walked back over to the door again and leant against it. Buffy caught the look on his face and then glanced at Spike who nodded to her and she followed Xander to the door.
"So that demon really pulled a number on you." Buffy said.
"Yeah…"
"You were even worrying Spike a minute ago and he doesn't scare easy." Buffy said attempting to ease in to getting Xander to open up to her. "So you wanna tell me what else is going on?"
Xander looked at Buffy a mixture of shock and confusion on his face.
"I… I don't know if I'm ready…" He finally said.
"That demon just threw you, he put doubts in your head, but you don't have to worry about that anymore." Buffy said trying to make him feel better.
"No… I had these thoughts, and ... fears before this." Xander said slowly then looking to Buffy to see her reaction. Buffy seemed slightly phased at first but started to talk.
"That's only natural, making a commitment like this… you want to give Anya everything, make her happy and you don't know if you can."
"How did you-" Xander began to say but stopped himself realising it wasn't important how Buffy knew exactly how he was feeling. She answered his question anyway.
"I'm not just a pretty face you know, I know what you're feeling cause I've felt it too, you don't know if simply loving someone is going to be enough to make it last. But all you have to know is that you do love them, that's all that matters." Buffy said as she thought about Spike and her.
"I know…But what-if those things I saw do happen? I mean they could…"
"Something I've learnt is that you can't live with 'what-ifs'" Buffy said. "This all may have happened too fast for you but you still want to spend the rest of your life with Anya right?"
"I can't imagine my life without her… but… I see my parents, what's happened to them… I can't do that to Anya."
"Then you won't. You're not your parents, you're much better than that Xand." Buffy said firmly.
Xander looked over to where Anya was as she tried to calm down both sides of their family and get everyone to sit down, he smiled at her, he hadn't really taken in what she looked like in her dress on account of the big demon trying to kill them but now that he could really look at her he saw how beautiful she was, he looked back to Buffy and wondered when she had become so wise about relationships, how she knew the exact right thing to say to help him clear his head of doubts. He guessed she'd had to work through her own doubts recently and that had somehow made everything clearer for her.
"So what do you want to do?" Buffy asked whole heartedly.
"I want to get married."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
As the ceremony took place Buffy stood with the bridesmaids next to Anya, Spike was standing opposite her next to Xander which he'd reluctantly agreed to so that there was more of a balance. As Anya said her beautiful if not a bit quirky vows Buffy was staring at Spike getting caught up in his eyes as he stared back at her.
"And suddenly there was you, and ... you knew me. You saw me, and it was this ... thing. You make me feel safe and warm."
Anya's words ran over them and Buffy realised how much they applied to her and Spike. He knew her better than anyone else has or ever would know her and he made her feel like the most loved person in the world just by looking at her.
Then as Xander spoke his vows and as Buffy watched him as he looked deep into Anya's eyes she had no doubt that they would go on forever, there may be the few hard times but they would never stop loving each other. They would end up as one of those old couples who still sit in the park holding hands. Buffy smiled watching as they were pronounced man and wife and shared a kiss as they turned to walk back down aisle Xander gave a quick look to Buffy, a silent thank you that she'd talked some sense into him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The reception was in full swing, the band playing, Dawn was dancing with the demon kid she had made friends with, the bride and groom were trying to get away from relatives so they could be alone together and Willow and Tara were chatting in the corner looking quite cosy.
Buffy suddenly heard a familiar song begin to play, one of her secret favourite songs in fact that she hoped no one had picked up on. She was sitting down at one of the tables and a voice from above her broke Buffy from her trance.
"I know it's not playing for the first dance but…" Spike said holding a hand to her smiling. Buffy looked up at him amazed that he'd even remembered, Willow's spell had been over two years ago… but then she remembered every second. She took his hand and he led her out to dance floor, their hands found their usual comfortable resting places on the others' body as they held each other close and softly swayed to the music.
It must have been cold there in my shadow
To never have sunlight on your face
You were content to let me shine
That's your way
You always walked a step behind
"Spike?"
"Hmm?" He murmured back, lost in the amazing feel of her body pressed tightly against his.
"Do you ever think about the future?"
"The future pet?" He inquired not fully understanding what she was talking about.
"Our future." Buffy prompted.
So I was the one with all the glory
While you were the one with all the strain
A beautiful face without a name
For so long
A beautiful smile to hide the pain
"Well I think about us being together… forever really." Spike said then pausing briefly. "I can't imagine my life without you."
His words reminded Buffy of what Xander had said. She looked deep into his eyes getting lost in them for a few seconds. Buffy couldn't imagine her life without Spike now either, so much had changed for both of them, building this relationship together had brought them closer to the other than they had ever been to anyone.
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
And everything I would like to be
I can fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings
Buffy brought her lips to his slowly and they brushed together in a soft kiss before she pulled back to speak.
"I don't think I could even try and imagine my life without you." She said as Spike just looked at her with awe.
It might have appeared to go unnoticed
But I've got it all here in my heart
I want you to know, I know the truth
Of course I've known it
I would be nothing without you
"God I love you so much." Spike said as he played with some of her hair.
Buffy knew right then that even if they never had anything official to show for it they would always belong to each other, she brought her lips back to his for a more passionate kiss showing him how much she loved him.
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be
I can fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings
She rested her head on his shoulder then and relaxed completely in his embrace and then Spike felt her abruptly stiffen and moved her head back up and looked at him.
"Have you been smoking?" She suddenly asked.
"Uh… no… some other people were smoking round me though." He said blatantly lying.
"That's the lamest excuse ever!"
"Fine alright I had a fag, look I agreed to not smoke in the house but you can't expect me to totally give up."
"But you said you would quit remember? I when I told you I would do those other things as a reward." Buffy said her voice becoming a whisper at the end.
"Luv, I would've agreed to anything with what you were offering." Spike said smirking slightly.
Buffy glared at him for a second as she crossed her arms in front of her but soon her face broke into a smile and a slight blush. Then her expression turned cheeky and seductive and she wrapped her arms around Spike's neck.
"Well seeing as you didn't quit…" Buffy said moving her lips to the side of his head. "I'm going to have to punish you instead." She said in a whisper as her lips brushed against his neck. Spike shivered in anticipation as his eyes fluttered shut, when he opened them again Buffy was walking away from him her hips swaying triumphantly as she'd finally managed to get one up on him in their little seduction games that they played. Spike simply cursed under his breath and prayed that tonight she would follow through on her promise to punish him.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The music played on and then not long later they were waving the happy couple off on their honeymoon, Tara and Willow were still smiling at each with flirty glances which Dawn was trying not to get too excited about and Buffy and Spike were in each others' arms kissing frantically as soon as they'd finished waving.
"God get a room!" Dawn said as she turned and saw them. They stopped kissing and Buffy looked at Dawn slightly embarrassed but still smiling, Buffy had learned to lose a lot of her modesty with Spike.
"Well you heard her." Buffy said as she turned back to Spike and grabbed his hand dragging him with her as they headed for home.
"I swear those two are going to die from… sexual exhaustion or something!" Dawn said to Willow and Tara. The two witches simply blushed and then went back inside to join the rest of the party.
TBC…
A/N: Sorry not much of an ending to that chapter… but I wanted to post it, anyway please review! What did you think of the way Buffy helped Xander? That was a tricky one to write I can tell you that!