This fic would never have happened if it wasn't for X-parrot, and her convenient birthday a few days ago. I wrote this for her, and that's a very, very small target audience. This is very light on plot (extremely light) and heavy on the hurt/comfort and floppy characters. Anyone not scared off by that - please enjoy!

Downhill

Zoro stopped in his vicious attack to listen. For a second there, it had sounded like someone was calling his name. It was hard to tell with all the noise he was making, and if there were some emergency he couldn't leave this unfinished. He needed to be done here, and quickly. With a final yank, the tenacious branch finally broke off from the trunk, a few of the ripe fruits on it tearing off and rolling underfoot as it whipped back in his hand. There. It would have been easier if he had been using his swords, but they were not made for such menial tasks, no matter what certain of his crewmates seemed to think. In the new silence, he cocked his head and waited.

A rustling of leaves was all he could hear at first. That was to be expected, since this island was heavily wooded, almost like a jungle. It wasn't a real jungle, because it didn't seem to have tigers or dinosaurs or giants or anything else particularly dangerous, and it wasn't warm. Of course, a visible lack of dangerous critters didn't mean that one of the others couldn't get into trouble.

And there it was again. Faint but unmistakable, Nami's voice calling - not just his name; apparently anyone would do. He briefly contemplated keeping the branch with its fruit, since it came from one of the few trees he had seen that weren't already wilted with the coming of winter, but it wasn't a very practical thing to transport through a forest. Chucking the branch aside, he set off running through the trees.

As he ran, he listened for the navigator's voice over the racket his boots made tearing through the underbrush, kicking up fallen leaves. He wasn't sure, but he thought that the cry wasn't all that desperate. There was an annoyance to it that serious enemies rarely provoked. Of course that was good. No need to be disappointed that there really wasn't anything strong to fight on this island. Maybe whatever was causing her to yell at the top of her lungs needed a good beating anyway. Speaking of which - hadn't the love cook gone with her?

Zoro crashed through a thicket of some kind of tall, thin trees growing close together, and paused on the other side. No sign of Nami, and now he couldn't hear her voice anymore either, but he was sure he had been close.

There was another sound too now, that of waves breaking over rocks, and on the crisp breeze he could smell the sea through the earthy scent of woodland autumn. The trees grew less densely here, scattered among cliffs and hollows. He could see pretty far on one side of the changing landscape, far enough that he should have been able to find Nami if she was standing up anywhere as close as she had sounded. On the other side the ground sloped up in a steep curve, effectively hiding his view. So either Nami wasn't standing, or she was somewhere over the slope.

For a moment Zoro hesitated; then he headed up the hill. There was no sign of any destruction the other way, and Nami would never have lost a fight quietly.

A shout told him he had made the right choice. He heard her calling their names again before he spotted her, standing by a tree still in summer garb, close to the top of the hill. The big basket the cook had brought to collect edible stuff lay discarded at her side, and she had her staff out, holding it with her arm outstretched. With its end she was vigorously attacking what seemed to be a huge purple flower bud of some sort. She had stopped shouting again, and instead was talking, though he wasn't quite sure what she could have to say to it, or why she would be beating up a flower that didn't seem to be the least bit edible - or like it was fighting back, for that matter.

He called out to her "Hey, Nami."

"Zoro!" She turned around, a relieved look on her face, wiping her brow with the sleeve of her blouse. "Finally! Now you can help me get Sanji-kun out."

Whatever Zoro had been expecting, this wasn't it. "Eh. Out?"

Nami sighed, a short, annoyed sound. "He got eaten. Now get your swords over here."

Again, this demanded an explanation - or at least a reassurance that he wasn't going deaf or insane. "He did what?"

"He got eaten by that flower over there." With her staff, Nami motioned at the strange bud sticking out of the ground. Except it wasn't ground right there. It was some kind of long, thick, yellowish green leaves with darker orange spots. Still, that wasn't really what was important right now.

"A flower ate him?"

"Yes. Now will you please stop gaping and get him out of there? Hurry!"

It was all a bit unexpected - their cook had been eaten by a plant? Not their captain, who had a knack for such things, but the cook? Zoro shook his head, stopped gaping, and went over there, drawing his white katana as he did. He noticed now that there was a strange, sharp smell in the air here, bitter and putrid.

Before he got any closer, Nami motioned for him to stop. "Careful with those leaves. They can't cocoon anyone else now, I don't think, but they whip up pretty fast, and they're sticky."

Nami stepped aside to let him pass, and now he could see the flower - or whatever the hell it was, since flowers didn't usually eat people - more clearly. It grew out of a hollow in the shadow of the tree. Most of the oblong bud, large enough that he only barely could have wrapped his arms around it, nested there below ground level. Meaty leaves that almost blended into the grass overlapped each other and covered the ground around it. The bruise-colored, tightly wrapped petals in the center were bulging oddly, and twitched.

"That's the cook?" Zoro gestured at the purple blob with his sword.

"Yes. It didn't look like that when we got here, we didn't see it until he fell down - he was going to get some of those fruits," she nodded at the tree, which did indeed have tasty-looking red and yellow fruits dangling from its green branches.

"And now you want me to cut him out?" Zoro made a face at the prospect of having his blade covered in sticky flower stuff. "You sure he's still alive?"

"Yes, of course he is, you idiot." Nami poked the bud with the end of her staff, and it twitched again. "See? He just can't move very much, and it won't break open. It needs to be cut open, fast." She paused. "Try not to slice Sanji-kun too much."

Zoro didn't bother to reply. He quickly sheathed Wadou Ichimonji, and drew Yukibashiri instead. Taking a deep breath, he focused his concentration until he could distinguish every bulge and dent in the chunky layers of purple-and-green petals visible above ground. The plant stirred, the form hidden inside it shifting slightly, and Zoro knew he had found the right place to strike.

Wasting no further time he took a couple of steps back, then launched at the flower, his lightest katana a shining arc as he leapt up and swept it down in a fierce stroke that sliced far down the bud's side. Not stopping when he cleared the flower, he kicked out against the tree's trunk to get enough momentum to hurdle across the plant once again, repeating his slice on the opposite side of the bud. Now he did land, spinning around to observe the effects of his attack.

The two cuts went just deep enough to split the flower in two, and the halves began to slide apart. His nose noticed the first change, as the weird smell he had noticed before became an acid stench. A sticky, translucent substance oozed from the incisions, binding them together by thick, dripping strings. One by one the gooey threads snapped, broken by the increasing weight of the halves. It was a bit like watching something covered in slime hatch from a very messy and soft-shelled egg.

Actually, something covered in slime was coming out. Zoro could see Sanji now, and he didn't look too good at all. His legs were still down that hole, and even with the plant half off of him he didn't seem to be doing much to get out of it. Zoro frowned.

"Sanji-kun!" Nami's call wasn't all happy either. She ran towards him, only to stop suddenly with a startled cry. Zoro just made out a shudder passing through the yellowish plant-parts on the ground, then one of the leaves had whipped up, plastering itself to Sanji's exposed side, again coating him with purple. He clawed at it - a welcome reaction, since it proved he wasn't completely out of it. Another of the tentacle-like leaves wrapped around Nami's leg, as far up as it could reach with her standing on it. She snapped her staff down, grounding it through the meaty flesh with a crunch, and braced against it to throw herself out of the plant's reach. "Zoro!"

Wasting no time, Zoro sheathed his sticky blade, and leapt across the flower. Again, he kicked against the trunk, and this time grabbed the cook's arm on the way back. He came loose from the hole and remaining petals with surprising ease, overbalancing Zoro and causing the extraction to end a bit less gracefully than planned. They both collapsed on the grass and rolled, tumbling over each other.

After sliding to a halt, Sanji shoved away from him, coughing and spitting, clawing at his face. Getting to his feet as quickly as possible, Zoro swore and wiped ineffectually at flower slime that had rubbed off on him. He was uncomfortably surprised to find that the stuff didn't just give off an acrid stink and stick like glue - it burned, too. He crouched down to wipe his hands off on the grass, then glanced over at Sanji.

Nami had rushed to his side, so of course the stupid love cook was doing his best to act cool. Well, as cool as someone who had just gotten eaten by a slimy stinky flower could be. At the moment, that seemed to include trying to sit up without help, and not spitting. All in all, he was doing a terrible job of "cool"; especially with the goo he was dripping everywhere.

Slightly less sticky, but with the occasional bits of grass clinging to him, Zoro joined the chef and the navigator. Sanji really did look a mess. His blond hair was matted with gunk and plastered against his skull, and his pale skin seemed oddly flushed. There was something strange about his clothes, too. Under the coat of sticky stuff the fabric looked torn in places, almost as if it had melted around the edges.

"Don't worry, Nami-san, I'm fine." Sanji's grin was weak, his voice raspy, and any possible cheering effect of the words was lost when he coughed and again buried his head in his hands.

"I don't think that stuff is good for him," Zoro spoke to Nami, whose expression at Sanji's insistence was saying volumes, none of it about how she believed him. "It burns," he elaborated.

"Not much. I can handle some shitty plant!" Sanji's voice held a note of challenge, but it seemed to be directed somewhere vaguely off to the right of Zoro, and when Nami cut in he held back a retort. "Of course you can, Sanji-kun," Nami soothed. "Let me look at that." She leaned in and gently nudged his hands away from his face. Whatever she saw there made her hiss between clenched teeth.

"You're sure you're fine?"

"Yes, Nami-san!"

Zoro snorted. Nami just sighed.

"Okay, then. First of all we'll get you clean." She was quiet while she worked, quickly and efficiently wiping the exposed skin off with handfuls of grass. Sanji endured it without moving or saying a word, neither to protest nor encourage her. That only seemed to worry her further. She rocked back on her heels, studying Sanji intently. Sanji in turn rummaged awkwardly under his jacket and withdrew a cigarette. It was a little crumpled, but he stuck it between his lips with obvious relief. He fumbled a bit when fishing out a match, but managed to get it lit despite the dollop of slime that slid from his hair and onto his fingers, threatening to quench the small flame.

Nami looked as if she was about to say something, but instead she stood. "Sanji-kun, you can get up now."

"Ah. Yes, Nami-san!" Sanji was obviously trying to put his usual energy into obeying their navigator's command, and worked his way to his feet without staggering too much. When she didn't speak again he stood still, turning his head slowly in a most unusual way. Nami put her hands to her hips, and Zoro was beginning to understand why she seemed so exasperated.

Her voice, however, was pure sugar when she asked, "Sanji-kun, would you please get my staff for me? I think I dropped it over there."

Zoro raised his eyebrows. He had seen her tuck it away before tending to Sanji. Sanji himself hesitated, and then took a step away from her. He didn't get further than that, because she resolutely got into his way. He stopped only a few inches short of walking into her. "Idiot," Zoro muttered under his breath upon witnessing the cook's spectacle.

"Sanji-kun." Nami's voice was stern.

"Yes?"

"When did you plan on telling us that you can't see?"

Sanji started, then looked chagrined. "I can see! Just... not right now. But I'm fine."

Nami didn't bother to ask anything else, and Zoro was pretty sure he knew why the cook was acting all stupid. After all, admitting defeat by a flower would have to sting more than that goo.

"We need to get him to Chopper," Nami said over Sanji's shoulder to Zoro, who nodded his agreement. She shoved Sanji in front of her in Zoro's direction, and then stopped. "Wait. Zoro, weren't you with Chopper? And Usopp? What happened to them?"

"Eh." Right. The three of them had gone out together. "They went ahead without me." At some point, though he couldn't say exactly when. Maybe he had gone ahead without them?

Nami took a deep breath. "So we don't know where Chopper is?"

"Well," Zoro thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Somewhere in the forest. That way."

Nami stared at him. "That's the sea."

"Oh."

Nami went quiet for a minute, obviously thinking hard. Sanji, who had been turning his head back and forth to follow the conversation, took advantage of the silence to shrug out of his ruined jacket. He ran sticky fingers over the equally sticky fabric, wincing at what he found. There seemed to be no clean spot, or whatever he had been feeling for on the outside. It was with a resigned sigh that he turned the jacket inside out, and used it to clean off the remaining gunk and sticky grass.

"Well, one of us needs to lead him, we can't just leave him here." Nami nodded at Sanji, who froze in his mid-wipe to ecstatically exclaim. "Nami-san will lead me with her guiding love!"

"Zoro, you take him back to the ship."

"But, Nami-san," Sanji sounded quite crushed, and immediately launched himself at her - or at least that was what he tried to do. What he did was wobble a step towards her, trip over a rock, and collapse in an ungainly sprawl.

"Zoro, you carry him back to the ship," Nami revised her order, hands firmly planted on her hips.

"What? No!" Zoro said incredulously at the same time as Sanji exclaimed his outrage.

"No way!"

Nami glared at Zoro, presumably since he was the only one who could actually see her. "Sanji-kun needs to get to Chopper quickly, and without falling into any more flowers."

"I didn't--" Sanji's protest was ignored by Nami, who continued, "I'll find Chopper, and you'll get Sanji to the ship."

"Fine. But I'm not carrying him." Zoro crossed his arms over his chest.

"I can walk!" Sanji sounded most indignant for someone who had been flat on his face just moments ago. Right now he was dusting himself off again, getting dirt and grass worked into the remaining sticky stains on his slacks and shirt. It was probably a good thing he couldn't see that.

Nami looked at them for a moment, then nodded. "Sure. Just don't get yourself killed. And maybe you should find some water to wash that stuff off. If it burns bad enough to blind..." She sounded worried.

"I'm not blind." Sanji's voice was firm. "It'll go away once Chopper gets me something to rinse it out with." The one eye visible under his messy hair opened to a thin slit, unfocused and bloodshot. "I can see shapes. Almost." He winced, shut it again. There were new stains on his cheek, which he hurried to blot off with a surreptitious wipe of his sleeve.

"Zoro, don't let him walk off a cliff or anything. And remember, the beach where we anchored is down and..." She glanced up. Gray clouds scudded across the sky, spots of blue only occasionally visible between them. "In the direction of the wind." She didn't say anything more, but Zoro felt her gaze weigh heavily on him, as he obediently looked up, then nodded. He chose to magnanimously ignore the scruffy cook's mutter, some comment about his navigational abilities.

"Good. Make sure you get there before the storm breaks." With that last piece of encouragement, Nami gave them a short wave and turned towards the forest, running swift and sure-footed over the uneven terrain.

"Storm?" Sanji cocked his head inquiringly at Zoro. "What storm?"

Zoro shrugged. "I have no idea. Now let's get going."

To be continued...

Many thanks to Shayera for awesome encouragement & patient editing!