A/n: Original going to be called 'Unwanted Love' bit S.O.S seemed more appropriate. A part of this story belongs to Tamora Pierce, the lyrics, ABBA and the rest of the story is mine.
Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find…Varice wandered about the Carthaki palace to everyone who knew her she appeared happy but deep down there was a festering wound that had been spread by the thoughtless acts of others, it was more than a wound, it was a big empty darkness that was ached to be filled with the love of one man.
The wound had started the day Arram had left without a word to Tortall, she had appealed to Ozorne but he had not listened, he too had suffered at the hands of Arrams sudden disappearance. They both had a part in the fight that made Arram leave: Ozorne imprisoning him in the magic blocking dungeons, Varice for not doing more than begging Ozorne to let him go.
Indeed to Varice, Ozorne would never be the same and neither would she the space left by him was too great, Arram had once promised to marry her but he left before he could fulfil that promise.
I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind,
Whatever happened to our love?
Arram returned, Varice tried to be the same person as she was before he left but so much had changed and every time she tried to reach out to him as she once did there was a reflection in his eyes that spoke of deeper feelings to someone else.
She knew than and now that what they had would never be the same he didn't like her anymore, every night since that day she cried herself to sleep knowing that it was her own fault that he had left and she had done nothing then to prevent it or to help him.
I wish I understood…
Ignoring what she knew she tried to be Arram's lover once more, it was useless: whenever she looked in his black pools the image reflected in them would never be hers anymore it belonged to the teenaged girl, Daine.
"I'm sorry Varice." Arram had said awkwardly, "It's okay, I already know." Varice had said before returning to her rooms for another night of crying herself to sleep.
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good…
Varice remembered the carefree days when she was younger and when she meant Arram and how everything seemed to click.
The memories were all happy up to the fateful day when Arram left, when Varice's life fell to pieces and no matter how quickly she glued them together it always fell to pieces at night; she had never been able to really live without him.
So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me
S. O. S…
"Arram!" Varice called, Arram still would not turn, "Arram!" Varice called once again in vain. She crumpled to the ground, tears falling; she hadn't wanted him to think she was plotting against him. Varice hadn't wanted a lot of things but they were done and now Arram hated her.
Varice tried repeatedly to get him to listen to her, she just wanted to be loved by the man who had left the void that couldn't be filled by anyone but him.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me…
Varice stood on her balcony ledge ready to jump. How could she live knowing that the man she still loved who never love her back?
"Varice get off that balcony." It was Ozorne, how predictable, "No." Varice whispered, nightgown blowing in the breeze, she took a step forward.
Ozorne voice had a malevolent tinge to it, "I just want you to know that the traitor is to be killed." Varice turned to see an equally malevolent grin spread across Ozorne's now ugly face, "No." she whispered once more.
S. O. S…
Varice pleaded with Ozorne to let Arram go, she said things like "What's the point of killing Arram? The other monarchs would fear you more if you showed mercy on the betrayer." When it didn't work Varice hid herself in her rooms crying silently so the slaves wouldn't find her, it didn't work.
Ozorne found her and forced her to the courtyard where the execution was going to take place. She turned away from Arram, not wanting to see him killed. Rough hands brought her head towards Arram who was bound with an executioner sharpening an already sharp sword next to him. Varice tried to close her eyes but found she couldn't, a guard forced Arram's head down, she started to beg Ozorne to let him go but to her horror Ozorne was enjoying what he was seeing.
Varice screamed, as the sword went down and at the last moment she could turn her head away, tears silently falling, heart silently breaking to little pieces that would never be glued together again.
When you're gone,
How can I even try to go on?
After the execution, Varice ran to a storage room and cried till she could cry no more and drank heavily, a crashing sound brought her to her feet and a giant hairy trunk grasped her around her waist, she tried to fight it without success. The mammoth brought her to the floor in front of a person on a bigger mammoth and a voice that she barely recognised said, "Tell me why I shouldn't have you ripped you to pieces," she demanded, it was Daine. "Were you at his killing? Were you serving pretty food and fancy wine?"
Varice got herself under control, and shook her head.
"Did you betray him to the emperor?"
"I don't expect you to believe me, but no. Maybe I would have if he'd of come to me. You don't know what it's like, to be in the service of a man like Ozorne. But I didn't betray Arram."
Daine briefly conferred with a small marmoset on her shoulder, Varice met Daine's eyes. "You must think I'm useless and silly. Maybe I am. I just like things pretty. Is that so bad, to want people to enjoy themselves? Only when you have the gift, you can't just go to parties and keep house. They expect me to study, and do something with my life. Arram-he always wanted me to learn more spells and be famous! What I do is useful. And I like using my gift for cooking, and baking. Great power hasn't brought the mages I know happiness or peace of mind."
Daine seemed to stare at her and thought of something, quietly she said, "You needn't explain yourself to me."
Varice blotted her still moist eyes on her sleeve, "I begged," she said, voice hoarse. "Sometimes it works. I said what's the point of killing Arram? Other monarchs would fear Carthak more, if he showed mercy to his betrayer. But it didn't help. He made me watch, when they killed-I'll never forget that, as long as I live."
"Varice," Daine said, "We have no quarrel with you. The gods are unhappy with Ozorne, and I'm helping them, but you don't have to get involved, Get out of here. Shelter at the university, if you can get across the river, or the estates outside the palace grounds. You won't be safe here."
With that Varice nodded and headed towards her chambers, determined to see this through.
When you're gone,
Though I try how can I carry on?
Varice once more stood one her balcony, knowing that now there was no chance that the empty void would be filled and the pieces of her broken heart would never be the same. What would her life be without him? She wondered. Would it be like the time he left? All empty inside, and knowing now that his once sacred promise was in vain?
You seem so far away though you are standing near,
You made me feel alive, but something died I fear…
She remembered the time when Arram looked at her, just before he was killed and how she had the chance to stop the execution, but she didn't. What more could have done? Ran forward, stopped the executioner and saved Arram for how long? It would have been worth it. She realized, she would of died with Arram and he would of known, just how much she loved him. Willing to risk death itself.
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me,
S. O. S…
Varice jumped and with it was the knowledge that she would never be loved the same way again. As the light at the end of the tunnel drew ever closer, she knew that she had done the right thing.
A/n: Review...