Audience: (cheers loudly, a few phangirls swoon)
Erik: For our first performance, I will be singing "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire." Ahem.
Raoul's nu-
(the shepherd's crook waves menacingly from the stage right wings)
All right, all right, I'll be nice! (rolls his eyes) Honestly now...
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide songs
Being sung by the choir
I hung Raoul up by his toes.
Oh wait, no that's my own special version of the song... (grins manically) Sounds like fun though, doesn't it?
(Yoink! Erik is pulled offstage once again for unsportsmanlike conduct)
Meg: (struts onstage, wearing a skimpy red dress and a Santa hat. She begins to sing in a sultry voice)
Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree,
For me.
Been an awful good girl,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.
(The men in the audience salivate and wolf whistle. Meg grins and winks, loving the attention. She dances provocatively as she sings, swinging her hips and flashing lots of cleavage. Backstage, Mme. Giry faints from shock)
Think of all the fun I've missed,
(Meg moves out into the audience)
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed,
(she climbs into the lap of a surprised audience member)
Next year I could be just as good,
If you'll check off my Christmas list,
(she pinches his cheek and stands up. The audience member looks disappointed)
Come and trim my Christmas tree,
(Meg turns to walk back onto the stage)
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's,
(she wiggles her hips. The front row ogles)
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me,
(she looks over her shoulder and winks before hopping up onstage)
Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing,
A ring.
I don't mean on the phone,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,
Hurry down the chimney tonight.
Hurry, tonight.
(She blows a big kiss to the audience. All the men are on their feet, their girlfriends looking less than happy.)
Raoul: (steps onstage. He taps the microphone.) Is this thing on? (he is bombarded by shrieking feedback from the microphone.) Ow! Jeez! I guess that's a yes.... First, a round of applause for the always lovely Miss Meg Giry!
(Meg scurries back onstage to thunderous applause, grinning and bowing. The front row takes this chance to look down her dress)
Ok, I know I'm supposed to be singing "Jingle Bells," but I wanted to do this for my one true love.
(clears his throat)
You're too good to be true
Can't take my eyes off of you
You look like heaven to touch
I want to hold you so much
(he turns to Christine, who is standing in the wings)
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive
You're just too good to be true
Can't take my eyes.
Off of...
You!
(Raoul breaks into a tap-dance)
I need you baby, and if it's quite all right
I love you baby, to warm a lonely night
And let me love you-
(the infamous shepherd's crook appears once again, this time to pull our hopeless romantic off the stage before he hurts himself)
Firmin: (almost in tears) I can't take much more of these shenanigans. Can't we just cut to the medley? (to the conductor) Please? Thank you.
(The curtain closes. Movement can be heard backstage as the cast prepares for the big finale!)