(We open with Starfire flying around the living room with a excited smile on her face and holding something behind her back.)
Starfire: Robin. Oh, Robin. I am searching for your whereabouts.
(Cyborg and Beast Boy are playing a video game)
Cyborg: Yeah-he-heah! Mutant Monster Truck Demolition Derby, it's the best gift ever!
Beast Boy: Yeah, now there's a whole new game for me to whip your butt at.
Cyborg: Not so fast, you little snot rag. Oh, yeah, I got the homing missles. Cram that up your stocking, Blitzen!
Beast Boy: No fair! Hey, stop shooting...stop...will you at least let me turn around?!
(Raven is standing in the kitchen)
Raven: I suppose you nitwits forgot that you were actually cooking something in here.
Beast Boy: We didn't forget.
Cyborg: Yeah, that's why we asked you to watch it cook.
Raven: Oh, I watched it cook alright. Then I watched it brown, then I watched it smolder, now I'm watching it catch on fire.
(Smoke rises from the oven)
Cyborg: My Christmas Ham!
(Cyborg runs into the kitchen. Beast Boy takes the opportunity to win at Cyborg's unmaned video game.)
Cyborg: Oh, it's ruined. There goes the Titans' first Christmas dinner.
Beast Boy: No problem, dude. I'll just whip something up real fast for you guys.
Cyborg: Hold up, you're not talking about that tofu crap you made for us last month, are you?
Raven: I hope not, the last thing I want for Christmas is bean extract.
Beast Boy: Dude, I'm just trying to do something nice for you guys, will you at least let me cook a good dinner for everyone tonight? Please?
Cyborg: Fine, what harm could it do?
Raven: Remember his attempt to substitute the Bacon in our BLT's with Airheads?
Cyborg: Oh, yeah, I still have the aftertaste on that monstrosity.
Beast Boy: If you two are done making fun of me, will one of you get the cooking sheet for me?
Raven: Where is it?
Beast Boy: It's in the closet.
(Raven opens the closet to reveal Robin. They both scream. Raven uses her powers to slam to door shut on Robin's nose.)
Raven: Robin, is that you?
Robin: Yef, iz me.
(Raven opens the door to reveal Robin holding his nose.
Raven: What are you doing in here?
Robin: Hibing prum Parliar.
Cyborg: Who you calling a liar?
Robin: Hibing prum Parliar!
Beast Boy: What?
(Raven waves her hand in front of Robin's nose, fixing it.)
Robin: Ah, thanks, Ray. I said, I'm hiding from Starfire.
Cyborg: What? Why?
Robin: Because, she's discovered the significance that Mistletoe has on Christmas.
Raven: And that makes you scared why?
Robin: Because the day before she found that out, she found out what a hickey was.
Raven: Again, I ask, what are you so afraid of?
Robin: Another one of these.
(Robin pulls the cape off of his shoulder to reveal a seriously deformed red mark that makes the other Titans wince in horror as it throbs freakishly on his shoulder.)
Robin: Yeah, and I'll be covered with more of those if she finds me.
Starfire: Robin? Robin?
(Robin panics, tosses the cooking sheet at Raven and holding his finger to his mouth to keep the other Titans quiet as he closes the door.)
Starfire: Oh, hello, Raven. You would not, by any chance, happen to have seen Robin lately, have you?
Raven: Why do you ask?
Starfire: Because of this wonderful branch that I have discovered. If you hold it over someone's head, then they must kiss you. I am looking to hold this over Robin's head all night.
Cyborg: I think I saw him by the gym downstairs.
Starfire: Oh, thank you, Cyborg. Do not wait up for us.
Beast Boy: Don't go too far, I'm making us a special Christmas dinner tonight.
Starfire: Oh, if it is more of that "tofu" that you enjoy ingesting, then I must remind you of the last time I had this "tofu."
Beast Boy: Just trust me, Star, this will be a dinner you'll never forget.
Raven: Why does that sound so ominous?

Soon, I will follow up with Part II: The Feast of Many Indigestions