Okay, everybody, get ready for part II. I hope you all enjoy it and had a truly great Christmas.
(The Titans are all sitting down to a Christmas
dinner)
Raven: I smell tofu.
Robin: Stop it.
Cyborg: Man,
I tell you, if I have to eat a tofu anything...
Robin: Look,
Beast Boy took the time out to cook for all of us this Christmas and
the least we can do for him is show him the respect and eat the
dinner he made for us.
Cyborg: Fine.
Robin: And finish it.
Cyborg: That's just cruel, man.
(Starfire enters the room,
still holding the mistletoe in hand)
Starfire: Robin, heh-heh,
you are here and not in the gymnasium.
Robin: Uh, yeah, Starfire,
we're, um, we're all about to sit down to dinner.
Starfire: That
smell, it is like the belveen of a Sanruzian Noglaar.
Raven:
That's one way to put it.
Cyborg: Yeah, I'd say that it smells
more like...
Beast Boy: Dinner is served!
(Beast Boy appears
with eight tentacles, each holding a different platter, which he
places on the table in front of the Titans. The tentacles then remove
the covers to reveal the food. The Titans recoil in terror.)
Beast
Boy: It's a tofu turkey. I saw it made on this TV show once and I
just happen to know how to mold it just right.
Raven: It looks
almost real.
Beast Boy: And for entrees, we have steamed cabbage,
broiled broccoli, and to drink: Gazpacho!
Raven: All the
vegetables and none of the fun.
Cyborg: Wait a minute, isn't a
yam a vegetable? Why couldn't we have that?
Beast Boy: We were
out of yams.
Cyborg: (to himself) And I'm running out of
patience.
Raven: You okay, Robin?
Robin: Yeah, the smell,
it's just...wow.
Starfire: Agreed, the smell of that boiled
bird-like substance is most appetizing.
Cyborg: You can't be
serious.
Starfire: Oh, I most certainly am. It really...gets my
blood boiling. Does it not do the same for you, Robin?
Robin: Uh,
yeah, hey, cut me a piece of turkey off, Beast Boy.
Beast Boy:
Oh, you don't cut this turkey, you scoop it.
(Beast Boy hands
Robin a serving spoon.)
Beast Boy: You may do the honors.
Robin:
Goody.
(Robin serves all of the Titans and then himself. Raven
takes a bite.)
Beast Boy: What do you think, Rae?
(The arm of
Raven's chair turns black and coils up.)
Raven: Squishy.
Beast
Boy: Go ahead, Cy, see how the master chef prepares his tofu.
Cyborg: Is there really any right way?
Beast Boy: You tell
me.
(Cyborg takes a bite.)
Beast Boy: Well?
Cyborg: Words
fail me.
Beast Boy: Told you.
Robin: Come on, you two, we're
supposed to be heroes, we've got to be braver than this.
(Robin
takes a bite, which makes his eyes grow wide an his spine shiver.)
Cyborg: Isn't it great how it just wiggles down your throat?
Robin: Excuse me, I'll be back.
Cyborg: Where you going,
mister super-brave hero?
Robin: Just going to use the bathroom.
Starfire: I shall accompany you. I am also feeling the floating
of my teeth.
(Robin looks at Starfire, who is seductively holding
the mistletoe in her hand.)
Robin: On second thought, I'll just
wait it out here.
Starfire: Are you sure? Maybe this lovely
gelatinous substance may change your mind.
(Starfire takes a bite
and seductively looks at Robin, who is beginning to sway back and
forth in his chair.)
Raven (to Beast Boy): I don't think it was
such a good idea to give her tofu.
Beast Boy: And just why not?
Raven: Don't you remember what happened last time? She began
violently making out with the nearest man in sight.
Cyborg:
That's why the poor girl isn't allowed back at the park. That statue
will never be the same.
Raven: Tofu must be like an aphrodisiac
for her people. Just thought I should remind you, you
knuckle-dragging tree-hugger.
(The window behind Raven shatters.)
Beast Boy: Hey, at least Cyborg hasn't had any complaints.
Cyborg: Yep, can't complain.
(Cyborg takes another bite and
forcefully swallows it. The left side of his shoulder begins glowing
purple instead of blue.)
Beast Boy: Hey, you okay?
Cyborg:
Oh, fine, I'm just fine, it's...Laid back, with my mind on my money
and my money on my mind.
Beast Boy: Come again?
Cyborg: I'm
sorry, I just...don't push me cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying
not to lose my head, huh-huh, huh-huh.
Beast Boy: Any reason you
felt the nerve to be kickin' it old school, Cy?
Raven: Shut up,
you two, I'm trying to eat.
Beast Boy: And what's your deal?
Raven: I'm fine. Just fine.
Cyborg: Don't think she is, my
sensors are picking up that her blood sugar is dropping.
Beast
Boy: What? here, Raven, eat some more food.
Raven: Brilliant
deduction, seaweed for brains.
(Raven takes a bite of the cooked
cabbage and winces as the refrigerator behind her folds up into a
crumpled ball, then crashes to the floor.)
Starfire: Mmm, all
finished. Lovely meal, BB.
Beast Boy: Thanks, at least someone
appreciates it.
Starfire: Would you like me to show you how
appreciative I am?
Beast Boy: Um, that's okay, Star, you can sit
down now.
Starfire: Oh, but, please, I must show you.
Robin:
Hey, you two, I'm standing right here.
Beast Boy: You're actually
just sitting there. Actually, you're more swaying there. No, I'd say
you're about pass out on the floor.
Robin: You stay away from her
or I'll, I'll...
(Robin burps loudly, then collapses in his
chair. Starfire flies over to him.)
Starfire: Oh, Robin, you do
not look well. Come, let me take you to the bathroom.
(Robin lets
out a fart.)
Starfire: You say the most flattering things, I
really must get you out of here.
(Starfire places her hand on
Robin's neck, reminding him where the giantly deformed hickey she
gave him was.)
Starfire: There is more where that came from.
(Robin breaks free from Starfire, then slumps back into his
chair.)
Starfire: Robin, you do not wish to join me in solitude?
Robin: I'm okay, I just need to...
(Robin slaps the fork off
of the table.)
Raven: Will you knock it off, I need to
concentrate here.
Beast Boy: Hey, it's just dinner, it's not
meditation.
Cyborg: Have you ever went over a friends house to
eat and the food just ain't no good? I mean the macaroni's soggy the
peas are mushed and the chicken tastes like wood.
Raven: Knock it
off!
(A giant tear rips through the wall behind Raven.)
Beast
Boy: Okay, for everyone's safety, no one stand behind Raven.
Raven:
Stop teasing me!
Starfire: Robin has passed out. I must now
administer mouth to mouth.
Robin: No!
Starfire: Success,
Robin is alive again. Let's get you to your room.
Robin: Please,
Starfire, you need to calm down.
Starfire: But, Robin, I have all
of these feelings in me, I have to...
Robin: Starfire, it's just
the tofu talking. You'll feel differently tomorrow.
Starfire:
Robin, I need you now!
Cyborg: Oh baby, I wanna get wit'cha and
take your picture. My homeboys tried to warn me but with that butt
you got makes me feel so horny
(Robin throws up on Starfire and
passes out on the floor. Starfire screams.)
Raven: SHUT UP!!!
(Black encompasses the table and then explodes. When the dust
clears, Raven is raiding the pantry for any kind of food, Robin is
still passed out in his own vomit, Starfire is standing in a state of
shock as Cyborg is in the background, doing a James Brown shuffle out
the door.)
Cyborg: I heard she moved real far away. That was two
years ago this May. I seen her just the other day. Jockin' Mike D. to
my dismay.
(Beast Boy looks at the carnage around him.)
Beast
Boy: So, who wants to help me clean up?
