The proceedings this time were held in the courtroom. When we arrived no one was there to greet us so we went in. Inside there was a court reporter, Ms. Marten with two other gentlemen and a bailiff. I took one look at him and my heart sank a little deeper as I imagined the judge yelling "take her away bailiff!"
Darry escorted us to the front row. Darry sat on the aisle, I sat next to Darry, Pony sat next to me and Soda sat next to Pony. No one else was in the courtroom as the clock reached nine o'clock, then the judge's door swung open.
The bailiff called to everyone in the courtroom. "Please rise! Court is now in session, the Honorable Judge Robert Carlson residing."
Immediately the silence was disrupted by people coming into the courtroom. All four of us turned to see who it was. Two-Bit, Steve and Johnny quietly walked in and sat a few rows behind us.
The portly judge waddled up to his seat at the bench and allowed us all to be seated. The judge read some official papers marking the date, time and case numbers then looked out into the courtroom and asked Darry to come forward. Darry rose and towered over us. He passed through the swinging gate and stood between the two tables and faced the judge.
Within minutes the judge had ordered guardianship of Sodapop and Ponyboy to Darry, now we waited for the decision on me. Surely the judge would never break up a family.
You could see the tension building in Darry as he seemed to straighten up a little more and braced himself for the final verdict. Sodapop jumped over Pony and I to sit on my right hand side. Both he and Pony had my hands tightly wrapped in theirs. I felt myself holding my breath as the judge began to speak. "On case number 74571 the court has ruled that guardianship of Scout Marie Curtis be given to the state of Oklahoma. Where she will be placed in a home for girls and await proper adoption."
The words shocked every nerve in my body. I looked straight ahead at Darry whose posture has fallen and he looked defeated. Before anyone of my brothers could react a loud voice rang out to threaten the judge from the back of the courtroom.
"You bastard!" Steve yelled and started to storm up the aisle toward the judge. His eyes were filled with rage and his face was flush. "They are her family! She doesn't need anyone else in this world but them!"
For an instant I believed that Steve would change the judge's decision. I was rooting for him till he stormed through the swinging gate and Darry had to grab him and push him backwards to avoid confrontation.
Steve tried to push past Darry, but the judge banged his gavel and the Bailiff joined Darry to intervene. All the while Steve continued to yell at the judge. There was no doubt at that point he was truly Sodapop's best friend. He would do anything to help Soda.
As the bailiff took over control of Steve and removed him from the courtroom Darry looked down at the three of us. Pony and Sodapop had wrapped their arms around me and were bawling and crying out that they didn't want this to be true. Darry joined in and told me they would do whatever they needed to get me back. Darry didn't cry.
"Bailiff assist the state in removing the child to custody and this court is dismissed." Judge Carlson banged his gavel on the desk and rose from his seat as the bailiff called out. "The court will rise."
After that I don't remember much of what happened. Looking back on it I believe I went into shock. I didn't even remember saying goodbye to my brothers. All too soon I know I was in a car and being taken to a girl's home in Oklahoma City. I don't remember checking in there, or meeting the girls or learning my chores. I know that for weeks I shut down to the world, till the day they let me go to school. I remember the composition notebook they handed to me. I opened the book and wrote, Dear Darry, Sodapop and Ponyboy. On the first few pages I wrote I love you more than one hundred times, then I wrote about what happened after court, about the girls home and what I had been doing. Rereading the letter I was shocked to know that I had written all of that, but had no memory of it.
When I finished the letter I asked the Dean of the girl's home if I could mail it to my brothers. I still remember her words. "You must learn to let go of the past and we do not allow young girls to correspond outside of the home." Well that just wasn't an acceptable answer for me. I refused to let go of the past and I refused to stay trapped there in that home for girls who had no one who loved them. I was different then them, I was loved.
Every night I wrote in the notebook to my brothers, knowing one day I would get the letters to them. Then one rainy night I ran out of blank pages. The time had come for me to get the letter to my family. In the dead of night I took off my regulation night gown and pulled on my long sleeve white t-shirt, dark blue jumper dress, white bobby socks and the required black shoes to match. I had no idea what time it was, but I grabbed the notebook and walked out of the home unnoticed.
I hadn't been eating or sleeping well in the weeks that I had been institutionalized so the walk was slow and I could feel my lack of strength. It was over one hundred miles to Tulsa. At first I just wandered along the road alone refusing offers of rides. I had only gone 20 miles that first day, and even less the second and third. By the third night I was hungry, thirsty and tired of sleeping along the side of the road in the ditch. The next morning I accepted the first offer for a ride that I received.
It was an older man who picked me up. I sat in the passenger seat and stared out the window. I remember him asking me if I was all right and where I was headed and why. I told him I was fine and headed home to Tulsa. With his help I made it to the outskirts of town by late morning. "You'll have to find another ride through town I am not headed that way." He told me. I thanked him for the ride and walked into the city. I walked aimlessly until street names and locations began to look familiar.
I was hungry and thirsty, but I wouldn't stop until I was home, or better yet until I reached the DX station that Soda worked at. I realized how close I was getting to my neighborhood and my steps began to quicken. My heartbeats quickened as the streets and buildings became more and more familiar. I rounded the corner and looked up at the little gray station and noticed the two boys outside pumping gas for a customer. I tried to run, but my lack of strength and energy defeated my muscles.
Soda was leaning against the customer's car when Steve looked up and noticed me. I could tell at first Steve was questioning what he was seeing, but when he slapped Soda on the arm to get his attention and my brother looked my way there was no denying that he knew who I was. Soda ran down the driveway and in one fast motion swept me into his arms. Instantly we cried and clung to each other. It had been six weeks since I had been near him, felt his hugs or heard his soft sweet voice.
"Scout, oh Scout what are you doing here?" He cried and continued to squeeze me tight. I couldn't summons my voice to answer him. Steve came to hug us then reminded Soda that the fuzz may be driving by as they had been all day. Apparently the word was out that I might be headed back to see my brothers. Soda promptly led me to the station where he had me sit under the counter as customers came in and out. Feeling safe I slept on the floor before I felt Steve's strong grip waking me. "Scout get up Soda's gonna take you home."
HOME! I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and climbed into Steve's car that Soda was driving. Soda reminded me to keep my head down so I slinked onto the floor and fell back to sleep.
At home Soda ran up the front porch and into our home. He threw the front door open looked at Ponyboy and Johnny who were sitting on the couch. "Ponyboy are the cops here? Have they been by again?" Soda asked hurriedly.
Pony looked up at his brother and shook his head no with concern. "Why you asking Soda?"
Soda flashed his movie star smile, "just wait." Soda bounded back out the door to Steve's car. Opening the driver's door he reached his hand out to me and woke me. "Come on Sissy, you're home."
Inside Pony had knelt on the sofa and was watching out the window. As he saw me crawl out from the car he was elated. "Oh shit Johnny, oh shit they were right!" Pony jumped off the couch and headed for the door. Johnny turned to look out the window and saw Ponyboy nearly push me down the steps when he jumped towards me for a hug. He would have knocked us both down if Soda hadn't been there to catch us.
We went inside to keep from being seen. We talked, ate and drank for a short while till the front door flew open. Two-Bit bounded into the living room with Dally hot on his heals. Steve had called the guys and told them I was home. Two-Bit wasted no time in saying hello as he dove onto the floor and hugged me. Dally sat on the couch and commented on how tough I was to hitch hike all the way here.
Darry was the last to see I had ventured home. I heard the distinct sound of his truck pull up outside. By now the boys had pulled every shade and curtain in the house shut so I just stood there, waiting for the door to open.
The wooden door creaked and I saw Darry. He looked worn and worried. I guess I didn't look any better. I had lost a twenty pounds, my skin was an eerie white and the bags under my eyes were gray from lack of sleep. Darry and I saw each other and he froze as his tool belt fell to the floor.
"Scout." He said surprised and exhausted. Then he stepped toward me and held me in his arms, crying. Being home was the best feeling in the world, but it was also a curse. I was with my brothers, but I couldn't leave the house and I couldn't go to school and I jeopardized Soda and Pony's ability to stay at home too. For two weeks I hid out at home. I slept with Darry at night because I was so scared that someone would come and take me in the middle of the night. My nightmares returned as well. One night we decided as a family that it was better for me to return to the girls home. The difference in leaving now compared to the court date is that I had a chance to say goodbye.
My brothers drove me back to Oklahoma City to my home. Darry bought me a stack of notebooks, envelopes and stamps so I could write to them. I kept these treasures well hidden from the others. I remember watching the boys drive off, each one had taken a part of my soul with them and I felt empty for a long time.
Only weeks after returning to the home my future started to roll itself out in front of me. An adoption opportunity was selected for me and I went to live with a woman and her husband. He was a high ranking officer in the United States military and I never called him anything but Sir. Her name was Charlotte and she was an Oklahoma City socialite. For years the couple had adopted older children who had been orphaned and needed a brighter future. I was the first child they ever had who still had a family who loved me.
They accepted this fact and did what they could to raise me.
I was allowed to write and receive letters from my brothers. At first I wrote everyday and then as time grew on I wrote at least once a week. I was allowed to visit them for holidays and birthdays in the first few years, but I still missed a lot. I wasn't there to cheer Pony on in track competitions. I wasn't there to say my last goodbyes to Johnny and Dally or to help Ponyboy find clarity in his life. I wasn't there when Sandy dumped on my brother Sodapop and left his heart in pieces. I wasn't there when Steve married Evie and baptized his first son. I wasn't even there when Two-Bit did the impossible and graduated from high school. To this day we think they just gave him that diploma to get him out of there.
What I did do was attend debutant balls, went to a school to teach me manners and again began piano lessons. The greatest gift of all was when I received a car for my sixteenth birthday as each of the kids before me had. Sodapop and Pony were awfully jealous and wished they had been adopted by this couple too. The car gave me the freedom to roam and I spent at least one weekend a month at my home with my brothers.
When I was seventeen years old I left home for college, paid for by Sir and Charlotte. Their charity was beautiful and although I never felt true love for them I would forever be in debt to them for their kindness. Ponyboy and Darry joined me at Tulsa University as well. They lived at home with Soda while I lived in the dorms. Now it was Sodapop's turn to pay the bills and help his brothers out. This struggle would prove to be short lived as a bittersweet ending erupted again in my life and for the second time I lost a set of parents who loved me.
Sir had been sent to a country called Vietnam for what the government called a police action to control communism in that country. He was killed by enemy fire. Charlotte was crushed, and alone in her home without one of the children she had provided for, she died of a broken heart. The guilt still haunts me today. The estate of the family was split four ways and I used my share to pay for Ponyboy and Darry's college bills.
It is amazing how sorrow and happiness can be so intertwined. Perhaps it is true that everything happens for a reason. Take for example my husband. In high school he barely studied, he spent his nights drinking and horsing around, and he lost close friends too, just like me. His sorrow led him to understand that life is short and you needed to make something of yourself in order to find happiness. He enrolled at Tulsa University with his friends and is a year away from his degree in business. He struggled at first with school and homework, but with tutoring from me he was able to understand how to learn and the beauty in knowing new things. That is why I was attracted to him. He was gentle and kind and understood all that I had been through. Plus he could always make me laugh. He could make anyone laugh. His coworkers, college friends and Professors all called him Keith, but I still called him Two-Bit.