A/N: Okay, I've been checking the reviews, and I find it disturbing that the only reviews I've gotten so far were from skyefire. NO ONE on this site remembers this cartoon? That's the only logical explanation I can give! It started in 1988, and I know it only last one year, but this was an awesome show! I'd post the link to the only C.O.P.S site on the Internet, except I'd get in trouble with TOS, and be banned for a while as a result. And I don't want that, this is a cool reading and writing site. Anywho, here's number five.

P.S.: This is an edited version of the original. When I read the chapter first posted on herethis morning, I was shocked by the scene where Leslie asks Sundown about the book. Apparently there was a major wordingmistake in Sundown's dialogue that i had overlooked. I fixed it now, and am re-posting this chapter.

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

Chapter 5

The next morning, I started thinking about Bullseye and Sundown. They were the only two C.O.P.S. who got the book, and I'd never heard their thoughts yet. (Well, Highway and Bowzer never told me what they thought of it either, but after what happened at the headquarters last night, I could tell their verdicts easily.) I had just finished drying my breakfast dishes. Maybe I could call them now.

I dialed Sundown's apartment first. I let it ring about five times before getting no answer. I shrugged, and dialed Bullseye's place. He answered on the first two rings.

"Bullseye, it's Leslie," I answered confidently. "Listen, I'm calling about my cousin Benjamin's novel. Have you already started it?"

"I've gotten into it, and frankly, I'm ready to throw it out!" he said. "Tell me, Leslie, does your cousin know nothing about what it takes to be a respected police officer?"

"I take it you've gotten to page 160, and read the really raunchy sex scene?" I assumed.

"Not even close, and I don't think I'll be able to make it that far." I heard him grumbling. "It's bad enough that Benjamin Janes drags his readers throughout this whole sob story with Johnny's wife. My God, who even cares? I tried reading the second chapter anyway, but that whole funeral scene was just so boring. So I skipped over to Chapter Three. Nope, it's all gone downhill from there. If it isn't battles with criminals, it's just sordid sex. How can a policeman with a body mass like Johnny's be that shallow and desperate when it comes to women?"

"I think it's the women who are shallow and desperate," I suggested. "They may be a little suggestive, but Benjamin gave some mighty detailed physical descriptions of Johnny. Who wouldn't get the impression that he is on-fire hot?"

"That doesn't mean he can have sex with anything that has big breasts. I doubt that Mace acts like this in his off-duty time, and I see a lot of him in Johnny Willis." He paused, then, "By the way, dare I even ask about this raunchy sex scene on page 160?"

I rolled my eyes. "Johnny was doing this chick, Eliza, in the shower of the bathroom that leads to his bedroom. They were on the shower floor, banging on their knees, and guess what Benjamin writes for this action? 'He stuck himself into her,' and 'He took himself out of her.' That's rather PG for such detailed sex. I mean, Ben is too chicken to use the words 'penis' and 'vagina.' Then, next thing you know, Johnny positions himself above her on his bed and says, 'The big pooch wants to play some more.'"

"'The big pooch wants to play some more?'" Bullseye repeated. "For a guy nicknamed 'the Junkyard Dog?' That's so cheesy! And that scene as a whole is completely disrespectful."

"Yet, this is going to make good water cooler talk at the headquarters. Bullseye, you should've seen how pissed off everyone was last night, especially Mace. I nearly jumped when he pounded his desk like that. And I don't usually find myself saying this, but I hope I never see Bulletproof today. He might still be in a terrible mood. Maybe tomorrow, though, when he's hopefully settled down."

"What do you think of Benjamin's book?"

"Well, you might hate me for saying this, but I'm just loving it! I'm more than halfway through it, almost one hundred eighty pages so far. Between the bedroom scenes and the police beat scenes, there's a lot of action in this – once you get past all the weepy stuff, that is. I mean, isn't that what counts in a police novel?"

Bullseye paused again. "You've got a point there, but still, I don't think I can finish this one."

We talked for a little while longer, then I tried calling Sundown again. This time, I let it ring six times. He still wasn't picking up. I swear, he must be among the few people in Empire City who don't have answering machines. So, I went into the living room to read some more, while calling every half hour on the cordless. When I did, I let it ring six or seven times, and Sundown never answered. I was thinking maybe he'd gone to work already. But I'd heard there were some problems with fist-fighting down at this country bar on Weatherby, the Bullring Saloon, and Sundown had been going there on his off-time to watch for troublemakers. So he could be still sleeping, perhaps soundly enough to not hear his phone. Or maybe he didn't have one in his bedroom.

I finally gave up at eleven-thirty. I kept reading until a few minutes before noon. I was almost at two hundred pages. I made myself some soup for lunch. After finishing the dishes, I took some change and rode a bus to Sundown's apartment building.

When I arrived, I walked quickly into the building. I found Sundown's apartment number, 528, and was about to press the intercom button. But a forty-something blonde woman had just came in and opened the door. I took the opportunity and just went inside. Maybe I'll surprise him, I thought. I took the elevator to the fifth floor.

The even-numbered apartments were on my right side, so I just looked that way for 528. I found it and rang the doorbell. But as I waited, I started thinking, Bulletproof and all the others hated it. Do you really think Sundown will be any different?

Seconds later, the door opened and I saw Sundown. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of jeans. I could tell he had just taken a shower; his hair was combed back and damp. With his browned skin and thick black mustache, he looked just like Uncle Matt does after a terrific tan.

He gave a wry grin and said, "Well, bless my bovine. Leslie Janes has come to see me!"

"Sundown, I tried to reach you all morning," I said as he took me into his apartment. "I never got a chance to see you last night at the headquarters."

"Well, I was on shift yesterday from six in the mornin' 'til six at night," he said. He went into his bedroom to put on a shirt. "Nobody told me you'd be comin' to work to see us. I'd just been down at the Bullring Saloon last night, watchin' out for trouble. I was there 'til two in the mornin' and I woke up just after ten. Decided to eat out for breakfast, and do some grocery shoppin', and run a few other errands. That's probably why you kept missin' me."

"Six to six yesterday," I repeated. "So I take you were at the briefing meeting with my cousin Benjamin there."

"Oh, yeah." Sundown poured a cup of black coffee and poured one for me, too. "Aquayouth was introducin' all of us to Benjamin before the briefin' even started. Real nice young gentleman, I saw. And such a mannerly speaker, too. Makes me wonder how a boy like him could write such a lousy book."

Do you really think I was surprised to hear that? "That's what everyone else said," I replied. "What did you find wrong with it?"

"Well, I was immediately turned off by the openin' paragraphs," he said, sipping his coffee. "I studied Gone With the Wind when I minored in literature in college. If I didn't know better, I'd say your cousin Benjamin was tryin' to rip off Margaret Mitchell's writin' style. If this book ever gets to Atlanta, and everyone there reads it, I reckon they'll see Johnny Willis as somethin' more than a testosteroned Scarlett O'Hara. Nobody's gonna buy it then."

"What did you think of his love life?" I asked.

"Oh, you've got to be jokin' me. That man's a disgraceful bed-hopper. If this had been set back in the West, he'd be seen as a disgrace to lawmen everywhere. I admit, I'm somethin' of a ladykiller myself. My God, you should see all the women who try to pick me up when I'm at the Bullring. But I was brought up to be a gentleman, and learned how to court ladies properly. Unless it's the women usin' Johnny for sex, he should be ashamed of himself. I feel so sorry for his kids."

"Hey, the bed-hopping is just a part of who he is," I said. "I'll bet you would, too, if you were built like a pro wrestler like he is." I slapped his arm a little. "Admit it, Sundown, you would."

"Uh-uh!" he replied, taking another sip. "The most I'd do is let her take my shirt off, but that's it. I don't do no mattress mambo unless I know it's love, and not just lust. Johnny could use some lessons from some of us C.O.P.S. about how to respect women."

"If you say so," I replied. "But I'm actually enjoying it. I've never read a police story so interestingly provocative. You know, I was always told that fire fighters were actually sexier than policemen. If they could read this book, they'd be proven wrong." I drank more coffee. "In fact, I just have a little over a hundred pages left to go. I could even be done in time for the signing."

"Won't that make Benjamin proud?" Sundown chuckled. "That you've read every word of it before you saw him again? It's just a shame that you won't be sayin' that about Bulletproof and the rest of us."

I stayed at the apartment for a little while longer. At quarter to two, I told Sundown I had to leave. "If Doug and Terri wake up and can't find me, they'll definitely be calling the headquarters, wondering where I am," I told him. "I really don't want to face their wrath." He smiled and offered to drive me home. I gladly accepted.

Doug didn't have to work today and the next day. He spent those two days reading – or should I say, struggling to read – Benjamin's book. I could tell he was really put off by the overly graphic shower scene that all the C.O.P.S. would be talking about. It was three in the afternoon, and Doug had just woken up. It looked like he was forcing himself to read the book. I'd glance over from my own reading to see him flipping through it, frowning. Was he even trying to comprehend the plot, I wondered. He was going through it pretty fast – faster than me, in fact.

But I could tell what was bothering him. I put my book down and said, "Doug, what exactly is wrong with Ben's book? Is it the way he put out the plot? Look, I know it's a bit sexy, but…"

He didn't let me finish. He put his copy on his lap, with his hand inside to mark his place. "Leslie, who the hell does Benjamin think he is?" he asked. "He grew up in a long-standing family of law enforcers, yet he does not respect the profession at all. So what if cops and fire fighters tend to look sexy? That doesn't make law enforcement and fire fighting the sexiest careers in the world. Randall and I became cops because we watched our father and uncles in action, it was family tradition, and most of all, we wanted to make a difference in our community. Not to put down Terri, but I sure as hell didn't become a cop to score chicks."

"Why don't you tell him that?" I asked.

"I'm going to." He started for the phone, but I stopped him.

"He has a lot of things to do between now and Saturday afternoon," I said. "Look, I'm sure Bulletproof will recruit some of his team to come down to Empire Bookstore then to confront Ben. Sign yourself up. I'm sure he'll appreciate hearing what you have to say in front of a crowd of book lovers."

He smiled. "Now there's an idea." He went back to his book and kept speed reading.

The next afternoon, Randall picked me up and took me to the headquarters. On the way there, I asked, "So, did anyone ever tell you about that shower scene that had everyone enraged?"

"Doug woke me in the middle of the night to tell me," he answered. "I flipped to that page and read it all over, including that very-detailed romp in his bed afterwards. I could tell why everybody was enraged. I was pretty shocked myself."

"How were Bulletproof and the others? Did you go to work at all yesterday? Did you see them?"

"I could tell Bulletproof was pissed. I saw him reading the book as if it was some chore and obligation. So were all the others with their books. I asked Bulletproof what was wrong, and he told me he couldn't believe Benjamin was our cousin, and how could he bring down such an honorable profession like law enforcement, and so on. I've never seen him ramble on like that in my life. The other C.O.P.S. wouldn't talk to me about Ben, just how disgusting they thought the book was, Mace especially."

I started having some disturbing thoughts. "If that's true, and given the amount of sex in it, I wonder if…" I shook my head. "Nah, that's impossible. I don't think Benjamin remembered anyone else at that briefing, except for Bulletproof. And you and Doug are nothing like that with your women."

At the headquarters, we saw Checkpoint, Nightstick and Taser standing outside the building. I hit myself on my forehead; I hadn't heard from them all week. Damn, I forgot to mention them when Benjamin was autographing all those books for me. They were probably mad at me for that. Good thing Inferno, Airwave and A.P.E.S. were on vacation, or else they would've been mad, too.

As soon as I got out of the car, I ran up to them and said, "Checkpoint! Nightstick! Taser! Guys, I'm so sorry you never got a copy of Benjamin's book."

"That's quite all right, Leslie," Checkpoint said. "Judging by what we heard, and what's going on in there, we're kind of glad we didn't get one."

"What do you mean, 'what's going on in there?'" But I was hearing noise from inside. I didn't stick around for an explanation. We just ran into the building. Randall and I were shocked by what we witnessed.

I didn't know how much – or how little – work was getting done, but I saw Mace, Hardtop, Bowzer, Barricade and Sundown standing in a small circle, engaged in a disagreeable argument that was very frank.

They were fighting over whose life Benjamin wrote about.

"Let me list off all these descriptions!" Mace boomed. "Muscular arms, chest and legs! Marble abdominals and thighs! An 'outie' belly button – my belly button's an outie! Do you want me to take off my shirt and show you?! Oxen shoulders and back! Chiseled rear! Broad face, wide chin, large mouth, big teeth! Dark glasses and a trucker cap! The only thing that's different is day-to-day clothes! Do you need a picture? Benjamin Janes wrote his book about me! He characterized Johnny Willis around me! I can prove that!"

"Bullcrap, Mace!" Bowzer spat. "Johnny's eyes are blue; yours are dark brown! And your hair is a lighter brown than his, plus his hair is in a crew-cut. Not only is your hair longer, but it's also straight-to-wavy!"

"And who are you to talk, Bowzer?" Sundown blasted. "It just can't be you Benjamin wrote about. You're about as skinny as a pole and flat as a flapjack!" He turned to Mace. "Mace, you may look like Johnny 'the Junkyard Dog' Willis, but can you pick up women like he can? Same with you, Bowzer, when was the last time you picked up a lady? You should see all the women that have been swarming to me at the Bullring Saloon! I'm the lady-killer here; Ben Janes wrote that book about me!"

"Hey, I'm pretty damn attractive and athletic myself!" Barricade interjected. "I could have any woman in my age bracket! He could have written that book about me."

"Right, Barricade," Hardtop mused. "Name your last or current girlfriend. Everyone knows it's about my life. Hey, I may not think of Johnny as a likeable character, but everyone knows I share his charisma."

"What are you even doing in this, Hardtop?!" Mace blasted. "You don't even look like the type of man to sleep with every woman in the city! And you are a little boy compared to Johnny Willis!"

Then, it looked as if Hardtop and Mace were poised to beat each other up, so Bulletproof, Randall and I rushed in to stop them from fighting, and to cease the whole argument.

"What does it matter whose life Benjamin Janes wrote about?" Bulletproof asked. He flashed his book all around the group. "The point is this book is amoral, disgusting and disrespectful to the police service. It's vital that Benjamin Janes knows this at the Empire Bookstore tomorrow."

I opened my book and read what Benjamin wrote in his autograph to me. I remembered he had written the same thing in all the others. I was starting to see a connection. I was just wondering if I should be the one to tell him.

I managed to finish the book the morning of the signing. I was pretty satisfied with the ending. Johnny ended up falling in love with a single mother whose son was the same age as his younger son, Hunter. Benjamin had made the bond between Johnny and this new kid really believable, like a good romance novel themed around father and son. I've never seen anything like that. I figured that if anything, Bulletproof and the C.O.P.S. should give Benjamin credit for this kind of originality.

As I was finishing, I overheard Doug talking with Randall on the phone. He was informing him of a briefing to be held before the book signing. Randall must have refused, because I heard Doug grumbling and sighing. Then, he must have asked to speak with me, because Doug was handing the phone to me.

"Leslie," Randall said, "I'm coming to pick you up at around two o'clock. Is that all right? I don't think you and I should attend the briefing meeting at C.O.P.S. headquarters. I have a good idea what will happen there. I think maybe you and me should let Ben down easy before Bulletproof and his cohorts make everything explode."

I nodded. "Sounds like a good plan to me. See you then."

Doug left around fifteen minutes before Randall came. Randall and I arrived at Empire Bookstore in about twenty minutes. When we did, we saw a lot of vehicles in the parking lot. Thank God there were a few spots left. We parked about thirty feet from the entrance doors. From the distance, I could see the promotional posters in the window, complete with Benjamin's black and white photograph. I thought he looked good in black and white. Randall was looking around at all the parking.

"Wow, it seems like everyone is eager to buy Passions of the Junkyard Dog," he commented. "I guess it's gotten a lot of media buzz these past three days."

Inside the store, we searched for Benjamin and his little display. It was in the middle of the store, in the wide space between all the racks of books. We saw six people there, reading his book, getting autographs, having conversations. I smiled and called his name, and he spotted us and smiled back.

We walked up to the display and hugged hello. "I'm so glad you guys could come," Benjamin said.

"Hey, we can't disappoint our favorite uncle's only child," I replied.

"Did you manage to finish it?" he asked.

"I did," I said, "and I loved it. This writing was tight and crisp during Johnny's on-duty scenes, and sensual and deep in the off-duty scenes. It was very dramatic throughout. Speaking of which, I guess it won't surprise you that I already see this going to the big screen in a few years. I'll talk to my director about this when he gets back from San Francisco. Maybe once he reads it, he'll seek the approval of a movie studio for another directorial project."

"That's wonderful." Benjamin turned to Randall. "Et tu, cousin?"

"I'm about two-thirds through it," Randall said. "I would've finished already, but police work and other affairs didn't allow it. And speaking of police, I expect Bulletproof and company to come here any minute now. They're at the headquarters right now, holding an emergency briefing about this."

Benjamin looked concerned. "Was there anything wrong with it?"

"Well, the sex scenes you had in there were a bit on the raunchy side, and I thought Johnny's off-duty behavior was entirely unprofessional. It's nice that you have him leaving his work at the office, and going down that route that transforms him from Mighty Mouse to Mickey Mouse, and all that. But don't you know that police officers are supposed to practice discretion when they're not working the beat? Same with fire fighters when they're not working with an elite fire unit."

Benjamin was a bit offended. "Hey, I made sure all of Johnny's intimacies were private!"

"Well, my colleagues are still upset about it. They're extremely concerned about that one shower scene in Chapter Nine, I think it was. They were disgusted by all its graphic details. Ben, I'd brace myself if I were you."

We talked for a few more minutes, then we saw Bulletproof's arrival. He was accompanied by Doug, Mace, Longarm, Hardtop, Barricade and Sundown. I guessed everyone else was too ashamed to come. Sundown was carrying a big cardboard box.

"Benjamin Janes!" Bulletproof bellowed. Suddenly, everyone in the bookstore got quiet. He and his group marched up to us. Surprisingly, Benjamin looked happy to see them, but I didn't believe that. It was obviously self-forced. I could tell he was nervous.

"Bulletproof, everyone!" he said. "I'm so glad you could make it."

"Oh, we wouldn't miss this for all the tequila in Mexico," Sundown commented.

"Did you and everyone else read my book?" Benjamin asked.

"Every word," Bulletproof answered.

What a bullcrap exaggeration! I know most of them did not read the second chapter, and they were probably too disgusted with it to finish it. Anyone who did obviously had attitudes that said, "Whatever!"

Benjamin clasped his hands together in gleeful curiosity. "Well, what did you think?"

"Well, we were sure foolish and stupid to trust you!" Bulletproof spat. "All those kind words you said to us about how you respected the profession of law enforcement were obviously a load of crap! You had no right to smear the honorable reputation that police work brings!"

"What are you talking about?" Benjamin cried.

"Oh, come on, Janes!" Hardtop said. "You wrote about a slutty male cop whose landed on his back more times than a professional wrestler! Do you really think contemporary men aspire to join the police force in hopes of getting laid?! That's obviously what you want your readers to believe! You've disgraced us all! Thank you!"

"I talked to my dad, a former law enforcer, about your book!" Longarm said. "I told him everything about Johnny Willis. I even invited him here, but he declined, saying he's embarrassed that you would treat police like playthings. It's in my family just as much as it is in yours, and you make it sound dirty! How dare you?! I just know I'm never letting my son read this."

"And another thing, whose life did you decide to rip off for profit?!" Mace bellowed. "'Cause I saw a lot of me in Johnny Willis' physical traits. And here you are writing your book, stretching and twisting facts around so that a profession so honorable and respectable becomes such seedy, tawdry trash!" He pounded his fist on the table. "I EARNED MY RANK OF SERGEANT BY HARD WORK!"

"Benjamin, remember that Thanksgiving when Dad screamed at you for wanting to be a writer in the first place?" Doug asked. "What would he say if he were still alive to read this? He'd disown you and cut you from his will, that's what. Both he and Grandpa Janes would roll in their graves over this." He shook his head. "And for once in my life, I'm ashamed that you're my cousin."

"And here's my final word," Bulletproof concluded. "Passions of the Junkyard Dog is nothing more than a vulgar display of perverted sex acts that are utter and complete filth!" He slammed his copy on the table at the last word, then Sundown opened the box and dumped the rest. Doug dropped his copy, then they all left.

When they were all gone, the rest of customers were literally attacking the display, snatching up all the copies, some taking even two or three. I held my copy tightly so no one would take it. At least all the regular citizens would be buying it.

A/N: I know I didn't add this the first time around, but it was late and I needed my sleep. Anyway, concluding chapter coming soon. Can Leslie get his brothers and the C.O.P.S.to forgive Benjamin? Tune in next chapter (LOL) and please read and review.