Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Note: It has been four long months since I have updated, and for that I apologize profusely! I've missed writing this so much, unfortunately with this new school schedule that has no classes I can goof off in (and thus write this story), it has had to wait until Christmas break! Well, to make it up to all you people who have most likely given up on this story, I've made this chappie extra long. Special thanks to my dear friend, "Charles", who gave me this idea. And to the Beatles, who were singing "Revolution" to me for the past 40 minutes as I typed this. Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!
"Comon, Sam. We can get to Old Navy faster if we cut through this department store," Frodo grabbed Sam by the hand and yanked him toward the giant store.
A woman stood at the door like a sentry. She stopped Frodo, "Excuse me, Sir, but would you like to sample our new fragrance?"
Without waiting for an answer she drenched Frodo in a musky smelling liquid. Frodo's eyes immediately started tearing and Sam clasped his hands over his nose and mouth.
"Dear Eru, woman! What is that slime you have coated me with?"
The woman looked shocked, "You don't like it, sir?"
Frodo coughed, "I smell like a yak in heat!"
"Well! That will never do!" The woman seized Frodo by the arm, "Let us go to the perfume section! You shall smell like a queen by the time I'm done with you."
Frodo's eyes got real big as the woman pulled him into the store.
"Mr. Frodo!" Sam ran after him.
"Soooo, Aragorn, how's the wife and kids?" Éowyn started giggling.
"Shut up. Just shut up," Aragorn said disgustedly.
Suddenly Aragorn's cell phone started to ring. The ringtone was the Fellowship theme. He sighed and picked it up, "Hi, Honey…work…yes, I'll pick up some milk…and Oreos… love you too…bye."
Éowyn burst out laughing and made the "whipped" noise.
"I told you to shut up!"
"Remember you could have had a shield maiden as opposed to a prissy, high-matainence elf!"
Aragorn stuttered, "Well! You're stuck with a self-pitying wimp of a husband!"
Éowyn laughed again, "And I love it! He's like a one-man show. Every time he breaks down in tears it is quite the event!"
Éowyn continued laughing merrily for a while, and then froze. A troubled look passed over her face. "I sense evil."
Aragorn sniffed the air. He winced. The smell of that Eru-awful perfume invaded his nostrils.
"It's not evil, just the perfume."
"No! I can feel it!"
They heard a voice from around the corner…
"SAM! Help! I don't want to wear the perfume!"
Aragorn's face fell, "I can hear the evil now…"
The woman who was guarding the door was tugging Frodo toward the perfume counter. He was struggling madly, and Sam was trying to take out the woman's knees with one of the hangers he had previously secured from Delia's.
Frodo was screaming, "I told you, I don't want to wear your crappy perfume! Unhand me this instant!"
The perfume woman looked down at him, dangling by his wrist from her hand, "Sir, if the customer is not satisfied I have not been doing my job!"
Frodo sneered, "I'd be plenty satisfied if you loosened your death grip, perfume monkey!"
The woman gasped and just thrust him toward the perfume counter, "He's your responsibility now." She tossed her hair and returned to her post at the store's entrance.
"Frodo was coughing and Sam was patting him on the back, "I demand that you remove this horrid scent from my being immediately!
Sam looked up to confirm that his Mr. Frodo was serious and then noticed who exactly it was that they were dealing with. "Éowyn! Aragorn! Help Mr. Frodo! Please!"
Éowyn groaned and ran her hand over her face, "Something told me to call in sick today. Just pretend that Faramir tried to burn himself alive again in remorse and take a day off. But NOOOOOO, I decided to come today. WHY?!" She smashed her head against the counter.
Aragorn's eyes were streaming because of the scent, "Éowyn, what's the cure for this perfume again?"
Éowyn kept her face down on the counter, "Baths. And lots of them."
Frodo and Sam's eyes lit up and Aragorn just shuddered.
"Isn't there a neutralizer or something?"
Éowyn lifted her head from the counter and started to scan the shelves. She settled on a pink bottle.
"See if this masks the scent," she tossed it to Aragorn. He missed and it shattered on the floor. Éowyn sighed and picked up the phone. "Clean up in perfume. Quickly, please." She got another bottle of the same perfume and walked it over to Aragorn, handing it to him gently. He glared at her due to her condescending manner and snatched it from her hand.
Aragorn pointed the bottle at Frodo and proceeded to mist him from his curly head to his hairy feet. Once the cloud of pink perfume cleared, the evil smell seemed to have left Frodo.
Sam sniffed Frodo delicately, "You smell of daisies, Mr. Frodo!"
Frodo inhaled deeply, "I dare say I do, Sam!"
Sam grabbed Aragorn's hand in both of his and shook it heartily, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
"Thank you both!" Frodo said, nodding to Aragorn and Éowyn.
Éowyn brushed them off. Aragorn tried to reply but his cell phone went off again. Both Frodo and Sam knew what this meant and made the "whipped" noise. Aragorn growled at them and Éowyn burst out laughing.
As Frodo and Sam left the department store, they saw Gimli in a janitor's uniform dragging a bucket and mop toward the perfume counter. They ran laughing back into the mall.