Genki: GUESS WHO'S BACK?! Okay... none of you would know me. I wrote Pokémon and SSBM fanfics. I kicked off the site, so I, of course, had to create a new ID. So... yeah. -.-; Sorry guys. And this fanfic did it all. So! I made this fanfic so that it goes for all the rules... ::shifty eyes:: I believe. So, anyway, I need somebody to do my disclaimer! ::shifty eyes:: Zelos!! ::uses authoress powers to call up Zelos::

Zelos: Eh?... ::blinks:: HUNNY! ::glomps::

Genki: ::nervous laughter:: n.n;; so Zelos... will you do the disclaimer for me?

Zelos: Of course, hunny!

Genki: ::sighs;offers rose to Zelos:: n.n Do the disclaimer!!

Zelos: ::takes rose;holds rose in hand:: Despite what the Great Genki wants, she does not own Tales of Symphonia or it's characters, even though all the chicks want me! ::tosses rose::

Genki: ::claps:: Excellent work!

Zelos: Thank you!

Genki: n.n You're a great muse! But I do own the idea for this story. I have proof! It was when I was playing with Kratos in Asgard, he kept running around, calling himself the "Ultimate Hottie!" Heehee... Anyway, so now that the official business is done, on to our journey-- ::points sorta like Sheena does every so often:: To the Ultimate Hottie!

The Quest For The Ultimate Hottie!! (edited/unscripted version)

The First Round!!

Once upon a time, there was a place called, well, this News Reporter didn't seem to know either.

"I'm here today at this.... erm... place..."

In the backround, there was a boy yelling, "ISELIA!!!"

"Right, Iselia... to see WHAT the big fight amongst our 'people who combined the worlds together'... what was the title for people like that?..."

"Heroes?"

"Heroes! That's right. Kratos is also here with us, for somehow he found a replacement to send Expheres into space or whatever. So! Let's see what this is all about!!"

And there were the 'heroes' from Tales of Symphonia!!

"Since when did cameras exist?" asked Lloyd.

"Don't you remember? Somebody invented TV's, cameras, and such, but just recently told the world!!" Genis replied.

Lloyd stared at Genis.

"You ARE hopeless, Lloyd," Genis sighed, shaking his head back and forth slowly.

And somewhere else, you could hear Zelos and Regal yelling about something.

"I am SO HOT!" yelled Zelos.

"You are NOT!" fought Regal.

"Oh, I see! You two are trying to rhyme!!" Colette butted in. "Well, "ass" doesn't rhyme with "stupid..." may I suggest--"

Lloyd saw Colette. "Colette! How many times have I told you to stay away from Zelos?!?"

"Sorry Lloyd! But he's so friendly..."

"TOO friendly..."

Zelos did disturbing laugh.

"That's a disturbing laugh." Regal repeated to the fanfic.

"I know!!" replied Zelos happily.

"WHERE'S THE FIGHTING?!?" The News Reporter shouted.

"Oh, sorry hunny," Zelos said flirtiously. (is that a WORD?... o.o;) "Kratos had to take a... erm... break..."

"Eww..."

Kratos bursted out of the Sage home. "HAHA! Now, Zelos! I'll show you a TRUE man!!!"

Lloyd tugged on Colette's and Genis's clothes. "Come on, I don't think I want to see Dad try to make himself look better than Zelos..." The thought of it frightened him.

"But Kratos is so much better than Zelos! Zelos is an ass..." Genis grunted.

"I thought you only thought he was an ass when we first met him..." Lloyd questioned.

"I have my reasons..." Genis starting thinking about the times that Zelos got close to HIS Presea. HIS. Even though she was 28 or 29. Feh.

"Is something wrong, Genis?" Presea asked.

Genis blushed. "No, n-nothing!!"

Presea sighed.

"Zelos, when you flirt like that, girls shall only flirt back, but you'll never win a true love!...or two...or three..." Kratos added on with a chuckle.

"So you cheated on Anna!!" Zelos fought back.

"Nuh uh! You know, being 4,000 years old... I had to do SOMETHING all those years..." He snickered. "Martel..."

"Dad, you were with Martel? How is that POSSIBLE?!" Lloyd asked.

"I have my ways..." ::snicker:: "Let's just say, it was before the world was split..." ::snicker::

"Eww!!!! BAD IMAGES!!" Lloyd starting rocking back and forth. "THIS ISN'T MY DAD!!"

"Ha.Ha.Ha." Kratos chuckled at his son. He was actually only kidding.

"Come on, you KNOW that ladies love men who love to be with 'em, and with a sword!" Zelos pulled out his sword from its sheath just to prove his point, forgetting Kratos also had a sword.

"Ah, you may have THAT sword, but I have an even LONGER one!" Kratos winked to suggest something else.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Lloyd screamed. He hid behind Genis.

"Why do you hide behind me when I'm shorter than you?"

"I'm afraid of everyone else!!" Lloyd cried.

Genis patted Lloyd's head. Well, as best as he could.

"You bastard!!" Zelos shouted at Kratos.

"Mwehehehe..." Kratos laughed oddly, stealing one of my laughs. -.-;;

"Zelos, you stole my line!!!!" Lloyd yelled from behind Genis.

"Then why don't YOU come defend me?" Zelos replied.

"Ewwww......"

"Well, I feel loved..."

"Ooh! I got an idea on how to settle this!!" Sheena shouted.

Everyone stared at Sheena, waiting.

"It'll be a gameshow! The Quest for the Ultimate Hottie! And I'll be the host!!"

"Wow, I didn't know Sheena could act like that..." Lloyd commented. "I always thought of her as a stubborn karate butt-kickin girl...."

Sheena stared at Lloyd.

::sweatdrop:: "Heh."

"I think that's a great idea, Sheena!!" Colette giggled.

"Oh, what the hey? Sounds fun!!" Raine laughed, retreating from the Sage home.

"No guy would ever be low enough for you..." Lloyd laughed.

Genis snickered.

Raine whacked both in the head, and Genis and Lloyd felt a lot of pain with the blow, sorta making a face like this: .O.O.

"Great! Let's get started!" Sheena shouted.

"Buwhevegonsartit?" Lloyd asked, sorta dumb-sounding.

"What? You're sounding stupider than usual..."

"Itinkmihadgumedup..."

"I think I hit his head too hard..." Raine laughed.

"That's not funny!" Genis defended.

Raine whacked Genis in the head again.

Genis pointed and started laughing at Lloyd.

"Good boy." Raine smiled.

"So... let's start it in the schoolhouse!" Sheena shouted.

Lloyd sighed.

At the schoolhouse...

"All right! Maybe we should have another contestant...." Sheena pondered.

Raine pulled up Lloyd's hand in the hand, but Lloyd didn't have the coordination to fight off Raine, leaving his hand hanging in the air.

"I think Lloyd wants to volunteer!!" Raine said.

"Lloyd?" Sheena blushed at the thought. "Okay... sure..."

Lloyd walked oddly over to Kratos and Zelos. "Yutumakmesik...."

"What?" Zelos asked.

Kratos understood Lloyd. "Nevermind, Zelos..."

"Horumiblodralatdad?"

"Mwehehe."

"Eww..." Lloyd shook his head wildly. "Yeah, I got my brain back!"

"Good, I was getting sick of your jibberish..." Kratos sighed.

"How did you understand what I was saying?"

"I'm your dad and an angel. What'd you expect?"

"A raise on my allowance!!" Lloyd stuck out his hand.

"No."

Lloyd cried.

"Let's start the first round!! Ermm..." Sheena thought of a first round. "Ooh! How about: Make a title for yourself and tell us why you should be the Ultimate Hottie!! You each have 5 minutes." She handed Lloyd, Kratos, and Zelos cue cards and pencils.

5 minutes later...

The girls were sitting at a table together, while Genis and Regal acted as spectators, and the three contestants were at desks at the front, everybody sitting down.

Zelos stood up. "I'll go first!! My name is: The Great Zelos, "Wilder" than any other guy!"

"He should get extra points for the pun..." Sheena whispered.

"I believe that I, The Great Zelos, should be the Ultimate Hottie, because I let all the ladies know just how special they are. And it takes a real man to wear pink! Am I right? Of course I am!"

(Note: Thanks to my little sister, Kame, for that one!)

"I'm also willing to let everyone have some love, not just for the ladies!" He winked at Lloyd.

Lloyd stared at Zelos, face turning into a cherry.

"Girls do seem to like yaoi pairings..." Raine whispered.

The other three girls nodded in response.

"Even though I am human, I have elven blood injections so I can use magic swords! I'm the guy for everyone: Humans, elves, and in-between! Thank you!!" Zelos bowed and sat down.

All the girls applauded.

"I'm so totally frightened," Regal said.

"Same," replied Genis.

Kratos stood up. "I'll go next, since my son seems to be a bit uncomfortable..."

We see Lloyd, whom is shaking wildly.

"My name is: Your Guardian KRATOS Angel! Erm... Aurion."

"Angels are nice..." Presea commented.

"I KNOW I should be the Ultimate Hottie..." He gave Zelos a "I'm better than you" look. "...because the ladies love a man whom is mysterious, but still cares. And I'm a family man too!" He pointed to Lloyd. "Besides, I AM an angel--"

"Technically, you're not--" Lloyd started.

"WAIT FOR YOU TURN!!"

::whimper::

"So... ANYWAY, I'm an angel, and ladies gotta love that! Plus, although I am 4,000 years old, I know a lot of stuff, and I'm really wise and junk! So, be mine!"

The girls applauded again.

Kratos nudged Lloyd.

"Uhh...oh!" Lloyd stood up, cue cards shaking in hands. "Hi, I'm Lloyd Irving."

"That's it?" Sheena asked.

Kratos nudged Lloyd again. "Don't embarrass me as my son!"

Looks who's talking... Lloyd thought. "I'm Lloyd Irving: The Hero?"

"A rocky start...." Raine commented.

"Err... I think I should be the Ultimate Hottie because I like--"

Kratos nudged Lloyd AGAIN. "I'm sorry Lloyd, you must've picked up my cue cards by mistake..."

"What?"

Kratos gave Lloyd a harsh look to follow along and switched the cue cards. "SEE?"

"Ohh..." Lloyd got the hint. "Yeah... I believe I should be the Ultimate Hottie because I have the guts and the stubbornness to protect any girl in danger?..." He stared at the seeming-to-be satified Kratos. "I also am a bit of a doorknob, I know, but who can't fall in love with someone so innocent?... And I already have a girl, wink at Colette, so that just makes me hard to get. Oh, and my dad is also hot, if not hotter. Thank you." Lloyd sat down, quite embarrassed..

All the girls applauded.

"You were supposed to WINK AT COLETTE! Not read it!!" Kratos whispered to his son.

"Yeah, I realized that afterwards..."

"Doorknob."

"Yeah, you know, thanks, Dad."

"It makes me happy in my heart now that you call me Dad! Not Kratos... or Traitor..."

"By the way, how come you put it that you're hot?"

"'Cause it's true!"

"What about Dirk? He's my dad too, you know..."

"Forget Dork!"

"Dwarven vow #1999: Don't make fun of Dwarves, or they'll come after you with sledgehammers."

"What's Dwarven vow #2000?"

"Dwarven vow #2000: Make your father Cheezy Nachos on a daily basis. If there's no Nachos, make him some kind of Mexican food."

"Ooh... Nachos! Make me some!"

"You're not a dwarf."

"DAMN!"

"By the way, I meant 'Dad' was Kratos, not Dirk."

All the girls "ohh"ed in response.

Who will win the first round? Find out... if I get enough reviewers!! ::facefaults::

I must admit, the scripted the version is much better. Ah... well... it's against the rules. -.- I... don't... like.... rules... ANYWAY! If you ask questions during a review, I may not answer them right away. My email is connected to Yahoo!, and... well.... u.u; AOL has blocked me from Yahoo!. I'm trying to find a way around the system though.... CURSE YOU AOL, FROM BLOCKING ME FROM RANDOM PAGES, SUCH AS THE GUIDELINES-- ::ahem:: Sorry. n.n;