All I Want For Christmas
A/N: This story is based on the OCOH December challenge. (The beginning might be a little confusing, but you will understand why at the end!!)
xxx
THE MALL – Christmas Eve - Day
"Oh, come on, Abby. Do it for Cosmo. This is his first Christmas," Susan pleaded. Susan, Chuck, and baby Cosmo and I were standing in the "Santa Line" waiting for Cosmo's turn to sit on Santa's lap.
"You know I didn't even want to come, Sus."
"I know, Ab, but it's his first…"
"Christmas, I know. But Christmas's aren't very good for me. I don't expect this year to be any different." I quickly raked my hand through my blondish-brownish locks, and looked up at the line.
"Abby, you know that isn't what I mean. I want you to tell Santa EXACTLY what you want, so you will get it. I want you to have a good Christmas for once."
"I have had a good Christmas, once, and that was with…"him." And I know I will never have a good Christmas again, because we aren't together anymore. In case you haven't noticed!"
While we continued to argue, we hadn't even realized that it was our turn.
"Santa, I hope you don't mind, but my friend Abby here, wants to sit on your lap first. The baby can wait."
"Ho ho ho! Well, hello there, Abby!" The cheeriness of "Santa" was making me want to gag, but before I could do anything I was sitting on his lap, and something just seemed different. I felt as if I could tell him anything. I felt very comfortable, and I also felt like I had sat on that lap before. I knew I was just being insane, so I just kept my mouth shut.
"Well, Abby, what do you want for Christmas?" He asked. I thought for a minute, and smiled to myself. As I quickly whispered into Santa's ear what I wanted, I felt his thigh tense up, and his entire body almost shake. I immediately stood up, making sure everything was okay, and I saw Santa smiling.
"Do you really want that for Christmas?" I nodded, and Susan came up to give Cosmo to Santa. I was extremely disturbed by that experience, so I just walked away, and sat on a bench to wait for Susan.
xxx
ER – SAME TIME
"Weaver, come on! Secret Santa is a Christmas Tradition!" Luka whined. Weaver just rolled her eyes and walked on. She was on her way to a trauma and Luka knew she wouldn't stop. I will just get everyone to annoy her until she says yes…He thought.
"Luka, I know you will get everyone against me anyways, so just do it! I don't care!" She yelled without looking back. Luka just smiled to himself, and walked on in the opposite direction.
ER – LATER
"Hey, Luka, how come there are envelopes on our lockers…?" Sam asked, very curious.
"I don't know. Maybe someone found out we were doing Secret Santa's and put names on our lockers. I have no clue who that could be, though…"
"Strange…shouldn't we pick out of a hat or something…" Sam peaked into her envelope, and her eyebrows went straight up. "Cause someone can't just pick this stuff for us."
"But what is the point if it is already done? Who did you get?"
"Ugh, you know I can't tell you! But trust me; it is someone you will NEVER guess! But let's just forget about that for a second…Are we still on for tomorrow?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Ok, see you later. I have to go pick up Alex."
"Okay, bye."
11:38 pm
After that incident at the mall, I said good-bye to Susan, and headed back to my apartment. I watched TV for a few hours, with a tub of ice-cream. Moping is what most people would call it. I even fell asleep for a couple hours. It was a nice nap, other than the nightmare I had that showed me everything that I have ever wanted, and that I could never have it again.
"John! I'm home!" I yelled, stepping into the house. It was a warm house, with beautiful pale green walls, and picture frames hanging up everywhere.
"In the dining room!" I heard him call back.
A small gasp escaped my throat as I stepped into the dining room. Two tall candles were in the center of the table, and the smell of my favorite foods drifted into my nostrils.
"Happy Anniversary," he said with that boyish grin of his. He really did remember, I thought.
"John, wow, everything looks wonderful. Where are Ashley and Allison?"
"They are with Grandma Maggie. Don't worry, I have everything under control, you just need to relax, and enjoy your dinner with your favorite husband."
"Mm, I don't know if you are my favorite…My 4th Husband is really nice, but my 16th is a lot more romantic and daring then you."
"Ha-ha, very funny."
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Now let's eat so we can take our bath."
"Our bath…?" I asked curiously.
That dream went on exactly the way anyone would imagine. We ate dinner, we took a hot bath together, and things got even hotter later on. And then, just like anyone would guess, I woke up. Right during the highlight of the night. I have had that dream before, only, I call it a nightmare. Every time I spend, if only, a few minutes thinking about him, I am plagued by that future I know I'll never have.
When I woke up, I took a cold shower, and put on one of his t-shirts with a pair of jeans. I silently walked off into the night and found myself at our spot. What surprised me, though, was that he was there, and it looked like he was waiting for me.
"Hey." I said quietly, as I sat next to him.
"Hey."
"What are you doing here?" I questioned.
"I was just about to ask you the same question…"
"I was just…bored, I guess, so I took a walk, and ended up here somehow."
"Oh, well, same here I guess. I came here from the hospital. The secret santa thing is going around. I just found out who I got, and I have no idea what I am going to get her. Hey, by the way, what ever happened to that box I gave you last year?"
"Why are you asking about that now?"
"Well, I don't know. I just remembered it, and I am curious as to where it ended up to."
Just then, my cell rang.
"Hello?"
"Abby, it's Susan. I have good or bad news, depends on how you look at it."
"Okay, but right now isn't a good time."
"It'll only take a second."
"Okay, what then?"
"You know the Secret Santa thing? Well I was dying to know who you got, so I peaked in the envelope that was on your locker. Guess who you got? CARTER!"
"What? You have got to be kidding me…"
"No, I'm serious, and rumor is, is that he got you! Oh crap, there is a major trauma coming in. I gotta go. Bye!" And with that, she hung up.
Great, I thought. Make my Christmas even worse, why don't you!
"Is everything okay?" he asked. "Because I have something very important to tell you."
"Yeah, everything is fine. What's up?"
"Abby, I know you got me for Secret Santa's."
"How?"
"Susan is a very loud person. I could hear through the phone." That made me laugh.
"And I wanted to let you know what I want for Christmas. I made a list when I was at home. It consisted of only two things."
"Okay, what were they?"
"You, and a family." This caused me to gasp, and a deadly silence to fall over us.
"John…"
"I also have more secrets. I know the only thing that you want for Christmas is me, and a family. You told me."
"What? How the hell did you know that? Are you a stalker or something, John!?"
"I was Santa Claus, Abby. Some old man dared me, when I was laughing at the adults in line." That would explain that strange, familiar feeling, I thought. And for some strange reason, I didn't feel enraged, or embarrassed, like I normally would. I felt…happy, and relieved. I was glad that he finally knew how I felt about him.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, before he spoke up.
"Well…now about that box. It had a lot of your old stuff in it. I was so in love with you when I left, that I did everything I possibly could to pretend you were there with me. I was trying not to miss you as much. I knew you wouldn't notice this stuff was gone, because it was the stuff you left at my apartment."
"Why did you send it back, then? If you were so in love with me, and supposedly, you still are right now, then why would you give up the last piece of me you had?" I was trying so hard not to cry, but silent tears slowly swept over my cheeks.
"I knew I couldn't hold onto you forever, and by that point I had convinced myself that I had hurt you to much for you to even think about being with me again. That's also why I sent the letter. I felt as though it needed to be done. I shouldn't have, but I did. And with Kem, and sending your stuff, and the letter, was all apart of some sick plan that I wanted to use so I could stop hurting, and try not to love you so much. God, Abby, (he was crying by now) I hurt you in every way possible, and I thought that this plan of mine wouldn't hurt you anymore, and that it would take my pain away. I was so selfish, and I wasn't thinking. I just didn't know what to do.
"I thought if I gave up one thing I loved, I could get the other thing that I have always wanted: a family. It never occurred to me that I could have both, until now…Now that I know exactly how you feel."
"Well, I don't know…I accept your apology, and I am all for starting over…But the thing is, is how are we going to? How will it work? That is the reason I have never told you how I feel, before. Since Africa, I have been afraid to tell you because I am afraid of getting hurt again."
"Well, even if you didn't tell me to my face, I am very proud of you for standing up to your fear. I swear to you, now that I know how you feel, I will never hurt you again."
"Thanks. And I want you to know I now believe this can work. All of the 'why' questions are answered, so what is stopping us from getting what we want for Christmas? What is stopping us from being together?"
"Nothing is stopping us. And you know what? You are the best Secret Santa I have ever had. You gave me EXACTLY what I wanted for Christmas." We smiled at each other for a brief moment, and at the first stroke of midnight, we kissed. Long and passionate. We wanted to fill every inch of each other that has been empty for so long. After a few minutes, he pulled away.
"Wait, won't this be a little awkward?" he asked.
I rolled my eyes. "Everything in life is awkward one way or another. In this case, you just have to forget the past, and learn to deal with the future."
"I'll kiss to that."
"Me too." And so we continued to kiss.
"Let's go back to my place…sound good?" I asked. He smiled. Right as he turned around, he noticed an old man watching us from a couple feet down, he immediately turned back around to me and told me that was the old man who dared him to be Santa. When he turned back around though, the old man was gone.
"I think I know who is responsible for all this. Us getting back together, the Secret Santa's, us getting each other, I mean, and us getting everything we have ever wanted for Christmas…"
"Who? The old man?"
"Santa!"
"Santa? Hah! Yeah right Carter…Santa doesn't exist."
"Whatever Abby. I believe in him, and I think he did all this."
"Ok, John. Come on. Let's get out of here."
EPILOGUE
"Allison Carter! Give that present back to Ashley right now!" I commanded. "But Barbie's are for six year olds, not for four year olds! Ashley always ruins hers!"
"How do you know it is a Barbie? It isn't even opened yet!"
"Mommy, I know. I am Ms. Present Snoop Carter!"
I heard John laugh in the kitchen all the way into the living room. Our daughters, Allie and Ashley, were the highlight of our lives. All those years ago, when John and I first got back together, I told him about my dreams. We had made love early Christmas morning, and we had lied in bed, tangled up in each other, and talked for hours, just like the way we used to. When I told him about those dreams, he made it his goal to give me that future, and now I have it. And now I think to myself, as I watch my little girls open their presents, maybe screw-ups like me can have a good Christmas after all.