A Screaming Breath
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
My breathing is steady but rapidly paces and I feel my fears flood in. This is what it all comes to and as glimpses come back to me I feel that they are the memories of my life. I see the good, the bad, and the fears. I see my past and what could have come but I have a very deep feeling that they won't. Never being so close to death before I don't really know what to think, a fog is distant in my vision.
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
Voices are heard from afar as I focus on the few minutes I have left. Being the person I was born to be certainly does have its privileges. This thought brings a small, grimacing smile onto my blood-smeared lips. I'm dying and that the same time laughing in its face. Who would have thought that when you're in pain it feels like your itching to death? Well certainly not me, of course I've never gotten this far to the edge of life so I wouldn't know until now. Maybe the itchiness is the first step to entering the real pain, the suffering. It is starting to have a deeper affect on me as my body starts to shake slightly. I know it's not from the cold.
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
Even now as I am laying helplessly in this epic battle I can't bring myself around to wonder who is winning. For me it doesn't matter anymore, I mean what good is it if I'll be dead? At least I can finally escape my mirage of a life and live in my own. Actually death doesn't sound so bad right about now. No more 'oh look it's the great Harry Potter' and no more crying over lost loved ones. But…I never thought it would happen this way. I knew some day I would face a day like this but at an older stage in my life. I guess its better like this in a sense, a sense I only half understand.
The coldness in the air has some how found its way into my body. I watch my skin as small Goosebumps form little circles on my broken self. My face is the only part of me that is in perfect condition. The rest of me I can hardly bare to look at, even with my blurred vision. There are small gashes, cuts, and bruises etched into my body and I can't feel my legs or lower back so I assume the worst that my back is broken.
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
What is the worst feeling besides dying? Feeling useless. I'm the great Harry Potter. I'm the one who is supposed to be the hero and be the lead fighter. It's not the pain that kills me, but this feeling that yells over and over in my mind. Looks like I'm not as great as everyone thinks I am. What a big surprise. At least one good thing will come out of this. People will now know that I am a human being just like them and have flaws, thoughts, a heart that beats in my chest too. All thoughts freeze as louder blood curling screams close in around me. As best I can I try to yell but nothing comes out, only a screamed breath.
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
I realize now that the itching has been gathered into stabs of pain that shoot out every few seconds from my head to the rest of myself that I can still feel. A lifeless rag doll is what I am about to become and the image gives me more thoughts of the past. Mom, Dad, green light, death…I can feel the tears gather in my dimmed emerald eyes and let them fall. No one will see me cry my last cry or watch me breathe my last breath.
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
The stabs dim. The numbness welcomes itself into my body and I cry harder in knowing that my last breathe is closer than my last heart beat. I try to focus on a memory that will pacify me into peace and help calm the rest of my life that I have left to live. Searching my short-lived life I come to a memory that I don't even know exists. I am being held in my mother's gentle arms as she cradles me to sleep singing a past lullaby…
Twinkle, twinkle little star how I wonder what you are? Up above the sky so high, like a diamond in the sky…
The melody rings in my ears as I hum the muggle tune in my head. Stiffness replaces the numbness as silent tears continue to stream down my blood and tear stained face. I enjoy the detailed memory but another half of me is still in the suffocating reality and does not fail to remind me that I am no longer in my mothers arms but in a darkness engulfed forest, with nothing left but forgotten memories.
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
An over whelming feeling of anger rises in my useless chest and I sob as I choke back the tears in anger. Failure is what has come to my life and it just so happens that it is what has brought me to my slow end. People will not remember the Harry Potter that failed them. People will not remember that a teenage boy tried to take on the weight of the world and was crushed by it, because no one remembers failures.
I am going to be forgotten because of a costly mistake.
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
My eyes grow darker even under the shimmer of the moonlight that shines over me from the openness of the leafless trees. If I could say one last thing in the midst of this chaos to anyone who would listen I would say breath. Breathe life and all that's in it. Breathe in your past memories that you hold onto so dearly. Breathe in the scents of a new day.
Simple thoughts consume my empty mind and my sobs slur into nothing. Its quiet, an eerie silence that would make even the sanest man crazy. I can't hear any more screams, any more bodies dropping to the blood stained earth, no more green flashes cross my eyes. I take all that's left within me and breathe a screamed breath.
A/N: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't own the song by Simple Plan.