I'm sleeping peacefully when a knocking at my door rouses me. My eyes instantly fly open and I realize I'm still in the rocking chair with William in my arms. I look down and can see that he is still fast asleep. Not wanting to wake him, I slowly and carefully rise from the chair and place him in his bassinet. I cover him with a blanket gently and then kiss him on the cheek. I then hear the knock again and for one brief moment wonder if it could be him.

He's supposed to be far away I know but….what if he somehow managed to come back to us? After what happened last night, maybe he decided to come home? Oh what would I do if he were on the other side of that door right now? I would open the door and probably almost squeeze him to death from hugging him so tightly. I would hold onto him for minutes not saying a word. Just wanting to indulge in his scent, his warmth. And then I would pull back and give him the most passionate kiss I could muster, taking his breath away. And then I would tell him never to leave me again, no matter what the danger involved. For in my opinion any danger in the world is worth risking just to be with him. At least if he were with me, I would know if something happened to him. This uncertainty of not knowing is killing me.

I walk up to the door and look through the peephole expecting to see his handsome, charming face staring back at me. Maybe giving me one of those adorable smiles of his I remember. Instead, I see a female face that also has one of those smiles. I open the door. "Hello, Monica."

"Morning, Dana." Monica replies smiling at me. "Did you just wake up?"

"What?" I then observe my messy hair and ragged appearance. "Oh, yes. Yes, I did. Uh, would you like to come in?" I ask motioning her in as I step to the side.

"Thanks." Monica replies before stepping inside.

I close the door behind her. "Why don't you have a seat on the couch while I grab something to throw around me?" I then make my way over to the rocking chair as she takes a seat on the couch. Picking up a white blanket, I wrap it around me and then take a seat across from the couch. "So, what brings you here this early in the morning?"

"Early?" She lets out a chuckle. "Dana, its past 10 am."

"It….it is?" I then glance over at the clock on the wall and realize that she's right. "Oh god. I…I had no idea. Oh Monica, I'm sorry. I..I was supposed to meet with you in the office this morning about that case you're working on. I'm so sorry. It….it completely slipped my mind." I put my hand to my forehead upset that I had an important task to do and completely forgot.

"It's ok, Dana." Monica replies reaching over and placing her hand on mine. "I just figured if you weren't there this morning that you were probably here. Just call it a feeling." She tilts her head up and looks into my eyes. "What's wrong, Dana?"

"Wrong? Nothing….nothing's wrong."

"I can sense it from you, Dana." She pauses. "Is it Mulder? Did you have a dream about him again?"

"Isn't it always about Mulder anymore?" I whisper back closing my eyes.

She glances around and finds William sleeping in his bassinet. "You fell asleep in the rocking chair again last night didn't you?"

I slowly nod my head. "Sometimes….it's the only comfort I have when I'm upset."

Monica smiles. "So, it appears I made the right choice in getting it for you?"

"More than you can possibly imagine." If she only knew just how much. "Can I offer you some coffee?"

"I'd love some. And then I want to talk to you about what happened ok?"

I then hear William cry from his bassinet. I never thought I would be so glad to hear him cry but I don't want to talk about Mulder just now. "Let me just take care of William."

Monica rises from the couch. "I'll take care of William. You take care of the coffee."

I know there is no use arguing with her. Monica is kind of like the female version of Mulder to me. She knows when I'm trying to hide something and won't take no for an answer when she believes she is right. It's true that Mulder would listen to my side but if he believed he was right he wouldn't back down, just like Monica. I walk into the kitchen and go about making coffee. I can hear that the crying has stopped which tells me that William is now being cradled in Monica's arms. I'm always amazed how wonderful she is with him. I know if she ever has children of her own, she will be a wonderful mother.

As I stand in the kitchen, I wonder if I should tell her about Mulder? I could easily tell her that I had a dream about him but do I tell her what REALLY happened? Do I tell her that he and I have spiritually reconnected on another plane of existence? She is normally open-minded about things and is a spiritual person so why wouldn't she believe it? She reminds me of Missy in so many ways. She has helped me through so much from finding Mulder after he was abducted, bringing William into the world and helping me with Mulder's absence. So why shouldn't she with this?

"Ok, I took care of William. He just needed a little change. He's resting in his crib now. Coffee ready?"

I see the red light on the coffee maker flashing. "Yes. It just finished. I'll pour us a cup and bring it out."

"Ok." She smiles and then leaves the kitchen heading back out to the couch.

As I go about pouring the coffee into cups, I realize now that I have to tell her. She is such a close friend and needs to know. She'll understand. I know she will. I pick up a tiny tray and place the two cups on it along with some crème and sugar before heading back to the living room. "I wasn't sure how you wanted it so I brought both." I set the tray on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"That's perfect because I can be indecisive some days myself." Monica replies back with a grin. "Oh let's be daring today and do both. What the hell. John will probably lecture me about how it's not too good for an FBI Agent to consume it but oh well." She puts crème and sugar in her coffee and stirs it. "I won't tell him if you won't." She then takes a sip. "Mmmm…that taste good."

"Thanks." I reply as I go about taking care of my own coffee, taking a seat next to her.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened last night or do I have to guess?" She asks before taking another sip of her coffee.

"You're right, Monica in that I did see Mulder again last night." I pause. "But….it was different this time."

"Different? Different how?" She asks with a confusing look on her face.

"Different…..in that it wasn't a dream." I answer before taking another sip of coffee.

"Wasn't a…" She then pauses and her confused look changes. "Oh my god you astraled with him didn't you?"

"You…you know about that?"

"A little but yes, I do. It's when you connect with someone spiritually when you leave your physical body. Your..souls come together so to speak on another plane of existence." She looks at me. "Dana, did this really happen for you?"

I nod my head slowly.

She reaches forward and hugs me. "Oh, Dana! I'm so happy for you! I know how badly you wanted to see him. How..how did you come up with the idea?"

"Missy." I whisper.

"Your sister?"

"Yes. She…appeared to me one night and told me how to do it. But…every time I tried to get through to Mulder he would close himself off to me and prevent me from connecting with him."

"And last night you succeeded?"

"Yes."

"Then why do you appear that you're not happy? I mean…you reconnected with Mulder in one of the most powerful ways possible, with his soul. That shows just what kind of connection the two of you have. This should prove to you that anything is possible."

"But..it's not enough." I whisper.

"Dana, if anything it should give you hope."

"It's not enough!" I scream back pulling away from her and spilling my coffee all over the floor. I then hear the cry of William in the background.

"We both know why he is crying, Dana. You need to try and control your emotions."

I put my head in my hands. "I…I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"Why, Dana? Talk to me."

I raise my head and fold my hands under my chin. "It's just that…I don't want to just be with him in the astral. I…I want to be with him in the physical too. I want him here. I..I want to feel him lying next to me. I want to be able to wrap my arms around him and place kisses on his cheek."

"You can do that on the astral plane too…"

"But it's not the same, Monica!" I reply throwing my hands out in frustration. "It's true that I can but then I wake up and I'm all alone again! That part doesn't change!" I pause trying to gather my thoughts. "William needs his father, Monica. And not just spiritually. He needs him physically. He..he needs to feel his presence."

"You think he doesn't already?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you really think that Mulder doesn't have that same connection with his son that he has with you?"

"But…William is just a baby. He doesn't…"

"It doesn't matter if he is a baby or not, Dana. Regardless of that fact, he does have a soul. And his father can astral with him as well. And as long as he can, he will always be with William. He may not be there physically but he will be there…"

"In his heart." I finish.

Monica nods. "See, you do understand more than you know. William doesn't understand the concept of the physical and astral plane like we do Dana. He doesn't know there is a difference between the two. To him they are the same just the astral is easier to get around in. What I'm trying to say is it doesn't matter to him if he sees his father on the astral or the physical. Just having his presence around him is all he needs."

"I….I guess I hadn't thought of it that way before."

Monica takes my hand again. "I know how difficult this is for you, Dana. Dealing with your hectic life on top of Mulder being away from you. But there is one thing I know. And one thing that I know Mulder would agree with me on and that is that you are a strong person. You can get through this. After everything you and Mulder have been through in nine years, this is just another obstacle to overcome. If you give in to all this negativity and doubt around you then Mulder's leaving will all be in vain. And…you will begin to resent him for leaving you, which will cause you to block him away from you spiritually. Is that what you want to happen?"

"Of course not."

"Then believe in him, Dana. Believe in what he is doing for you and William. Know that it is difficult for him to be away as well. I have never seen such love and devotion between two people as I have you and Mulder. What you have…goes beyond the physical realm and into another that everyone on this planet including me would be envious of. Don't throw that away, Dana."

As I sit there listening to her words, I realize just how right she is. It's almost like Missy is sitting there and speaking right through her. Maybe she is and I just don't know it? I listen and hear that William has stopped crying now. I feel myself calm, more at peace than I was just a few minutes ago. It's amazing what can happen when you actually listen. "I won't, Monica. I promise. Thank…thank you for helping me to see these things."

"Anytime." Monica smiles back and then glances at her watch. "Oh, I'd better head back to the office before John sends the hounds out after me. I told him I just went to Starbucks to grab us breakfast. Are you going to be ok?"

I smile back at her. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Just give me some time to get dressed and drop William off at my mother's and I'll be in to talk to you about that case."

"I look forward to it." She replies before rising off the couch. "I'm sorry about your carpet."

"The coffee? Oh, don't worry about it. It's that outburst that led to this conversation in the first place." I reply with a smile. "I'll leave it as a memento. Every time I get upset or depressed I'll look at it and remember what you told me."

"You can always get some stain cleaner." She answers heading toward the door.

"It's always too easy to cover up something with something else." I reply back as I open the door for her. "Monica?"

She turns around. "Yes, Dana?"

"Thank….thank you for everything and coming over here this morning. It…it means a lot."

"What are friends for?" She asks before smiling and walking out the door.

As I close the door, I make a decision. Tonight, I will go to Mulder but this time I won't go alone. This time we will be together as a family. The way it should be.