Disclaimer: The only thing I own is Essande E'lenei and Terrill Sollec, Bioware owns the rest.
Author's Note: Now as I have said before I have not done much in the Undermountain so if there are any errors then that's my fault. But hey, it's a fiction; I'm allowed to state untruths so long as I don't go overboard right? I mean things won't be exactly how they are in the game that's all. Further more, my memory sucks and as the game is installed on the desktop and my brother has used the "this is the game computer, I know you can move but I can't" excuse, I am forced to work on my mother's laptop. So, I can't make references, I apologize. And thanks to Xuki, Guan, VaguelyFamiliar and Essence Silverdragon for the reviews. I really appreciate them.
Things To Do Before I Die
Chapter Four
Pandemonium: Just Add Water
Essande sighed as she found herself standing once again in the hallway of mirrors. This made a total of three return trips to the blasted room. Muttering obscenities directed at the Undermountain's unseen creator Essande turned around. A quiet "oops" coming from Deekin stopped her dead in her tracks though as the half-elf prepared to leave. Turning back around to find out exactly what Deekin had done Essande found herself cursing anew. Curiosity had over come the kobold and, despite Essande's order not to look in the mirrors after encountering Daelan on his way back up to the surface and hearing the tale of this room, he had looked in the mirror closest to the door.
"Oh shit." Essande uttered as she ran to assist the kobold now grappling with his mirror image. Deekin wasn't as helpless as he often let on, for when his copy has cleared the edge of the glass Deekin had leapt at him. Neither really had time to draw their weapons and left Essande helplessly watching the pair of identical kobolds rolling around on the stone floor. "Will ya both hold still so I can hit ya?!" It was a stupid thing to ask but the skald decided it was at least worth a shot. When the struggle before her didn't cease Essande simple shrugged, then proceeded to pry the two apart before they resorted to biting. The Deekin at her left gave her a toothy grin but said nothing, and the other one just glared at his twin. Suddenly a ringing sound was heard as the Deekin in Essande's right hand drew a dagger and drove it into her arm. Crying out the skald dropped both kobolds.
"You hurts Boss!" The real Deekin said before barrelling into his twin, putting the trio into the exact situation they had been in a minute earlier. Yanking the dagger out of her forearm Essande dropped it to the floor, ignoring the clatter of metal on stone.
"Alright, now I'm gonna kick some ass!" One of the Deekin's paused at this, earning him a sock to the face from his twin. Grabbing the one without a dagger at his waist Essande flipped him upside-down and shook him violently. "Stab me will you?!"
"There's a joke in here somewhere, but for now, E'lenei this is just sad." Essande ceased her shaking and looked up to see Terrill watching her with an amused look on his face. "Can't walk two feet into a dungeon without getting into some sort of mess eh?" The shadowdancer smiled when the skald stuck her tongue out at him. His gaze shifted to Deekin who was glaring at his twin. "Wow, either Daelan really sucks at fighting or this kobold of yours is so pathetic his mirror image is too." Essande eyes flashed dangerously.
"Firstly Sollec he's not mine, so don't talk about D like he's some sorta slave, and secondly D is a very useful partner, unlike some people who not only get lost but also somehow manage to get surrounded by a horde of undead." Terrill frowned, and opened his mouth to speak but had the kobold Essande was still holding tossed at him. "If you think it's so pathetic you fight with it! Come on D." Terrill easily dispatched the other kobold and stood frowning after the pair of bards.
"How did I ever survive her?" Meanwhile Essande was asking herself a similar question.
"How was it I didn't kill him?" She asked the air, her hands in fists at her sides. Deekin shrugged.
"Because Boss is too nice to do thats maybe?" The half-elf sighed, relaxing. Smiling she patted Deekin's shoulder then once again entered the room full of skeletons on thrones that she hated. Essande was sure it had a proper name but she didn't care, the undead gave her the creeps. 'Halaster is just sick. Why would anybody want to collect dead bodies? The fact I think they move from time to time is not helping?' Watching the bodies warily Essande made sure to step only the most dead centre path she could. "Um, Boss? Why is you so afraid of undeads?"
"One of my friends?Gen, he's supposedly one of the few survivors of his village. It was overrun by zombies and well; Gen is damn good at telling horror stories about it. And trust me, when someone sneaks up behind you puts a hand one your shoulder and groans in the middle of one of his stories it scares the heck outta you." Essande let out a sigh of relief when they left the room. Before them was, by now, a very well known hall. (A/N: It's true! I always end up back in this portion of Undermountain for some reason.) Like every other corridor in Undermountain it was a plain dark grey and icy cold to the touch. Aside from a golden-colored teleport patch that sat innocently along it, the hall was nothing special, but to both Essande and Deekin it was getting annoying. "Ach, the only thing I hate more than the undead is mazes." The redhead muttered as she and Deekin stepped around the teleporter.
"You wants go left or right this time Boss? It all the same to Deekin, been both ways already." Deekin said hopping over the slight raise in the ground that marked where a door used to stand. Looking back and forth Deekin pointed to the right. "Deekin thinks we been down this way less." Essande shrugged, allowing the kobold to lead the way. Following a series of twists and turns brought them back to the bridge with the magic pillars Essande had spent a good five minutes hacking away at until Deekin timidly told her it would never work. The pillars, however, were gone now and the door on the other side left wide open. A squeaking was heard in the air, high and shrill as the door moved shut ever so slightly. Frowning, Essande darted over the bridge and stared at the footsteps left in the dust.
"Sollec obviously has been this way since the pillars are down, that Tomi person too by the size of those footsteps. Other than that, these other sets could be drow or Miss Linu's?I can't tell." Deekin was now by her side looking at the footprints.
"Halaster doesn't clean much does he Boss?" Essande smiled and stepped forward through the door. They were greeted by yet another hallway, at it's end was a rusted door that looked like it hadn't been opened in years and roughly midway another corridor joined with the one the bards were standing in. "Deekin thinks elf man went that way." Deekin said, pointing to the conjoining corridor. "Uh, why Boss always calls him by last name?" Essande laughed slightly as they walked, turning the corner and stepping over the copses of a goblin and apparently the drow that was chasing him.
"I'd call him by his middle name if I knew it and he mine. I don't know how it started really, I guess cuz that's the only name I had for him at the academy in Neverwinter, the instructors were very formal when it came to names. After all I couldn't possibly call him a pervert for the entire time we were forced to work together could I?" Essande said as they walked along the pathway about a giant chasm with a platform bearing a strange colored pool as if it were a peaceful forest path. The door across from the platform was open and two bodies lay still upon the platform itself. Walking up to the pool of water the two bards stared for a while at the swirling colors. Deekin approached the door the drow lay by and knocked. "Magically sealed? Oh that's just great."
"Yeah, just great. Look E'lenei this isn't any place for a kid and her, ahem, her friend. Linu's waiting in there with some slaves she's pensioned me to help free, why don't you wait there with her 'til I get back with some activation stone thingy and Tomi, then I want you two to go back to Waterdeep." Despite the hint of concern in his voice Essande scowled and stomped up to the shadowdancer.
"Don't you go dumping that 'you're too young for this' crap on me Sollec! I proved myself once before in Neverwinter and I'm not backing out of this until I get my things back! So unless you've got the stuff that damnable drow stole from me I ain't leavin'!" Terrill stared at Essande's face for a few seconds before replying, recognizing the stubborn expression from the academy
"Very well, but hey don't think you'll always get lucky like in that hall of mirrors." Deekin, who hadn?t been paying much attention now looked at the shadowdancer indignantly, arms crossed over his chest and the soft pat of his foot on the ground, as if waiting for an apology for the hidden insult. Glancing back at her companion Essande grinned.
"Looks like your diggin' your hole deeper Sollec but I'll make you a deal. First, say you're sorry to Deekin." Terrill opened his mouth to protest but Essande cut him off, "Next, we'll wait with Linu but when you come back, we're coming with you." The moon elf was silent for a moment then sighed once more.
"Fine you win, Deekin I apologize, but don't be surprised if I shove you down a well again for this E'lenei." He said, making Essande stick her tongue out at him. When they had been forced to work together in Neverwinter, though their progress was quick they would have been through the whole fiasco faster had they not tormented each other constantly. During the fight in the Peninsula District, Essande had punted the intellect devourer straight at him. In return, not only did he "accidentally" push her into a well in the Beggar's Nest, Terrill had also intentionally gotten them surrounded by undead to freak Essande out. Terrill would pay for it later in Blacklake's no man's land when Essande "accidentally" let a rabid dog at him, saying she was far too engaged with a deranged man to notice the animal and so on and so forth.
"Whatever, Sollec. Come on D, we might as well see what all the fuss is about." The redhead said, grinning at her reptilian friend. Deekin returned the smile, satisfied with Terrill's half-hearted apology and the two slipped past the shadowdancer into a room that looked like it was once an encampment; the bodies of rakshasa strewn on the floor. "Have to admit if these were their keepers ya gotta feel sorry for the people?" Essande muttered stepping over a body.
"Deekin know, tiger people is very mean." The kobold said as Essande shoved open the door to the back room. Weary looking people looked up from their activities then returned to them after seeing that it was not Terrill returned with whatever he'd been sent out for. The first thing Essande noticed was a raised platform that in the centre of was a big rock. Aside from that and a few banged up chests and crates there was nothing of real interest in the room. "Deekin not see clumsy elf lady." That was true, Linu was nowhere in sight. Looking about Essande spied a doorway past a group of bedrolls and a barred off area.
"She's probably over there." Essande said pointing. Catching the eye of an elderly looking man whose scrutiny she was under Essande smiled. "Hi. Sollec sent us here, mind if we look around? We're supposed to wait with a friend." A malicious smile grew on his face and Essande grew uncomfortable.
"And you will wait with her, child." The people about the room shifted into rakshasa, though neither of the bards showed signs of shock. Deekin was used to seeing strange things and Essande might have been a little had he not called her a child.
"Are you saying cuz I'm short I'm a kid?!" Essande pushed forwards off the ground, drawing her long sword and effectively slicing the offender's abdomen. Pulling out her dagger Essande plunged it into the creature's neck and dragged it violently across the neck to free it. By then another of the shapeshifter's was upon her, halberd at ready. The half-elf managed to block the swing that came at her shoulder but the blow knocked her back. Meanwhile Deekin was busy reloading his crossbow. Already the kobold had seriously wounded one of the tigers and outright killed another. Aiming for the neck the bard let loose taking out a young rakshasa already bleeding profusely from the neck. As the creature fell Deekin dropped his crossbow, moving his hands in the intricate patterns of a spell and mumbling to himself.
"Look out Boss!" He called, finishing off the spell. Essande ducked under another swing of the halberd and rolled to the side, narrowly missing the onslaught of icicles that was hitting the area. Essande grinned at the reptile, as she stood once more but didn't smile for long. An acid covered arrow whizzed by the skald's head, nearly clipping her right ear. Turning to glare at her attacker the half-elf, scooted over to the side as the rakshasa let another arrow fly, and this time the arrow was joined by another of it's kind from an archer standing in the entry way of the caged area across from the original offender. Deekin began chanting again as Essande ran towards the closest of the two. A surprised look, if it was possible, appeared on the tiger's face when he found the bard was on him far faster than he'd expected watching her before. The way Essande figured it, she might as well use the boots as long as she had them. The creature's head was rolling before his companion had drawn his sword. Stepping forward to meet her though the rakshasa was taken out by a group of magic missiles. Relaxing slightly Essande looked about, aside from the dead bodies and, now, the smell of burnt flesh the room looked the same as it had been.
"That's it I think?" Essande said looking into the conjoining room. It was empty aside from a few crates some candelabra and a stone sarcophagus. Deekin walked up beside her and looked about, crossbow at ready. Stepping into the room Deekin turned and shrugged.
"Deekin think elf lady might be in the sar- sarco- the coffin." He said, putting the missile weapon away and pulling out his notes. Something sparked in Essande's head as she watched the kobold write about the fight, quietly dictating to himself. This had been the first time she'd physically seen a rakshasa. Shifting through her pack Essande frowned, tossing out the glowing sticks that were involved in the pillar puzzle on the first level. 'All that trouble and Sollec beat us to it.' Pulling out her list Essande sat down, if Linu was indeed dead and inside the sarcophagus the cleric could wait, Essande knew no raising spells and neither did Deekin, or they would have raised Sharwyn when they found her on the first level. Taking out her ink pot and quill the half-elf flipped through to "E" and ran a finger down the long "Encounter" section until she found "Encounter Rakshasa" and proceeded in crossing it out.
"Uh, Boss? How you wants Deekin describe you?" Shutting her book Essande looked up.
"What ya have now?" She inquired, making the other bard smile.
"Deekin call you pretty half-elf lady when not call you Boss." The redhead shrugged.
"Fill it with as many white lies as you wish D, not my book and you?re the author. Heck you could say I'm a lithe looking blonde who's a no-nonsense fighter and is six feet tall and no one would know the difference. S'what bards do I guess, but I think you could also try to tell the truth. I'm a redhead skald who ain't playin' with a full deck." Deekin stared at her for a second then looked at what he'd written and then back at her before replying.
"Deekin thinks he better keeps it the same, it safer that way." Essande laughed, placing her things back into her pack. A call from the room's entryway caused both bards to still though, until they recognized the voice.
"Hey, I got the?that's not right?" Essande grinned as she and Deekin walked across the room over to the bemused looking moon elf and grinning halfling. "Just what in the Abyss happened here E'lenei?" The bard rolled her eyes.
"Besides the obvious, your poor slaves were rakshasa in disguise, Miss Linu's dead and we think she might be the occupant of yon coffin." Essande said jerking a thumb towards the other room. Terrill shook his head. "Hey, where's the rogue?" Essande asked noticing now the absence of the halfling Terrill said would be accompanying him.
"He decided to find his own way out?here." Terrill said shoved a disc like stone into Essande's hands. "You figure out how to get the teleporter to work and I'll raise Linu." Both the bards stared at the rock and aside from its shape and the inscriptions all over it; it was nothing special. Essande looked over the writing, but found she didn't know the dialect and had a strong suspicion that if she did, the stone would say something along the lines of: How To Use, step one: stick foot out. Step two: Hold stone over foot. Step three: Drop stone on foot. Step Four: Call a cleric to heal broken bones in foot. Step Five: Be called a moron for two weeks for following steps one through three.
"You is supposed to put rock in here Boss." Essande blinked, the reptile's voice breaking her train of thought. Looking over at Deekin, the skald spotted the slot he had been talking about. Carrying the rock over Essande half slid and half dropped the stone disc into the slot. Both of the bards stepped back watching as the giant boulder dissolved and was replaced by a glowing disc in the centre of the platform they stood on. For a second all that could be heard was the scratching of Deekin's quill on parchment and the humming of the teleportation spell.
"I see you got it working, great! Linu I think you can use that to get back to Waterdeep." Essande turned to look at Terrill and Linu as they approached, Linu still looked a bit dizzy and Terrill had a grin plastered on his face. Stepping up to the glowing disc Linu looked doubtful.
"I don't know, those rakshasa did lie before?this could go anywhere." If possible Terrill smile got bigger.
"Hey, you're right, why don't you test it E'lenei?" Essande shot a glare at Terrill and he shrugged. "Was worth a shot, thanks Linu." The cleric smiled.
"It was no problem dear." She said stepping into the circle of light and fading away. Again silence ensued, save the sound of Deekin writing as Essande and Terrill just stared at each other.
"Ya really gotta stop smilin' when you're up ta somethin'." Again Terrill shrugged. "Well, let's go then Sollec." Essande said, stepping off the platform. The change in light direction made Essande see a glint off of one of the rakshasa's belts and she blinked. Stooping down she yanked a thin coil of chain from its place at the tiger's belt. Standing up to examine it Terrill snatched it from her. "Hey!"
"Hey yourself, I need this to open that door you two were snooping about. Remember? Magically sealed?" Essande rolled her eyes and Terrill frowned. "You're the one that wanted to tag along." He said, stepping into the other room.
"Ah, I think the title of "hero" has gone ta you're head Sollec. You were annoying before with the "you're an undergraduate" thing but this is just crossing the line. Enough with the kid stuff alright, cuz this time D's documenting this story, not Miss Sharwyn and I ain't getting pencilled in as no sidekick got it?" Terrill just shrugged again and walked over to the first of the pedestals around the strange multicoloured fountain. Getting a green tinted chain from his pack the moon elf attached it to the hook over hanging the pedestal then proceeded to do the same with the other three chains. As he set up the last chain Essande noticed a swirl of colors over the pool that Terrill didn't seem to notice, as he was busy swearing at the door. As the colors faded away she heard Deekin mutter something about "not be appropriate for book", the rest of what he said drowned out by Terrill kicking the door. "Uh, Sollec I think there's more to opening the door than just putting the chains in place." The moon elf shot her a look.
"No duh any other pearls of wisdom you want to give us?" Essande just smirked and walked over to the yellow chain, giving it a tug. The she walked over to the red chain and gave it two tugs, proceeded in giving the purple chain and green chain a tug before pulling once more on the yellow one. For a moment nothing happened then a small clicking sound was heard.
"Deekin thinks door be open now, tries again maybe?" Deekin said, not looking up from his parchment. Terrill blinked at the kobold, then turned to look at Essande who shrugged in response. Sighing the shadowdancer placed a hand on the doorknob and turned it, cursing under his breath when the door swung open with ease. There wasn't anytime for celebrating though for as soon as the door opened a chair came flying at the trio. Not expecting the large flying object Terrill didn't react in time to dodge it and was knocked backwards against the pool of water. Essande ran over to check the elf then looked up at their attacker, a flesh golem that was looking rather?sheepish? Essande held out a hand and Deekin lowered his crossbow.
"Hey, you're not drow!" The golem exclaimed coming over to pull the chair off the shadowdancer and toss it back into the room it came from. "Gee, I'm sorry I just expected you to be the drow that were chasing me. Hey how'd you open the door anyway? Halaster said the chains would go away after being used!" The two bards exchanged looks.
"Well, first off congrats on hitting Sollec here." Essande said grinning as she nudged the still recovering moon elf, "Second, no we're not drow and in fact I for one am very angry with the drow for stealing my stuff and finally, we found the chains again." The flesh golem stared blankly at the redhead for a few moments before answering.
"Uh, who are you?" Deekin opened his mouth to answer but Terrill beat him to it, sort of.
"Ow, pain. Extreme pain." Unsteadily the elf stood up and then cast a glare at the golem. "You!" He said, pointing at the construct. "You threw a chair at me."
"Yeah, we all noticed? I should have thought of that." Essande said causing Terrill to shift his glare over to her. "What? The most I ever did to you directly was kick you in the shins!" Deekin, having heard the entire story of this, snickered at the half-elf's defence. It wasn't a very good one but it worked. "Any way, I'm Essande E'lenei, this is Deekin Scalesinger and the guy who hit with the chair is Terrill Sollec." Terrill sighed.
"This entire thing's going to come back and haunt me isn't it?"
"Deekin not yet think of title for book?" Deekin stated simply causing Terrill to sigh again.
Author's Note: Okay, I'm lazy I admit it. From here I'm just skipping to the Underdark because Undermountain is driving me up the wall! Next chapter Essande gets to cross three more things off her list! Yeah!