Summary: (follow up to Helter Skelter. Some of the events in this fic will not make sense without first having read Helter Skelter. So I recommend you go read Helter Skelter.) A little over a month has passed since Spinner's confession. His, Alex, and Jay's one month suspension from DCS has recently ended. Spinner's life is finally returning to something resembling normal, when an unexpected and devastating event throws him into a tailspin.
Disclaimer: I don't know anyone involved in the show Degrassi: The Next Generation. I don't have my hand in the franchise. I really wish I did, because then there's a chance I'd be dating Shane Kippel. But as it is, I don't, and I'm not, so don't sue.
Authors Notes: Here we go, Chapter one of the follow up to Helter Skelter. I hope you guys like this, because... Yeah, this fic is just writing itself, so either it's really good and really wants to be read, or it sucks and it's trying to escape so it can die in peace. Please, if you read, review.
Chapter One: I didn't mean to hurt you
Spinner lay flat on his back in the middle of Dr. Harris's office. He wasn't sure why he always lay on the floor, it was tradition. At some point during sessions, Blair had always remained sitting on the floor, sometimes lying on the floor, after Dr. Harris had arrived. Dr. Harris had assured her that whatever she felt comfortable doing was all right, and it wasn't long before Spinner had joined her in her protest.
He was wondering where Blair was. It wasn't often that she didn't beat him to a session. Since he had admitted his guilt, taken his punishment, and apologized on his own to everyone, including Rick's mother, Jimmy's parents, and Sean, his friends had forgiven him, and now he had a tendency to be late to sessions after dropping someone off home, or talking too late after school let out. Blair, on the other hand, simply went straight to the office as soon as school let out.
Spinner sat up as the door to the office entered, and Dr. Harris came in.
Dr. Harris's face was unusually drawn and haunted. She had an envelope in her hand.
"Dr. Harris? Where's Blair?" Spinner asked, beginning to worry. Blair was never this late.
The doctor didn't speak, but simply handed him the envelope. It had his name scrawled across the front, and was still sealed.
He looked up at Dr. Harris, who nodded, then tore open the envelope. There was a single sheet of paper inside. He started to read it, and fell back to the floor.
It read,
"Spinner, I'm proud of you. You did the right thing. I'm sure you're doing a lot better now. I hope your friends manage to forgive you. I know I forgive you. I also hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I wouldn't if I were you, but I can always hope... Don't miss me, don't mourn for me. Just get your life back, and live it the way you deserve... If you don't do it for you, do it for me. Live in my memory, if that's what it takes to have your life be good. Tell Dr. Harris thank you for me? Tell her she did everything she could, that she tried as hard as she could, but some things are written in the stars. Some lives aren't to be lived out. Some people are destined to die young. I'm one of those people. I guess it would probably be awkward if I ended this note by telling you that I loved you... I guess it would be a lie anyway. I haven't known you long enough to love you. But I care about you deeply, which is why I left you this note. I don't know if I believe in the afterlife, but if it exists, I hope to see you on the other side. I'll be watching. Blair."
He started to cry. Blair's therapy had failed. She was gone; she'd taken her own life. Something he'd once attempted to do. And her last words had gone to him.
"I think it's alright if we cancel the session for today." Dr. Harris whispered.
---
Spinner was a mess when he entered the house.
"Gavin?" Mrs. Mason and Kendra stood up when he threw open the door, his shoulders shaking with silent sobs. They hadn't expected him home for another hour, and they certainly hadn't expected him like this. He had recently been coming home from sessions in a good mood. He slammed the door behind him, and simply stood there, trembling.
Mrs. Mason went to her son, and put her hands on his shoulders.
"Gavin..."
"Blair." He choked out. "Blair did it. She killed herself."
Mrs. Mason gasped. Spinner had talked quite a bit about Blair. He had credited her with his confessing his crimes to the school, he had claimed that she had made everything better. Maybe even saved his life.
"Oh, Gavin. My baby, Gavin." Mrs. Mason hugged him tight, and led him to his bedroom.
Kendra turned to the phone, and called the Del Rossi's.
---
"Spinner?" Kendra knocked on his door.
A muffled noise was the only response.
"Marco's here." She waited for him to tell her to send him away, but there was no such answer.
"Go in." she said.
Marco looked at Kendra carefully. It had been one thing when he had come by the house every few days to try and get Spinner to talk. But his presence had never been requested.
"Please? He needs someone that... isn't family."
Marco nodded, and went into Spinner's room. He closed the door behind him. Spinner was lying on the floor, and Marco was reminded uncomfortably of the last time the he had seen Spinner lying on his bedroom floor, that time wracked with tremors.
He stood there awkwardly, and Spinner opened his eyes.
"Marco."
Marco had been the only one of his friends who he'd talked about Blair with. Kendra knew that of course. Sometimes it seemed like Kendra knew everything.
Spinner stood up abruptly, threw his arms around Marco, and began to cry again.
After a few moments, Spinner pulled away, and wiped at his face hastily. He sat on the edge of his bed, and stared at the envelope on the floor. He had replaced the note into it. Marco sat beside him on the bed.
"Marco...?"
"What, Spinn?"
"Would you have felt like this if I had died?" He asked, his voice shaking nearly beyond recognition. He looked away from the envelope, and up at Marco.
"No, Spinn..." Marco closed his eyes to hold back tears. "I would have felt worse." He put an arm around Spinner's shoulders. "I would have felt worse."