A/N: hey. ok this is gonna be a one- shot songfic to S Club 7's "Never Had A Dream Come True". it will be based on an event that recently happened in my life---- it happened like last Wednesday. Spinelli is basically, in a way, resembling myself and TJ is the guy that was involved in the whole thing. so here ya go. grab a box of tissues, sit back, and enjoy!
disclaimer: i do not own recess or any characters
Ashley Spinelli stormed into her bathroom and quickly wiped the flow of tears cascading from her puffy red eyes. Looking in the mirror, she scolded herself. 'How could you be so fucking stupid? To think it would actually work out? Of course you would fail. You bitch. No wonder you're so fucking miserable!' she thought.
Spinelli threw open the medicine cabinet and pulled out a knife. As more tears fell from her eyes, she slowly made a fresh cut on her left arm. Smiling, she watched as the blood rushed down the drain. After quickly running cold water over it, she pulled down the sleeve of her sweatshirt and ran to her room where she flopped down on her bed and cried hysterically until she cried herself sick. As she gagged, Spinelli thought back to what had just happened today at school.
:::FLASHBACK:::
"Spin? Spin!" Spinelli snapped back to reality when she heard her best friend, Gretchen Grundler, calling her name. "Honestly, would you stop staring at TJ? I mean, if you stare any harder, you're going to burn a hole through the poor boy!" Spinelli laughed slightly.
"You know how I feel about him," Spinelli smiled. She had loved TJ Dettweiler ever since she first met him. How exited she had been when he broke up with his girlfriend of one year and four months! But she still couldn't gather enough courage to ask him out.
"... and did you hear? Vince told TJ that if he didn't find a new girlfriend by Wednesday, then he'd find one for him personally!" a girl was saying at the next table. Joy filled within Spinelli.
"Did you hear that? Wednesday!" Spinelli exclaimed to Gretchen.
"You want me to ask him for you?" Gretchen asked her friend willingly. She would do anything to stop hearing about TJ.
"No! I mean yes! I mean not today," Spinelli replied.
"Ok. But if you wait too long, it's not my fault," Gretchen told her, slightly shaking her head.
Everybody's got something they had to leave behind.
One regret from yesterday
That just seems to grow with time.
Monday went by. Soon Tuesday rolled around. Spinelli still hadn't asked him yet. What if she had waited too long?
'That's it, I'm asking him today!' she thought to herself. Spinelli was determined to ask him the question. That's when she heard someone talking behind her.
".... yeah TJ and Ashley A. That's what I heard."
Oh no. She waited too long. It's too late. Everything began to spin. Her vision went blank. Her ears quit working. Her head was buzzing. Spinelli fell to her knees.
"Spin are you ok?" Gretchen asked worriedly. Spinelli looked at her with tears in her eyes.
"It's too late. I waited too long," Spinelli choked out.
"No, I'll ask him tomorrow. Maybe you heard wrong. Or maybe they were wrong. You never know," Gretchen suggested as she helped her friend up off the floor; people were beginning to stare.
"Thanks Gretch," Spinelli said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve.
It came. Wednesday. Spinelli walked into her homeroom. The thought of what Gretchen was about to do after the period ended came over her. As she was thinking about what his response might be, a note landed on her desk. Startled, she picked it up and read it.
I'll ask him when the bell rings.
Don't think I won't, either!
Spinelli knew exactly what she was talking about. She saw as Gretchen mouthed to TJ "I need to talk to you at your locker." TJ nodded in agreement. The bell was about to ring. Spinelli looked over at Gretchen who just smiled. Spinelli put her hands together and looked above.
"Please, God, give me the courage I will need to get through it when Gretchen asks TJ out for me. Please don't let me break down. I need strength. I need courage. Please allow me to have them." Spinelli ended her silent prayer as the bell rang. That period ended all too soon and Spinelli watched as she saw her best friend approach TJ. She went on to her second period class and waited for Gretchen's arrival. When Gretchen walked through the door, she had a grim look on her face which told Spinelli exactly what his answer had been. Spinelli did not even need to look when Gretchen shook her head.
Spinelli sunk down in her chair. It took all she had not to cry. She had loved him forever and this is how he repays her? By saying no? Why? It had to be something about her. 'I knew it. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not popular enough. No one would ever want to go out with someone like me. I knew it all along.'
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it could be now or might've been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go.
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you
Spinelli was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't even acknowledge the bell ring, signaling the end of class, until Gretchen came over and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Spinelli, I'm so sorry. I know how strongly you feel about him," she said sympathetically. Spinelli looked up at her with tears brimming her eyes. She stood up and the two exited the classroom.
"What did he say? Tell me your exact conversation," Spinelli demanded. Gretchen sighed. This would not be easy to tell. Gretchen took a deep breath before beginning.
"Well, I went up to him and said 'TJ do you have a girlfriend yet?' He said 'It depends. Who wants to know?' So I told him not to worry because I wasn't asking him out. I said 'My friend just wants to know if you will go out with her.' So he said 'Well, who's your friend?' I told him 'Ashley Spinelli.' And that is when he said 'Oh. Well, sorry but you can tell her I already have a girlfriend.' I'm so sorry Spinelli. He's a loser," Gretchen said trying to comfort her friend.
"I can't believe it. If I had been prettier or more popular, I know he would have said yes. But I'm not, so he didn't. I though he was different. I really did. I can't believe this. I have to get out of here," Spinelli said before her voice broke. As tears began to descend from her eyes, she quickly strolled down the stairs and out the door onto the street.
"Spin! You can't just walk out of school!" Gretchen called after her, but it was too late. Spinelli had already broken into a run and was on her way to her house.
:::END FLASHBACK:::
So she sat there thinking. Her life sucks. How could he have said that? I mean, yeah turning her down is one thing, but the way he said it. Spinelli sat up and choked on some more tears. She grabbed her pillow and threw it at a wall. Grasping her glass of water that she keeps on her bedside table, she flung it across the room, drenching her closet and posters with cold liquid and watching the glass shatter and fall to the floor. Just like her heart had.
Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow could never be
'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind.
"If I hadn't of waited so long I'd probably have a boyfriend right now. I wouldn't be so miserable. I would be loved by someone for once! But my life's a screw up! It's no wonder he said no to me! Who would date such a fucked up bitch like me!" Spinelli screamed at the top of her lungs as she continued to demolish her bedroom. When she finally stop throwing things around, she sat on her bed and wiped her eyes.
"We could've been a great couple."
There's no use looking back or wondering
How it should be now or might've been
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go
I've never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
"I don't care what anyone says anymore. My life is so screwed up. My friends have turned against me. The boy of my dreams rejected me. My family just doesn't understand me. I can't take it anymore!" Spinelli screamed as she flung her head backward onto her other pillow. "How can one person be so friggin' heartless? And why does it have to be the one person I love more than anything?"
You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will
Say you will
You know you will, oh baby
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try
I just can't say goodbye
No, no, no, no
"I don't care if he doesn't love me. I'll fucking make him love me if I have to. I know we'll end up together whether he sees it or not. TJ, whether you like it or not, I love you and I will always love you," Spinelli said before turning off her light and crawling into her bed. She wiped her eyes for the last time before letting sleep over take her body.
I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
You're the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be
A part of me will always be
With you.
Oh.
A/N: so there u go. i know you are probably all thinking "if this happened wednesday, why is she waiting until now to post it?" well the answer to that is because i had to have time to calm down before i could reenact it. i have to say, that whole experience had to be one of the most dramatic ones in my life so far. well, i hope you all liked it. please RR!