Chapter 10

Cordelia waited impatiently for Harry to get to her apartment, she paced up and down the hall until she heard the doorbell ring. She pulled open the door and relief swept over her when she saw Harry. "Come in, come in!" Cordelia said, practically pulling Harry inside.

"Cordelia! What's wrong!? You didn't say a thing over the phone…" Harry began, but Cordelia interrupted her.

"Doyle left, I'm mean he just walked out the door! I'm not even sure what happened, he got all upset that you were here and we hadn't talked to him first and then he just left! I don't know what to do I've looked every where for him, I…I…I" Cordelia burst into tears, Harry put a comforting arm around her shoulders, "It's all my fault to I just know it is!"

"Shh, shh it isn't you did what you thought was right, he had no right to get mad at you. Don't worry we'll find him, but why didn't you tell Angel, he'd want to know…"

"I know, I know! But he's already stressed out the way it is and I didn't want to put anymore pressure on him."

"Cordelia you're the one stressed out! He should help and I bet he wants to! Why don't we just call him?" Harry said moving toward the phone.

"No!" Cordelia cried out, "Look we can call him if anything else goes wrong, but not before ok?" Harry nodded just as the phone started ringing. Cordelia went and answered it, "Hello? O hey Buffy, how are you? Me? I'm fine. Really! We'll that's great I'm so happy for Gunn…go to the party? No, no…um…Doyle's sleeping and I don't want to leave him here. Harry watch him? No he wasn't too happy about her being here in the first place and I don't want to upset him more…ok then. Bye."

"You should have just asked for Angel and told him…" Harry said.

"Hey! We made a deal only if something else happens, ok?" Harry nodded again and Cordelia, satisfied, went to work trying to figure out where Doyle would have gone. After a half-hour the doorbell rang. Cordelia got up to see who it was and received a surprise to see Emma standing there. "Um…Emma…hi, Angel's still at the office…"

"Yea I know he sent me here to check up on you and insist that you go to the party." Emma said letting herself in, Cordelia ran ahead of her and blocked her way, just before entering the living room where Harry was.

"You know," she said a little loudly, "Harry and I are set up in my bedroom, we're trying to figure out a plan to help Doyle." Only Cordelia heard Harry's scramble to get to the bedroom, before Cordelia let Emma past. She continued in a perfectly normal voice, "Why don't you join us?"

"Um…ok your weird." Emma stated before walking toward the bedroom, she didn't see Cordelia stick her tongue out at her from behind. "So, what's the plan?"

"Um…well, we don't actually know yet…maybe you could help…" Cordelia said opening up the door to the bedroom. Harry was sitting in a chair with a paper in her hand as if they had been working hard all day.

"Hi," Harry said, "Cordelia you know we might have more room in the living room…"

Cordelia shook her head, "I told you all ready I don't want to disturb up Doyle, there's a much better chance of that out there…" Cordelia hoped that Harry got that Cordelia didn't want to have Doyle come in while Emma was still there, because she was sure to tell Angel.

Harry nodded and they got to work, they were all thinking of a way to help him but nothing was coming. Different suggestions were said, but nothing that everyone hadn't thought of before, or they hadn't tried. After a few hours they heard the front door slam shut, they all jumped. Emma looked questionably at Cordelia and Harry.

"Um…Doyle must not realize we're in here, I'll go check on him…" she got up and went to the kitchen where she could hear Doyle moving things in the refrigerator. "Doyle?" She walked into the kitchen to see Doyle moving his normal brand of Irish beer aside to fit a case of a different brand; Cordelia could see that it was still Irish brand. Just like Doyle, she thought, keep to his ethnic background, a small smiled formed around her lips but she pushed it away until she knew Doyle was all right. "Doyle?" she said again.

Doyle turned around and looked at Cordelia and nodded to show he was listening. "Are you ok?" Cordelia asked, hoping he would say something, but again he just nodded. "Doyle!" she said a little more forcefully than she meant, "Please say something!"

Doyle, having fit his beer into the refrigerator, turned again to look at her. He seemed to look though her, his eyes unfocused. "Just thought I'd try a new brand of beer that's all." He said and sat down to drink one.

"Cordelia?" Harry's voice said from the hall.

"Be right there…" Cordelia was hesitant, she didn't want to leave Doyle, but it'd be only for a minute or so. She went to see what Harry wanted. "Yea?" she asked when she came up to Harry.

"Well…is he ok?" Harry asked.

"I don't know; he's just going on about some how he just wanted to try a different beer brand. But the way he looked at me…it was like I wasn't even there."

"Different brand of beer? That's funny the only time he changed the brand of beer, that I know of, was the night I left him…o no!" Harry and Cordelia looked at each other with fear on their face before running to the kitchen. They found Doyle still sitting at the table, "You should try to get him out of the memory or whatever, if he starts talking to "me" then I'll try to say my parts of the conversation the best I can so you know what's going on." Harry said, Cordelia nodded and walked over to Doyle.

"Doyle? Doyle you need to stop this before it starts ok? Just look at me and talk to me, come on Doyle say something! Doyle! Doyle please!" Cordelia tried to get him to talk to her but he just wouldn't listen. Suddenly Doyle looked up at the wall as if somebody just walked into the kitchen through it.

"I just came in," Harry said, " 'Francis, good to see your home for once.' "

"What do you mean? I'm always home." Doyle said as if him and Harry were having a real conversation.

" ' Yeah a bit too much, Francis you have to get out more, and not to bars! This is a great opportunity…"

"God Harry if I hear you say it's a great opportunity one more time I'll…!"

" 'You'll what? Hurt me? You've already done that enough Francis all you do is sit around and drink! God you're probably drunk now, I can't even tell the difference! This isn't you, Francis, it isn't you!" Even Harry was speaking the words as if she were having a normal conversation; Cordelia could tell that she had been almost yelling in the past.

Doyle mumbled something incoherently.

" 'You know what Francis? I can't take this anymore! I…I'm gonna go away for a while, to my mom's maybe…' " Harry marched out of the room as Doyle looked up in shock.

"Now wait a minute!" he called after Harry, getting up to follow her. He tripped over the chair and struggled to get up. Cordelia quickly followed where Harry had gone before Doyle had gotten up. "Harry!" she heard Doyle call. Cordelia found Harry in the living room.

"Cordelia…when I walk out that door, which I'm going to, then I'm not gonna come back for a bit, ok?" Harry said.

Cordelia nodded, "Of course, I know this much be hard for you…" Cordelia didn't finish talking, Doyle came in and she quickly moved out of the way.

"Now Harry listen to me, there's no need to go to your mother…"

" 'I think there is Francis…I can't handle this anymore' " she moved away, it looked to Cordelia as if she was packing an invisible suitcase. She pretended to slam shut the suitcase and marched out of the room. She came back through the other door as Doyle followed her out the first one; Harry started walking towards the door.

"Now come on Harry, listen to me." Doyle said.

"No! Francis, you've had your chance I'm leaving now." Harry said. Doyle grabbed her arm and swung her around.

"Harry…!" But before he could finish Harry slapped him, Cordelia watched as Harry's hand moved to Doyle's cheek, staying only inches above it so she wouldn't really hurt him. Doyle looked at Harry in shock as she turned around and walked toward the door. "God damn it Harry!" Doyle yelled, he threw his beer bottle at the wall near the door, Harry jumped as it shattered. "I'm your husband and I say you stay here!"

Harry slowly turned around and looked at Doyle in fear. "No, Francis." She said trying to keep her voice level, "I'm not staying here…goodbye." She had real tears in her eyes, and Cordelia realized that this had to have been one of the worst experiences ever. Harry turned around and left, shutting the door softly behind her.

"Harry!" Doyle called, he ran to the door and threw it open. He stood in the doorway and shouted again. "Harry! Come back, Harry!" After a few minutes he turned around and shut the door behind him. He, too, had tears in his eyes. He looked around as if he was lost; he then looked at the remains of the beer bottle by the door. He looked down at his hands; his thoughts were clear to Cordelia, "What have I done." He walked over and started cleaning up the broken glass, trying hard not to cry but it wasn't working. He was steadily sobbing when he cut himself on some glass. "Ow!" he cried and then he transformed into his demon form, instantly he dropped the glass and stared hard at his hands.

"I'm a monster." He whispered. "A damn monster!" he was sobbing uncontrollably and then he started banging his head against the wall, hard. Cordelia could see the holes left by his spikes. She rushed over to calm him down.

"Doyle! Doyle please, please Doyle come on! Come out of this." She cried and her head fell on his chest and she was sobbing now too. "Doyle please, please. Just get though this please, for me. Please." After a few moments Cordelia realized that Doyle was no longer sobbing, instead he was looking down at her in horror. "Doyle?"

"Cordelia? O my God, Cordelia…" he stopped and looked at his hands, he then reached up and touched his face. He was still in demon form. "You…you just saw all that didn't you?" Cordelia nodded. "O God, o God!" he jumped up and pulled the door open, shaking off his demon form.

"Doyle, please! Just stay here and talk to me!" Doyle didn't listen he shut the door and walked away from the house. Cordelia collapsed on the floor in tears.

"Cordelia?" Cordelia's head shot up and she saw that Emma was standing in the doorway, from the look in her eyes Cordelia could tell she had seen, or heard, most of what happened. "Are you ok?"

"Emma I need you to call Angel ok? Tell him Doyle ran off and I'm trying to find him. I have to go now, so can you please just do this for me?" Cordelia asked putting her coat on. Emma nodded and Cordelia walked out the door.