Chapter 11

Angel left immediately when Emma told him what had happened. When he got to Cordelia's apartment he found Harry pacing around the room. "I don't know where Cordeila went! She just left the house after Doyle and she hasn't called or anything! Angel I'm sorry I'm so sorry…" Harry broke down crying and Angel walked her over to the couch.

"Shhh, it's ok Harry. You're just a little stressed, now what happened, Emma didn't really explain very well." Angel listened intently as Harry explained it all.

Cordelia walked around downtown not knowing what to do, she'd been everywhere that she could think of that Doyle might go to. Bars had been the first place, then his old apartment, and the old office building. "Where could he be!?" she thought, and once she had thought about it for a little longer it came to her and she hurried off.

Angel now was the one pacing around he could think of where to go, he couldn't think of who he needed to find first. Doyle probably, he was more likely to get in trouble. How would he know where Doyle might go now, old hangouts? But Angel didn't know all of them, unless…Doyle's journals, they might be some help. Angel went into Doyle's room and found them surprisingly fast. He flipped though the older ones until he came to the newest one, he was surprised to find that Doyle had started writing in them again. A particular entry caught his eyes.

It read:

I think I'll go back there sometime, that old dock where I…had my last memories of earth. Don't know when I'll get around to it though. Cordelia seems really worried about me, same with Angel. And it's not like before; there are other people here now. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I'd always known more people would come, I just figured I meet them around the same time as everyone else. Except that Wesley guy, apparently he was in Sunnydale while Cordelia was there. Those old docks though, I think I'll go back sometime, maybe sometime I'll go and visit all the old places too.

"Right," Angel said, "the docks."

Doyle walked slowly, memories flashing before his eyes. One of the better ones was when Cordelia told him to ask her out already. He smiled, he'd been so happy the, but it hadn't lasted. His most painful memory wasn't when he'd actually jumped and was being burnt, not that one. It was the one when he realized he had to die, that it couldn't be Angel. That Angel had to stay to save the world again and again, and that he couldn't be there to help. That he'd never get that date with Cordelia, how he'd never know if she could ever really love him. That he'd have to stop seeing them every day, that he'd stop existing. The memories made him cry, he had wanted to then too, in that split second that he realized it all. But he had stayed strong for Cordelia and Angel, to show that he wasn't afraid, but he had been. He then thought of the actually dieing, the pain, and the darkness. He fell to his knees crying.

Cordelia thought she heard crying, she was sure of it. She rounded a corner to see Doyle, mere feet from where the boat had been, from where he had died. She ran over to him and put her arm around him. "Doyle? Doyle, shh shh, it's ok. Doyle, its ok, everything will be alright."

"Cordelia, I'm sorry I'm so sorry. I haven't been trying; I haven't wanted to get over this. I'm sorry I'm sorry." Doyle sobbed into her arms.

"Doyle it's fine, ok? It's all going to be all right. You can still get over all this, get past it." Cordelia tried to get him to get up, "Come on Doyle, let's go."

But Doyle wouldn't move, "Cordelia, why am I back here? Why does it seem like I shouldn't be. Before I died all's I could think is how I wanted to stay here but it doesn't seem right now. Why? Why can't I fit?"

"Doyle, you do fit. You'll always fit. You wanted to stay here right? To be here and live your life? Well now you have a chance to, and you need to take the change." Cordelia got him on his feet, "Ok? Take that chance; I couldn't bear it if you left me again, so you got to stay. Promise me you'll stay." Cordelia had tears in her eyes by this time.

Doyle looked into her eyes, "I promise princess, I promise." He drew her into a tight embrace, and that's where they were when Angel came around the corner. Doyle looked up, he saw Angel and let go of Cordelia. She turned to face Angel, they both kept one arm around each other.

"Everything ok?" Angel asked. They both nodded. "Ok then, while don't we go back to Cordelia's apartment?" They nodded again. When they got back they found Harry gone. Doyle and Angel talked and then Cordelia brought out some coffee. They stayed up and talked for hours. In the morning everyone else came over and they talked some more. This time Doyle was more open to them being there and they spent the whole day together, it wasn't until close to mid-night that they all left Cordelia and Doyle so they could get some sleep.

"Hey, Cordelia?" Doyle asked, he was sitting in a chair and Cordelia had gotten up to get ready for bed.

She turned around, "Yea Doyle?"

"Well I just want to," Doyle stood up and walked over to her, he took her hands in his. "Just want to say thanks, for all you've done for me. Taking care of me and all. I just want you to know that I'm going to make it easier on you for now on."

Cordelia put her hand on Doyle's check, "Doyle don't worry about it, there's no one else in the world that I would trust to take care of you. I'd do it the exact same way if I had to do it again."

"They exact same way?" Doyle asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

"Well maybe not the exact same way but pretty close." She smiled and Doyle gave a small laugh. He put his hand on her hand that was on his check.

"You the best Cordelia you know that?" he whispered. He leaned in close and kissed her softly on the lips. When he drew back Cordelia smiled.

"I'm not sure if I'm the best Doyle, you're giving me a run for my money." And she leaned in and returned his kiss.