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Disclaimer:
I in no way own these characters or anything in this story that you find familiar to J.K.Rowling's Harry Potter world.
I do own any other characters or places that you are unfamiliar with, and no, I am not sharing…
Chapter 2
Splitting Atoms and Wet Laps
A few seconds later he fell out of the fireplace in the hospital Wing and climbed to his feet, as Severus was laying Harry down onto one of the stiff hospital cots.
Poppy, the healer who was in charge of the hospital Wing came running over, took one look at the charred body on the bed and screamed, loud enough to rouse the sleeping boy.
"Hush." Severus admonished, half-heartedly glaring at the woman.
"But that's, that's, that's Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived! What is he doing here looking like he's been put on a barbecue? What is he doing here at all? He really shouldn't be in here for another five years." She asked, getting more and more flustered. She looked at Harry who opened his eyes and glanced around warily. His emerald eyes fell upon Severus and his face lit up.
"Daddy!" He squealed happily and attempted to sit up to embrace his father who had moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Severus tenderly hugged his son, smiling widely.
"You lay down, son. You're in a right state, and no, don't even think about sitting up." Harry rolled his eyes at Albus and Poppy over his father's shoulder. The elderly wizard and the rather plump witch chuckled quietly. They liked the boy's sense of humour.
"Daddy, I'm fine! Well," He looked down at his burnt body, "Almost fine. It doesn't even hurt at all. I'm just a little burnt. You are overreacting!" Severus made a noise that showed he didn't believe a word that was coming out of his son's mouth but hugged him tighter anyway. "Where am I, Daddy? I have to tell you I don't do hospitals very well. Needles bend when they get near me, x-rays don't show up anything and stitches dissolve. I don't think being here will help much. I can always do it myself if it would help…" Harry trailed off because his father had pulled away sharply at these words and the other two adults were staring at time in disbelief.
"Harry, what do you mean, you can do it yourself?" The old man who Harry thought was called Albus asked. "Can you heal yourself, is that what you are saying?" Albus was speaking slowly like he expected Harry to be unable to understand what he was asking. Harry raised his eyebrows at the man.
"I'm not stupid y'know. You can talk at a normal pace and yes, I can heal myself. I don't know how I do it but whenever I get hurt my body starts glowing and all the cuts and bruises disappear. I don't know how it works but Mr Pritchard-" At Albus, Poppy and his father's blank looks he explained. "The orphanage owner, anyway, he always called me a freak when that happened and told me off for putting on a show. I don't know how I do it so I don't know how to stop it either. It just always happens. Maybe I am just a freak."
"No!" Severus exclaimed and grabbed his son in a bone-crushing hug. "You are not a freak! Do not ever believe anyone who calls you that. He just didn't understand that you are special. I don't know if you realise this but Harry, you are a wizard!" All three adults looked at the little boy who smiled slightly and raised his eyebrows again.
"As I have already said, I am not stupid!" He began. "I knew I was a wizard, well I kinda knew, if you know what I mean. I knew there was obviously something different about me to the other kids 'cause I could always heal myself and once," Harry blushed furiously. "Well, once I turned Mr Pritchard's car into a pig. I didn't know how I did it but well, I was thinking about how funny it would be if he had to ride home on a pig and then well, it changed right in front of my eyes." Harry giggled. "It was rather funny."
Severus, Albus and Poppy were staring at him for a few seconds before Severus started laughing, Poppy smiling broadly and Albus looked at him seemingly in awe, but an amused expression grew over his face.
"Where am I, Daddy?" Harry asked when the laughing had died down. "I don't even remember getting here, but we must have had a long journey because-" Harry gestured out of the long window next to his bed, where the outline of many mountains could still be clearly seen. "There weren't any mountains near the orphanage." The little boy stared expectantly at his father, awaiting his answer.
"We are at Hog-" Severus started explaining but stopped as, for the second time that week, Harry's body glowed light blue and the burnt skin healed, the hair grew back to its original length (almost reaching his shoulders) and his ragged clothes neatened up. "Bloody hell!" He shouted at the top of his voice as the glow from his son's body slowly receded.
"Language!" Harry admonished jokingly. "You don't want to corrupt me now do you? I am only six!" He made a show of holding up six fingers in front of his father's face.
Severus narrowed his eyes at the six-year-old. "Why Harry, do tell me, are you by any chance ticklish?" He asked innocently. Innocently enough to fool Harry.
"Yes Daddy, all six year olds ar-" Harry's eyes widened as he realised what he had just admitted to. "Oh shit!" he muttered under is breath. Severus smiled and grabbed him around the waist so he couldn't escape, before tickling his sides.
"Language Harry!" Severus admonished. "You don't want to corrupt me, I am only twenty eight!" He never received any retaliation though because his son was too busy squirming around on his lap, giggling as his father's pale hands attacked his sides mercilessly.
"Daddy! Daddy, stop! DADDY! DADDY, STOP IT! I'M WARNING YOU DADDY! I NEED A WEE! YOU ARE GONNA HAVE A WET LAP IF YOU DON'T STOP IT!" Severus stopped, mainly in fear of his robes becoming soggy, but also because he didn't know if Harry would get revenge if he made him wet himself in front of two strangers. Severus had more than his fair share of revenge being gotten on him. Not that he ever did much to deserve the revenge.
"Come on then, Buddy. Let's go find the gents!" Severus said, picking up his under grown son and holding him over his shoulder. They walked out of the Hospital Wing and into the main corridors of the castle.
As soon as the doors shut behind them, Poppy Pomfrey turned to Albus Dumbledore with a 'What-The-Fuck-Was-That-All-About' Look upon her round face. Albus looked at the squat woman and sighed.
"It's a long story. All that is really important is the fact that Harry is Severus's son and he has been brought up in an abusive orphanage. That is how he got his injuries. The owner of the orphanage locked him in a cupboard and set fire to him. Luckily Severus realised that Harry was his son and that he needed rescuing. The rest you know." Albus explained quickly to her, as she looked liable to erupt any minute with one of her 'talks'.
"Let me get this straight, they have only just met and already they are closer than they have ever been to another person before- ever? What about James? I never thought Lily was the type to go behind people's backs. How did this happen?" Poppy asked with a very befuddled expression on her face.
"I don't think Lily cheated on James at all Poppy," Albus answered with a serious expression on his face. She and Severus were quite close at Hogwarts though they went to great lengths to hide it. It wouldn't do much for either of their reputations' if a muggleborn Gryffindor was found being friendly to a Pureblood Slytherin, now would it? I'm actually surprised that I never made the connection between him and Harry sooner."
"I'm not sure what happened with James. The only person that knew that for sure was Lily and well, she's dead now. The only reason I am aware of that Severus and Lily broke up because of was the fact she saw his Dark Mark and thought he was a deatheater. If only she had let him explain that he was not in fact one of Voldemort's right hand men, but a spy for me then life could have been much better for Harry." Albus had a very disconcerted look etched across his wrinkled face.
Poppy knew exactly why Albus was looking so depressed. She knew that he would be blaming himself for making Severus a spy and ruining Harry's life. She sighed turning the old wizard's face towards her so she could look into his sapphire eyes. "Albus it is NOT your fault that Harry has had a crap life so far. It is Voldemort's fault for killing Lily. Do NOT blame yourself or I will do something to you which will make you wish you never met me!" She threatened. Albus gulped visibly and audibly. It was very amusing to a very powerful wizard, who everybody looked up to and respected, the only wizard that Voldemort himself was scared of, gulp when a barely-five-foot-one woman shouted at him.
At that exact moment Severus and Harry reappeared, from their toilet break. Harry was still being carried over his father's shoulder, looking thoroughly exasperated by his newly found father's antics. Severus plonked Harry down carefully on the edge of one of the beds and turned towards Albus.
"What are we going to do with him then?" He indicated Harry with his thumb. "I don't think he'd want to stay in here for the night and I don't have room in my personal quarters for another bed. Maybe he should sleep in one of the house towers?"
"I think that would be best for him, but what house should we let him sleep in? I know it doesn't really make a difference but I think it would make him feel more at home if he slept in his correct house." Albus said smiling at the little boy, who was twiddling his thumbs trying, and failing, to look like he wasn't eavesdropping.
"Are you saying what I think you are saying?" Poppy asked the headmaster, her face comically shocked. Severus turned to stare at the aged headmaster too. Even Harry looked up at him, then remembered he wasn't supposed to be listening in, and dropped his eyes back down to his lap.
"Yes, Poppy, if you think that I was going to say that I am going to sort Harry right now." Albus replied cheerfully, apparently oblivious to the stares that Severus, Poppy and even Harry were giving him. Smiling, Albus turned towards the exit, gestured for them to follow him and they walked up three staircases, took five right turns and two left ones and slipped behind a tapestry of a rather stupid looking wizard being eaten by a lion before they came to a gargoyle. Well, Albus, Severus and Poppy went up three flights of stairs, took five right turns and two left ones and went behind the tapestry. Harry was carried once again by his father, Harry didn't complain too much though because he was actually feeling pretty exhausted.
"Fizzing Whizzbee!" Albus happily stated to the gargoyle, which leapt aside at the sound of the password. Severus and Poppy exchanged exasperated looks behind the headmaster's back. They both liked and highly respected Albus, but even they had to admit he was getting a little eccentric in his old age.
Harry looked around in wonder as they were shepherded through a heavy wooden door and up a spiralling staircase. There were many portraits on the wall, which, to Harry's slight surprise were moving. A few even waved to him as they passed, so Harry smiled back at the people in the paintings. The walls were painted a creamy beige colour, which complemented the dark wood of the frames and staircase perfectly. At the top of the spiralling staircase, they all hopped off to end up in front of a heavy, thick wooden door. It had no door handle and it didn't look like it was the sort of door that you could just push open. Harry raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner before Albus walked towards the door and it opened for him. Well, thought Harry, it seems wizards have automatic doors too!
Once Harry was inside the room (having been carried through by his father), Albus sat down in a large chair on one side of the desk and gestured for Harry to sit down in the one on the other side, facing him. Harry obeyed immediately. After declining the kind headmasters offer of a sherbet lemon, Harry asked his first question. Well, his first two.
"Where are we, and what are you going to do?" Harry asked rather timidly. Although Albus seemed a nice man who was generous (he obviously loved his sherbet lemons for himself), Harry could feel some sort of power radiating off him, which told him that this man was not one to cross.
"Well Harry, to answer your first question, we are in my office." Albus paused to indicate the brass plaque on the mahogany desk that read Headmaster. "Your second question shall take some more time to answer. We are at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where you shall be attending in about five years. All students at Hogwarts are witches or wizards, just like you. Once new students reach Hogwarts they have to be sorted into a house, for sleeping, classes and eating. There are four houses at Hogwarts, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw." He stopped and glanced at Harry, "You keeping up so far?"
"Yep! I mean yes sir, mister headmaster, sir!" Harry answered saluting, ignoring his father and Poppy's laughter from either side of him.
"That's good and Harry, please call me Albus. We are not during school hours and therefore there is no need for the formalities. Anyway, you are not going to be coming here as a student for half a decade, so I think we should become friends." Harry smiled at the nice man, taking in for the first time the belt length hair and beard, and wondering how old he must be to have such a fine beard. "So as I was saying, there are the four houses. Each one represents different qualities in a person. For instance, if you are very brave then you will go into Gryffindor, if you like having power over your life then you will be sorted into Slytherin, if you are very clever then you will be put in Ravenclaw and if you are trustworthy then you will go to Hufflepuff.
"To be sorted into one of these houses you must go through the sorting ceremony first. It is not painful in anyway, all you have to do is put on the Sorting Hat!" Albus finished happily. Looking at the youngster as he stared at him incredulously.
"All I have to do is put on a hat?" Harry queried, not quite believing the simplicity of what the headmaster had said.
"Just a hat, now am I?" A gruff voice said from behind Harry. Said six-year-old jumped up in horror and turned to see who had spoken. There was nothing there except a few shelves with books, a silvery basin full of white gooey stuff and a battered old hat. Thinking over what the voice had said, Harry walked over to the hat and picked it up.
Turning back to the adults, Harry asked, "Did this just talk?"
"Yes, Harry." Severus answered. Harry turned towards him, still staring cautiously at the very old hat in his left hand.
"Um, this is going to sound stupid, but, how?" Noticing the adults staring at him with little smirks on their faces he continued hesitantly. "I mean, hats don't usually talk unless they have batteries in them or something and if this had batteries then it wouldn't work with me near it, because nothing electrical works near me, it goes all funny and makes strange noises and sometimes melt-." Albus Dumbledore, Poppy Pomfrey and Severus Snape cut off Harry by all yelling at the same time.
"What?" Harry jumped backwards at the sudden yelling. He had never liked it when people yelled it reminded him of when he was much younger and Mr Pritchard would shout at him for no reason.
It also reminded him of a dream he had repeatedly. It was of a man with very messy black hair yelling to a woman with red hair to get away and take Harry with her. Another person entered the room and yelled something at the man, a beam of green light flew out of a stick in the other persons hand and the man dropped dead. The woman then screamed and ran up the stairs with Harry. The other person followed then and was shouting at the woman to move out the way so he could kill Harry, but she wouldn't move and so he said the same thing he said before and the woman too dropped dead. Then the person turned towards Harry, who, he noted, was only a baby, and Harry realised the person was actually a man. Although he didn't look very human, more snake-like. Well, the man would say, I'm very sorry little Harry but
you're going to have to die too. And then he would say what he said before but the green light bounced off Harry and hit the snake-like man.
"Harry? Harry? Are you okay?" Harry opened his eyes to see his father bent down in front off him, looking into his eyes, with a very concerned look on his face. "What happened, little man? You kinda spaced out on us." Without waiting for any answers from his son, Severus pulled Harry into a very tight embrace.
"Daddy?" Harry asked quietly. "What spells make a green light and then make you die?" Severus, Albus and Poppy fell silent at the question. The boy had only just found out that he was a wizard so the only way he would know about spells that make green light and kill you was by memories.
"How do you know about the spell that makes green light, Harry?" Albus asked gently. "Have you heard someone talk about it, read about it, perhaps?" He knew that the child wouldn't have heard about it and definitely not read about it but it made him feel better thinking that just maybe there was a chance this poor child couldn't remember what had happened to him.
"I don't know really. It's kinda like a dream but I feel like I have been there before because the details are really clear. The way the man tried to fight the snake man-" He heard three sharp intakes of breath. "-The way the woman looked, her eyes were bright green and her hair was flamey red-" Another set of sharp intakes of breath interrupted his monologue. "And the way the snake man talked to the little baby, me, as if he was merely visiting for tea or something." Harry stopped and hugged his father as tight as he could, battling with the tears that were prickling his eyelids. His father hugged him back, knowing fully well that his son was about to cry and that he needed someone to hold onto. Severus didn't mind being Harry's rock; it was kind of comforting that the boy turned to him for comfort, having known him for less than a few hours.
"Harry, I don't quite know how to tell you this but that wasn't a dream. That was a memory from when you were little. From when Voldemort, the snake man, attacked your home at Godric's Hollow. He killed James when he tried to defend his family, then he killed your mother and then he tried to kill you, but obviously it didn't work. Didn't you ever wonder how you got that scar?" Harry nodded, not removing his head from where it was lodged between his father's shoulder and neck, so Albus continued. "That scar is where Avada Kedavra hit you. You are the only person to ever survive the killing curse, and because of that you are famous! I am quite surprised you remember so much, considering you were only one year old and it has been a long time since the event happened." Noticing the boy's emotional distress, he quickly changed the subject. "So Harry how about we get back to the Sorting. Yes this is the hat you have to wear and it will gently preen your mind before deciding what house to put you in. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes at most."
Harry slowly disengaged himself from his father and sat down on the seat opposite Dumbledore's desk, once again. Smiling at the young boy, Albus handed over the tatty hat to Harry. "Normally it sings a song for the Sorting but because it is not the correct time of year for the Sorting ceremony you will have to make do without one. Sorry, it is usually quite enjoyable to see a hat sing." Albus said with both apology and amusement evident in his voice. "So are you ready to be sorted?"
"Yes sir, I mean Albus." Harry answered, blushing slightly as he made his mistake. It seemed wrong and impolite to be calling this very powerful man by his first name.
"Well put it on then. All you have to do is listen to the hat as it makes its decision. You may be able to communicate with it, though not many wizards or witches are able to." Albus gestured to Harry to put on the hat while smiling at the rather timid looking six-year-old.
Harry placed the tatty hat on top of his head and it fell immediately over his eyes so all he could see was darkness. "Hello?" he asked, though it did not sound like he was in fact talking aloud. "Is anyone there? I am meant to be being Sorted by um, you, whoever you are. Do you mind doing it?" There was no answer so Harry sat in silence until suddenly he felt something tugging at his thoughts. Immediately Harry put up the defensive shields that he usually used when he was being beaten, but instead of hiding pain he was hiding his thoughts and memories.
"So, you're Harry Potter then?" The gruff voice that Harry had heard earlier asked, right in his ear.
"Yes, sir or um mister sorting hat." Harry answered as politely as he could, while thinking how incredibly rude it sounded. The hat let out a laugh.
"You are right it did sound rude but never mind, I like having someone to talk to. There hasn't been a single student who has been able to communicate with me during their sorting for almost fifty years! Which reminds me, what are you doing at Hogwarts being sorted? By my reckoning you shouldn't be here for another five years!" The hat answered back.
"Well there was an accident at the orphanage where I lived and my dad collected me and now I have to stay here with him so he and Albus decided it was best for me to be sorted now, so I could sleep in the right tower." Harry explained quickly. "But really you should know that, seeing as you are meant to be scanning my thoughts." Harry teased the hat.
The hat gave another raucous laugh. "Ah, yes, you have a nice sense of humour! Haven't heard that much sarcasm in years!"
"I like to try my best, mister hat!" Harry answered cheekily.
"Oh I like you!" The hat said inside Harry's head. "Let's talk then, do you know any good jokes?"
Harry laughed again. "Any jokes? I know thousands! It was my job to make the kids in the orphanage smile. I swear they had forgotten how to do it before I turned Mr Pritchard's car into a pig!"
"Really! You did that to a car? How old were you?" The hat asked, sounding very interested and curious.
"When I was about three or four years old. I can't really remember. It was very funny though," Harry snorted at the memory of Mr Pritchard running around after the pig that had once been his lovely shiny BMW. "Anyway, I thought you wanted to hear some jokes, H-Man?"
"H-Man?" The hat asked incredulously.
"Yep, you're the H-Man now, whether you like it or not. I can't keep calling you mister sorting hat, now can I?" Harry stated with the air of someone explaining that the sky is blue to a person who obviously knew better.
"Right… okay then, Harry. You tell me some good jokes and I promise to forget about telling the headmaster you need to get your head examined." The hat said very seriously. It was obvious that he meant business.
"Ok H-Man! Well, let me think… What is yellow and smells of bananas?" Harry asked innocently.
"Well the obvious answer would be bananas but because it is a joke that is not the answer. I don't know, banana flavour yoghurt?" The hat asked hopefully.
Harry laughed. "No, monkey sick!" The hat made noises that showed its disgust at the answer. "You got a problem, hat? I am only six years old. Its not like I'm going to have intelligent jokes is it?"
"Okay, try another on. And try not to make it too sick this time, please, little Harry!" The hat pleaded in his ear.
"Okay, you want something more intellectual? Two atoms are walking down the street when the bump into each other. 'Are you alright?' one asks. 'No I lost an electron!' replies the other. 'Are you sure?' the first one asks. 'Yes, I'm positive!'" Harry waited for the hat to respond.
"What is an atom? And an electron? How is that funny?" Harry sighed, he really didn't feel up to explaining science to a very tatty hat. "Hey who are you calling tatty? And what is science?" The hat inquired.
"I didn't call you anything, I thought it. And science is the study of things like the human body, chemicals and other stuff like that. If you hate my jokes so much, why don't you tell me some?" Harry asked impatiently. He didn't like it when people criticised him, whether what they were saying was true or not.
"Ok Mr Grumpy." Harry growled threateningly. "I don't know if you will understand my jokes seeing as they are pretty much a thousand years old. Anyway…" The hat proceeded to tell the young child jokes which his owner had once said, the hat having remembered them seeing as he was on Godric Gryffindor's head at the time.
In Albus Dumbledore's office the three adults were sat waiting for the hat to make a decision. Albus looked at the watch on his left wrist. This watch was unusual in the fact it had no numbers on its face, but instead it had planets. Albus understood it perfectly however because after inspecting it for a few seconds he announced, "He has been under there for twenty three minutes. I am sure that must be the longest Sorting ever. Mine only lasted seventeen and that was because I was telling jokes to the ha-" He stopped talking and an amused expression came over his face. "Severus, I do believe your son is following in my footprints."
"You mean to say that Harry is telling jokes to the Sorting Hat?" At Albus's nod he frowned. "Only one way to find out!" Severus strode over to his son and seized the hat by the point before yanking it off Harry's head. To his surprise his son was laughing, tears of mirth running down his face.
"Hi Daddy!" Harry said brightly to his father. "The H-Man was just telling me a joke about a vampire and a squirrel-" Harry was cut off by Albus's spirited laughter.
"Did he tell you the one about the jellyfish and the banshee?" Albus asked through his own tears of laughter.
"Yep!" Harry answered, bursting out once again as he tried to hide his amusement. "Oh, but wait, wasn't I meant to be being sorted?" Harry asked hesitantly as if expecting a punishment if he owned up to distracting the hat.
"You were meant to be, but we can all allow a little misdirection now and then." The headmaster said with a smile upon his lips and his blue eyes sparkling.
Harry grinned at the old man before turning back to his father. "Can I have the H-Man back, I mean can I have the hat back please?" Severus smiled at his son's name for the Sorting Hat, thinking that only he could get away with such a ridiculous name without getting punished. Hopefully the hat wouldn't avenge his namesake by putting Harry into Hufflepuff or something like that.
"Here you go, Harry." He said as he handed over the 'H-Man' to his son. "Just let it do its job before you tell it any more jokes!"
"Don't worry about that, Daddy. I tried telling it some jokes but he either didn't understand them or he thought they were rubbish! My ego can't take any more putting down." His son answered with a smile as he grabbed the Hat from his father and plonked it back on his head.
"Back again, Harry?" The familiar growl of the hat said in his ear.
"Yep, and my dad says no more jokes until you have sorted me. So go ahead and search through my mind whatever, I won't try and stop you unless you start looking at something I don't want to see! I like being in control of my mind, thankyou very much!"
"Like control, eh?" The hat asked. "Well, I must about Harry that you are quite simply the hardest person I have ever had to sort. You are brave, yet you are clever, yet you are loyal and you like being in control. If I have to admit it I would say that you couldn't be sorted into any particular house! You are a mix of all four houses squished together into one body." The sorting hat explained to the befuddled youngster it was sat upon.
"What do you mean, I can't be sorted? Everyone is sorted. Albus Dumbledore explained it to me earlier and from what I have seen and heard so far today, Albus Dumbledore is never wrong!" Harry said angrily.
"Damn, there is that loyalty again! Well, I suppose I could just put you into a house at random. I can assure you that you can do well in all four. Unless of course, you have a personal favourite?" The gruff voice asked in Harry's ear. Upon hearing Harry's thought of 'no I don't have a favourite house. I haven't heard that much about them to have a favourite yet', the hat decided a different way. "How about I put you into the house that you possess the most traits of?" The hat asked.
"But you just said I could be in all the houses so I must have equal possession of each of the houses' traits or you would have put me into the one I was ahead in." Harry said in frustration. His words coming out in a jumble so it took a few seconds of both thought reading and actual hearing before the hat had an answer.
"Yes, I did say that. But, I think you are slightly more of one house than the others. You blocked me from entering your mind when you first put me on. Why did you do that?"
"Er, because I don't like people- or hats- rummaging around in my thoughts. I prefer to have control over my mind than let strangers read my mind." Harry answered hesitantly, wondering what house the hat would put him in. His answer didn't seem that unordinary. It made sense to want to have control over your mind rather than let someone freely read your mind and memories.
"As I thought Harry. You like to be in control of your life and feel that it is one of the most important things-" The hat was interrupted by a mental outburst from the child whose head it was sat on.
"What do you mean? I don not think being in control of my life is one of the most important things! I care a lot more about caring about people and, and making friends and, and other people's feelings. I would rather have my mind invaded a hundred times than see a person crying and lonely. If you don't know that then you aren't very good at doing your job, mister-sorting-hat!" And with that, Harry ripped the hat off his head, flung it down on the desk and ran out of the office in a furious temper.
Albus sighed at the retreating boy's back and picked up the scruffy hat, which lay abandoned on his desk. He thrust it on his head and starting having a conversation about what just happened. Severus shared a look with Poppy who shrugged, before swiftly following his son's path, intent upon finding that young man and bringing him back to be sorted properly.
However, it seemed the six-year-old had other plans and had somehow completely disappeared. It was apparent Harry was cleverer than Severus or even Albus had thought. He had managed to hide himself away, entirely out of sight and hearing. If Severus had been thinking like a six-year-old then he would have found him within minutes. Harry was, of course, starving from his days locked in the cupboard, and therefore had made his way to the kitchens, asking portraits along the way for directions. He even stopped when far way from the office of Albus Dumbledore, to have a lengthy conversation with a snake in a picture of a lady with long hair.
"Sssso, little one. What are you doing at ssschool during the holidayssss?" The snake asked him.
"I'm here with my father, Sssseverusss Ssssnape. He isss a teacher, I think." Harry answered politely, no idea that he was in fact speaking another language.
"Well, that makesss ssssenssse I ssssupposssse." The snake said. "Sssso, where are you headed?"
"Towardsss the kitchensssss, if I can ever find them!" Harry said. The snake laughed as best a snake could.
"I think Hogwartssss likesss to hide the kitchensss from the ssstudentssss. It ssstopsss them from eating between mealssss." The snake said to the young boy. "Do you want me to ssshow you where the kitchensss are, little one?"
Harry practically jumped and hugged the painting when the snake asked him that. "Yesss pleasssse!" He answered. "But, hang on. How are you going to ssshow me? You are jussst a painting!" The snake nearly snorted at this.
"Little one, I can move about the paintingsss of thisss sssschool jussst asss easssily asss you can walk the corridorsss. Now follow me and try to keep up!" Without much further ado, the serpent had slithered out of his painting and Harry saw him sliding along one down the corridor a little.
"Wait for me!" He yelled after the disappearing snake.
A little while later both he and the serpent had arrived next to a painting of a basket of colourful fruit. It looked very realistic that Harry had to physically restrain himself from feeling the painting just to make sure.
"What do I do now? Thissss isss jussst a painting. I wanted to go to the kitchensss!" Harry said frowning slightly at the snake that just rolled its eyes.
"Don't be ssstupid, little one. All you have to do isss tickle the pear on thissss painting. I overhead sssome ssstudentssss talking about tickling the pear before ssschool ended a very long time ago. I assssumed thisss wasss what they were talking about." The serpent explained to a very confused six-year-old.
"Oh!" Harry said shocked by the snake's deviousness. "Well, thanksss for helping me find the kitchensssss. I think I would have died of sssstarvation if you hadn't helped me. There isss no way I would have gone to asssk my Daddy for help. He would have put that ssstupid hat on me again!" Harry laughed bitterly at the memory of the hat telling him he cared more about himself than other people's feelings.
Wait, Harry thought, what am I doing? The hat was right after all; I do care more about myself than others. Daddy must be searching for me and he's going to be worried while I am here looking for food! I should go and find him before he gets too upset. And with that thought swirling around in his head, Harry practically ran back the route he had came, very glad he had a photographic memory.
Within a few minutes, Harry was back outside Albus Dumbledore's office door, the gargoyle sneering at him. Placing his head against the door while pushing the thick black hair out of the way, he listened for his father's voice inside. He could only hear Albus and Poppy, who were currently having a conversation about whether or not clothes on animals were allowed.
"But Albus, no matter how cute he will undoubtedly look, you cannot dress a phoenix in a maroon jumper. It's ridiculous, have you even thought how you are going to get it on him?"
"Poppy! I think it is a great idea! Maroon is so his colour, look at him! He loves it already. Fawkes, do you want to hold it honey? There you go. See Poppy, he's already stroking it with his beak, I think that means, yes I'll love to wear it Albus, put it on me now!"
"Albus, he is not stroking it with his beak. Look at him, for Merlin's sake!"
"What are you talking about, or course he's stroking it with his beak… Wait, stop Fawkesy baby! You're ripping it; you won't be able to wear it now! Oh look at it now! You have practically sliced it into pieces!"
Harry backed away from the door cautiously, very worried about his future headmaster's sanity. He backed up down the corridor and walked around searching for his father, listening out for any sounds that could give away his father's location. He didn't have to search long before he heard his father's voice calling out his name. Harry ran towards the sound of the voice, but stopped when he saw the next passageway he would have to enter was a cold stony hallway. It looked like a dungeon and, like a dungeon, it was very cold. Harry almost squealed in pain when his bare feet touched the cold flagstones, which covered the floor.
"Daddy!" Harry called out as he walked along. "I'm here! Where are you?" He saw a faint light glowing from under a door and decided to investigate. Using his small hands, Harry pushed gently on the door but it wouldn't open. He tried again a little more forcefully but the door was either locked or very stubborn. Placing a small hand over the brass doorknob, Harry whispered 'open!' and the door did as it was told.
Pushing the heavy door ajar Harry walked into the lit room. The first thing he noticed was the fact the room was not actually lit but the light he could see was from the glowing embers of a fire. A large black pot was positioned above the fire and its contents were bubbling fiercely. For some reason Harry knew that the liquid should not be bubbling. It was one of the few things he had learnt from the orphanage that was worth knowing. If something is over a flame and it is bubbling over then you have to turn down the heat or it will boil over. The cook, Mr Waters, had of course been talking about the carrots at the time Harry learnt this scrap of information, but he somehow thought it applied here too.
Walking over quickly to the steaming pot, Harry carefully lifted it off the fire and left it to cool on the cold stone floor. He jumped when suddenly his father appeared at his side, looking down at the cauldron with a strange expression on his face.
"How did you know to take it off?" He asked his son quietly, placing a pale hand on the young boy's shoulder. Harry couldn't place the expression on Severus's face, so instead of answering he stood and inspected his father. Severus smiled down at his newly found son, staring into the eyes that he had both loved and feared. He could quite easily remember Lily looking up at him with those emerald eyes from her position in his lap many times, usually after that idiot Potter had tried to make a move on her, Severus thought bitterly.
Harry looked slightly embarrassed. "At the orphanage I used to help the cook make the meals. He always told me that if the carrots were boiling then you had to take them off the heat. I just assumed that this would be the same…" Harry trailed off as his father suddenly wrapped his arms around him and pulled Harry into a hug.
"I love you Harry." Severus said abruptly. "Don't worry about anything that darned hat said, it does misjudge people sometimes. I will love you where ever you end up because you are my son and nothing will ever change that."
Harry pulled out of the embrace gently and stared into his father's dark eyes. "Do you really mean that?" He asked.
"Of course I mean it, you daft goose!" Severus laughed as Harry smiled, hugged his father tightly and turned towards the door. "Where are you going, Harry?"
Harry laughed at his father's apparent short-term memory. "We have a certain hat to find Daddy!" He said and walked out of the door into the cold corridor, his father hurrying in his wake. After a few minutes of Harry leading his father through several of the short cuts, which were completely new to the potion master, they arrived outside the headmaster's office once again.
"You ready, son?" Severus asked Harry, seeing the six-year-old's nervousness as they stood beside the ugly stone gargoyle. Harry gave a curt nod and grabbed his father's hand in his own as an answer. "In we go then!" Severus gave the password to the statue and the door swung open, revealing the pleasantly decorated room inside. They walked in silence together up the staircase and into the room where Albus and Poppy were still stood arguing over Fawkes' wardrobe.
Severus cleared his throat to catch the elderly man's attention. Harry didn't bother acknowledging his presence, he just walked over to Albus's desk and fished the tatty hat out from under a pile of shredded maroon material. Placing it on his head so that it covered his eyes, Harry started talking to it.
"Hello again!" Harry said cheerfully. When he received no reply from the sarcastic hat Harry felt the need to explain his earlier actions. "Um, sorry I ran off earlier, I just didn't like what you were saying about me. Can you um, finish the Sorting now, please?" He asked timidly, not wanting the hat to start ranting on about how he should have stayed or how he was wasting his time.
"Ok," Harry heard the hat say, "Where was I then? Ah, yes, I was commenting on how you like to have control over your life. There is certainly something in you that is powerful as well, extremely powerful. You might have trouble with that when you let your emotions run. You are uncharacteristically brave. Someone your age should be running away and crying after what you have been through today, but here you are, confronting me about what I said about you. Hmmm, now where to put you? Hufflepuff is too placid for you, and Ravenclaw will be too monotonous. Gryffindor and Slytherin are what I am stuck between. Maybe I should start a new house just for you, we could call it Slythindor or Gryfferin. What do you think?"
Harry laughed at that. "Just put me where you think I deserve to be. I can't be an equal amount of both Slytherin and Gryffindor, therefore I am more of one house than the other. Which one? Tell meeeeeeee!" Harry whined to the thousand-year-old hat.
"Well, I honestly think you are equal to both houses but if you really want me to choose then here we go…" The hat said.
Severus stared at Albus before turning to stare at Poppy. She gave him one of her Looks- a Look that very clearly said 'Why the hell aren't you helping to get his sanity back?'- Feeling rather stupid Severus just shrugged, smiling sheepishly.
Albus had been bawling into his aged hands ever since Poppy had told him that she would take Fawkes away if he continued to force clothes upon the bird. She hadn't known the threat would have such a dramatic effect upon the headmaster. She only hoped that the man would relapse into normality before the boy took off the hat. She didn't want the kid to have nightmares about the old man, he had gone through enough in his life already- and he was only six years old.
Suddenly Albus sobbing stopped. Startled, Poppy stared at him but he wasn't looking at her, he was staring at the body of Harry, the head no longer visible under the large black hat. She exchanged a confused glance with Severus before turning back to the old man. Severus opened his mouth to say something when suddenly they heard,
"SLYTHERIN!" and the smiling head of Harry Potter reappeared from under the black Sorting Hat.
15