Because of You
A/N: I wrote this will all intentions of it being Ginny/Harry. But if you do not like that pairing, it is possible for you to think of it Hermione/Harry, or Luna/Harry, or anyone with Harry that you feel fit. It was originally for Ginny, and you can stay with her P.O.V. or change it. It's your preference.
Disclaimer: Not my stuff!
Summary: I still go home and wait for you to walk through our front door again. But you haven't. You stopped coming back to me three years ago. You abandoned me.
Because of You
Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you, I find it hard to trust, not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid
Lyrics: Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
When I toss and turn in my sleep, I still make sure not to turn too far. I still make sure not to cross over onto your side of the bed. I don't want to wake you; I feel awful with disturbing you. I wake up all the time, because I don't want you to be awoken by me. It's something that I've been accustom to doing. I still do it now… even though you're gone.
You left me, your wife and your son James, three years ago today. I should hate you for leaving us. You still resound in my head. I still come home from work during breaks, because that's when we'd go to lunch together. I still go home and wait until 8:30 before looking out the window, waiting for you to walk through our front door again. But you haven't. You stopped coming back to me three years ago.
You abandoned me. You abandoned me when I needed you most, when I was pregnant with James. I should have hated you for leaving, but I didn't. Now, I should hate you for not coming back, but I don't. The thing I should hate you for most of all, is how you've made me. I've changed and stayed so much the same all in one.
I'm cautious now. No other man has come into my life, not counting our beautiful son. I will not date. I will not go run for you. You made me feel suffocated, and you made me scared. Scared for the life I live, and the ones I love. You always made me scared to leave my home, to visit my family. They could leave me too. Without warning, like you did.
You made me feel unloved. By leaving me you sealed my belief that you stopped loving me. I can't believe you left me. I couldn't then, and I still don't know how now. It was the thing I always feared most… losing you, that is. I always feared someone would come and take you away. That you would fall out of love, and would leave me forever. Alone, in the hidden shadows of my world.
You have done all this to me. But you have also kept things the same.
I still buy an extra Quidditch ticket for you. When I go to the gate I still purchase one ticket more than I should. And I only realize after the game that I've done so. After I spent the whole time staring at the empty seat, you once filled. Once when you loved me, and before you left me.
I still set the table for one extra person. I put out two plates and James' little food containers. I still make food for two people. I still go to restaurants and when they ask, "How many people?" I still say two.
I still celebrate our anniversary as if you're there to celebrate it with me. I bring home wine, thinking you'll have already made me the candle light dinner. Still thinking you loved me enough to cover the house with rose petals.
I still make more coffee than necessary. And I make the kind that you loved most. I didn't like it all at before you left. Now I have apart of you flow within me whenever I fill my coffee cup up.
I still go to the men's department in Diagon Alley. I still buy you clothing, and I hang it up on hangers in our wardrobe. I still get tailor made robes, and give the lady your exact length. And then I go home and wear your robes as though they were yours that you would put around me when I was freezing on extremely cold nights.
I still venture around, to our ice cream parlor. I get ice cream. The ice cream I never liked until you left me. You always liked it. You used to try to feed it to me. When I sat in your arms in the café.
I still love you. Love you as though you never left me. As though you never broke my heart. As though you were still there. Still at Quidditch matches with me, still eating dinner with me, still celebrating anniversaries with me, still waking up with me, still shopping with me, still going on dates with me, still loving me, still needing me, still living with me, still sleeping with me… still breathing the air I breath.
Because of you, Harry James Potter, I play it safe. I'm afraid everyone will leave me. Like you did.
Because of you, Harry James Potter, I'm worried about how I will be able to live without you.
Because of you, Harry James Potter, I'm having a hard time forgetting. Having a hard time forgetting you don't love me anymore. Forgetting you will not walk through my door. You will not tell me you love me, and kiss me goodnight. You will not wrap your arms around me, just for the purpose of being close to me.
Because of you, Harry James Potter, you are gone.
Because of who you are, Harry James Potter, you are dead. Voldemort killed you.
And because of your death, I can't live.
I'm forced a fake, a smile, a laugh every day of my life
My heart can't possible break, when it wasn't even whole to start with
I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you, I find it hard to trust, not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid