This was an entry for a Christmas Challenge for another website. The story needed to have in it... "Christmas flavored Cupcakes", a "fireplace", "snow angels", a "safety blanket/security blanket", "wonder woman", "chapstick", "jingle bells", a "christmas sale at Macy's", "Santa Claus", "X-mas stockings", and "dinner". This is also a JoexSteph fic. GO CUPCAKES!!!

Also, this story is Joe's POV

In an attempt to get into the Christmas cheer, I had gone over to my mother's for the first time since Thanksgiving earlier today to help a couple of my nephews make a snow fort to hide snowballs behind so they could attacks three of my nieces, who were making snow angels. I was kind enough to warm the girls of their fate before I left; they hurriedly began piling up snow to make a fort for themselves.

I even made a brilliant move on my part and set my radio to the Christmas station. It started out innocently enough with a few classics twisted to fit every new style of music in the past fifteen years at once. Jingle bells, at least, still sounded decent. I even managed to sing along for that one. Jingle bells ended, and I went up to my office.

Sometimes, I think God is out to get me because I haven't gone to mass in so long.

I had to go to the mall—on Christmas Eve—to make an arrest. Apparently, no one else could do it because they were busy Christmas shopping. At the mall, security sent me into Macy's, the ultimate hellhole. Today was their fifty percent off Christmas Eve sale and women were packed like sardines everywhere, ignoring how picked over the selections were. For a moment, I thought I saw Stephanie, but the woman was hovering over men's flannel shirts. I knew it wasn't her because Macy's had just announced their shoe department was having a fifteen minute seventy-five percent off sale. Nearly getting trampled by hundreds of women reminded me once again why I hated Macy's, sales, and shopping in general.

Naturally, it turned out the head of security was wrong about ordering me into Macy's. He meant I was supposed to go to Macy's Santa display. In fact, I had to arrest Santa—in front of all the kids. It turns out the guy playing Santa Claus is a druggie and he decided to pass out some free samples to willing kiddies and elf. Security was too busy with the Macy's hellhole to be able to do more than keep one guard watching him. Apparently, one guard wasn't enough to arrest Santa and take him down to the station. I love idiots.

Arresting Santa was easy. I decided to be cold and heartless, going along well with my lack of holiday cheer and arrested Santa point blank. He was too stoned to care. All the mothers with their thirty-pound diaper bags did care. They cared so much they let me meet their diaper bags, or missing those, twenty-pound purses. I got a black eye from one woman. The kids started wailing and throwing tantrums as well. Walking out of the mall became a field of landmines. Every step I took had the possibility of landing on a child or coming face to face with an angry mother. Getting through the crowd of spectators was even worse. It took a full hour to get out of the mall—even though Santa Claus came easily and didn't struggle at all.

I finally got home around eight. I had shoveled the driveway before I left for my mother's this morning, but it had snowed sometime while I was in the office after the mall incident. I had to shovel the driveway again the damn thing just so I could park my jeep.

Around nine, I finally got inside, and applied a thick coat of clear chapstick to my cracked, dry lips—I didn't like the cherry flavoured crap, which in addition to tasting horrible made my lips very pink. Next, I decided to cook myself dinner—Pino's and beer just weren't the same—just so I wouldn't feel so alone. I even flipped the radio on and set it to the Christmas station again. I gave Bob some kibbles and started sautéing some mushrooms and onions. Naturally, some idiot decided to play "Blue Christmas" not once, but twice—in a row, no less.

The first time, I couldn't shut the radio off unless I wanted to let dinner burn. The second time, I started singing along, humming the parts I didn't know. The lyrics just floated around inside my head, in Celine Dion's voice, no less.

I'll have a Blue Christmas without you

I'll be so blue thinking about you

Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree

Won't be the same, if you're not here with me

And when those blue snowflakes start fallin'

And when those blue melodies start callin'

You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white,

But I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas

Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree

Won't be the same, if you're not here with me

I'll have a Blue Christmas that's certain

And when that blue heartache starts hurtin'

You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white,

But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas

Needless to say, the damn lyrics are still stuck in my head. Shit, I can't even get her out of my head. I swear, it's a damn spiral to hell. The lyrics, her, the lyrics…

I haven't even taken three bites of my dinner—spaghetti with meatballs. I even dressed up the canned sauce with mushrooms, onions, and a few spices, but now the whole mess is stone cold. At least the radio is off now.

Let's see here, it's Christmas Eve… just over a month then… the day after Thanksgiving, that's when Stephanie left—for good.

Steph had a skip, at least that's what she said anyway, so she cancelled going Christmas tree shopping with me. It was going to be our first Christmas we actually lived together for; of course, I was irritated, but I only had one day off since I had been working some serious overtime for… well, it doesn't matter anymore.

I'd just brought in a tree and started setting it up. I was going to wait for Steph to get back so we could at least decorate it together. I was having words with the tree when she came in, smiling. I did the intelligent thing and assumed it was because of the tree. Or maybe at me. But as soon as she saw me looking at her, the smile was gone. In fact, she almost reminded me of… me. When I didn't want to show any emotion. She used to call that my cop face, I believe.

The first words out of her mouth were "I'm leaving."

I was brilliant and assumed, "Forget something?"

Here, she frowned. I can remember it perfectly. Her cute little mouth turned down at the corners, her brows furrowed over those blue eyes, and her hands clenched, just slightly… Just before she ruined true decorating, to say the least. "No, Morelli, I mean I'm moving out—for good. It's over."

The first thing out of my mouth probably wasn't the most mature or smartest thing to say, given those words. "It's Ranger, isn't it?" I felt sick then; I already knew the answer.

"Yes." She paused, maybe to soften the blow, but definitely changed her mind. "Everything is already moved into his apartment. I just had to get Rex and tell you."

At least she didn't just leave a note… I probably wouldn't have believed it then. As it was, I didn't bother arguing. I just slid out from behind the tree and sank onto the couch. Bob immediately put his head on my knee.

Then she was gone. Not even a good bye.

Two days later, I got my forty radio calls. I took off after pouring myself a coffee cup of Maalox. I figured it at least gave the impression I was drinking coffee that way. I stayed out of sight once I arrived at the scene. In Stephanie's case, it was always a scene, not just a place. I stayed out of sight, but I had to make sure she was all right—even though the calls told me she was fine and…. She wasn't mine any longer. I left five seconds later. Ranger wrapped his arms around her, comforting her as the remnants of her car smoked. That ended up costing me another cup of Maalox—not the car, I was used to those now. They only required half a cup these days. I tossed the empty bottle (I kept two in my glove compartment by this time) under the seat of my car.

I still hide out when I get the calls, but only a few of the guys still call since it's well known that Stephanie and I are finished. Most of the guys don't mind too much since it means I'm taking so much overtime. Now they eat even more donuts and gossip at even longer lengths than before and still get paid, thanks to my long hours. Lately though, Ranger hasn't shown up when the calls come in. I guess he's better for her. He doesn't live on Maalox after all, and he doesn't feel sick just thinking about the trouble Stephanie gets herself into. I never knew what I'd do without Steph, but I guess I know now… At least she's alive, I suppose.

That's not to say I'm not playing the wounded ex by avoiding all the places she goes, because I do, even though I hate to admit it. Dunkin' Donuts is strictly off limits and Pino's is nothing by delivery these days, though I've only had Pino's once since that day. Damn I miss her.

An hour later, I still had the fork in my hand and I had still only taken three bites of my dinner. I gave up and tossed it all into Bob's dish. I figured it was an early Christmas present for him since he'd been on a diet for several months now. There was just something about eating a home cooked meal, hell, any meal, without Stephanie. Sometimes, we went days at a time without eating together, but there was always the promise of doing so—especially on my days off. But now… I didn't feel much like eating. Or sleeping, for that matter. Steph had a great way of making me fall asleep… Waking up was nice too; usually she ended up spooned against me, my arms wrapped around her. I wish memories like that lasted longer.

Since I figured sleep would be far away for most of the night, and I had a great deal of doubt that Santa Claus would come down my chimney tonight, I decided to watch some TV. As I walked into the living room, I cast a brief glance towards the fireplace there would have been four stockings. Mine, Stephanie's, Bob's, and Rex's. Almost like a family. Instead, it just held Bob's and mine. The tree even had lights and a few bulbs on it. My mother had dropped by while I was at work and decorated with what little she could find in my house. I was going to go out and get more decorations but… At any rate, if it wasn't for my mother, I still wouldn't have any decorations. No presents resided under my tree either. Everything I had bought was already at my mother's to be unwrapped tomorrow when she summoned me there at noon. I hoped she had remembered to take out the presents she had already wrapped and set under her tree for Stephanie before she found out Stephanie and I were over. My mother had even tried to get me to stay the night there so I could be up with the rest at six in the morning during the present frenzy, but I claimed I'd be too exhausted from working a late shift.

I settled in front of the TV and flipped it on. While Bob found a comfortable spot for his head on my knee, I wrapped myself up in one of the few things Stephanie had left behind: a birthday present from me. It had Wonder Woman on the back of it and she used to curl up under it when she watched sports with me after dinner. I guess it had turned into a security blanket of sorts to me as of late. It reminded me of her during a few of the happy times on some level, I suppose.

I had long since realized there was nothing good on TV after ten, but I was becoming well acquainted with the crap they played. Tonight, I punched in a random channel and let the TV become white noise while I settled into my usual stupor.

At midnight, some idiot decided to ring my bell incessantly. Once was more than enough, especially at midnight. Knowing my luck lately, it was probably some psychopath who was going to slowly strangle me. With this in mind, I threw open the door, ready to meet my doom.

I wasn't prepared for Stephanie to be standing on my porch, holding cupcakes with what looked like Christmas trees on them. "S-Stephanie…?"

She licked her lips. "I-I, uhm, made some cupcakes."

I stared blankly at her for awhile, waiting for her to explain.

"I thought, uhm, that you might, err, want some…" She explained lamely.

"Do you want to come in, or am I just supposed to take the cupcakes, say Merry Christmas, and close the door?" I didn't mean to act snappy, but I'd slept about five hours in the past five days, I had barely eaten anything in the same amount of time, and I was damned confused at the moment. She shouldn't be here at midnight though. Maybe some of the cops were giving her a hard time, so maybe she felt the need to become a vague sort of friend with me so they would be a bit nicer to her. That was probably it.

"I-I'd like, uhm, to come in… If that'd be all right."

I waved my arm, gesturing for her to come in. I closed the door behind her and took the cupcakes and put them on top of the fridge—far out of Bob's reach. For the sake of politeness, I asked, "Want something to drink?"

"No thanks…" She'd sat down at the kitchen table. "I… broke up with Ranger."

So she wanted sympathy, or maybe just a guy to bounce back with. "I see."

"I thought you'd be a little happier than that about it." Stephanie almost seemed, I don't know, hurt by my comment. I had no idea why considering she'd chosen Ranger. I just shrugged in answer.

Her voice was quiet when she spoke again. "I left him two weeks ago."

Ah, that explained the lack of Ranger when Stephanie managed to get herself into trouble. "I'm sorry?"

"Joe, I…" She got quiet for a long time, and when she spoke again, she looked up at me. I hadn't even realized I was watching her, but I was. I was drinking in the sight of her at my kitchen table like a starving man eats a feast. "I love you."

"It's Christmas Day, Stephanie. Not April fools." I poured myself a glass of the homemade Schnapps. I had a feeling I'd need it.

"It's the truth… I'm so sorry Joe, I didn't realize it until…" She started tearing up. "I stayed with him two weeks, but I had to leave. He…he just wasn't you…"

"If you wanted me so much, why'd you leave in the first place, Stephanie?" I was too tired to be angry, but I refused to act like an older brother or let her stay in my guest bedroom until she could find a new apartment.

"I was such an idiot! I didn't realize… how much I love you until… until it was too late…" Her voice was soft and tear-filled. "I miss you so much… I even miss arguing with you, Joe."

"What do you want me to say? I'll take you back? Everything is okay?" I stared at my feet. "Because I can't say those things. You made your choice, Stephanie. You made it over a month ago. You didn't give me any warning—we'd made…we had sex the night before, and then boom, it was over."

"You weren't ever home to give warning to! Before I left, I'd go for days without talking to you because you'd come home at all sorts of strange hours, miss dinner, be gone before I got up…" Stephanie paused, mulling it over before whispering. "You… you wanted me to leave. Didn't you."

I laughed, probably bitterly. "Hardly."

"Then… why were you always gone?"

I figured I might as well give her the truth. "I was working overtime for some extra money."

"But… we were doing just fine, weren't we?" She frowned, confused.

"I had wrongly thought we were doing better than fine." I muttered, my mind looking at a pretty diamond set in a band of white gold. I had found a low set one that wouldn't get in the way if she was trying to apprehend an FTA. Stupid me.

Her voice was a little shaky. "How…much better?"

"Marriage, cupcake." I still hadn't looked up, but I could hear her crying. Of course, I had already shed my share of tears. "But I was wrong."

She choked out a few words I couldn't make out, but repeated them, a little stronger. "I would have said yes."

My temper flared. "And done what?! Sleep with Ranger after you shopped for a wedding dress?!"

The sobbing got louder, but I just struggled not to hit something.

I just stood there, looking at my feet, but eventually she calmed down and started talking again. "Yes, I did sleep with him. But you know what?! I couldn't get you out of my mind the entire time. The last time, I called him by your name."

I sat down at the kitchen table, eyeing my hands. "What's to say you wouldn't go running back to Ranger in an instant if I took you back? What if you can't get him out of your head if you slept with me? You always seem to fly off the second things get a little rough, so what's to say you'll stay? Well?"

"But… I always come back…." She started.

"Maybe you do, maybe you don't. At any rate, the leaving bit doesn't set too well with me. In fact, it sets horribly with me." I was back to feeling too tired to be angry.

"I never, er, told you I loved you before either." She whispered.

"Shit, Stephanie. What do you want me to say?"

"T-that you'll give me… one last chance… f-for Christmas." Stephanie stuttered out in a breathless whisper that I would have found sexy any other time.

I wanted to say "yes", but I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I made up my mind to say "no" after a mind war. "Okay."

Stephanie stared at me, and I stared back. That was not what I had intended to say. After a moment, she launched herself at me and hugged me, nearly making me fall off my chair. "Thank you so much!"

After a month of not feeling Stephanie's touch, my arms had a mind of their own and twined around Stephanie's waist, pulling her onto my lap. I just hoped she didn't leave this time. If she did, I think it'd be one "last chance" too many for me. I decided to through reason to the wind, just for tonight. I really didn't want her to leave right now. "Stay here tonight."

When I woke up tomorrow, I'd deal with everything, but for now, I just wanted to feel Stephanie in my arms and pray this really was a Christmas gift, and not a ploy from God to punish me for not going to mass. Steph answered me with a kiss. I was suddenly reminded of how very sexy she looked naked. I had every intention of seeing how sexy she was again, just in case my memory was… faulty.

I had the presence of mind to remind Stephanie she was lucky. "Merry Christmas, Cupcake." Or maybe I was reminding myself. Or maybe I just finally felt the Christmas cheer.