Title: Pirates on skates
Lorelai woke up and remembered the fight with Christopher before she even opened her eyes. Well, fight isn't really the best word for it. He was jealous. He was a bit drunk. He was upset. And he had every right to be. While setting up the jumbotron flat TV he had found the character reference letter she had written for Luke's custody case against Anna Nardini. She really should have thrown out that copy.
No. What she really should have done was tell him about the whole thing. She of course knew that he would find it hard to take. She knew that Luke was a sensitive subject for Chris. But a few months before, when April had appendicitis and Luke called Lorelai without knowing what to do, Lorelai had told Chris about it and even went to the hospital to support Luke. Chris knew all about it from the start and he was ok with it. He understood that Lorelai wanted to go support her friend. He knows that having your daughter get sick and need emergency surgery is scary and incredibly stressful. He would have understood the character reference letter, no doubt about it. So why didn't she just tell him about it? God, she could be so stupid sometimes.
So, obviously, when he found the letter he knew that she had hidden it from him. Of course, he was upset. She would have been too. Hadn't she been so impressed and glad when Chris had told her about Sherry's letter right away? Her relationship with Chris, this time around, had been so open and mature. Sure, they had had a couple of spats, for example the whole discussion about sending GG to Paris to see her mother. But they talked it over and ended up resolving it in just a few hours. And that led to the most fantastic trip to Paris ever. So why couldn't they have just talked this out? Again, she could be so stupid sometimes.
She had to call Chris. She had to find him, get him to come home and talk this out. They were going to sit down and really talk. Put everything on the table and be grown-ups about this. Well, they would be adults about it. And they'd pronounce it Ah-dults. She was going to fix this.
She started to stretch to reach the phone on Chris' side of the bed, her eyes still closed, when her hand hit something warm and hard. Her eyes snapped opened at the same time the person in bed next to her let out a resounding "Ouch!"
"Chris! Oh my god, I'm so sorry!' Lorelai sat up in bed and reached for Christopher, who was pressing the heel of his hand to his eye.
"God, Lor. Way to kick a man when he's down." Christopher said, not entirely joking.
"It was an accident! I'm so sorry! I was reaching for the phone to call you. I didn't know you'd be here. Are you ok? Did I hurt your eye?"
"I know your obsession with Johnny Depp runs deep, but gauging my eye out is not the way to get me to dress up as a pirate in bed." Christopher said sitting up, still holding his eye.
"Well, you refused to dreadlock your hair and stop showering so I had to pull out the big guns. I'm really sorry, are you ok? Let me see." She leaned over him, gently pulling his hand away from his eye. He looked up towards the ceiling, blinking away the tears of pain that had leaked from the assaulted eye.
"Am I bleeding?" He asked, feeling better already but continuing with the ruse, if only to delay the serious conversation for a few more moments.
"Oh, your eye is completely gone. It bounced straight out of your head and across the room. Paul Anka already gulped it down. So, you'll have to use that eye patch I got for you after all. The good news is that we save on some breakfast kibble." She said, gently stroking the side of his face, drying the tears.
"Darn. I guess I'll have to get used to seeing the world in two dimensions. Give up my dream of being a basketball player. Or dart player. Or bird of prey."
"I'm telling you, pirate is the way to go." She said with a sad smile, shifting her strokes from his face to his hair. He looked at her then, also giving a weak smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He still wore the same clothes from the day before, his grey Yale hoodie looking wrinkled and slept in. His eyes red from lack of sleep, on top of the close encounter with her hand, of course.
"You came back" she said after a moment, smiling a bit more.
"I'm sorry I left. I shouldn't have. I just- ". He started to say, sitting up a little more, before she interrupted.
"No, I get it. You were angry. I understand. I should have told you about the letter. I knew it'd upset you and hiding it only made it worse.
"Lor…"
"No, Chris, let me say this, please." She interrupted again, reaching for his hand. He only looked at her, letting her continue. "You were right to be upset. I should not have hidden the letter from you. I should have told you about it right after Luke asked me to write it. But I promise: I am not still in love with him. This was not, in any way, a love letter to him. It was honest, and caring, because he is a great guy who doesn't deserve to lose his daughter. But that's it. I knew you wouldn't be super happy about me writing it. I thought you might want to read it and I didn't want you to be upset because I wrote something personal about him. But I also didn't want the fear of you being upset about it to stop me from writing a good letter that could actually help him get his custody of his daughter. So, I hid it. It was stupid and dumb and you probably would have been fine with me writing it if I had been honest about it from the get go. I mean, you were great and understanding when April was in the hospital with appendicitis. You didn't mind that I went to visit them there, did you?" She paused to let him answer.
"No, of course I understood. I'd be terrified if the same thing had happened to GG, or Rory, and I had been alone with them."
"I know you would have. I would have too! I told you about that and you understood and I should have done the same thing now. I'm so sorry."
"It's ok." Christopher said, squeezing her hand lightly. He looked down at their joined hands, stroking her hand with his thumb. Lorelai breathed a little sigh of relief that the conversation was going pretty well so far. They were silent for a few moments. "So, Luke is fighting for custody of his daughter?" He asked.
"Yes. It seems Anna, April's mother, wants to move to New Mexico and doesn't want to let Luke see April anymore, not even during the holidays or summer, so he is suing her for shared custody. His lawyer said he needed to get a character reference and he asked me to do it. I couldn't say no."
"No, of course not." He replied honestly.
"We have known each other a long time, even before we were together, so I could attest to him being dependable and good with kids and so on. I might have written it a bit too personal and touchy-feely, but it was just to help him out with the case, I swear! It was not because of any lingering feelings for him. Please believe that."
"If you say so…" He said, avoiding her eyes.
"I do, I promise, Chris. I need you to believe me. You are not my rebound. You are my husband, I love you! I love you so much."
"I love you too."
"I've been thinking, and I want to tell you about my and Luke's relationship." Christopher started to interject but she pressed on. "I'm serious. They say communication is the key to any relationship, right? You're obviously insecure about Luke and I really think that knowing about it, that us talking about it, will help."
"Lorelai, you shouldn't have to tell me all about your previous relationships."
"I want to. I really think it will help. Please? I'll give you my Police Synchronicity shirt back, that's how much I want to do this."
"Will you make me an eye patch out of the shirt?" He said, a glint in his eye.
She sucked in a sharp breath, shocked. "Cut up my beloved shirt? My beloved shirt that was unceremoniously taken from me 22 years ago? The shirt that I mourned the loss of for two decades and that has only recently been returned to me?" He chuckled softly. "Tell you want, I'll go find a The Offspring t-shirt and make you eye patches out of that. How about it?" Her smile growing.
"Will you wear a "The Offspring is better than Metallica" shirt?"
"I'll even say you're pretty fly, for a white guy". She smiled back. He chuckled again, looking down to their hands again, nodding his head gently.
"Luke is a great guy and we were friends for many many years before we started dating. And for a long time things were going great. I proposed to him and he said yes. I didn't want to plan the wedding right away because Rory and I were in a fight and I wanted her to be involved. Then, Luke found out about April and he started shutting me out. He knew about April for 2 months before he told me. Two months! And he didn't even really tell me. I found out. I went into the diner one day and she was there doing chores. He had called me earlier that day to ask if I was going to come by the diner and I was super busy so I said I wasn't going to have time. So he wasn't expecting me to come. I have no idea when he would have finally told me. Then, when I knew, he still didn't let me in. He wouldn't let me meet her, I could only come to the diner when April wasn't visiting, only see him after she was gone. Even talking about her was awkward. I tried giving advice on a birthday present for her and he shut me down then too. He only let me in when the birthday party he was throwing for her was going terribly because he had no idea how to make it fun for a bunch of 13-year-old girls. He asked me to come and save the party. The next day Anna, April's mother, found out that I was at the party and gave out to Luke because she didn't know me and he so shut me out again. This went on for months. He asked to postpone the wedding. I had to cancel everything. Well, I didn't cancel everything because I had hope that it would still happen but June 3rd came and went and nothing was changing. I couldn't take it anymore. He made no room for me in his life and I was tired of feeling like I was sitting outside, in the rain, looking in the window while he kept closing the curtains. I gave him an ultimatum. I asked him to elope with me and he said no. And that was it. It was over. I came to you." She finished, pushing a bit of hair behind her ear. It felt awkward to say all of that, to make herself so bare like that. But she knew it was the right thing. This was the only thing she could do to make sure Christopher understood.
"I know that it might seem to you that you're a rebound, especially because I came to you that night." She continued, looking him in the eye. "But Chris, I came to you because you are you! You are my best and oldest friend. You know me better than anyone. You always make me feel better, no matter what. And I knew you loved me, always had, and that you'd be there for me. That I could count on you." She stroked his face again. "I was upset, and I used you that night, I know. I'm sorry. I'm not proud of it. But it ultimately brought us here, and I'm definitely not sorry about that. If all the pain and heartbreak with Luke was what I had to face for us to finally get here, I'd do it a million times over."
"I'm sorry it took so long though. It was my fault. I have been a mess." He said, looking down again.
"Maybe last time, but this time you have been great! Honestly, you have been perfect! You understood I needed time, you were patient, were ok taking it super slow. You were always open about everything. I remember how surprised I felt when you told me about Sherry's letters pretty much right away after you got it. I had just come out of months of Luke sneaking and hiding everything about April and me having to withhold my opinion and my thoughts. But you told me about her letter and also wanted my opinion! You included me in the decisions, you let me be involved in GG's life, in your life!"
"But I pushed you to marry me in Paris."
"My one and only problem with that was that Rory wasn't there. And I didn't insist on waiting for her, or calling her because I knew she'd try to talk me out of it." Christopher looked hurt at hearing that Rory wouldn't have wanted Lorelai to marry him, but Lorelai continued before he could continue with that thought. "Not that she doesn't want us to be married, not at all. It's just that she is a real goody-goody that daughter of ours. Very little sense of adventure or spontaneity. She has to make an exhaustive pro/con list for everything, even what breakfast cereal to eat that day. I honestly don't know where she got that from, because it obviously wasn't from either of us!" She finished laughing.
"No, it doesn't seem like it" Christopher agreed with a smile.
"She and I talked when we got back from Paris. She is honestly very happy for us, both of us." She insisted, locking eyes with Christopher hoping to drive the message into him. "I was so happy to marry you in Paris. The whole trip was amazing, Chris. Everything with you is so easy and fun. We know each other so well, we get along so well. I loved every second of it, even when we were starving and roaming the streets in the middle of the night, getting laughed at by that French baker." He laughed again.
"But I have to apologise to you, Chris. Everything you said yesterday was true. I didn't want to leave Stars Hollow. I didn't want to let my parents throw us a wedding party. I wasn't very open about the idea of having another baby. And I didn't deal well with any of these topics. We should have sat down and talked about all of them. I should have let you give your opinion, heard your plans and really considered them. I realised that I have been doing to you the same as Luke did to me and I'm so sorry about it!" Lorelai's voice caught in her throat as she was getting emotional.
"No, Lor! You haven't. You haven't been locking me out like that!" Christopher reached for her.
"Yes, I have!" Lorelai cried, tears falling from her eyes.
"No, you haven't! You have been super concerned about introducing me o the town's people, getting people to like me, setting me up on man-dates with every liked man in this place. That's not shutting me out."
"But I didn't want to get that house you liked, I didn't want to discuss having a baby, I didn't want to hang the new Christmas stockings you brought, I didn't want to put a flat screen in the bedroom, -." She started to list, talking faster and faster, getting more and more agitated, making Christopher interrupt her.
"You love this house, I get that! While I do hope we get to talk about having another kid eventually, I know that I just sprung it on you that night. And the Christmas traditions, I understand that you and Rory have a way of doing things. I'm sure there's a ton of other traditions for every holiday over the year that I'll have to learn about. I want to learn about all of them, I really do! I don't want to change everything about the life you have with Rory. I just hope that we can add some new traditions into the mix, stuff we can come up with together. For example, do you guys celebrate Pirate day? Because, based on today alone I think you'd love it! We can make a whole thing out of it!" Christopher said trying to make Lorelai calm down and laugh a little. It worked. "And I admit that a flat screen in the bedroom would be a bad idea. We already have plenty of ways of entertaining ourselves up here." He wiggled his eyebrows and bumped his shoulders gently against hers. She left out a laugh that sounded a bit like a sob, covering her face with her hands and leaning into him, letting him hug her and press a kiss into her hair.
Lorelai took a few deep breaths, wiping her tears and resting against Christopher's chest. "I don't want you to think I don't love you, that I don't want to be married to you, that I don't want you in my life. I love you so much, Chris. I'm sorry that I made you doubt that."
"No, Lor, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said last night. I asked you to tell me that you didn't love him anymore and you did, without hesitation, and I just didn't listen. I let my insecurities take over. Reading what you said about him, how great he was with Rory, how dependable he was, a father figure to her. How "once he is in your life, he is in your life forever", I got jealous-."
"I wrote that to help with his court case! He is a great guy, but I definitely embellished it too. I wanted to make him sound like a great dad for April!" Lorelai interjected, sitting up to turn and look at Christopher.
"I know! I know you did. And you did it really well, by the way! Any judge will have a hard time keeping a daughter away from a dad like the one you described. I just…" He trailed off, not really wanting to finished the sentence.
"What, Chris? You can tell me." Lorelai said softly.
"I hate knowing that I wasn't the guy you could depend on for all those years. That I wasn't the father figure for Rory." He said sad and embarrassed.
"Oh, Honey."
"I hate it. I was a shitty, flaky father and I can't change it. I can never go back and redo it."
"You were not shitty or flaky, Christopher! You were sixteen years old!" Lorelai help his head in her hands, trying to get him to look at her.
"So were you!"
"I know, honey. But I didn't have another choice! I didn't want to be under my parents' thumb anymore. I didn't want Rory to grow up in that house, in that world. I had to leave. Otherwise I would have left her with the army of nannies that Emily had arranged for and I would have gone on with my plan of joining a roller derby team and touring the world. I already even had my derby name picked out: Lindy Oilslick."
Christopher laughed at that, but didn't let it distract him. "No, you wouldn't have."
"I would too! At least until I found out that you have to wear a mouthguard during the matches. I'm all up for the cool alias and the outfits, but I like my teeth where they are, thank you very much."
"You were sixteen and you did it all by yourself. Your daughter needed you and you were there for her." Christopher insisted.
"And so were you! When Sherry left GG and took off to another continent, you were there and you have been there every day since for GG. You are a great father, Chris. That kid loves you and trusts you with her life! She is happy and balanced and secure in the fact that you are always going to be there for her."
"But Rory – "
"Rory also loves you! Yes, it's true that you weren't that present in her early years, but she knows why. She understands. And she doesn't blame you, I promise you that! You were always a hero to her, even from afar. I'm sorry that she and I have been kind of hesitant in trusting you, in trusting that you are here and that you're going to be here. We have been alone for all these years, we are set in our ways. But we want you here, you and GG. We are so happy you are here. I'm so happy you are here. I'll work harder at making space for you and for new traditions. I promise. I will trust you! I'll trust us! We have to just commit to this, you know? We're it. We have to trust that. No matter what."
"I know. You're right. I have to trust you, us, too."
"We have been apart for many years, we had our own lives. Now we have to merge these two lives, equally. I'm sorry I haven't been willing to merge your life into mine. I wanted to have you in my life, but not change anything else. That's not going to work. It's not fair to you. I realise that now." Lorelai leaned her forehead against Christopher's, closing her eyes and just trying to convey to him all her love with that gesture.
"Thank you. I want to be in your life. I love you, Lor, and everything about you. I know you love this town and I know I'll love this town too. I do love this town. I don't want to make you leave. I want to get to know everyone, and be a true starshollian. I want to go to the town meetings and make fun of Taylor. I want to go watch Miss Patty's annual dance recitals. I want to see what new carriers Kirk will attempt. I want to dance with you in this years' Dance-A-Thon until our feet fall off. I want to decorate the house for Halloween and scare the bejesus out of the kids that come trick or treating. I want go on walks with Paul Anka and visit you at the Inn for lunch, and have dinner together when you get home. I want to travel with you every year on our anniversary. I want to celebrate Pirate day with an absurd amount of food, a Pirates of the Caribbean marathon and wear a dreadlock wig to bed if you want me to." Christopher snaked his arms around Lorelai, drawing her into him, pressing his nose against the crook of her neck and shoulder. "I want to watch all your favourite classics on the giant flat screen with 5.1 surround sound and see you face when you experience these films like you never have before. I want to go to Rory's college graduation with you. I want us to wear all black clothes and spy together on GG during her first date. I want us to play good cop/bad cop with all her boyfriends, or girlfriends, and plan increasingly funnier ways to embarrass her in front of her friends. I want to babysit our grandkids so that Rory can have date nights with her husband. I want to walk Rory down the aisle on her wedding day. And I do want to have another kid with you. I want it all, Lor, but I want it all with you. I'd give it all up to be with you."
Lorelai was hugging Christopher fiercely by now, tears streaming down her face again, holding onto him for dear life. "I want it all with you too, Chris. I want everything and more."
"I love you, Lor." Christopher said, lips pressed against Lorelai's hair.
"I love you too. So much." They hugged for a long time, slowly lowering themselves down onto the bed so they were lying down again. They lay side by side, facing each other, holding the other in their arms, breathing the same air, quietly watching the other, wiping away stray tears, enjoying the silence and allowing themselves to calm down after the emotional talk.
"Are you tired? You look tired. Did you sleep at all?" Lorelai asked. She could see Christopher's eyes were red and his skin pale.
"I slept a little bit in my car, but I'm not that tired." He replied.
"Where did you go?"
"Nowhere." He chuckled quietly. "I drove around for a while, but didn't go far. I came back and parked down the street. Put the seat down and tried to sleep. I've done my share of sleeping in my car, in the days before I traded it for a bike. Somehow I don't remember it being that uncomfortable." He gave a small smile and they went quiet again for a few moments.
"Do you want to talk some more?" Lorelai asked in a whisper, shifting a little away from Christopher, so she could see his face better.
"Yes." He said, reaching for her hand and intertwining their legs together. We wanted to stay connected. I felt like they could tackle any issue and fix any problem as long as they were touching.
"This house…" She started.
"I you know you love this house. We don't have to move." He interjected quickly.
"I do love this house." She agreed, squeezing his hands and smiling. "It has been a great house for me and for Rory. We have fantastic memories here. And I'm not completely against moving. I just want to share this house, and make new memories in it, with you. I want to have you and GG here, be a family here. At least for a little bit. And I'd like to stay in Stars Hollow."
"I'm more that okay with that. We can stay here for several years. I want to. We can keep an eye on available houses in town. If something turns up that we really like, we can buy it and leave it there until we are ready to move. No rush."
"I like that idea." Lorelai replied and they smiled at each other, knowing that was one less thing they had to stress and fight about. But soon Lorelai turned serious again, knowing this next subject wasn't going to be as easy to sort out. "Now about Luke." She paused, giving Chris a couple of seconds to settle into the new topic. "Do you believe me now? Do you believe me that I don't love him anymore, that I love you and that I want to be with you, not him?"
"I do. I know he's your friend and was a big part of your and Rory's life for a long time. As much as I hate it, I hate it because I wasn't there for you myself. Ultimately, I'm glad you had someone to count on, if you couldn't have me." Christopher said honestly.
"It wasn't just Luke, you know. This whole town was there for me and Rory. The whole place belongs in an insane asylum, but they definitely stick together."
"I know." Christopher replied, letting out a big sigh. "Luke might always be a bit of a weak sensitive spot for me, but I'll work on it. Just don't let me find out things hidden away anymore. I understand that you will see him in around, and speak to him, and even help him out with this court thing or other things in the future. Just tell me about it. If I think you're hiding it from me, my head just goes straight to that bad place. I'm not saying you have to report to me every interaction you have with him, of course not. Just give me a heads up."
"I know, you're right. I will, I promise. And we can talk more about it, any time you want, ok?"
"Ok" They smiled and kissed, hugging each other close again. Christopher lay back and puller Lorelai up against him as she lay her head on his shoulder.
After a few moments she started a new topic. "And about having another baby…" She said looking up at him.
"Yeah?" He replied, trying to not sound too eager.
"I've thought about it, since the last time you mentioned it." She admitted. "And I want to do it." A shy smile opening across her face.
"You do?" He asked, trying and failing to hold back his own smile. "Are you sure? I don't want to bully you into it."
"I really do. You were right: we have both done it on our own now. We know how hard it is, we know what we are getting ourselves into. And this time we're together, we're married, we have jobs, money. But most of all, I just want to do it all again with you."
Christopher finally released his smile in full force, his obvious joy so contagious that Lorelai also smiled widely, at least until he pulled her close and kissed her full on the month. She pulled back after a long moment, already slightly short of breath. "Are we done talking now? Can we have makeup sex?" She asked with a foxy smile.
"Aye aye, captain!" he replied going straight back into another deep kiss.
"Wait, wait, just one more thing." She said pulling away, sitting up in bed, looking around.
"What? What are you looking for?" He asked confused.
"A calendar."
"Why?"
"So I can count how many days until Pirate day."
He laughed out loud and pulled her back down to him. "Come back here!"