Hi, it's me again, Galileo. Now that Christmas is over, I have time to write again. And at the moment Scara isn't home so she can't type anything into my story before I publish it. Cause this time it's over, I'm telling you, I'm not going to let her walk all over me anymore. It was bad enough that she made me do all the decorating and sat around directing me but the worst came on Christmas day when we unwrapped the presents. Have a look.
"Hi guys! That's real nice of you to invite me." Meat spread her kisses i.e. her germs around. It's enough to make anyone sick.
"We thought you might be lonely." We didn't Scaramouche, you did. But I'll play along and put on a happy face cause I want my presents and I want them now! Hey that would make a great song.
"Look I brought you two something." One present? For the both of us? Now that can't mean anything good. What could Meat have brought us? Food? No, Scara is on a diet at the moment. She wouldn't do that. Maybe it's a tournament size packet of condoms! But then again maybe not. We could do with an XXL Packet of anti-migraine pills.
"Let me unwrap it Scaramouche."
"You're such a child Gaz."
"Oh go on. Pretty please!"
"Fine but stop getting on my nerves." Sure what ever, when I've opened it, I'll see if I can run away screaming. What ever's in the there it's fking heavy. Oh no! Oh dear God please no! Tell me it's all a bad dream! It's a cradle. "Oh Meat! It's beautiful! Thank you. We'll definitely be needing that."
"Hello! Is there something someone hasn't told me?"
"Oh Gaz, you're so sweet. Can't you see what's happening."
"Oh I can see clearly now! And I bloody well don't like it."
"Oh come on grumpy guts. It's going to be perfect!"
"It's a bloody liability. You and me should never be allowed to be parents!"
"Parents? What are you on Gaz? Just cause you roll over me a few times, doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to get pregnant from you."
"But I…but I…but I…."
"You're stuttering Gaz, stop it. The cradles for the present Santa's brought me."
"WHAT?! You still believe in Santa Claus? Even if he did exist, then he would be bringing you presents."
"Why not"
"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake."
"You know Gaz, it's really annoying when you do that. So just take your piece of coal and just shut up."
That's all I got to. A piece of coal while Meat and Scara unpacked all their pressies. It's sooo mean. Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, so I'm gonna go and eat worms.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!