Chapter 2: Illiterate No Longer

In one of many lively marketplaces in Skyworld, Pit and Dark Pit were grappling with their latest mission: buying groceries. "Alright. We need tomatoes, squash, and sweet potatoes," Dark Pit read off the list that Palutena had given them, as Pit rushed around to get the food.

"Do we really need this much stuff?" Pit asked desperately, struggling to hold three bags with each hand.

"Maybe we wouldn't if you didn't go for seconds and thirds every time," Dark Pit responded pointedly. "Not that Palutena's any better. Oh, we also need blackberries." It wasn't on the list, but he decided that he felt like having a snack.

"As if you don't eat a lot too! We have the same body, remember?" Pit mentioned as he headed to get the berries. His willingness gave Dark Pit an idea. Hm. Just how far can I go with this?

"We need pomegranates and dragonfruit. And some cinnamon and clove. Don't forget quail's eggs." He didn't stop there, rambling on with the most exotic things he could think of as Pit dutifully went to look for them. Quail's eggs? Seriously? People eat that stuff? Actually, I wouldn't put it past Palutena…

It worked for a while, but maybe insisting that they needed 80% cacao chocolate was a bit too ambitious. "Okay, there's no way that's on Lady Palutena's list!"

"How would you know? You can't even read," Dark Pit shot back.

For a moment, Pit looked genuinely hurt. But that didn't last for long. "Hey, you don't have to be such a jerk, you know. How much of that did you make up?"

"Everything after blackberries," Dark Pit lied, still determined to get a snack, but he wasn't exactly focused on the groceries at that point. So he still takes the whole reading thing personally, huh? Then why doesn't he do anything about it?

He only decided to ask when they were walking back to the temple, bags in hand. "I don't see why I'm a jerk if you're the one who never even bothered trying to learn how to read."

"What was I supposed to do, teach myself?" Pit retorted, defensively. "Come to think of it, how did you even learn how to read? You weren't born knowing how to."

"Remember, not everyone is as incompetent as you are. I learned by myself." That was a lie, but he wasn't going to tell anyone the truth anytime soon. "You know what? If not for yourself, do it for that goddess of yours. You know how bad it makes Palutena look if the captain of the Goddess of Light's army is illiterate? How come she never cared enough to educate you?"

"Lady Palutena was way too overworked when we were younger. Of course she wouldn't have time to teach me how to read!" Defending his goddess before himself. How typical. Pit grew quiet before adding, "And it's not like I've ever had anyone else."

They remained silent for the rest of the walk back home, and Dark Pit thought about what Pit had said. Never had anyone else? I guess that's true. I don't have any memories of him being close to anyone but Palutena. They'd finished putting away the groceries by the time he made a decision. "Fine," Dark Pit huffed, and Pit turned to him inquisitively. "Then I'll have to teach you myself."

In an instant, Pit brightened, his wings fluttering excitedly. "Really? You're the best, Pittoo!" Dark Pit instinctively pushed back as Pit threw his arms around him.

"Get off me! I'm just making sure I'm competing against someone who's actually educated. But I'm going to make you regret not teaching yourself," he warned.

"... Do you really have to be that mean?"

Dark Pit knocked at the doors of Viridi's palace and only had to wait for a few seconds before they were whisked open to reveal Arlon, standing as regally as ever, despite the broom he was holding. "Ah, good day, Young Master Dark Pit. Shall I send for Mistress Viridi?"

"No need. You're the one I'm looking for." If Dark Pit had to guess, Arlon was probably busy cleaning the palace for Viridi. He still didn't understand why Arlon insisted on referring to her as 'Mistress' when she was so young, but then again, no one understood most things about Arlon.

"Then do come in, and please, have a biscuit." Dark Pit could have sworn that the tray appeared out of nowhere, but he ignored that and bit into a biscuit. Arlon's cooking always tasted delicious, and it brought back memories. After all, the tea and snacks Dark Pit had eaten when he first met Arlon were his first full meal in his life. "Now, what was it that you wished to discuss with me?"

"You haven't told anyone else, right?" Dark Pit ventured, certain that Arlon knew what he was talking about: the fact that Arlon had taught him how to read and write during the war against Hades. It seemed pretty obvious to him; who would endanger themselves to protect the Lunar Sanctum just to fight Pit? Dark Pit's main motivation had been Arlon's promise to educate him, and Arlon had delivered, even though Dark Pit ultimately failed at protecting the Sanctum's core.

"Of course not. I gave you my word that I would remain silent on that matter, and I intend to honour that promise. Although I have been meaning to say that your skills have improved greatly since I last taught you. I must commend your work."

Dark Pit didn't know how to respond to the unexpected compliment. "... You did a good job at teaching me, I guess. But now I'm trying to teach that idiot Pit-stain how to read. He won't shut up about how no one ever educated him."

Arlon raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh? I could always convene with him, if you so desire."

What language is he even speaking? "He's my brother. I'll manage."

There was a pause, then Arlon chuckled. "Forgive me for my ignorance that you and Young Master Pit shared such a brotherly relationship."

Dark Pit was confused for a second, before realizing what he'd said. He felt a blush coming on. "I– That's not what I meant! I meant it's my responsibility that he learns! You know, since we're supposed to be rivals…" Pit was the one who always insisted on calling Dark Pit his brother. Don't tell me that's rubbing off on me…

Although Arlon's tone was formal, he looked amused. "I see. I could perhaps lend you the books I used to teach you, if that is what you seek." Determined not to embarrass himself any more, Dark Pit just nodded. As he left, Arlon handed him the books along with some more biscuits. "In any case, you have my best wishes for your task. Please convey my regards to Young Master Pit and Lady Palutena."

"Sure. Thanks, Arlon."

Dark Pit sighed and rubbed his temples. How was I supposed to know that he's beyond hopeless?

He'd told Pit to try reading the simplest-looking book in the stack that Arlon had given them. And all he got in response was a blank stare. "So you don't even know how to read basic words?" he grumbled.

"Nope!" Pit didn't look disappointed in the least.

Maybe Dark Pit's mistake was that he'd made assumptions. He decided to finally clarify something. "Then how did you use check sheets and pencils in your first adventure?"

Pit pondered for a second. "I memorized what the words looked like, I think."

Dark Pit's wings perked up hopefully. "So you know about letters, at least?"

"Nope!" That meant that they were starting with the basics. Great.

He handed the first book to Pit, quickly realizing that Pit's expectant expression meant Dark Pit was supposed to talk to him and explain. He took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "Letters make up words," he started, knowing that his explanation was doomed to failure. "Every word has a different set of letters, and you can use them to tell how it's pronounced. Except a lot of the letters in most words are completely useless."

Pit frowned. "Then what's the point of having them?"

"Does it look like I know?" he snapped. He had to give it to Arlon for being so patient, but that was probably why he was known as Arlon the Serene. Patience was almost alien to Dark Pit. "Just shut up so we can start."

He knew that he was terrible at teaching, and he was thankful that Palutena – or even worse, Viridi – wasn't anywhere nearby to watch him struggle. They'd never leave him alone if they were listening when he said that the letter 'c' was useless on its own because there were two other letters that sounded the same. Pit, at the very least, didn't seem to mind, and they got through the alphabet fairly quickly.

"Not bad for a first lesson, huh?" Dark Pit sighed, slumping back in his chair with relief.

"My brain feels bigger already!" Pit agreed, cheerfully.

Their lessons continued day after day, and Dark Pit soon found himself the teacher for both of their goals: reading and flying. He made a conscious effort to be more patient, which Pit enthusiastically pointed out, to his annoyance. At least both of their endeavours were going well. Since Pit already knew about most words, it was easy enough to get him to recognize them once he understood the alphabet. And on the same day that they first soared around Skyworld entirely by themselves, Dark Pit taught his twin how to read basic sentences.

He'd never admit it to anyone, but Dark Pit found himself looking forward to their secret lessons in the secluded corner of the temple library. He couldn't help but smile faintly whenever Pit pointed to a page, beaming as he declared, "I can finally get what that says!"

Writing, though, was a different story entirely. "Hey, Pittoo? Does this look right?" Pit asked, lifting his pencil from the paper.

Dark Pit squinted at the scribbling. "It doesn't look like anything."

"There are nicer ways to say that, you know!" Pit yelled, snatching the paper back.

"What were you even trying to write?"

"My name, so that I can sign things!"

"Your name is only three letters long. How're you even supposed to mess that up?"

"Wait, there are three letters in my name?" Pit asked, wide-eyed. "I didn't know that! Um, Pittoo? Why are you wielding that book like a club?"

"Maybe if I scrambled whatever brains you have, you'd actually remember what I've been telling you for weeks!"

"Ow! Sorry, I remember now! Hey, I said I was sorry! You're just hitting me for the sake of it now, aren't you?"

"So what if I am? I'll show you how to write it this time, but then you'd better get it right!" By the end of that lesson, Pit could write his name, as well as a couple of other words, flawlessly. Dark Pit nodded thoughtfully. That worked better than I thought it would.

There were a lot of things Pit never thought he'd get to experience, and reading a book by a fireplace on a rainy day was one of them. Yet there he was, leaning against Palutena, with Dark Pit peering over from beside him at the open book Pit was reading out loud. He wasn't fast, and he often needed to mark his place with his finger, but there was something gratifying about being able to read a book that he'd only ever heard read to him before. He smiled as he finished. "That was easy!"

Palutena ruffled his hair. "Great job, Pit! I can't believe you learned all of that so quickly. And Pittoo? Thanks for teaching him what I couldn't. I have to say, I'm impressed."

Dark Pit shrugged. "He's too useless to figure it out himself, so someone had to teach him. Obviously not you."

"Pittoo! Didn't I tell you to stop talking about your brother like that?" Palutena scolded.

"Didn't I tell you to stop calling me that?" he retorted.

Pit chuckled as they continued arguing. He didn't mind Dark Pit's insults too much anymore, because he knew he didn't really mean them. Sure, when he messed up his spelling, Dark Pit often whacked him with the heaviest tome he could find, but he would also gently place his hand on top of Pit's to help him write the words correctly right after. Soon enough, Dark Pit and Palutena's voices died down, and the library was silent except for the pitter-patter of raindrops on the windows.

"Hey, Pit-stain? Want me to make you hate language?" Dark Pit asked with a mischievous look. Pit nodded hesitantly, but he was curious. His twin grabbed a paper and pencil from a nearby table and wrote down a word. "Do you know what this says?"

Pit glanced at the letters and shook his head, somewhat grateful that Dark Pit didn't move to get something to hit him with. "It says 'thorough'," Palutena explained.

"If I remove an 'o', what does it say now?" Dark Pit asked, rewriting it.

Pit had no idea, and so he decided on the most logical answer. "Throw, right?" There was a beat of silence, then both Palutena and Dark Pit burst out laughing. He faltered. "... it isn't?"

It took Palutena a while to catch her breath enough to speak. "That's how you write 'through'."

Pit was appalled. "What? But it has the same letters as 'thorough'!"

"That's why I told you letters don't matter half the time," Dark Pit pointed out, writing another word on the paper. "What does it say if you remove the 'r'?"

Pit already knew that he was going to be wrong. "Thew?" he ventured, but that just made them laugh even harder.

"Nice try," Dark Pit mocked between laughs.

Once she recovered, Palutena took pity on him, but he still couldn't tell whose side she was on. "Pit, that says 'though'. The ending is pronounced just like in 'thorough'. Wow, this is hilarious."

When Dark Pit removed an 'h' from the word, Pit decided to try redeeming himself. "Tow." He really shouldn't have bothered. Dark Pit and Palutena were sitting on either side of him, and now they were both leaning against him for support as they died of laughter. Pit sighed irritably. "What? I know for a fact that's not how you spell 'two'... right?"

"That one spells 'tough'. I think that's the furthest you can go with this, Pittoo."

"'Tough'? How was I ever supposed to guess that?"

Dark Pit still couldn't get over his prank. "Did you really just think that 'though' was pronounced 'thew'? And 'tough' was pronounced 'tow'?" Their laughter was contagious, and Pit soon found himself laughing almost hysterically alongside them. I guess that was pretty stupid.

It took them a while to regain their composure, but after they had calmed down for a while, Pit asked softly, "Lady Palutena? Can you read us a story?"

Palutena smiled serenely, as if she hadn't just been dying. "I'm sure you could read us stories now, but if you'd like me to, I'm more than happy to. Which one do you want?"

Pit thought about it for a moment, but then he had an idea. It took him a minute to find it, but he handed Palutena a small book, slightly worn with age. She glanced at the cover. "'Rosalina's storybook'? Just how much time do you spend on video games?"

"You're the one who used to read it to me," Pit pointed out, returning to his spot. "You said it yourself, it was our favourite bedtime story."

"Fine," Palutena resigned, opening the book and reading from its pages. "'Our story begins a very, very long time ago with a young girl. One day, this girl spotted a rusted spaceship holding a small star child…'"

"'... The comet carrying the Lumas and the girl continues on its journey to this very day. With more "family members" in tow than can be counted, it's said that the comet visits the girl's home planet once every hundred years, its proud white tail glittering in the sky.'" Palutena closed the book with a nostalgic smile. She'd read it to her little angel so many times over the years, but even though her family now consisted of two angels who could both read, she was sure this wouldn't be the last time she read it to them. Speaking of those two…

Palutena turned to see the twins leaning against each other, fast asleep. Their wings were encircled around each other, and Pit's hand was softly placed on top of his brother's. Aw, that's so cute! They're probably tired after all that training… and laughing… She bit her lip to hold back more laughter so that she didn't wake them up. Palutena stood up and carefully returned the storybook to its place, and with a playful grin, got her camera from her room and snapped a picture of the sleeping angels. They'll probably kill me for this, but I think it's worth it!

Palutena decided to join the angels when they went to the market a few days later. Pit insisted on reading off the list this time. "We need carrots, peas, and potatoes!" His wings fluttered enthusiastically as he skimmed through it. "And… Lady Palutena, what does this say?"

She peered over his shoulder. "That's 'rhubarb'."

"Where did the 'h' come from?" he complained. Dark Pit snickered as he collected the vegetables. "Oh right, Pittoo! Don't forget to buy some cereal and ice cream!"

He didn't even look up from his task. "That's not on the list. I'm not stupid."

"It is! Right over here!"

Dark Pit snatched the list from his twin's hands. "If you're going to try changing the list, at least spell 'cereal' right." Palutena couldn't help but laugh. Those two will never change, huh? I wouldn't want it any other way.