Author: theshinykitty
Warning: Teensy bit of shounen-ai, and horrible rhyming…
Disclaimer: Naruto not mine, Grinch also ain't mine; they belong to Kishimotou Masashi and Theodor Seuss Geisel, respectively.
Sorry it's a bit late; I was in Cah-li-fo-nia for Christmas and had no computer access.
Please forgive me if it doesn't exactly go with the real 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' (Damn... is that even the title?!) because I have not read said book in about three years.
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How Sasuke Didn't Steal Christmas
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It was the day before Christmas,
And all through Konohaville,
All the nins were preparing for the yearly Christmas thrill.
The young and the old,
The middle ones too,
Were all clinging to the happy that is Christmas,
Like their festive red and green glue.
Why, you ask were they oh-so-merry?
Why were they running about like hopped up faeries?
Why, it was Christmas-time of course!
No frowning,
No sadness,
No angst or remorse!
Just smiles and grins where everyone wins.
But, there was one nin,
How mean and grinch-like,
He lived alone on cold Uchiha pike.
His spiky, silk hair was a dark coal black,
Just like the color of the clothes on his back.
He usually could stand those nins of Konohaville,
He usually could duck under his dank windowsill,
But this one year,
He couldn't help but peer,
At the stockings, the tress,
And the general good cheer.
"How I hate it!
I loathe it!
I abhor it!
I like it not one bit!
"And this Christmas-time,"
He said while sipping his devilish wine,
"I'm going to stop it!
I'll stop it all right!
With a crazy-plot crime..."
He knew what he had to do!
He'd take it all!
The presents and lights,
And the nin-burgers too!
"They'll wake up on Christmas,
And yell with such a fuss,
As they walk to their trees,
And see nothing!
Not even a crumb of nin-cheese!
Then he laughed such a laugh,
That it was colder than ice,
And that some people said,
Made Orichimaru sound nice.
So he got work making his fake Santa suit,
And the hat and the pants, and even the boots.
But one thing was conspicuously missing,
It was about as obvious as two gay guys kissing.
He needed reindeer!
The flyable kind,
So he 'Kage Bunshin-ed' and 'Henge-ed',
Until he had all nine.
Christmas Eve night came all too soon,
The sky was lit up by the new crescent moon.
The moonlight reflected off Sasuke's shiny hair,
He looked kind of evil,
It'd give even Itachi a scare.
He grinned his evil grin,
And went right in,
Right down the chimney,
To the house of Naruto-nin.
From the bright orange fireplace he could see,
The orange stockings and trimmings and even the tree.
He decided to start with the stockings above his head,
Just as Naruto-nin came out of bed.
"No! I've been caught!"
Is what Sasuke rapidly thought,
"The fake Santa beard is what I should have bought!"
And just as Sasuke was calling himself dumb,
Naruto-nin broke out in a run.
Then Naru-nin's arm hugged tight 'round fake Santa,
Squeezing so hard,
Sasuke thought he might need some Mylanta.
"Yay, Sasuke-kun! I don't care if your stealing my stockings and shoes,
Heck, take my money and keys too!
'Cause what I want for Christmas doesn't come in boxes or bags or in cans!
All I wanted for Christmas was Sasuke-chan!"
What happened just then,
Sasuke just couldn't figure,
But we all know,
That Sasuke-chan's heart grew three sizes bigger.
Epilogue:
Eventually, Sasuke's overly-large heart caused him an early heat attack. He died 3 weeks later after a long coma in the Konohaville Hospital. Naruto-nin still mourns.
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w00t. Always have to add that extra bit of angst.
Wear gloves when handing your boarding pass to be ripped, 'cause that lady bled all over my ticket.
Read? Review?