I'll be honest, I've given myself many headaches trying to get this story to make sense over the last few months, and I truly hope I've figured it out. I'm not going to get into big explanations of how I made it make sense, though. Just go along for the ride and see what I came up with lol.

I'm dedicating this story to lorenamag and Raven, who both expressed hope I'd write again for Looper. Wish granted ;)

There is a trigger warning for this story due to some topics discussed at times and some scenes of violence here and there (nothing explicitly graphic).

Happy reading, everyone.

Summary:

When Sara wakes up in the hospital and is told she's been shot, her first thought is to find Cid. After six years of searching, she concludes that she'll never find her son again, and life becomes unbearable. She becomes hard and angry, determined to never be caught off guard again. Then, she is approached by Abe and told that he can find Cid for her, but he needs Sara to go back in time and do three jobs for him first. Sara agrees, and she winds up in the year 2010 where she meets a team of mercenaries who she will be working with to complete her missions. Barney Ross is skeptical of her; Lee Christmas flat out disagrees that she should be on their team, but they have no choice, especially after hearing Sara's plea. She makes it clear she won't be around forever, but will one of the so called black-hearted mercenaries fall in love with her anyway?

2044

The first thing she felt was the pain.

Sara's eyes opened, and it was bright all around her. She moaned, the pain in her chest hitting her in waves to the point she almost vomited. She turned her head to see where she was and what was happening, and she found herself in a hospital room. She saw a man sitting in a chair across from her, his fingers folded with his elbows resting on his knees. He was maybe around her age with dark hair and sorrowful looking eyes.

She tried to talk, but it was difficult.

"Water," she rasped. He reached and handed her a cup of water. She took it shakily and sipped. Then she coughed. She leaned her head back against the pillow and tried to remember how she'd gotten there. She winced in pain as she tried to breathe. After a moment, she turned to look at the man again. He still said nothing. Then he stood, and she felt slight fear that maybe he was going to kill her. Instead, he paused by her bed, looking down at her.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "I really am." She blinked as she processed the words. Then he walked out. Her vision was still a bit blurry and out of focus. She was trying to figure it all out when a nurse came bustling in.

"Hello, dear," she said with a bright smile. Her brown hair was pinned back, and her green eyes were kind. She was a short thing and slightly overweight. She had a scar on her left cheek in the shape of a half moon.

"What happened?" Sara croaked. "Everything...hurts." The nurse, whose name tag said Deliah, gave her a sad smile as she moved to give her pain medication.

"No," Sara said quickly, holding up a hand to stop her.

"No?"

"No," Sara repeated. "I...I'm a former addict."

"This won't be enough to trigger..." Deliah started.

"I don't care," Sara interrupted roughly. "I'm not risking it. I'll deal with the pain."

Deliah pressed her lips together but did not argue. Sara didn't know if it actually would trigger her past addiction issues, but she really didn't want to risk it. She could deal with pain. At least this pain she could really feel compared to the emotional pain she was used to and had spent years numbing with different things.

"What happened to me?" she asked again.

"You were shot, my dear," Deliah said sympathetically. "Someone found you and brought you to us. You're lucky to be alive."

It all played like a movie in her mind suddenly in that moment. The cane field. Running. The man aiming a gun at her. Cid.

Cid.

"My son!" she gasped, lurching forward and then yelping in pain from the sudden movement.

"Your son?" Deliah asked, confused.

"Yes! My son! He's in the field! He's scared. He...he might hurt himself," Sara said, realizing that Cid would become uncontrollably angry if he lost her. That would have devastating consequences. She just knew it. "I have to find him!"

"Just calm yourself for a bit," Deliah said, running a hand gently up and down Sara's right arm. "I'll notify the police, but I can't let you up yet. You understand you were severely wounded? You almost died, Sara. You're in no condition to leave just yet."

"I need to find him," Sara begged. "Please, you don't understand..."

"I'm sure he's a smart, resilient young lad, and he'll either find help or help will find him. Please, just rest."

Sara knew she was fighting a losing battle, and she was in a lot of pain, so she knew the nurse was right and she couldn't just go racing off to find her son. If Deliah wasn't there, though, she probably would try anyway.

"What's his name?" Deliah asked.

"Cid," Sara replied. "His name is Cid."

...

Cid was hugging his knees tight against his chest with his face bleeding as he bounced along to the movement of the train. He didn't know how long he'd been on it, but he wasn't getting off until he was far, far away from the place he'd called home. Watching his mother die in front of him had undone something inside that he knew couldn't be put back together. The face of the man who'd killed her was burned into his memory. The anger and rage and grief was so raw and powerful that it scared him, but he knew it would push him through and help him survive. He'd channel it and use it to his own advantage.

And one day, one day he'd get his revenge.

A Week Later

Sara was at her wit's end. She was finally released from the hospital with strict guidelines to follow on treating her wound etc., and she had heard nothing from the police officer who was assigned her son's missing person's case. She was standing in front of his desk now, arms crossed and jaw clenched. Her chest was hurting from her wound, but she breathed through it.

"We've been looking everywhere," he said.

"Well, Officer Mitchell," Sara said back slowly, "then you're not looking hard enough or you're looking in the wrong places."

"He's a five-year-old boy," Mitchell shot back. "It's a huge world. He could be anywhere by now. Maybe he's waiting until things calm down before going back to your house."

Sara shuddered, knowing what her house looked like after Cid had exploded the Gat man who'd threatened her and scared him, all because he'd been looking for a person of interest. It awaited her cleaning, and she dreaded it.

"He's not coming back," she said, her voice breaking. "He thinks I'm dead."

Mitchell gave her a sympathetic look, and she knew that he'd tell her he'd keep trying but that after so long, Cid would become a cold case, and eventually, she'd have to get used to the idea that she was never seeing him again.

She didn't want that.

"Please just...try harder," she begged. "I love him. He needs me..." I need him.

"I will," Mitchell promised firmly. "I'll keep trying. I'm not giving up just yet."

"Thank you."

Sara walked out of there feeling a tiny bit hopeful, but she knew that if Cid was going to be found, it had to be done by her.

...

Cid had no idea where he was. He had eventually gotten off the train and wandered. His jaw ached and throbbed. His eyes burned with tears. He wanted his mother. Her body falling in slow motion was trapped in his mind, playing in a loop over and over again, as was the auditory flashback of her screaming his name. He wished he could have saved her. He wished he could have stopped the bad man from shooting and killing her.

A sob escaped, and tears slid down his cheeks. He pushed through the crowd and tried to think about what he was going to do next. He honestly had no idea.

Then:

"Oh, my word!" a woman cried, bending down in front of him and making him stop walking. "Are you okay? Oh, you poor, poor thing! You're bleeding!"

Cid whimpered, his jaw hurting him so much. He could barely eat, let alone talk. It wasn't fresh blood she was seeing. He just hadn't washed off the old blood. He knew without looking that the damage there was bad, that he should have had it looked at before now.

"Where's your mother?" the woman asked. Cid shook his head. "Do you have a mother?" He shook his head again. She bent to look closer at his jaw and then gasped and pressed a hand to her mouth. Then she gestured for a man to come over, and he did.

"Bill, this little boy is really hurt. He can't even talk! I asked if he had a mother, and he shook his head no..."

"Damn," Bill said, his face showing concern. "We should get him to the hospital."

"Bill," the woman said, standing up and pulling him off to the side. Cid watched them talk, and it seemed like the woman was arguing with Bill about something, but eventually, Bill gave in.

"Sweetheart," the woman said. "My name is Kathy. Bill and I are foster parents. Is it all right with you if we take you to the hospital?"

Cid nodded. That sounded good. It would make the physical pain stop at least. He knew nothing would ever fix the emotional pain.

"We'll make this all better," Kathy promised, gesturing to Cid's jaw. "And we'll talk with Child Services. We'll see if we can add you to our home."

Cid didn't say anything as he took the nice woman's hand. He felt a bit leery, but he knew he was alone and needed to be taken care of, and Kathy seemed to want to help him. Even Bill was calm and nice. Maybe they'd be good people to stay with.

Days Later

Sara drove everywhere. She called Cid's name until her voice was hoarse. She didn't know what to do, so she started driving further away from town and all around rural areas. She would drive across the entire world to find her baby boy. She'd failed him a long time ago, and she'd sworn never to fail him again, yet here she was.

"I'm sorry, baby," she whispered out loud as the scenery whipped by her on the open road. Tears tracked down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, baby. Mommy's coming."

...

Cid was in and out of consciousness for the next while. He didn't understand what the doctors were saying as they hovered over him and examined him. When he finally woke up and stayed awake, he discovered he had a different jaw. Someone said the word "prosthetic," and he didn't understand what that meant, but he knew it was different.

Kathy came to see him. Another woman came to see him too. Discussions were had about his future, and Cid stayed quiet the whole time, the image of his mother dying still on repeat in his mind. It was a constant stab to his heart each time.

"You can come live with us," Kathy said to him when they were alone. She reached to hold his hand. Cid looked at her and in his head knew that he was a danger to people. He'd caused the deaths of two people that he loved, and he didn't want to hurt anyone else. Not yet anyway. He knew who his eventual targets were going to be.

Loopers.

He nodded, but he knew once she was gone, he'd disappear. It was better that way.

Six Years Later

Sara felt old. At 34, she was noticing different things hurt her physically more than they used to. She was tough for the most part, having spent a lot of time punching a bag, working out, and visiting the shooting range. Her anger and rage at losing Cid had driven her to use these outlets as a way of coping. She couldn't really remember how it had even started. She'd seen a gun at a random man's house she'd spent the night at and took it, deciding that she was not going to be a weak person anymore. She was going to become something else entirely, someone who could protect themselves from men who came to kill you because they felt like it...someone who would become the hunter and not the prey. At times she would be hard and cold, and other times she would be vulnerable and broken. She was trying to find a balance between the two, but it was difficult. One thing was for sure, her heart would always ache.

She still hadn't found him.

The memory of his face was forever in her mind, the blood dripping down his chin and neck after getting shot. She still couldn't understand why the man had wanted to kill Cid. He was just a boy. Yes, he got angry and lost control, but she had been helping him with that. He would have been okay. She strongly believed that.

He was 11 now. She wondered where he was. Was he lost? Had a family adopted him? Was he angry? Sad? Lonely? Confused? Did he miss her? Did he remember her? Was he even still alive?

All these questions circled in her mind over and over again, and she had no answers for any of them. She wandered around like a lost soul for the most part, wondering why she didn't just jump off a bridge already. The hope that she'd find Cid was what kept her going, even though she knew it was hopeless. The only reason she stayed in this miserable town was the hope that maybe Cid would come back despite thinking she was dead. She'd convinced herself that if he was alive, he thought she was dead because he'd seen her get shot and fall...he'd seen her not get back up. It broke her heart that he was trapped with that image and thought forever when it wasn't true.

And it hurt even more knowing she couldn't change it for him.

...

Abe found Sara sitting alone at a bar, nursing a soda and staring off into the distance. He had been watching her for a while, and the way she trained and worked hard, he knew she'd get the job done. He was good at finding people who had nothing and needed a purpose, a gun in their hand. Luckily for him, she'd already put the gun in her hand. He just needed to give her something to do with it. She needed that final push.

He sat down next to her, and she briefly turned her head to look at him. She was a beautiful woman, he'd give her that. Her blonde hair was pinned back, and her blue eyes bore a hole into his.

"What do you want?" she asked roughly. "Cos I ain't interested."

"Oh, I think you might be," Abe replied, smiling slowly. She lifted a brow, still staring. He had to be careful here. In order to manipulate her to doing what he needed done, he had to make her feel like she was in control despite not being in control.

"And why is that?" she asked.

"You seem like someone who is looking for a type of mission," he said. "A purpose. A place to put that anger you think you're covering up so well."

"I'm not interested," she said, turning her head away.

"You lost someone, right? Rumor has it it's your son?" he countered casually. Her hand gripped her soda glass tighter, and she gave a sharp intake of air.

"How do you know anything about that?" she demanded.

"Small town, dear," he said with a sad smile. "But, what if I told you that I could help you find him?"

"Tell me how," she demanded. "Right now."

"It doesn't quite work like that," Abe said, tapping his fingers on the bar top. "I need something from you first."

"Like what?"

"I know how much you've been practising shooting and hitting the bag like it's a real person. I need your skills to assist a man of mine on some missions."

"What kind of missions?"

"Well," Abe said, leaning back slightly. "Let me put it to you this way. There are people in the past who need to be taken care of in order to keep things in the present and future level."

"You're a Looper," Sara said.

"I am," Abe agreed. "But this is a bit of a different game than what we've been running."

"I don't like games," Sara said, starting to get up. "And I think you're lying to me about helping me find my son."

"Do you really want to take that chance?" Abe asked, and she faltered. He had her biting the lure. He just needed to hook her. "Do you really want to risk never finding your son again? I'm telling you I can find him, and when I say something, I mean it." A small white lie, but she didn't need to know that. He watched her buy it, though. She wasn't quite as hard as she thought she was.

"You'll find him and bring him back to me?" she asked. The hope was in her voice. He resisted smiling. He had her where he wanted her.

"I will when you finish the jobs I mentioned."

"So you want me to be a hitman for you?"

"In a sense. You'll be assisting a team, although they don't know they're doing these jobs yet. My other asset is going to be giving them the jobs when the time comes."

"How do I know I can trust you?" she asked.

"I didn't have to even tell you, did I?" Abe countered. "I could have let you wander around aimless for the rest of your life missing your son. I'm doing you a favor here, and in return, you do this favor for me. That's how it works."

"So, how are you doing this?" she asked, clearing her throat.

"We will be sending you back in time," Abe replied, pulling out a device in his pocket. "You'll be going back to the year 2010. The first job takes place in that year. The second in 2012. The third and final in 2016. You will be given an extraction date and time in 2016 to be brought back to this time and date, and when you're back, I'll get that lead and find Cid."

"What if I die during these missions?"

"If you want to see Cid again, I advise that you survive," Abe said simply. "I also advise against telling anyone you're from the future. That could end with you spending forever in a psych ward." Sara stared at him, breathing hard. She wanted to have Cid back so badly, and he was the only person standing in her way. He held out the device, and she took it.

"That will take you to your past date," Abe told her. "It will activate again in 2016 at the time you're to come back. If you miss it, well..." She understood that to be detrimental if she did, so she just took it without commenting.

"What if I fail?"

"I think it's in your best interest that you don't fail," Abe said softly. "Or else I'll definitely make sure you never see Cid again."

Sara felt her skin tingle, and she held up the device and felt the weight of it in her hand. This was how she was getting her son back. She could do it.

"I've never killed anyone before," she said quietly. "Contrary to what you might think."

"It won't be hard once you know all about what these people have been up to," Abe replied simply. "I've been watching you for a while, Sara. You've got a lot of rage inside. Use it."

He tapped the bar and stood up.

"So this is it?" she asked him. "I do these three jobs for you in the past, and I get to come back and get Cid in my custody again after you find him?"

"That's it," Abe promised. Sara evened her breathing.

"Why not just bounce me back and forth to the years you want me to do these jobs?" she asked. He laughed.

"The team you'll be working with needs to be able to trust you. How do you think that will work if you keep disappearing and reappearing?"

He had a point, not that she liked it. She ground her jaw, thinking. She had to do six more years without Cid, but she could do it. She had a goal now. She had an endgame. She'd get to see him again. She'd been unsuccessful in finding him on her own, so she needed the help. And when she got back to this timeline, it will have been like no time had passed at all for Cid. It was only her suffering six more years without him.

"Just send me back to the day we got separated," she said. "That's all I need."

"You really don't understand the concept of a favor for a favor, do you?" Abe asked, his tone amused. "And don't even think about trying to tamper with that device. It's pre-set. You can't change it." She gritted her teeth slightly. He was being a hardass.

"Okay," she said finally. Abe smiled.

"You better hurry up," he said, gesturing. "Oh, and Sara?"

"Yes?"

"My other asset? It would be very wise to not kill him as I need him to come back. You'll ruin all chances of seeing Cid again if you do."

"O-Okay."

Abe smiled again, and then he walked away. He was still smiling as he got into his car and got driven away. He had zero intentions of letting her reunite with Cid. He knew exactly where the boy was. He was training with his new master a few states over. Abe was molding Cid to eventually take over the Syndicate, and he couldn't have Sara getting in the way of that by finding him and trying to change his destiny. He'd sent her back in time with the full knowledge that she was never coming back even if she did survive the jobs. Problem solved.

Loop closed.

...

Cid worked hard to please his master, and so far, he did alright. He'd heard whisperings of Loopers, which had led him to these people to start with. They just thought he was a kid who needed a purpose, an angry boy who needed an outlet for his rage. Let them think what they wanted. Once he was old enough, Cid was going to destroy all the Loopers. He just needed to bide his time and make an airtight plan. He needed to be smart and cunning if he wanted to get a step ahead of Abe. He needed Abe to trust him.

That old man had no idea what was going to hit him when Cid finally got his chance to avenge his mother.

...

Sara looked at the device in her hand, and she unfolded the note that was taped to it. Some older looking cash fell out too.

"Mr. Church will meet you at these coordinates and give you your assignment before introducing you to the team you'll be assisting. Try to play nice. P.S. Here's some cash for anything you might need there. A."

She looked at the coordinates and then pulled out her phone to search for it.

"New Orleans," she murmured. She kept going and found the exact location: a church (ironic). She memorized it and then breathed in and out slowly while picking up the device again.

Here went nothing.

She closed her eyes and pressed the button, and then she felt herself almost being sucked down and pushed and pulled. She opened her mouth to scream, but nothing came out. Then, she found herself landing on the ground hard feet first. She wasn't able to catch herself and ended up falling onto her hands and knees. Groaning, she took a moment before getting back up. She looked around to see a few people staring at her funny but not saying anything. She stumbled backwards, trying to find a private place to go in order to collect her thoughts and not be weirded out by how different everything looked.

She shrieked when a pair of hands grabbed her waist and yanked her out of the way of an oncoming car that she'd missed seeing entirely. Heart pounding and barely able to breathe, she twisted to see the person who had saved her.

"You alright?" he asked, concerned. His British accent was almost comforting, and his hazel eyes were kind and concerned. He had mild scruff on his face and a closely shaved head. Sara blinked and felt her stomach drop with attraction.

"Yes," she said, nodding and breathing finally. "Thank you."

"Close call there," he commented.

"It was," she agreed. "I...I was lost in my thoughts." He was still holding her waist, and she was now holding his arms to steady herself.

"You from here?" he asked.

"Um, just got here," she answered truthfully. "I'm actually meeting someone. Do you happen to know where...where this is?" She pulled out the coordinates to the church with one hand, leaving the other on his arm. She'd folded the paper so that only the coordinates showed. She was disoriented from her trip here and couldn't think of the landmarks she'd studied on her phone before leaving, and apparently, her phone hadn't come with her. She watched this guy look at it for a moment.

"Yea," he answered. "You're close to it. Just down the block and to the left."

"Thank you," she said, finally letting go of his other arm as he released her waist. "I'll pay better attention next time."

"Good."

Sara didn't know what else to say. He was making her slightly dizzy on top of her current dizziness from time travel.

"I should...I should go," she finally said.

"Take care of yourself," he said back.

"I will." She backed away before turning to walk away. She refrained from looking back, but she felt like his eyes were still on her as she made her way across the street. She found the church and walked up the steps slowly. The last time she'd been in one of these was for her mother's funeral. Her sister hadn't even gotten a proper funeral, something she still regretted to this day. She wished she had just been there to help out...that she hadn't abandoned her son to begin with. Maybe it all would have been avoided.

She pushed open the door and saw a man sitting on the front pew. She walked carefully towards him, and when she got close, he turned to look at her.

She froze.

She didn't move. She could barely think, let alone breathe. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. How could this be happening? And clearly Abe knew because he'd told her to "play nice." This was a very sick joke.

For the man standing in front of her was the man who had shot her and Cid...the man who had made her lose her son.