Well, another chapter. I hope you like it…you're gonna see how complex Lily's character is, and her intense ups and downs. Well, this is the start of it anyway. I hope you all like it…THANKS to my amazing reviewers! Keep 'em coming, because I really enjoy hearing your input. These chapters go up SO much faster with more reviews. I like to have 4 or five, just cause, you know. But here are the shouts out: Happiness in a Bottle (dude, you HAVE to keep reviewing!) QUEEN OF SERPENTS (Jeez! I didn't mean to, you just reviewed later and I missed it. I'm sorry! But I'll check out one other story of yours. Haha your first review was funny because you were all "I can't seem to stop laughing" and that made me laugh, too) RUPERTGRINTLOVER666 (Hey you! Review!) NIPHREDAL BLACK (thanks…you update your story now because I'm updating first!) and TWIGHUNTER (the loyal fan, thanks!)
Two Pence For A Lily
Bewilderment
Disclaimer—I own nothing except the plot. This applies to all earlier and later chapters.
CALLA LILLIES
Dear Diary,
I told Rhapsody that she was giving me two galleons if she wasn't asked out by midnight. She looked aghast and said, "Well, I'll do what I can."
So I was sort of checking in with her every now and then. And at 11:58 p.m., she leaned over and kissed Henry DiFabrico. By 12:00 she had a boyfriend. And I am two galleons the richer! Ha! I remember why I always placed bets! This is amazing!
But that isn't what I wanted to write about. I'm staying up late, so the least I could do was to write out my thoughts. I just got my 6th first kiss! It's always interesting with the first kiss, and they are usually very awkward. I, myself, wasn't asked out, but that's not to say I didn't get some action. Drew Katass "busted a move" (as Sirius said) on me, and I was kissed. His kisses were fast and passionate. But I still haven't been asked out. I'm really not into these one night stands, so I'm going to cut all romantic ties with Drew if he expects me to be his friend with benefits.
And, after the kisses were finished, Ireally hope he was kidding when he said "You're even better than they said you were!"
I am not a whore.
Love,
Lily
0000
Dear Diary,
I cannotbelieve James. Today he actually spoke to me. Nay, he lectured me. Nay, he wasn't even talking at me, he was giving a monologue! "Lily," he says to me all serious. "I realize you are not talking to me and I respect your wishes. But I don't understand why. I spent two months at your house. No, please don't interrupt me." I think he had this whole speech planned! Right down to where to situate the "don't interrupt me". Jeez!
"I'd like to apologize for anything I might have done this summer to make you uncomfortable. I don't think I was wrong for trying to help your family, or to make you a present with the blue glue-gun. But I at least deserve your forgiveness."
I have never hated James any more than I did at that moment. Just sitting there, thinking, oh what a good boy I am!
I thought I was going to throw up. I thought about saying "Would you like to find my knee up your blue glue-gun?" but I didn't. Dumbledore's words were floating around my head, and for some reason I couldn't totally blow James off. So instead, ve-e-ery politely, I said, "James, while I do appreciate your apology, I cannot accept it. Try and look like you mean it, and didn't practice in front of the mirror." I said this gently, calmly, nicely. He couldn't find any fault in my manner.
After I said this, I smiled demurely and walked slowly and calmly away. I gave him plenty of time to collect his thoughts, and I think that, over all, I showed model behavior.
Love,
Lily
Oh P.S.! Drew wasn't very pleased with my talking to James. I heard him mumbling about how he has power over me (?). But, even if I do despise James, I am secretly grateful for his work in speeding up the dating process.
00000
Dear Diary,
It looks as if Morgan is the only one maintaining her date-free status! Drew asked me out to the next Hogsmeade weekend—we're going to spend the whole day together. I have my doubts about what we're going to do, but it should be fun. Morgan said (forever watching my back, the saint that she is) that she talked to one of his exes, a 5th year Hufflepuff (which totally doesn't sound like Drew), and she said that he's pretty harmless.
Well, our date should be fun. I'm looking forward to it, two weekends from now.
Morgan still pines after Sirius. I don't know why she never acts on it, or why he doesn't act on his crush (which I know he has…I love Remus Lupin). I don't know why everyone here hides their emotions. My family never did, and I guess that's where I get the inclination to not be stoic. I mean, my dad smacked my mom at the breakfast table when she took too long in passing him the cream. Petunia will tell anyone if she's feeling a little constipated. My mother used to come into my room and tell me about how she was depressed. My family never hides anything.
I've been a little depressed today. I've been thinking about our neighbors too much. I went on my first date with the boy my age, their son Jeff. It was the summer after third year; he thought I went to a boarding school…we had a good time anyway. But still, I think about him and how he was murdered this summer, by Voldemort. He and his dignified, God-fearing parents. Was there any sense? Is there any sense in murder?
I haven't allowed myself to think about this at all, but all the memories keep pouring back. I keep thinking about that first date: how Jeff's blond hair stuck up slightly in the back, how he ordered two desserts, and gave both maraschino cherries to me. When he picked me up, before we walked to the restaurant, he gave me a calla lily. I can see it clearly now, as lucidly as if I'd seen the sun shining on it this morning.
So many memories. I need time to think.
Love,
Lily
0000000
Dear Diary,
Jeff…Jeff. His name has been tumbling through my consciousness for the past day. The flooding of memories is drowning me, and it's as if I see his cheery face, slowly smothering me in the murky depths of memories.
He'd always been around me, the one sane force in my life. Oh my childhood! Did a infancy even exist for me? It's like I'm trying to be the normal now, but really I'm lost without my childhood. Jeff showed me his normal family, and showed me what a family exactly was.
One year he received tarot cards for his birthday. I think we were about ten? Because it was definitely before I went to Hogwarts. At the time, I was fascinated with the unknown—the supernatural was so intriguing. Later it almost seemed to fit that I'd gotten into a school for witches and wizards. But I'd never openly showed interest, because of my sister. Always suspecting I was some toad-turned-human. I wanted her to like me! I wanted her to cradle me in her arms, to tell me I was the best little sister ever. I did all her chores for her; I was practically her slave. Somehow, by doing most of her work for her, I think I lost more respect than ever, all through trying to get closer. But anyway, Jeff and I went around for days, reading each other's fortunes. We never took anything seriously, though they always seemed to be similar. I remember mine always said things like "You will find love closer than you think, but another will wreck your relationship." His were odd too, like "You will be replaced in your love's heart by one known to others as 'the whisper-man'."
Those fortunes still sit in my room to this day: slips of paper with foolish words written in a childish hand. I've never missed anyone so much as I miss Jeff right now.
Love,
Lily
Bewilderment…so aptly named.