Part Five:

I sat curled up on the couch as darkness fell. The large room was bathed in blood red light and slowly filling with shadows. I thought it was rather appropriate. I was bleeding and no one could see. Slowly I was dying on the inside. And I couldn't save myself. I took a shaky breath and tried not to cry. I couldn't spend my life crying over something I couldn't change. Nor would I cry over a man who had betrayed me...

Vaughn. I saw his green eyes smiling at teased he gently teased me. He had made me feel so comfortable and secure. And I had thought no matter what happened, I could come back to him. How wrong I had been!

Angry and frustrated, I got up and chucked a frozen dinner in the microwave. I didn't feel like cooking anything – I didn't actually feel like eating either, but I knew I had to. Aimlessly I wandered around my empty apartment, until the microwave dinged. Then I curled back up on the couch and tried to get up enough enthusiasm to eat.

Half an hour later I got up and turned on the light. I took on look at my cold dinner and threw it away. I wasn't hungry. Just as I was about to go to bed there was a knock at the door. Automatically I reached behind me for my gun. But it wasn't there. Where had that come from? I frowned. Why did I automatically reach for a gun when there was a knock at the door? What had I been doing for those two years?

I walked to the door and opened it a crack, surprised to see Weiss standing there. "Hi." He said.

"Hi." I replied.

He smiled sheepishly at me. "I have tequila." He said hopefully and pulled a bottle out from behind his back.

I smiled softly at him. "I think tequila and a friend are just what I need right now." I said gratefully and opened the door so he could come in.

"How ya feelin'?" Weiss asked.

"I don't really know." I said truthfully, walking into the kitchen for some shot glasses. "Everything is so different from what I remember. I just can't sort out what I feel."

"It'll get better, Syd." Weiss said.

"I hope so." I replied.

We moved into the lounge and a few shot later, I was feeling better. Weiss was still the same as he had always been, he was still my friend. And everything would be alright. I'd figure it out.

"So you sure you're okay with this?" Weiss asked. "I mean, are you going to be all right? You know, livin' by yourself?"

"I just can't wrap my head around it." I admitted. "I mean, Francie's been dead for two years, but I feel like I saw her a few days ago. And now that Will is in Witness Protection, I can't even contact him. All my friends are just gone."

"Not all your friends..." Weiss said.

I smiled at him. "No. Maybe not all my friends."

"Hey...was that a smile? It's nice to see that again." He teased.

My smile grew. "And I guess this place isn't so bad..."

Weiss chuckled. "Oh c'mon!" he said. "Two blocks from the beach! Are you kidding me? And you've got me as a neighbour...trust me, you're set!"

"You're my neighbour?" I asked, surprised.

Weiss poured us both another drink. "Yeah. Just down the corridor."

"Cool." I said.

"Now, drink." Weiss said and handed me my glass.

Grinning we toasted each other and I swallowed the shot. The tequila burned all the way to my stomach as I sucked on a lime. "God, how many of these have we had?" I asked when I saw the pile of lime slices.

"Ah..." Weiss looked at the bottle. "You know, I don't know."

I giggled. "Oh no!" I said. "That's not good. I'm giggling."

"Have another drink." Weiss said, pouring one.

I giggled again. Then I clapped my hand over my mouth. "Drink!" Weiss said.

So I did. As I sucked on a lime, Weiss suddenly got up. The sharp movement made me blink. "We need music!" he said.

"Yes!" I agreed.

Weiss staggered over to the stereo and turned on the radio. A pop song came on and Weiss started dancing to the music. "C'mon Syd!" he said. "Let's dance!"

"I don't think I'm drunk enough to do that yet." I said.

"Fine!" he said and began to dance around my lounge room. I burst into laughter at his movements. "Weiss!" I said as he wiggled his bum at me.

"Eric!" he yelled back.

"Come and sit down before you fall over!"

Weiss came back and sat down with a thump. "Spoilsport." He said, and poked his tongue out at me.

"Have a drink." I said and poured us both one.

I paused for a second, the tequila making me bolder than I would usually have been. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah..." Weiss said, swallowing his shot.

He made a face and reached for a slice of lime. "Vaughn's wife...what's she like?" I asked him.

Weiss looked at me in surprise. "Are you sure you wanna hear this?"

I drank my shot and felt it burn. "Yes." I said firmly.

"When Vaughn heard that you were dead...Syd, he dropped off the face of the Earth. I mean literally, Syd." Weiss told me earnestly. "He was out of the country for, like, six months. You need to know he was not cavalier about moving on."

I nodded. "I mean, I could barely convince him to consider coming back to the Agency." He added.

"He's thinking about coming back?" That was a surprise, although really, it shouldn't have been.

"I shouldn't have said that." Weiss said.

I thought about Vaughn coming back, and decided I didn't care. He was in the past. If he wanted to come back, that was his decision. It was time to move on. If it had been meant to last, it would have. "That's all right." I said. "I won't tell."

"She's nice." He told me.

"Have another drink." I said. I'd been saying a lot of that recently, hadn't I?

"Good idea." Weiss agreed and poured us both another drink.

He looked thoughtfully at me. "The wedding was nice, too...her parent's farm in Virginia." He leaned forward conspiratorially. "She's Senator Reed's daughter, you know."

He paused for a minute and downed his shot. "There were cows everywhere...I've never seen so many cows! And then they started chasing Dixon..."

"Chasing Dixon?" I echoed.

"Yep." Weiss nodded. "Giant, mutant cows chasing him everywhere!"

I giggled at the ridiculous picture. "To the cows, then." I said, raising my glass in toast.

From there the conversation got crazier and crazier. Somehow we got started inventing reasons why I had been missing for those two years. "That's good!" Weiss said in reply to my suggestion that I had been abducted by aliens.

I drank another shot. "But the truth is..." I said.

"You are insane!" Weiss said, sucking on a lime.

I giggled. But now I was completely drunk, as was Weiss. "Wait a minute!" I said, trying to stop the giggles. "The truth is..."

"Oh, the truth is..." Weiss downed another shot.

"The ever evasive truth..." I agreed. "...is that there are advantages to losing all your stuff in a fire."

"How's that?" Weiss asked, sucking on another lime.

I poured another drink. "To dying and coming back to life..." I continued.

I began to pour Weiss another shot. "No, no, no...I'm good, I'm good..." he protested. "Okay, all right...a little one...just a..."

"Think about it! All the paper..." I said, drinking my shot. "Newspaper clippings from school, yearbooks, and sweaters I was never going to wear again, ever...pictures..." I felt said when I thought about all the pictures of Francie, Will and me...

"...picture frames..." I added, trying to drag my thoughts away from them.

"Yeah, but there's gotta be something that you had that...that it just kills you that you don't have anymore..." Weiss said.

"Francie...Will..." I whispered, their faces appearing in my mind.

Weiss looked at me, horrified that he had made me sad. "I mean, like a thing..."

"I know what you mean." I said and poured us both another drink. "I used to have a first edition Alice in Wonderland – my mother gave it to me for my 5th birthday." I looked at Weiss. "Despite my rollercoaster relationship with her – wherever she is – that was one of the things I sort of loved..." Like my mother. Despite everything, I still loved her. I really did.

Weiss reached for the tequila bottle and was surprised to see it was almost empty. "Where'd it all go?" he asked, bewildered.

I giggled at his expression, my bad mood forgotten. "I think we drank it." I confided in a loud whisper.

"No...really?"

I giggled again. "Yep."

"All right then." He said. "Last drink. Bar is closing."

"To friends." I toasted. "And tequila."

"Yeah." Weiss agreed. "Tequila's good."

I giggled again and we downed the shots. "Right." Weiss said, trying to get up. "I have to go now."

"Why?" I asked.

Weiss looked blankly at me for a minute. Then he suddenly remembered. "Work! We have to go to work tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah." I nodded, and the world began to spin slowly. I groaned softly. "Okay, you go now. I'll sit here."

"No, you have to walk me to my door. It's the gentlemanly thing to do." Weiss said.

I giggled helplessly at his words. "I can't get up!" I said.

By the time Weiss had dragged me to my feet, we were both holding onto each other and giggling helplessly. "You're drunk!" I accused.

"So are you!" Weiss shot back.

I giggled. "C'mon."

Together we staggered towards Weiss' apartment, giggling all the way. It took a while but between us, we managed to open the door. "'Night, Syd." He said.

"'Night, Eric." I replied, and staggered back to my own apartment.

I woke up in the morning with a blinding hangover. Wincing, I managed to down three cups of coffee and two aspirin, before I began to feel even remotely human again. But by the time I had showered and dressed for work, I was actually beginning to feel normal again. And, despite the hangover, I was also feeling more light hearted than yesterday. I smiled, but it turned into a wince.

When I walked into the JTF office, I immediately headed for more coffee. There I found Weiss. "Morning." I said.

"Hi." He replied. "How ya feelin'?"

"Aside from the hangover? Pretty good."

He smiled, then winced. "Remember when I said tequila was good?" he asked. "I was wrong. Tequila is very, very bad."

"Oh, yeah." I agreed, as only someone with a hangover can.

At that moment, Dixon entered the tea room with a pretty blonde woman. "Sydney." He greeted. "Weiss."

"Hi." I replied weakly.

"What happened to you two?" Dixon asked.

"Tequila." Weiss answered.

Dixon frowned. "We're fine." I added quickly.

He nodded, letting it go. "Sydney, I was going to introduce you later." He said. "This is Lauren Reed. She's going to be our National Security Council liaison." Dixon motioned to the blonde beside him. "It seems, due to a conversation with you in the men's room, Robert Lindsay has decided to fly back to Washington."

I winced slightly. "Hi." I greeted. I hoped the woman – Agent Reed I corrected myself – would not be anything like Lindsay. I'm not sure I could handle that.

"Hi." The woman replied.

"Agent Reed with also be looking into the murder of Adrian Lazarey as part of a joint investigation with the Kremlin."

I felt a moment of fear, but suppressed it. "If there's anything I can do to help..?" I offered pleasantly.

"You should also know," Lauren said, "that in addition to being the NSC liaison, I am also Michael Vaughn's wife."

"Oh." I said. I didn't know what to say. She was Vaughn's wife? I never expected to see her at the CIA. I was very surprised, but I tried not to show it. The benefit of spy training. "Nice to meet you." I said lamely.

I looked at the woman more closely. Vaughn's wife. I didn't know whether to feel sad or relieved. Her blonde hair was carefully pulled back from her face and she wore an elegant dark grey suit. Her brown eyes were friendly, but held a trace of wariness and hostility. But I couldn't blame her. I was Vaughn's ex-girlfriend. The one he had grieved for.

Dixon smiled reassuringly at me, before turning to Weiss. "Can I have a word?" he asked.

Weiss nodded and followed Dixon out of the room. Lauren looked at me, and I looked straight back at her. The silence was awkward. I didn't know what to say to her. "Look, I know this is awkward..." Lauren began. "But I was hoping we could both be professional enough to work with each other."

She looked at me. "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me. I mean, I am married to the man you were in love with two years ago."

"I don't hate you." I said. "Or Vaughn."

Lauren nodded. "I'm not going to pretend this is going to be easy..." I said. "But I'm slowly trying to piece my life together again. And dealing with Vaughn being married is part of that. But I want you to know, that while I may still care for Vaughn, I respect that he now loves another woman."

"Thank you." Lauren said.

I nodded. There was another silence, but it was slightly less awkward than before. "Excuse me." She said.

I watched her leave and let out the breath I had been holding. That has to be one of the hardest and most awkward conversations I'd ever had. And it hadn't helped that when I learnt who she was I had remembered all those harsh words I had said to Vaughn. I rubbed my hand over my face. Why was my life so hard? Was it to much to ask for something to go right?

I smiled to myself when I thought about it. I shook my head. Since when did I ever believe my life was meant to be easy? I mean, my mother was an ex-KGB agent and current wanted terrorist, I had spent two years as a double agent against SD-6, I was supposedly the 'Chosen One' in an ancient prophecy...what was losing two years of my life when you thought about the rest of it? I sighed and grabbed my coffee mug. I might as well go out and face everyone again. And I probably call Vaughn and apologise.

An hour later everyone assembled for my first mission debriefing since I had come back. I walked over to where Weiss was standing. "How's your headache?" I asked.

"Better." He replied, smiling. "I think."

I grinned. "Poor Weiss." I teased.

"Sydney?" a voice asked from behind me.

"Marshall." I greeted warmly, turning to face him.

Marshall smiled shyly at me. "Uh, I kind of, well, made you a CD of all the most popular songs over the past few years..." he began. "Not so you can listen to all the impossible boy bands they keep churning out – except for JT Timberlake...that guy can move!"

Weiss flashed me an amused smile. I resisted the urge to poke my tongue out at him in response. "Anyway, and more importantly, because it's been scientifically proven that sounds trigger the CA3 region of the Hippocampus...you know, long term memory."

"Thanks." I said, touched that Marshall would go to all that trouble.

He blushed slightly, but was saved from answering as my father walked into the room. I looked at dad curiously, but he shook his head slightly. Obviously, he didn't know what was going on either. "Dad." I greeted.

"Sydney." He said. "How are you?"

"Holding up." I replied.

At that moment, Dixon walked into the room, with probably the last man I wanted to see right now. Michael Vaughn. It seemed he was back. Dixon looked at everyone assembled in the room, including two agents I had never seen before, as Vaughn walked over and greeted his wife.

I moved and sat down at the table, Weiss on one side and dad on the other. Marshall, Vaughn and Lauren sat down on the other side, and I noticed Vaughn wouldn't look at me. I bit my lip. I needed to apologise.

Trying to distract myself from the mess my life had become, I looked at the new agents. A man and a woman. The man was tall, with short light brown hair and hazel eyes. He was sitting next to Marshall, talking to him with a small smile on his face. The woman looked to be part Asian, with her straight black hair and almond shaped eyes. She wore her hair pulled back and a charcoal coloured suit.

Dixon sat down at the head of the table. "You all know Agent Vaughn." He said. "He has returned to the CIA. It will take a few days to get his field rating updated, but he is officially a member of our team."

There was a chorus of 'welcome back's' from everyone – except me and my father. I knew my father wasn't happy about his return from the way his expression closed down. And I also knew that it was because he wanted to spare me as much pain as possible. I needed to talk to Vaughn before I could welcome him back – provided of course, that he would eventually look at me.

"We also have another agent rejoining us today." Dixon continued. "Agent Sydney Bristow. You may be aware that she is supposed to have died two years ago. As far as we know, that was a Covenant set up. I trust you'll treat her with understanding and respect. She's been through a lot."

I noticed the two agents I didn't know were giving me sharp stares. "Sydney, this is Agent Mackenzie." Dixon said, motioning to the man. "And Agent Larson." He indicated the woman. ""I believe you know everyone else."

I nodded. "Nice to meet you." I said.

"Now that we're all acquainted, I'll get down to business." Dixon said. "Three hours ago, an agent of ours was kidnapped by the Covenant. His name is Hans Hoffmann. He was stationed in Germany and had recently come into possession of vital information regarding the Covenant. We believe it was put into a disk and hidden before he was kidnapped."

I looked at the screen in front of me and stared at the photo of a balding man with a bushy beard and wire rimmed glasses. I memorised his features, already guessing what Dixon would want me to do.

"We believe he is being held in Spain in a dance club held by this man: André Cortez." Dixon said. "According to Intel, Agent Hoffmann is being held in the basement level."

The picture in front of me changed. I now looked at the photo of a dark haired man, appearing to be in his early forties. He was rather average looking, but there was a cruel and devious gleam in his eyes – a look I had unfortunately come across a lot.

"Agent Weiss, Agent Mackenzie, I want you to lead a team to retrieve Agent Hoffmann and gain the location of the disk. Sydney, you'll need to disarm the security system from inside. Marshall will brief you on the optech." Dixon said. "You leave in two hours."

I nodded thoughtfully as everyone got up to leave, before taking a deep breath. It was now or never. I hurried over to where Vaughn was standing with Lauren. "Vaughn..." I began.

He turned to look at me, clearly not happy about seeing me. "Sydney." He greeted. "You've met Lauren?"

"Yeah." I said. "This morning." I smiled politely at the two of them.

"Vaughn, I just wanted to apologise about what I said the other day. I had no right to say some of those things. I felt angry and frustrated because of everything and I took it out on you. I'm sorry." I said in rush, and held my breath, waiting for his reply.

"I'm sorry too, Sydney." Vaughn said. "For everything. But I've moved on with my life, and I don't regret that. And I won't apologise for it either."

I nodded. I heard the faint anger behind the words and understood why it was there. His voice softened as he continued. "But I was hoping we could still be friends. Lame, I know."

I smiled softly. "No...I'd like that, too." I said. "But I can't do that right now. I'm still trying to sort out the pieces of my life. I need time."

Vaughn nodded. "I understand."

"Thanks." I said. "And, uh, welcome back."

I smiled at them again, and couldn't help but feel a stab of jealousy when I saw how close they stood and how comfortable they were with each other. But I was surprised when I realised I wasn't jealous of Lauren because she was married to Vaughn. I was jealous because, deep down, I longed for someone to tell the deepest secrets of my heart to – like the way they obviously did.

At that moment Weiss walked up. "Syd?" he asked. "We need to go see Marshall for our optech."

I nodded. "Excuse me." I said to the Vaughns.

As soon as I was out of earshot I breathed a sigh of relief. "You looked like you needed a rescue." Weiss said.

"Yeah." I said. "I did."

Weiss looked at me, concerned. "Are you gonna be alright with this?" he asked. "I mean, working with Mike and Lauren?"

I nodded. "I think so."

"Well, I'm always here if you need to talk." Weiss told me.

"Thanks." I replied warmly, just as we walked into Marshall's office.